I’ve come to the realisation that I’m never gonna find “my people” or “my chosen family” I’ve been together with the love of my life for about a year and a half we live together and have a really good relationship. We’ve been making new friends (we both have autism so that’s not that easy for us) today we hung out with them and I realised that don’t have the same Humor we are all vegan except one and they were making jokes about a whale that has been stranded that whale is dying they made a joke if we would rather shoot a Wels (large sweet water fish) or blow up the whale I didn’t get the joke and found it a bit sad bc honestly vegan or not I couldn’t do either. He was laughing I asked what the joke was and apparently there was no funny or deeper meaning. Which is okay it’s a joke. I just realised that those people are not my friends I don’t think I’ll ever find someone I genuinely connect with on those levels Humor affection etc. I know it sensitive and silly and probably stupid to take smth like that so serious but I genuinely haven’t felt this depressed since last year when I relapsed sh. I don’t want to move or breath I don’t want to try and live in a world that makes me want to kms everyday it’s not just friendships but capitalism the ignorance and lack of care I witness from most people everyday and I’m so alone in it I feel like I’m constantly panicking and no one understands. Today just reinforced that.
