hmm perhaps iām not meant to be with someone whoās not as numb as meā¦
heās freaking out and blaming himself, unable to see iām part of the problem, and iām just trying to use logic on his emotionsā¦
itās interesting to think i used to be a lot more like him, before i figured out how to turn on the numbness, but i donāt really know how to turn it back off⦠all i know is i donāt think about myself if i donāt have to, itās easy to turn off my brain, heās in the opposite boat though, his brain is far too loud all of the time, always thinking about himself in a bad way, maybe we were doomed from the start, but maybe iām the problem for thinking that way from the beginning.
he has so much pain in the forefront of his mind, but that also means he has more hope and love, iāve shoved my pain down, i donāt really know itās there sometimes, but with it, iāve shoved down the majority of my emotions, i barely have wants or needs, i donāt have motivations anymore, not really, nothing intrinsic. i can relate to him, i just have to remember what i was like around 13-16, still full of emotions, but iām not the most gentle, and i feel bad about that..