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Fai_Ryy
almost home
occasionally subtle
Today's Document
Sweet Seals For You, Always
noise dept.
Monterey Bay Aquarium
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

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shark vs the universe

Andulka
Cosmic Funnies

pixel skylines
DEAR READER

Product Placement

PR's Tumblrdome
trying on a metaphor
wallacepolsom
No title available
Show & Tell
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@newborngiraffe
(via https://soundcloud.com/charlesfullwood/fervor?utm_source=soundcloud&utm_campaign=share&utm_medium=tumblr)
A rough draft: The end of a narrative.
“Mr. Smith?”
“Y-yeah. Sorry.”
“Your number has been called Mr. Smith.”
“I know. It’s a lot. I’m just...”
“Overwhelmed?”
“Yes.”
“You know this is entirely optional, there is no pressure to enter service, it is simply that the time has come to offer you the option.”
“Look, I’m sorry, really, I just don’t see myself doing this.”
He laughed.
“I completely understand! As you can see yourself, I sit here before you still breathing, I did not enter service. Perhaps I am selfish.”
“No I don’t think so, but why...why would I opt into service?”
“You are 35 Mr. Smith, you are succesful but childless, you have stated in census documents that you do not feel that marriage and family are things you are likely to pursue, having come this far without them. You have contributed to the sustainability and growth of the hydroponics projects. What I am saying is you have achieved much, but by your own admission you are unlikely to pursue much more in life.”
“Fuck that, fuck you! Fuck. God, man, you can’t just flay someone like that. It’s fucking bullshit too, I have hopes, dreams, and aspirations, all that crap! What the hell?! Fuck!”
“I respect that Mr. Smith, I was merely providing hypothetical reasons. You asked me to. I did not intend offense.”
“I mean shit, man! I had a date last week, she seemed like a great lady, and I’ve started learning the guitar, I want to write music.”
“These are noble aspirations Mr. Smith, I respect them and even encourage you to pursue them. Think about the offer, and please let us know within three months time.”
“Yeah, sure. I’m sorry I got so mand, it’s just, just that you....fuck. Okay, I’m sorry, I will. I’ll let you know. Do I contact you personally or just the office?”
“Either works, but I would apprectiate it if you did contact me personally, I think it helps each of us get closure. It’s a major thing we’re undertaking here, rebuilding society and all.”
“No I disagree. Our parents did that. We are growing it.”
“Just so, Mr. Smith, but you take my point.”
“Yeah, I get it.”
“Before you go, you did just say this, so excuse me for delaying you, however you’ve got me thinking.”
“Oh?”
“Yes, see, we are a growing society. We have tripled the birth-rates, and we are rebuilding industry, the arts have begun what looks to be a new period of growth and revolution, but we still haven’t replenished the earth.”
“I’m aware. I live there.”
“Hah-hah Mr. Smith. The point remains though, that we have not reconstituted the soil to the point where we can grow crops to sustain our growth. We still outnumber ALL animals, not merely those historically used as livestock. We are the only resource we have in abundance.”
“Yes, but we arent starving! Are we? No, no we’re not. Food is rationed, and we have luxury items available 24/7. The economic report said that we’re doing slightly better than some countries in the 21st century?”
“It’s true, but I think you know why. What I said about agriculture and livestock are absolutely true, I am not exaggerating in the slightest.”
“No it, it. It’s just really hard to swallow. But hey,” He laughed, wetly, “I wouldn’t be, would I?”
“Mr. Smith I find that joke to be in poor taste. Oh, dammit.”
“...”
“Does this mean you are considering service?”
“Yes. Does it hurt?”
“No, not at all, this isn’t some weird religious rite, it’s a noble sacrifice in service of the public. You will be remembered.”
“I actually don’t think that matters to me, will you guys look after my plants?”
“Absolutely.”
“Then I guess let’s do this. God. Fuck, okay. I need a drink, but let’s do this.”
Rick Smith filled out the forms, took the drink, shared a few stories with the clerk, and within two hours was euthanized, safely and painlessly, and rendered into nutrients to sustain the population. Humanity Persists.
Transthyretin Amyloidammit.
So, Im at work, travailing away with some disease, and I lose my train of thought and this happens. damnit.
Transthyretin Amyloidosis is an inherited genetic disorder resulting in multi-system disease that can be deadly if untreated. Tookie tookie pop cookie where’s my baseball bat, gotta get a war with a cat, in the hat, that’s where he hid my stuff, so I stuffed a grenade into a big tree and shouted TIMBER as pulled the pin free. I left in a huff with the bat in my hand, and I didn’t ever want to see the stupid cat-man but he strode on up like a bubble in a cup, of pop, so I popped him right on the top. But oh drat, I used a whiffle bat, and baffled his wits. Rubbing his head like a genie's lamp he looked at me and, the little scamp, said “what in the world was that? Why the hell do you even have a whiffle bat? “ And I shrugged, cos I didn’t know what to do, its not every day the plan stays true, yet veers off course like a classical explorer, looking for china and finding Minnesota.
Selfindulgencia!
I found myself alone, in the dark, with nothing better to do than document the thoughts flitting through my mind like schizophrenic children with black coffee. The insanity of this image, small children, delusions, stimulants, appalled me as the ethereal arms of an electronic typewriter pounded them onto this blank sheet. Dear lord. Drink. Rum. Naked Women. Life is full of these things, but life is also full of diarrhea, vomitus, urine, excess saliva, and copious amounts of digsusting mucus. But all is well! I recently reviewed my options for graduate studies and found that I really couldn't see myself doing what I was interested in, and didn't know what I was qualified for. I should go bowling, channel me some dude. Fuck this, I'll return shortly, first I must find rum. Goal achieved. Those words hold nearly no satisfaction for me. I have the rum; great. I have a degree; great. What the fuck do I do now. Drink the rum. And what the hell do I do with the degree. This? This is some bullshitty stream of consciousness forming itself in the cesspitulent pothole of windows notepad. What the tshirt does that even do for me? This is the type of literaryvomit that no one will read, and fewer will want to. I won't even return to these lines.How I want to fly a damn prop driven passenger plane. A DC-3 or something similarly sleek and sexy. I'm trying to conquer the arrogance I suffer from. I'm not right frequently, but I can't shake the certainty that I am, I can't shake the opinions that go with such a well established ego either. That is distressing. Sure the world and all its structures are arbitrary, temporally locked, and historically unimportant. Well, that last one is wrong. This shit will be important. Its just that, well, when a medlab recieves a stool sample, they sift through it with very complex machinery, searching for one small, significant, delicate, beautiful, thing. That thing will mark the significance of the whole sample. And so with us. I want no part of it. I just want to exist, persist, abide, reside, and avoid all horrible confustication with those ebulliently seeking frivolous goals. But I am one of those irritating motherfuckers aren't I? I just pursue my goals in make believe worlds. My games acknowledge their superfluity. The one I reside in does not. Its real, yet it has been developed in the same way. Less so actually, fuck, the game we live in has developed through centuries of manipulation, contest, strife, and conniving. And a few genuine flashes of brilliance. In the cockfight of life, poodoo dookie shitstorm, ya know? Shitstorm is a great word, and I will direct my misguided interest at it. Fuck is considered the capital offense. But what is it to fuck? Fucking is a beautiful thing. Fuck doesn't even have the horrible connotation of rape, yet rape enters converstaion far more freely. The liberty of rape oppresses the existence of fuck. It is such a beautifully short, syllabically delicious word. It is the most satisfying of all profanity. But Shit. Shit is its prime rival. A big steaming, stinking pile of shit is a horrible thing to behold. Being caught in a storm of shit. That is worse than any mere mention of "fuck", yet which one of those words is reviled? Fuck. Well fuck. I wish the arrogance I display accidentally was deliberate, or even something I was aware of at the time of perpetration. If i could FUCKING channel that conviction, oh the Dr. Seuss I could go. The world looks so much better through tobacco tinted sunglasses. Goodnight.
Krussell
Bend and snap like a catapult seducing a wall. Breakin' down barriers like a night at a bar. Exploiting the breaches made by outside powers. Like a Chinese god in a Kung-Fu flick. Do NOT mess with Kurt Russell.
Fermented Eggplant
The very last time I was so frazzled
I think I danced wildly to the thunder
Of a vegetable, I believe an eggplant.
Needless to say I bowed to the moon
Begging for wisdom from the indian
He ignored me, intent on hopscotching.
I generally despise flagrant hopscotching
But this once I didn’t find myself frazzled.
I was calmed by the beardlessness of the indian
Who, he assured me, was a god of thunder
And of the teenage face of the moon.
I left that madness in favor of wild eggplant.
Such a rare beast is the wandering eggplant.
Its charms are best had prior to hopscotching,
When they allow you lose yourself and moon
Over the handsome savage, currently frazzled
By the incessant peals of olympian thunder
Always prosecuted, laments the sad indian.
His enervation curbed, a newly salient indian
Drowns his fear and worry in fiery eggplant.
The working of his throat echoes like thunder.
Soon, jocundity restored, and we’re hopscotching
Down the lane, perplexed children stare, frazzled
As our manic procession is viewed by the moon.
Her pallid eyes upon us, the weight of the moon
Is felt by myself and my steadfast friend, the indian.
We are invincible, only our eggs are frazzled.
But they serve well next to a fermented eggplant.
Thank the blind old Oedipus, no more hopscotching
Will occur this night. Only some prurient thunder.
It should be forbidden, this new lascivious thunder.
Since when is the weather sexualized, the moon
Surely roils in her celestial grave, hopscotching
From the sheer mental anguish of it. The indian
Laughs deep, from the belly, home of eggplant,
Too amused to ever succumb to being frazzled.
Never would he frazzled be, this minor god of thunder
Sated by eggplants, and his influence on the lucid moon.
For he is the indian, destined to peal and roam, hopscotching.
A little worderrhea.
Once I was a codfish. The peanut made me cease this immediately. That bastard, all buttery and legumish. I'll crush 'im. I'll pull out my best Frank and Frankly fry his deadly legumery. But I digress into things better left for departments of government. I could fly yesterday. The only catch was that I ran outta fairy dust. Dear god. Is Peter Pan all about cocaine and repressed pedophilia?! SHIT! MY LIFE IN TINY LITTLE JAGGED PIECES! THE EXPLOSIONS FROM THE MILITARY BOMB RANGE ARE NOT ON BEAT AND THIS DISTRESSES ME GREATLY. The girls upstairs are shrieking through the walls at their rivals, all while practicing their menacing monster stomps. It was most certainly not a graveyard smash. The word after this next word is. DEAR LAORDIE I seem to have misplaced my train of thought. It probably won't be too long until another one rolls around, I'll just get a drink from this here vending machine and sip on it until we board. I'm bored. Oh look a dragon. With drag on. What do you call a Dragon in drag? Flaming? (wince).
Time moves too fast. Must stop/slow time. Time slows when things are terrible or dull. Too much dullness blurs days, blurred days equate rapid progression of time. Each day must be marked by the events therein. Excitement/fun speed time. Conclusion: Shit.
Sometimes it kills me how every place on the planet feels the same, but, I suppose that means that a truly exotic landscape is only ever feet away.
Magnesium P.I.
New York, 2785, December
"Stop! Don't come more than 1/1000th of a nanometer closer or ill liquify her soul!"
I stared grimly at the interstellar scum across the room from me.
"I ain't here for the dame."
There are certain advantages to being a Magnesium P.I.
I pulled the trigger.
The sound of falling bodies provided rhythm to the tinkling melody of spent shells.
Time to go collect the bounty.
I sometimes wonder if the cliched Private Eye personality given to me by those imaginative bastards at Law Enforcement and Entertainment Inc. grates on clients and criminals. I hope it does, damnit, because I get precious little pleasure enough, and that tiny little shined-shit of a thought is one of the few that would bring a smile to my face, if it had the capability.
The holo-phone on my desk lit up. Deeker's ghastly, moustachioed face leered up at me.
"Not. Now. … Meatbag. I just greased a bounty and his hostage, and I'm pretty certain I'm inclined to some self pity algorithms. And damn you if you think what you have to say is more important!"
"Awww come on Maggie! You and I both know you don't got no fuckin' remorse about collettes!(Our affectionate nickname for collateral casualties.) What crawled up your rusty ass and clogged your exhaust unit?"
"Probably one of your goddamn floozies," I grunted at him, but I took the bait, "What the hell have you got for me? You persistent, sawed-off little hemorrhoid."
"A good one. Old trillionaire gets iced. Four different copies of the will turn up, all authorized by the same lawyer. Three different Species are involved, as is the ubiquitous Robo Corp. Ltd. Inc., and to beat that all, turns out the old fucker has seven different families across the empire, and if that don't get your little circuits firing I don't know what the hell will. So whaddya say you rusty exhaust pipe?"
"You're right. I'm in. Get me a quick system-jumper, a solid arsenal, and I mean solid, I want beefy slug throwers damnit! I'm sick of all these beam and plasma weapons, not messy enough. Also, I want two crates of cigars, the cheaper the better, a couple barrels of the vilest consumer alcohol you can find, and a grey, felt fedora with a synthetic emu feather plume. Or a jazzed-up imperial cockade. Something snazzy. And mail me a list of any prime suspects."
I liked to get demanding with Deeker. He was six and a half feet of ugly canadian muscle, but he had a razor sharp wit, a horse-worthy moustache, and a decent eye for cases that would attract the attention of a bot programmed to be jaded.
It's not my fault. I was just built to be a disillusioned bastard.
Do you have a bieb ween?
I don't know. Probably.