Settle For My Love: A Bully Fanfic
𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬𐃬
Gary x fem reader! Jimmy x fem reader!
Your new life for the years to come resides in a small town which houses the infamous Bullworth Academy. You try to navigate through the struggles of being left behind to fend for yourself in a new environment during your sophomore year of high school. But what happens when two boys known for trouble make it their goal to stir up your boring life, making sure you'll never be alone, even if they have to fight for your attention.
Masterlist for all chapters
Notes: Sorry for disappearing, it won't happen again...maybe. But these might be useful for this chapter
╰┈➤ = Back to normal, second person POV
Chapter 13: Guilty By Suspicion
Jimmy knew it was wrong to kiss somebody willingly after telling himself he wouldn’t. All really because he wanted to save and prove himself for you .
“Zoe, why are you doing this, did you not just hear that!?” He pushed her off, voice wary but stern as he saw Zoe’s wolfish expression.
“You know why I’m doing this.” She grabbed him by the collar, dragging him closer towards the storage room.
“I don’t know why! I don’t like you anymore Zoe, you just fucked up my shot!” He pushed her off again, rougher, Zoe stumbling before narrowing her eyes, hand pushing Jimmy back against the brick wall, finger pointing in his face.
“What, so you can get with another girl in the same spot we always met at!? Saying this Bean Cola machine was the best on campus, bullshit.” His eyes widened, looking at Zoe crazy as his head whipped around to scope the scenery, jittery to find anything to pull himself from the situation at hand.
“Now you can show emotion? Is that what she does to you? Make you do stuff I couldn’t even evoke out of you? Stuff nobody else can, but you still haven’t confessed to her.” She stepped back, disgusted as she eyed Jimmy up and down.
“Stop being such a pussy.” Her words made him reach another level of anger, ticking another in the box of chances fucked up by an outside source looking in.
He knew something was off, though Zoe's words were quick before lips pressed against his own, kissing back involuntarily before he realized what would occur from such a minute action.
Zoe dropped her head down, picking it back up to laugh and see Jimmy's scrunched face, arms crossed holding himself together tight, like he was shielding himself from something.
“Do you love her?” The question so straight forward, he couldn’t do anything but immediately try to defend himself.
“What the fuck kind of question is that?! It’s not like I can after that bullshit stunt.”
“Answer the question James! Do you love her, or not? Because right now you’re acting like the same old person I broke up with.”
“Ah come on don’t pull that bullshit! Why are you even doing this?” His arms were out, accentuating his words in desperate attempts to have his questions answered with greater intent.
“Because that’s my friend, and I don’t want her to get hurt from your antics.” She didn’t even give him the time to retort, her back already turned away saying one last thing.
“Tighten up Jimmy, if you want her, you got a lot more shit you need to get better at.”
The seasons were starting to catch up—the cold air sweeping through not as comforting anymore, more annoying when walking from building to building across campus with the multiple layers you try to throw on.
And because of the terrible forecasted weather, cooping up in the library on a Friday night seemed like the proper, environment right answer.
Only, instead of relaxing reading a good book, more grueling work needed to be done. An art project assigned to do research on a painting and then recreate said painting to present in front of the class—pretending you’re the actual artist that made the piece to fully capture the story behind it.
At least the heavy load of the work kept your mind off other matters. Only stressing you out in other aspects not better than the other.
“Ya’ know Petey…It feels like right now I should be snuggled up reading a book, not this damn project.” Annoyance laced through your tone, dropping your materials to look up at Petey, knee deep in a book for research, that not even a historian would read on a normal day.
“At least she assigned you the fun part, re-creating the painting seems easier than trying to do research on it.” He also had the same permanent look of disarray on his face, dropping the book the same way you dropped your markers to rub the sides of his head.
“Well it would've been fun if these markers weren’t from before the stone age.” Petey looked at the markers, seeing the dried out tips and your attempt to color over your sketched lines on the thin, poster sheet paper. One more stroke with the dry thing, and a hole would form in the middle.
“And it’s not like I can go into town to buy more material, because A: it’s cold outside and I don’t want to waste my money. And B:…IT'S COLD OUTSIDE!!” Immediately, the librarian shushed you, your outburst attracting everyone's eyes over, the embarrassment settling in.
“Um why don’t we just call it a night then. I'll ask somebody to lend us some materials.” Petey sat up, equally as embarrassed cleaning up the table, shoving everything into his bag as you decided to do the same.
“Why didn’t you ask Zoe to help us? She seems like a pretty talented artist.”
“She’s dead to me.” Cutthroat response, quick enough that barely even Petey caught it.
Though he did, pausing his movement with a contorted face of confusion.
"What happened between the two of you? Not that it's my business or anything. But…I've been kinda in the dark for a while, and I don't feel like being the middle man between you guys friendship proble-" He cut his own words off, flinching when you snapped your head towards him and dropped the half empty bag.
"Petey just…let me explain myself, you’re ranting again."
“You're okay dude, don't apologize. Just give me a minute to collect my thoughts.” And it did in fact take a minute—way longer than it as you finally packed all your items, sitting down once again to finally spill what's been going on.
"She kissed Jimmy, I saw it with my own eyes! Her practically eating his face out right after she got all weird and distant when I brought up he was gonna meet up with me later.” He listened attentively, a question waiting—ready to shoot out.
“A few days before Halloween.” His face contorted, your answer not prompting for what the solution should be.
“Did you try talking to her? Maybe there was a reason-”
“Reason?? What reason could she have for doing that? If she had a reason, she would’ve told me!” Your voice raised involuntarily, the attempts from the librarian telling you to quiet down falling on deaf ears.
Petey’s already thinned patience was running out, the problem looping in back on itself, with no acts of it resolving itself.
He hated to do it, but you had to eat your own words to finally get where he was coming from.
“...Okay, so by your logic then, she should tell you her every move, you don’t bother to talk and ask her yourself. And if she defies that order, you avoid her like the plague and expect things to go back to normal.” His false sweet tone was deceptive, the sarcasm lacing through his words like a perfected spice blend.
Though, it did work in the end.
“Yes exactly tha-...are you being sarcastic again?” You caught yourself, but the realization came like a ton of bricks, the ‘I told you so’ look on Petey’s face satisfied with that reaction.
“You see my point now? You guys used to always talk, and she’s your roommate for crying out loud. You can’t avoid her forever and expect something out of it.” He laid it on, words digging jabs at your already bruised ego the more he spoke.
“But what she did was messed-”
“Okay? Do you wanna assume that forever? Or actually confide in her?” You wanted to fight back, but he immediately shut it down, the look on his face doing most of the back talking for him.
“You complain about Jimmy being avoidant, yet you're doing the exact same thing. No problem is going to get solved by this ignoring streak.” His words were like sticks, constantly poking to wake you up from the dazed reality you lived in.
He was right, the number one thing you always complained about, was the exact same thing you were becoming without even realizing it.
“Is this why Jimmy does things like this without even batting an eye…No it can’t be, he’s does that shit on purpose.”
“And I know you’re avoiding her right now, this past week is all making sense to me now.”
“Don’t lie, you’ve been purposely hanging around me and keeping me out longer so you can get to your dorm late.” Your secret was out—and still, you tried denying it. But Petey was stern, getting up right after to walk towards the door, you trudging behind him not ready to face Zoe, but really not ready to face the cold again.
Petey pushed open the door, the frosty air slapping you in the face. Feeling your normal regulated body temperature, immediately start to dip.
“Seriously how did it get so cold so quickly?? I swear the temperature was actually enjoyable just a week ago.” You folded your arms inward, trying to contain any body heat left, Petey doing the same as the doors slammed shut behind him.
“That’s just how this area gets around this time of year, if you lived near here you’d know.” Luckily, the hat in his coat pocket provided some relief.
But you weren’t so lucky. You didn’t have a hat, let alone a coat because you were so adamant on not going back to your room.
And look where being such a stickler for not talking to Zoe. Not seeming to affecting her, but definitely affecting you now.
“I do live in this area, it just wasn't this bad before!”
“Wait…how far away do you live from Bullworth?” The wind blew past your ears—meaning Petey’s words were definitely not heard, and now your ear tips were frozen.
“Does it even matter?! It’s to damn cold for conversation!!” It didn’t even startle Petey you yelled, only less shocking when you sped walked away from him—stomping on the crushed leaves fallen from the trees ages ago, to finally make it to the dorm building.
Never have you been so thankful to smell the weird scent of mildew, covered by the overwhelming smell of perfume all the way until your room. But once you opened your door, the greatest irritate of them all was blowing right back in your face.
The window, wide open letting out all the hot air, and the frosty air all into the one room that should arguably the comfiest space at Bullworth.
“Some people are really up the wall here.” You didn’t even waste time stomping towards the window, ready to slam the damn thing shut and slip into a warm pair of pajamas and call it a night.
But something within yourself told you to look down.
You didn’t really know why you decided to listen to your gut today, but the shock of a decision, your discovery almost making you fall right back outside through the window and taking the screen with you.
It was Zoe, climbing up the ladder that was just right below the window.
You knew she snuck out often, but you never saw it in action. So when her facial expression showed just how equally shocked she was, it wasn’t long lasting.
Her face hardened, jaw clenching and eyebrows furrowing when the pieces in her brain finally connected, realizing you were staring down at her climbing back into the one space she wanted to avoid the most.
But you had to be the one to make the change. Communication, the one, and only biggest way to move in the right direction with relationships.
“Zoe, I know I’m probably the last person you wanna see right now…but.” You stuck your hand out, the cold air blowing up your sleeve making a shiver shoot down your spine.
But seeing Zoe's expression change—soften slightly when she saw your hand, made the weight on your shoulder lighten when you realized she was open to speak.
“Yea, we can.” Her words felt stand offish, her grip tight as she climbed in the rest of the way.
Though, you couldn’t catch her when she fell onto the hardwood floor. The thud making you jump back, but also inclined to help her up.
“I’m fine, you don’t gotta baby me.” She pushed your hand away, dusting herself off as she stood fully straight up to take her jacket off.
It’s official now, only do one helping hand out for Zoe, or she’ll feel offended and take it to heart, just like this here scenario.
You couldn’t even say anything back, knowing deep down she was right, and you were in fact wrong.
But why did she have to say it?
“Look I’m sorry Zoe, I realized-”
“Stop with the sob story. I can already tell what you’re going to say.” She looked at you like you were crazy, cutting you off and then speaking over to talk for you.
“You’re sorry, you ignored and avoided me, you realized you were wrong all along. Blah blah blah I changed my ways and here I am. Am I right?” Silence, you couldn’t even find the words to speak up—back talk her and say she’s wrong.
But really, you knew she was right. And that’s exactly what you were going to say.
“...Yea, you’re right.” You thought this would've calmed you down, but the conversation only escalated.
“Good, now that’s out the way, we can get to the real conversation.” Her tone was stern, the attitude very present, even in her next sentence that single handily made your blood bowl into a scoville level not even readable.
“How are you and Jimmy doing?”
“There’s no way in hell she just asked that.” Rightfully so, you looked at her like she was crazy, and was before you spat fire back.
“Bad, no thanks to you and your mouth that was all over him.”
“...Excuse me?” The genuine confusion, or fake confusion was the tip over, the last drop in the already overfilling up to offset the argument that was destined to happen.
“Don’t act fucking dumb. I saw the two of you tonguing each other down near that beam cola machine! The same place…The same place Jimmy told me to meet him up at.” You paced the room, your fingers curling through your hair in an attempt to block out Zoe trying to interject, but her weak attempts fell on deaf ears purposely not wanting to hear her out.
“I knew you were looking at me differently. I-I always felt the shift in change whenever I brought up his name, but I tried ignoring it listening to you saying you ‘don’t care’ about him anymore.”
“I don’t care about him!” For some odd reason these words broke though, her attempt to get through close, but still ignored from your own thoughts being louder than the outside world.
“What do you mean she doesn’t care?”
“You should have never told her about Jimmy.”
“How was I supposed to know she’d do this?” Your fists clenched in your hair, and your breath rapidly increased, feeling the anger flow through and take over more than it did before.
But you were suddenly pulled out, literally and figuratively when you felt Zoe’s hands pull your arms to stop your pacing, putting them in front of you to face her forward head on and look into her eyes, seeing her guilt ridden expression the moment you finally zoned in on what just happened.
“Can you stop and please just let me explain myself!” Her grip was tight, holding you still with the firm intention of not letting go, not at least until you calmed down for the next words to come out her mouth.
Only a few beats before they did so, and a few beats before your heart dropped, and your eyes widened with the disbelief that what she said, may be true.
“I did what I did because…I didn’t want Jimmy to hurt you like I did.” She spoke low, the moment from just a week ago flashing through her mind.
The moment she tested him, hearing Jimmy for the first time in months and realizing, he was changing. Whether she liked it or not, you undoubtedly were the cause of his change.
Even if it was small, it took a lot for Jimmy to shift from his usual ways. You couldn’t see it, but everyone else around could.
That’s what irked Zoe the most, was that you could get him to change, but she couldn’t.
“What do you mean… hurt me?”
“Like wasting your time, making you feel like the relationship was pointless. Like how ours was.” It’s felt as if the tension in the room dissipated, the grip on your arms lessening as she turned away—the shame and guilt eating her up knowing what she’d have to say next.
“I thought you said the relationship wasn’t serious. What changed?”
“It was always serious, he just didn’t see it as that, and made a fool out of me.” Her voice echoed, even turned around you could hear the slight inflection in her tone.
She sat down on the bed, looking up to you still frozen, and it taking her all to get the next words to come out.
“I’ll tell you everything, just…promise you’ll listen to me. You deserve a proper explanation.”
“I…” You didn’t know what she meant; or you did know, and you just wanted it to be everything but that.
It was bound to come up, how Zoe's relationship with Jimmy really ended—and how much it’s really affected her since.
“I promise.” You walked over to her side of the room, opting to lay on the opposing side of the bed, staring up to the ceiling ready to dial in completely and listen.
She decided to do the same, lying down with her arms crossed, each word spoken so freely, coming after the next with the changing topics.
“My relationship with Jimmy wasn't complicated at first. We started as this on and off thing, not too serious, but also not casual in any way. We ‘officially’ got together around the start of summer. And for those first few weeks just getting started with break, it was probably the best feeling thing I’ll ever experience.”
“I know what you’re gonna say, what made it the ‘best’ when it’s Jimmy we're talking about. But really, it was just his presence that made it special. We were always near each other. Inseparable almost, either at my folks place, or that old beach house spending time doing stupid shit together to make up for the fact we had nothing to do the entire summer—besides his stupid missions.” Her voice shifted, the annoyance present with the last sentence.
“Outside of those, it was just normal couple stuff, but it wasn’t like the holding hands and going to movies kinda thing, it was more of who could destroy the most shit in a factory without getting caught. Or who could tag the town hall without the cops chasing after us.”
“Oh? Is that why you’re always sneaking out to do that stuff on your own?” It wasn’t hard to believe she’d do something like that, a chuckle from her side confirming that.
“Yea, not as often as I used to though.” She lulled over her words, drawing in a deep breath before continuing.
“It was the little things in between that really solidified our relationship. I helped him with his hair every morning—and eventually taught him how to do the spiked hair look he always begged me to do. I bought my first tattoo gun, and we practiced on each other. Even though we were shit at drawing, we have matching tattoos, forever etched onto my body, a forever reminder of how good we used to be.”
“Can I see the tattoo?” You couldn’t tell if it was the appropriate time to ask—as you couldn’t see her face to get a good depiction of an emotion.
But surprisingly, she was reluctant.
“I knew you were gonna ask that.” She sat up, her head turned around with her back still facing you.,
“Lift up my shirt, it’s somewhere on my back.” You sat up, carefully lifting up her shirt with your fingers trailing against her spine—her skin soft and littered with freckles. Taking what felt like hours to lift up the shirt until you found it.
A skull tattoo, small and relatively okay for being done by Jimmy. But just one thing made it look weird.
“It kinda looks like a penis.” You could tell it offended her, the quickness by her pulling her shirt back down said it for you.
“Yea, I told you it wasn’t the best…But we were two idiots in love, fighting against the world that wanted nothing but the worst for us. But as you know, this story doesn’t have a fairytale ending exactly.” She laid back down, keeping her line of voice going, even if the emotions were starting to get to her, weighting heavier than anything previous.
But you didn’t know how much more you could take; the deep seeded insecurity inside you festering with each scenario Zoe told that played through your mind on looped replay.
Hearing all the stories—how compatible they were before disagreements took that away.
What made you the opposition? The one to change Jimmy from his ways from the one person that could truly get him?
A small dot, insignificant feeling on both sides of the problem, but still so grand on how both of them view you now. Even if Zoe told you otherwise with her continuing words of information.
“After that first month though, things started to go downhill. All of the missions and shit he’d do for other people started to pile up, and the lying started. He told me he’d never kiss another girl, or do any crazy favors for them, but if someone gave him money to do it, he’d switch up quicker then I could fucking blink. I tried to pretend it didn’t bother me, be the ‘cool girlfriend’ he wanted so badly; but I just couldn’t do it. We argued a lot over that shit, until one day he just…stopped talking to me. His stuff was still in the beach house, but he was never there, so I decided to be the one to officially cut ties.” You couldn’t find the right words to say after her rant. A congratulations for moving on? Condolences for possibly losing the love of her life? It was too complicated to think about, so you just let her keep talking.
“I moved all my stuff out, and went back to my place—and I spent the rest of my summer like that. It hurt like hell to see him switch up so quickly like that, so that’s why I could hardly believe he’d switch up for someone like you.”
“Yea, just keep poking at my already fragile ego about how different I am from you.”
“I was jealous, I can admit that. But deep down, I knew it wasn’t just jealousy, it was the fear of him doing the same shit to you like he did to me. You are the only person here who actually talked to me like I was human, and not some freak girl; so I thought if I tested him, kiss him to see if he was really committed. So you wouldn’t go through the same thing I did.” You wanted to say so many things, but your body language and facial expressions showed so much more.
Clenched jaw, furrowed brows with a stiffened stature. All signs of the discomfort and confusion this entire conversation caused you.
Which thankfully, was reaching a closing point. A closing point of realizing the amount of overthinking that will commence right after.
“I know I messed up things between you and Jimmy, I’m truly sorry for that. You don’t have to forgive me, or hate my guts for all I care. But if you take any of this conversation to heart, just…Go easy on Jimmy, listen and hear him out for what he wants to say. Give him the chance. He taught me how to enjoy life, even when it seemed dull he’d always find a way to make it better—and I know he can do the same for you.”
The days went by quick, the weekend leaving as soon as it arrived, blurred lines between days. But just in time for the cold, gloomy Tuesday morning class, chemistry.
It’s been torture for Jimmy, being next to you in class, and not being able to say anything.
Well, on the one day he went that following week. The rest of the days he couldn’t bare to be in the same vicinity as you and not speak and laugh together.
All of the happy, laughable moments when the teacher would say something so off the wall the only thing the two of you could do was turn to each other. Side eyes before laughing yourselves almost falling off the stool.
Which did happen to you once, he still holds that over you anytime you get a little too rocky in the chair. And every time he brings it up, you try to push him off. But he was always too strong for you to get enough momentum to push him.
All of the work assignments, the times he’d purposely act like he didn’t get it to get help from you, but your answer would end up being wrong too. So you’d argue with him up and down that he somehow made you get the answer wrong.
And then he’d argue, back you’re the worst teacher ever. And on the rare occasions, he’d be the one schooling you on what you got wrong. The ego getting to his head thinking he was the smartest of them all, and then horribly humbled when the next test rolled around.
Moments like these, is why he wanted to keep trying to work things out.
So here he was, sitting in the cold classroom, earlier then everyone else waiting for class to start.
And maybe just one chance for him to finally speak, say what he really wanted to on the night on Halloween.
“No…I can’t say that. Then it’ll look like I'm just recycling my words. I need to be original…Be. Original. THINK.” If people could read his thoughts, they’d look at him more crazily than they already did.
Being original, communication and other things of that nature were never his strong suit.
So imagine his surprise when you walked into class, seeing you in the same old boring uniform as everyone else, but still managing to outshine everyone even on there best days.
It was like an angel walked through the door and blessed his eyes, and blessed him even more when you gave your signature small smile, and waved to him before you sat down.
“Good morning Jimbo.” That nickname, oh he hated it so much, but it was probably the best sounding thing right now.
“Good…Morning to you too. How’s your day been so far?”
“It’s been okay. I’m just glad I didn’t get rained on.” Just on cue, Jimmy could hear the droplets of rain hitting against the window—a calming sound, and making it only harder to stay awake.
“Yea that’s nice I guess.” If awkward had a definition for a moment, it’d be this one. He only just let you settle into your seat before speaking again.
Trying again, one more time to win back what he missed so dearly.
“(Y/n) I don’t know if you wanna-”
“Zoe talked to me.” But it seems, you shared the same half brain cell when it came to confronting sensitive topics. As soon as he spoke, you spoke to early, cutting him off completely.
“She did?…When?” His voice lowered, like she was in the room listening in on the conversation.
“Last Friday. She told me everything... And that you didn’t wanna kiss her.”
“Finally, that only took you a week to figure out.”
“I’m sorry for being so rude at the party. I should’ve let you speak for yourself. I jumped to conclusions to soon.”
“You had a right to be mad, I’m over it now.” Was he really over it? Not really, but it seems like you were, so jumping to the next topic was the only option.
“And it’s true, you can trust me one hundred percent I didn’t want the kiss. I’m done with her.” He could finally articulate his thoughts, finalize in front of you that he wants nothing to do with Zoe.
Though, he wasn’t exactly out of the dog house yet.
“Well, I don't know if I can really trust her judgment, or her 'words of wisdom' to trust you.”
“I gotta test it myself—to prove you’re innocent.”
“Oh come on, are you my lawyer now!?” It felt like nothing even happened, back to the same old banter, the normal flowing conversations.
It almost felt too good to be true. Which it probably was, but he won’t jinx himself.
“Yep, and I’m gathering evidence so you can just get a slap on the wrist, and set free. She said to give you a chance…so here's my chance. So don’t fuck it up Jimbo, you’re my best client, I have faith in you.” The class was starting to fill up, so only you could get the last word out. But Jimmy couldn’t even let the new found opportunity sit before the teacher walked in, obviously not prepared, and scattered brained like usual
“All right students! Your unprepared teacher here has to run to the copy machine to print these permission slips. I burnt most of them…experimenting yesterday.” He didn’t even explain himself this time around, pointing to a random student to be in charge of the class before he ran out.
“Permission slips?” Jimmy was the one to question, his absence causing his gap in knowledge to show.
“It’s the permission slips for a field trip. I think to the aquarium. I heard they were originally just taking the freshman biology classes. But the sophomores didn’t go last year, so they’re taking all the chem classes too.” The classroom soon cranked ten times in volume, the student he pointed to not making it any better being in ‘charge’.
With the conversation masked by the chatter, Jimmy found time to think of something.
“...Would you want to go with me?” The question seemed bold for Jimmy, feeling himself wanting to drill his head when you responded.
“Duh, we’re all going together. I was bound to go with you.”
“No, not like that! Like we stay together during the field trip.” You didn’t seem convinced, so he pulled out the last trick up his sleeve.
“I can get you a plushie too.”
“Oh my gosh REALLY?! Deal, sold, no negotiations.” He laughed, seeing your widened eyes and smiling face when he proposed the idea. He knew your weaknesses, and knew specifically that sea animals and plushies were some of the bunch. So both combined? It was a guaranteed success.
“Oh so now you only wanna agree because I’m promised I’d get you something.”
“No I was gonna say yea regardless.” The door swung, the teacher carrying the stacks of paper, and a packet of index cards. He had the same student he put in charge to pass out the papers, and one index card.
“Now, as you probably know. You here sophomores and…two juniors are eligible to go along with the freshman on the aquarium field trip. But they told me last minute I needed to have an assignment attached! So you’ll answer a few questions on the postcards.” The student reached your table, placing down the permission slip and not a second later you were reading all of the details.
Sea and Interactive Aquarium field trip: Meet date Friday, November 16th.
Meet at the Bullworth front gates to load the buses at 5:00am. Last call will be 5:30 for stragglers. If you do not make this time, you will be left to spend the rest of the day in the detention hall while the rest of your classmates have fun.
Students are able to bring money for food or soveniouers. In a special case if a student can’t provide their own lunch, they must tell their teacher to write in the school packs a lunch for them.
Students must wear full uniform, no sweaters or other items to cover up the uniform. Or you will be told to change, and the item will be confiscated.
Sign here: ________________________
The rest of the permission slip had rules and such to follow once they arrived. But you skipped it to sign your name at the bottom, passing up the paper with the biggest smile.
“My first field trip at Bullworth. I didn’t even know we had the money for this kind of stuff.”
“I’m just as surprised as you.” Jimmy soon signed his paper also, passing it up just in time for the teachers last announcement.
“Okay, on your post cards, I came up with the uber-genius question to ask. Name 10 fish, or things in the aquarium, that would look reallyyyygood fried or grilled up” As he spoke, he wrote down the question on the board. But the collective marks and gasps made him turn around and drop his marker.
“Don’t act like you all haven’t thought of it too! And don’t complain, because this assignment just went from extra credit, to mandatory!” The class chatted and tried to oppress his idea. But he was really doing them a favor. An easy assignment that can probably get done in the first 10 minutes of walking through.
“Well…it’s better than an actual assignment I guess.” You mumbled, lying your head down on the cold table.
The class eventually lowered in volume, the rest of the period being used as a free day for catch up work.
Or for you, catching up on sleep. The lights being dimmed upon requests, and the soft tapping of the rain against the window, it was the perfect formula for an optimal nap.
But you felt something tap your shoulder, but stop the second you started to stir, a voice instead, stringing your ear.
“I don’t know if you’re sleeping but…I want this field trip to prove you can trust me. I’ve been shitty in the past, but now I know better, and how to make it up to you. It’s been rocky these past couple weeks, and I hope this field trip can bring us back to how we used to be, or something more.”
“Something more?” You knew pretending to be asleep while Jimmy spoke was the best idea you could ever come up with.
Though right after, you did actually lull to sleep, only to again, be woken up by Jimmy telling you class was over.
You rubbed the drowsiness out your eyes and packed up. Looking outside to see it’s still raining.
And this day, was the one time you forgot your umbrella.
“Damn it!” You yelled, aggressively searching through your bag for the 5th time, but still no umbrella magically appeared.
“What is it?” Jimmy questioned, peeking over into your bag to see you’re almost forearm deep into it.
“I left my umbrella in my room. And I just got my hair to look right today.” You swear you felt Jimmy’s eyes glue for an extra few seconds, but quickly pushing away those delusions when you realized you’re gonna have to choose to A: Run out to your room to get your books and notes, and look crazy for the rest of the day. Or B: Go without the books and notes and get chewed out by the teacher.
It was starting to look like either choice was terrible, preferably the second one if you did the embarrassing honors of looking over at someone's book.
“You can use my jacket.” Jimmy heard your problem, and jumped to speed to solve it. Taking his jacket off, you look up to see him extending it out to hand.
“But how will you stay dry?”
“I don’t need to leave the building for a while, I’ll be fine, just promise you’ll bring it back.”
“Can’t say, this jacket is pretty nice.” He cracked a smile, turning away at the next moment to leave you as the last remaining people in the classroom.
You slid the jacket on, mainly just using it to cover your hair and run back to the dorm.
Scrounging through your room you found your umbrella, sliding off the jacket to hang it up to dry.
In the same corner, was an all too familiar reminder of a scenario that almost played out exactly like this one.
Gary’s sweater vest, discarded and thrown into the corner. Promising you’d return it to him, but all of the crazy shit getting in the way and distracting you from getting rid of the ugly reminder.
It was poetic in a way, both of them items used to shield you from something, but in polar opposite ways. The vest to protect your ill fitting uniform—showing the ugly start but festering beginnings after a few days of forgetting the skeleton in the closet. Each use being more worn in than others, but not wanting to show any signs of it.
The jacket, showing redemption. Forgetting something so important, but there to serve as a blanket of new beginnings because of a missing piece. The hole filled, but with something else that was just a place holder.
Was this how you felt about them? Jimmy and Gary being compared to pieces of clothing?
It seemed stupid, but it helped you ground yourself. Start to really think of ways to separate and start to lean on one more.
Sure one answer would be more obvious than the other—but in Bullworth fashion, things can always switch up.
Just like today, a letter appeared.
Well not really appeared, but handed to you. Zoe showing you the plain unlabeled white letter.
“Who is this letter from? It’s creepy.” You stood in the doorway, holding and observing the mysterious letters for any clues on who it was from. But to no avail, no clues pointed towards anything.
“I don’t know, some freshman boy handed it to me. Maybe you have a secret admirer.”
“Or a stalker.” You muttered, crossing the threshold of the door to go sit at your desk.
Looking on the outside wasn’t gonna do you justice. So you tore it open, pulling back the tab and pulling out the folded paper. A thick sheet, smelling faintly of a woody, musky cologne that made your nostrils flare.
It was a familiar scent. Way to familiar for just to be a once off occasion someone walked past wearing the exact cologne that somehow transferred onto the paper.
And revealed itself to be all of true when you unfolded the paper. Heart beating past the speed of time when you say his name at the top of the paper.
To (Y/n): From Gary Smith
I hope this letter finds you, as I don’t think it would have been accepted if I were to hand it to you myself. I would prefer to talk in person, but this will have to suffice. It’s been hard for me to come to terms with a lot of things recently, hence why I haven’t talked to you as much as we used to. It hurts. I avoid your looks, your gaze that I used to taunt you for, but I actually miss once it’s stopped. My main reason for writing this letter is I want to apologize. Not some heartless apology just to get you to shut up and get back on your good side.
A test of time and really see why I was so wrong. Even on our first day of meeting each other, you saw the ugly side of it, and each situation after that seems to grow. I was too pushy at the Halloween party, completely seeing the situation in a different light when I could’ve just talked and communicated with you. You just looked so beautiful, I couldn’t help but admire how beautiful you looked in your costume. I deeply regret pushing you off at the beach. I’ve taken time to realize what I’ve done, and how I pushed your feelings to the side because I was scared of what came next. It was a special day for the both of us. And I want to make it up to you again, to start over and show you how much I care.
The field trip is in 2 days, and I want you to go with me. We can have a great time together, only if you want to go with me. So if you want to go, meet me by the gates at 4:45. I’ll have something to give to you if you decide to come with me. The guilt is eating me up on the inside, and I don’t know how much more I can take of us being apart like this. I miss us together. And I want to change for you. I promise I will.
You had to reread the letter. Over and over again, each time your mind going almost the same speed as your beating heart.
But the one thing that sold it for you, was the invite to hang out with him on the field trip.
The one Jimmy already invited you to.
Who do you choose to go with? How do you choose?
