[thoughtkick]

“One of the risks of being quiet is that the other people can fill your silence with their own interpretation: You’re bored. You’re depressed. You’re shy. You’re stuck up. You’re judgmental. When others can’t read us, they write their own story — not always one we choose or that’s true to who we are.”

— Sophia Dembling

[moonstarkid-deactivated20220513]

Chinese Satellite- Phoebe Bridgers/ Little Women (2019)- Greta Gerwig/ The Perks of being a Wallflower- Stephen Chbosky/ this is me trying- Taylor Swift/ The Edge of Seventeen (2016)- Kelly Fremon Craig/ Bright Dead Things- Ada Limón/ Miss Americana (2020)- Taylor Swift/ Run River-Joan Didion/ Lady Bird (2017)- Greta Gerwig/ Aristotle and Dante discover the secrets of the universe- Benjamin Alire Sàenz

[neverperceiveme]

a letter i will never give to you

we've been friends for almost 4 years. we lived with each other for about a year and half. i used to think you know me better than myself, i used to think you understood me, i used to think that you understood my views on things and maybe you did once before. not now, not anymore. everything i say, you misunderstand. you don't listen and try to understand where i'm coming from anymore. you shrug off everything i say. you're always the right one. i do everything you ask and still it's not enough for you. i find myself feeling trapped living with you. suffocated. you used to understand me better than anyone else in my life and now it feels like you don't know me at all. we used to call each other soulmates- i don't think that's true anymore. i can't talk to you about how i feel anymore- not without you getting defensive and calling me out on my flaws. i can't talk to you about why i feel those things anymore. i can't confide in you anymore without feeling like you're going to use it against me if we disagree on things which we have been too often lately. we've changed too much and i think we've grown to dislike each other. we love each other still but i think you hate me a little and i think i hate you a little too. you don't like the person i am- you want me to be less loud, you want me to fidget less, you want me to listen to music less loud, you want me to like studying, you want me to work on assignments better and put more care and research into them, you want me to do things your way because my ways are never right, you want me to be a different person and i just can't give that to you.

maybe we were soulmates at some point in our lives but i think that time has passed. we're too different now and that's okay. people change and they grow apart, i never thought it would happen to us but living with you again now, i realised it's a big possibility for us to grow apart once we no longer live together.

i used to think living with you and and the stray cat we got in front of our old apartment again would finally feel like a real home to me once again but no, i was wrong. i don't feel safe, i don't feel at peace. i feel like i'm constantly trying to not piss you off and not do things not according to your way. i can't call this a home because it isn't. i feel miserable.