Confessions of a Newbie Biz Owner

A diary of my adventures as an escapee of the corporate world and my journey as a successful biz owner.

[newbiebizowner]

Sans blazer, @fashionbombdaily just dressed me. Thank you! [#staygold] #skinnyjeans #highestheels #gorgeous #Saurdaystyling #beheard

[newbiebizowner]

Seriously?!? Gorgeous @lee.lee14 repost from @kinky_chicks1 #hairgoals #gorgeous #healthyhair #beauty #beheard

[newbiebizowner]

Repost from @ritalabib. @ohwawa giving face! #beheard

[newbiebizowner]

Tragedy demands action. #pakistan #christiansunderattack #christianpersecution #eastermassacre #beheard Image repost from @the_real_iman

[newbiebizowner]

Fuel

I use criticism, "setbacks" and problems as fuel for the engine of my business. I believe.

[newbiebizowner]

Scary. Fearful. Promise Keeper.

Having a business is so scary. I have some savings and they're dwindling day-by-day. I look at my email folder saying "payments" and I hope every day money is coming in instead of going out. Right now, it's not. 

For every client I sell, I have to actually do the work to fulfill my promises. I need someone to pull the processes together - a project manager. I posted an ad on elance and thought I found a good fit. She misrepresented herself and didn't know much of anything about the project management system I have.

I have to face my fears - go head on and be as effective as possible. I know one day I will be. Right now I feel completely overwhelmed, scared and badly because I struggle with doing the work I've sold to clients.

I have to push through, but I also need a ton of help. I lack the necessary management skills to make things happen. Incredible.

One of my friends told me the people I hire would look at me the way I looked at my employers. He's a successful business owner in his own right so I tried my best to listen to him, but I was skeptical.

I experienced what he warned and it's quite jarring. More later. - L

[newbiebizowner]

Biz Ownership Turned Me Into a Bigot

I run a web marketing agency. But before my days of freedom, I was an employee I thought myself an egalitarian, liberal free thinker. 

Hiring vendors to help me complete client projects forced me to make blanket generalizations about race, age and gender. I have to make decisions quickly and make the right decisions to move the business forward, acquire new clients, become more profitable. 

Let's break it down:

Race: I refuse to hire anyone for client management who's not from North America (U.S. and Canada). It's hard to understand what they say with their thick accents. But I found Brooklyn-ites and Southerners also have thick accents. Now I'm looking for someone who speaks like a news caster! Race, nation and even section of the U.S. Not sure what that makes me but it can't be good. I don't think there's even a name for this.

Age: I refuse to hire anyone over the age of 50. They may understand small parts of the digital world, but the parts they do know they navigate slowly. I need someone who knows almost all the areas of digital marketing and are fast with it. That makes me an ageist, no?

Gender: A lot is made of mom-preneurs, work-at-home moms and other mother-centric, virtual assistant, i-can-work-while-my-kids-are-at-school jobs. Unfortunately there's a downside to all of this, mom-ing. Moms get pregnant. Women have the potential to get pregnant. I'm a woman, but with my new business I just don't have time to stop growth because of a key vendor's pregnancy. So I'm looking into hiring men for the key roles. Now I have a gender bias.

I want to criticize all those other people who discriminate, make blatant statements about a group of people and make decisions based on gender. Now that I'm a business owner I just don't have the luxury of being egalitarian/liberal/nice. 

What's more, a kid who grew up in a home staunchly entrenched in the Democratic party, I am now warming up to the original principles of the Republican party (smaller government). I don't want the government telling me how to hire, how to fire, when to do it and why. I used to be all for workers' rights but sometimes it just goes overboard and deters business growth. 

I am changing. And more and more I don't care what anyone else thinks about it. I would imagine I'm becoming ruthless.