10 Years of APJFM: your ally
Vee wanted Sans' POV from the end of Chapter 94. Spoilers for that chapter.
this may be the last time she ever looks this peaceful. we only have a few minutes left together, and yet i’m spending precious seconds just looking at her.
i know this is our best move. but everything in me is screaming not to make it. i could just keep her asleep until midnight. she’d never know i betrayed her.
i smooth down her hair.
of course i won’t do that to her. but maybe it would be better if i did.
i’ll never know.
“you’ll listen to my voice as you listen to your own soul. you’ll answer whatever questions i ask to the best of your ability, with as much detail as you can give me. if i tell you to do something, you’ll take it as a message from your own soul. do you understand?”
“Yes.”
i pause, collecting my thoughts.
“your sister is an average teenage girl, with no paranormal abilities. she has never shown any indication to the contrary. you have no memory of any time in which she indicated anything to the contrary. you will forget any predictions she made, or any conversations in which you discuss those predictions, or the results of those predictions. you will forget all she has said about jumping, any conversations about her acting in odd ways, and any discussion of her ability to experience the future. do you understand?”
“Yes.”
“sans had a project which he believed might help him stop the anomaly. but despite all his work, he failed. the project was a dead end. he never shared anything about it with you for your own safety. you have no memory of the dream which led to the discovery of the lab, and no memory of visiting the lab or discussing it. you are entirely unaware it exists. you are unaware that sasha, alphys and undyne know of it, or that they are related to it in any way. over the course of the past week, you have been in your bed, recovering from a bad cold and depressed due to the impending end of the timeline. you are feeling better now. your intention is to protect your sister by offering yourself to jerren in hopes that he extends the timeline. it is your only motivation. do you understand?”
“Yes.”
there’s one more thing she has to forget, but i can hardly bear to do it. still, i lean forward and take her hand. i pull off the ring i gave her an hour ago.
“you and sans did not discuss marriage today. he made no vows to you. you made no vows to him. he did not give you a ring, nor did you give one to him. you are a single woman. do you understand?”
“Yes.”
she negates her own marriage with the same blank tone she’s answered everything with.
but whether or not she remembers, my vows will bind me until i die.
i’ll always be her ally, whatever she faces. even though she’s going to think i gave up.
i can’t help it. i start crying. “whatever happens, you’ll know he loved you. he always will. and he’s so sorry for everything.” i pause to compose myself. with a connection open directly from my mind to hers, now is not the time to lose control. “all of your memories will remain in your subconscious soul, but will be inaccessible to your conscious memory until activated by a specific trigger. the trigger will be your next in-person sighting of me, and the next time you hear me say the words ‘my wife.’ when these two conditions have been activated, you will remember everything. do you understand?”
“Yes.”
“you will keep three instructions foremost in your mind. you will automatically remember them as the situation demands, and they will override any other thoughts you have. they will help you achieve your goal and protect yourself. repeat after me. you have to keep him in this timeline.“
“You have to keep him in this timeline.”
“you promised to survive.”
“You promised to survive.”
“you trust sans.”
“You trust Sans.”
i pause, looking down at her.
“when i snap my fingers, the connection between us will break. you will remember nothing of this conversation. you will sleep soundly for ten minutes, then wake up and put your plan into action.”
i pause. tori might say ‘angel be with you’ or something like that. i won’t. i know she’ll be up there all alone.
but that’s all right.
if i have faith in anything i have faith in her.
i snap my fingers.
it’s as if a guillotine falls between my consciousness and hers. i slump over, my energy temporarily drained.
she rolls over onto her side, sinks deeper into sleep.
i did it. i stripped away her vulnerabilities and left her with three orders.
now i have ten minutes left with my wife.
“i’m sorry, kid,” i mumble. “this really is the very best i can do. the very best of what i am is yours. always will be. whatever happens.” tears come to my eye sockets. “we’ll get through this. it’ll be so great when it’s over. we’ll fix up the house, or get a new one if ya want. i’ll take you dancing. walk in the park. sit and read with ya all day. listen to some music. hang out with the dreemurs. bail your sister outta all the trouble she’s absolutely gonna get into. maybe someday… i dunno. i never asked if you wanted kids. kinda an oversight but i would bond with you either way, so it’s fine. i’m not even sure i want kids either. i never really thought about it before.” i chuckle. “but if we pull this off, then we can decide together. and i guess… i kinda hope you do. but it’s okay if you don’t.”
i brush my fingers against hers. i can feel her breath on my hand. she won’t wake up until the ten minutes are over. still, i’m careful. nothing can go wrong.
“i don’t know what he’s gonna do to you. i feel like the biggest failure in the world, just… letting you go like this. but you wanted us to be partners. this is what it means.” i gaze at her, tears streaming down my cheekbones. they fall into the crack on my cheek and fill my mouth. “made you a bunch of promises today, i’m gonna make one more. i promise to be worthy of that trust.”
i know she can’t hear me. but i like to think her soul can.
“right. i gotta get outta here before you wake up,” i mumble. “give sasha a heads up ‘bout what i did to your memories. she’s gonna hate me again, but i can’t help that. then… there’s nothing for me but solving the puzzle. there WILL be nothing for me until i have you back. we both know how it’ll be up there. every minute i have will be bought with your soul. and i’ll make it pay off. i’m the only one who can.”
i can’t risk waking her up too early. but she’s still in that magical, deep sleep. i grab the fingernail scissors from the bathroom, then lean over her. a tiny snip, and a lock of her hair is mine. “who’da known how goddamn sappy i really was, huh? well… this is it, kid.”
i stare down at her.
she looks so beautiful when she’s asleep.
* i love you.
* survive for me.
