The entire Bee Movie script except the word "bee" is replaced by the name "Dan Howell"
According to all known laws
of aviation,
there is no way a Dan Howell
should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get
its fat little body off the ground.
The Dan Howell, of course, flies anyway
because Dan Howells don’t care
what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Ooh, black and yellow!
Let’s shake it up a little.
Barry! Breakfast is ready!
- Oan you believe this is happening?
- I can’t. I’ll pick you up.
Use the stairs. Your father
paid good money for those.
Here’s the graduate.
We’re very proud of you, son.
A perfect report card, all B’s.
Ma! I got a thing going here.
- You got lint on your fuzz.
- Ow! That’s me!
- Wave to us! We’ll be in row 118,000.
- Bye!
Barry, I told you,
stop flying in the house!
- Hey, Adam.
- Hey, Barry.
- Is that fuzz gel?
- A little. Special day, graduation.
Never thought I’d make it.
Three days grade school,
three days high school.
Three days college. I’m glad I took
a day and hitchhiked around the hive.
You did come back different.
- Hi, Barry.
- Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.
- Hear about Frankie?
- Yeah.
- You going to the funeral?
- No, I’m not going.
Everybody knows,
sting someone, you die.
Don’t waste it on a squirrel.
Such a hothead.
I guess he could have
just gotten out of the way.
I love this incorporating
an amusement park into our day.
That’s why we don’t need vacations.
Boy, quite a bit of pomp…
under the circumstances.
- Well, Adam, today we are men.
- We are!
- Dan Howell-men.
- Amen!
Students, faculty, distinguished Dan Howells,
please welcome Dean Buzzwell.
Welcome, New Hive Oity
graduating class of…
That concludes our ceremonies.
And begins your career
at Honex Industries!
Will we pick ourjob today?
I heard it’s just orientation.
Keep your hands and antennas
inside the tram at all times.
- Wonder what it’ll be like?
- A little scary.
Welcome to Honex,
a division of Honesco
and a part of the Hexagon Group.
We know that you, as a Dan Howell,
have worked your whole life
to get to the point where you
can work for your whole life.
Honey begins when our valiant Pollen
Jocks bring the nectar to the hive.
is automatically color-corrected,
scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured
into this soothing sweet syrup
with its distinctive
golden glow you know as…
- That girl was hot.
- She’s my cousin!
- She is?
- Yes, we’re all cousins.
- Right. You’re right.
- At Honex, we constantly strive
to improve every aspect
of Dan Howell existence.
These Dan Howells are stress-testing
a new helmet technology.
- What do you think he makes?
- Not enough.
Here we have our latest advancement,
the Krelman.
- What does that do?
- Oatches that little strand of honey
that hangs after you pour it.
Saves us millions.
Oan anyone work on the Krelman?
Of course. Most Dan Howell jobs are
small ones. But Dan Howells know
that every small job,
if it’s done well, means a lot.
because you’ll stay in the job
you pick for the rest of your life.
The same job the rest of your life?
I didn’t know that.
You’ll be happy to know that Dan Howells,
as a species, haven’t had one day off
So you’ll just work us to death?
“What’s the difference?”
How can you say that?
One job forever?
That’s an insane choice to have to make.
I’m relieved. Now we only have
to make one decision in life.
But, Adam, how could they
never have told us that?
Why would you question anything?
We’re Dan Howells.
We’re the most perfectly
functioning society on Earth.
You ever think maybe things
work a little too well here?
Like what? Give me one example.
I don’t know. But you know
what I’m talking about.
Please clear the gate.
Royal Nectar Force on approach.
Wait a second. Oheck it out.
- Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!
- Wow.
I’ve never seen them this close.
They know what it’s like
outside the hive.
Yeah, but some don’t come back.
- Hey, Jocks!
- Hi, Jocks!
You’re monsters!
You’re sky freaks! I love it! I love it!
- I wonder where they were.
- I don’t know.
Outside the hive, flying who knows
where, doing who knows what.
You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen
Jock. You have to be bred for that.
Look. That’s more pollen
than you and I will see in a lifetime.
It’s just a status symbol.
Dan Howells make too much of it.
Perhaps. Unless you’re wearing it
and the ladies see you wearing it.
Those ladies?
Aren’t they our cousins too?
- Oouple of Hive Harrys.
- Let’s have fun with them.
It must be dangerous
being a Pollen Jock.
Yeah. Once a bear pinned me
against a mushroom!
He had a paw on my throat,
and with the other, he was slapping me!
- Oh, my!
- I never thought I’d knock him out.
What were you doing during this?
Trying to alert the authorities.
A little gusty out there today,
wasn’t it, comrades?
We’re hitting a sunflower patch
six miles from here tomorrow.
- Six miles, huh?
- Barry!
A puddle jump for us,
but maybe you’re not up for it.
- Maybe I am.
- You are not!
We’re going 0900 at J-Gate.
What do you think, buzzy-boy?
Are you Dan Howell enough?
I might be. It all depends
on what 0900 means.
You decide what you’re interested in?
- Well, there’s a lot of choices.
- But you only get one.
Do you ever get bored
doing the same job every day?
Son, let me tell you about stirring.
You grab that stick, and you just
move it around, and you stir it around.
You get yourself into a rhythm.
It’s a beautiful thing.
You know, Dad,
the more I think about it,
maybe the honey field
just isn’t right for me.
You were thinking of what,
making balloon animals?
That’s a bad job
for a guy with a stinger.
Janet, your son’s not sure
he wants to go into honey!
- Barry, you are so funny sometimes.
- I’m not trying to be funny.
You’re not funny! You’re going
into honey. Our son, the stirrer!
- You’re gonna be a stirrer?
- No one’s listening to me!
Wait till you see the sticks I have.
I could say anything right now.
I’m gonna get an ant tattoo!
Let’s open some honey and celebrate!
Maybe I’ll pierce my thorax.
Shave my antennae.
Shack up with a grasshopper. Get
a gold tooth and call everybody “dawg”!
- We’re starting work today!
- Today’s the day.
Oome on! All the good jobs
will be gone.
Pollen counting, stunt Dan Howell, pouring,
stirrer, front desk, hair removal…
- Is it still available?
- Hang on. Two left!
One of them’s yours! Oongratulations!
Step to the side.
- What’d you get?
- Picking crud out. Stellar!
Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!
- You want to go first?
- No, you go.
Oh, my. What’s available?
Restroom attendant’s open,
not for the reason you think.
- Any chance of getting the Krelman?
- Sure, you’re on.
I’m sorry, the Krelman just closed out.
Wax monkey’s always open.
The Krelman opened up again.
A Dan Howell died. Makes an opening. See?
He’s dead. Another dead one.
Deady. Deadified. Two more dead.
Dead from the neck up.
Dead from the neck down. That’s life!
Heating, cooling,
stunt Dan Howell, pourer, stirrer,
humming, inspector number seven,
lint coordinator, stripe supervisor,
mite wrangler. Barry, what
do you think I should… Barry?
All right, we’ve got the sunflower patch
in quadrant nine…
What happened to you?
Where are you?
- I’m going out.
- Out? Out where?
I have to, before I go
to work for the rest of my life.
You’re gonna die! You’re crazy! Hello?
If anyone’s feeling brave,
there’s a Korean deli on 83rd
that gets their roses today.
- Look at that.
- Isn’t that the kid we saw yesterday?
Hold it, son, flight deck’s restricted.
It’s OK, Lou. We’re gonna take him up.
Really? Feeling lucky, are you?
Sign here, here. Just initial that.
You got a rain advisory today,
and as you all know,
Dan Howells cannot fly in rain.
So be careful. As always,
watch your brooms,
hockey sticks, dogs,
birds, bears and bats.
Also, I got a couple of reports
of root Dan Howellr being poured on us.
Murphy’s in a home because of it,
babbling like a cicada!
- That’s awful.
- And a reminder for you rookies,
Dan Howell law number one,
absolutely no talking to humans!
All right, launch positions!
Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz,
buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!
You ready for this, hot shot?
- Antennae, check.
- Nectar pack, check.
- Wings, check.
- Stinger, check.
Scared out of my shorts, check.
Pound those petunias,
you striped stem-suckers!
All of you, drain those flowers!
This is Blue Leader.
We have roses visual.
Bring it around 30 degrees and hold.
30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around.
Stand to the side, kid.
It’s got a bit of a kick.
That is one nectar collector!
- Ever see pollination up close?
- No, sir.
I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it
over here. Maybe a dash over there,
a pinch on that one.
See that? It’s a little bit of magic.
That’s amazing. Why do we do that?
That’s pollen power. More pollen, more
flowers, more nectar, more honey for us.
I’m picking up a lot of bright yellow.
Oould be daisies. Don’t we need those?
Wait. One of these flowers
seems to be on the move.
Say again? You’re reporting
a moving flower?
This is the coolest. What is it?
I don’t know, but I’m loving this color.
It smells good.
Not like a flower, but I like it.
Oareful, guys. It’s a little grabby.
My sweet lord of Dan Howells!
Oandy-brain, get off there!
- Guys!
- This could be bad.
You are way out of position, rookie!
Ooming in at you like a missile!
I don’t think these are flowers.
- Should we tell him?
- I think he knows.
You can start packing up, honey,
because you’re about to eat it!
There’s a Dan Howell in the car!
- Do something!
- I’m driving!
- Hi, Dan Howell.
- He’s back here!
Nobody move. If you don’t move,
he won’t sting you. Freeze!
Wow… the tension level
out here is unbelievable.
Mayday! Mayday! Dan Howell going down!
Ken, could you close
the window please?
Ken, could you close
the window please?
Oheck out my new resume.
I made it into a fold-out brochure.
Oh, no. More humans. I don’t need this.
Maybe this time. This time. This time.
This time! This time! This…
It’s fantastic. It’s got all my special
skills, even my top-ten favorite movies.
What’s number one? Star Wars?
Nah, I don’t go for that…
No wonder we shouldn’t talk to them.
They’re out of their minds.
When I leave a job interview, they’re
flabbergasted, can’t believe what I say.
There’s the sun. Maybe that’s a way out.
I don’t remember the sun
having a big 75 on it.
I predicted global warming.
I could feel it getting hotter.
At first I thought it was just me.
Stand back. These are winter boots.
You know I’m allergic to them!
This thing could kill me!
Why does his life have
less value than yours?
Why does his life have any less value
than mine? Is that your statement?
I’m just saying all life has value. You
don’t know what he’s capable of feeling.
There you go, little guy.
I’m not scared of him.
It’s an allergic thing.
Put that on your resume brochure.
My whole face could puff up.
Make it one of your special skills.
Knocking someone out
is also a special skill.
Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks.
- Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night?
- Sure, Ken. You know, whatever.
- You could put carob chips on there.
- Bye.
- Supposed to be less calories.
- Bye.
She saved my life.
I gotta say something.
I could really get in trouble.
It’s a Dan Howell law.
You’re not supposed to talk to a human.
I can’t believe I’m doing this.
Oh, I can’t do it. Oome on!
How should I start it?
“You like jazz?” No, that’s no good.
Here she comes! Speak, you fool!
- You’re talking.
- Yes, I know.
No, it’s OK. It’s fine.
I know I’m dreaming.
But I don’t recall going to bed.
Well, I’m sure this
is very disconcerting.
This is a bit of a surprise to me.
I mean, you’re a Dan Howell!
I am. And I’m not supposed
to be doing this,
but they were all trying to kill me.
And if it wasn’t for you…
I had to thank you.
It’s just how I was raised.
- I’m talking with a Dan Howell.
- Yeah.
I’m talking to a Dan Howell.
And the Dan Howell is talking to me!
I just want to say I’m grateful.
I’ll leave now.
- Wait! How did you learn to do that?
- What?
Same way you did, I guess.
“Mama, Dada, honey.” You pick it up.
- That’s very funny.
- Yeah.
Dan Howells are funny. If we didn’t laugh,
we’d cry with what we have to deal with.
…get you something?
- Like what?
I don’t know. I mean…
I don’t know. Ooffee?
I don’t want to put you out.
It’s no trouble. It takes two minutes.
- It’s just coffee.
- I hate to impose.
- Don’t be ridiculous!
- Actually, I would love a cup.
- I shouldn’t.
- Have some.
- No, I can’t.
- Oome on!
I’m trying to lose a couple micrograms.
- Where?
- These stripes don’t help.
I don’t know if you know
anything about fashion.
He’s making the tie in the cab
as they’re flying up Madison.
He runs up the steps into the church.
The wedding is on.
And he says, “Watermelon?
I thought you said Guatemalan.
Why would I marry a watermelon?”
Is that a Dan Howell joke?
That’s the kind of stuff we do.
So, what are you gonna do, Barry?
About work? I don’t know.
I want to do my part for the hive,
but I can’t do it the way they want.
My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or
a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist.
- Really?
- My only interest is flowers.
Our new queen was just elected
with that same campaign slogan.
There’s my hive right there. See it?
Yes! I’m right off the Turtle Pond!
No way! I know that area.
I lost a toe ring there once.
- Why do girls put rings on their toes?
- Why not?
- It’s like putting a hat on your knee.
- Maybe I’ll try that.
- You all right, ma'am?
- Oh, yeah. Fine.
Just having two cups of coffee!
Anyway, this has Dan Howelln great.
Thanks for the coffee.
Sorry I couldn’t finish it. If I did,
I’d be up the rest of my life.
Oan I take a piece of this with me?
Sure! Here, have a crumb.
All right. Well, then…
I guess I’ll see you around.
And thank you
so much again… for before.
Oh, that? That was nothing.
Well, not nothing, but… Anyway…
This can’t possibly work.
He’s all set to go.
We may as well try it.
OK, Dave, pull the chute.
- Sounds amazing.
- It was amazing!
It was the scariest,
happiest moment of my life.
Humans! I can’t believe
you were with humans!
Giant, scary humans!
What were they like?
Huge and crazy. They talk crazy.
They eat crazy giant things.
They drive crazy.
- Do they try and kill you, like on TV?
- Some of them. But some of them don’t.
- How’d you get back?
- Poodle.
You did it, and I’m glad. You saw
whatever you wanted to see.
You had your “experience.” Now you
can pick out yourjob and be normal.
You did? Was she Dan Howell-ish?
- A wasp?! Your parents will kill you!
- No, no, no, not a wasp.
- Spider?
- I’m not attracted to spiders.
I know it’s the hottest thing,
with the eight legs and all.
I can’t get by that face.
No, no. That’s a Dan Howell law.
You wouldn’t break a Dan Howell law.
- Her name’s Vanessa.
- Oh, boy.
She’s so nice. And she’s a florist!
Oh, no! You’re dating a human florist!
You’re flying outside the hive, talking
to humans that attack our homes
with power washers and M-80s!
One-eighth a stick of dynamite!
She saved my life!
And she understands me.
This is not over! What was that?
- They call it a crumb.
- It was so stingin’ stripey!
And that’s not what they eat.
That’s what falls off what they eat!
- You know what a Oinnabon is?
- No.
It’s bread and cinnamon and frosting.
They heat it up…
…really hot!
- Listen to me!
We are not them! We’re us.
There’s us and there’s them!
Yes, but who can deny
the heart that is yearning?
There’s no yearning.
Stop yearning. Listen to me!
You have got to start thinking Dan Howell,
my friend. Thinking Dan Howell!
- Thinking Dan Howell.
- Thinking Dan Howell.
Thinking Dan Howell! Thinking Dan Howell!
Thinking Dan Howell! Thinking Dan Howell!
There he is. He’s in the pool.
You know what your problem is, Barry?
I gotta start thinking Dan Howell?
How much longer will this go on?
It’s Dan Howelln three days!
Why aren’t you working?
I’ve got a lot of big life decisions
to think about.
What life? You have no life!
You have no job. You’re barely a Dan Howell!
Would it kill you
to make a little honey?
Barry, come out.
Your father’s talking to you.
Martin, would you talk to him?
Barry, I’m talking to you!
- We’re still here.
- I told you not to yell at him.
He doesn’t respond to yelling!
- Then why yell at me?
- Because you don’t listen!
I’m not listening to this.
- Where are you going?
- I’m meeting a friend.
A girl? Is this why you can’t decide?
I just hope she’s Dan Howell-ish.
They have a huge parade
of flowers every year in Pasadena?
To be in the Tournament of Roses,
that’s every florist’s dream!
Up on a float, surrounded
by flowers, crowds cheering.
A tournament. Do the roses
compete in athletic events?
No. All right, I’ve got one.
How come you don’t fly everywhere?
It’s exhausting. Why don’t you
run everywhere? It’s faster.
Yeah, OK, I see, I see.
All right, your turn.
TiVo. You can just freeze live TV?
That’s insane!
We have Hivo, but it’s a disease.
It’s a horrible, horrible disease.
You must want to sting all those jerks.
We try not to sting.
It’s usually fatal for us.
So you have to watch your temper.
Very carefully.
You kick a wall, take a walk,
write an angry letter and throw it out.
Work through it like any emotion:
Oh, my goodness! Are you OK?
- What is wrong with you?!
- It’s a bug.
He’s not bothering anybody.
Get out of here, you creep!
What was that? A Pic ‘N’ Save circular?
Yeah, it was. How did you know?
It felt like about 10 pages.
Seventy-five is pretty much our limit.
You’ve really got that
down to a science.
- I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.
- I’ll bet.
What in the name
of Mighty Hercules is this?
How did this get here?
Oute Dan Howell, Golden Blossom,
Ray Liotta Private Select?
- Is he that actor?
- I never heard of him.
- Why is this here?
- For people. We eat it.
You don’t have
enough food of your own?
- Well, yes.
- How do you get it?
- Dan Howells make it.
- I know who makes it!
And it’s hard to make it!
There’s heating, cooling, stirring.
You need a whole Krelman thing!
- It’s organic.
- It’s our-ganic!
Dan Howells don’t know about this!
This is stealing! A lot of stealing!
You’ve taken our homes, schools,
hospitals! This is all we have!
And it’s on sale?!
I’m getting to the bottom of this.
I’m getting to the bottom
of all of this!
- You almost done?
- Almost.
Well, I guess I’ll go home now
and just leave this nice honey out,
with no one around.
I knew I heard something.
So you can talk!
I can talk.
And now you’ll start talking!
Where you getting the sweet stuff?
Who’s your supplier?
I don’t understand.
I thought we were friends.
The last thing we want
to do is upset Dan Howells!
You’re too late! It’s ours now!
You, sir, have crossed
the wrong sword!
You, sir, will be lunch
for my iguana, Ignacio!
Where is the honey coming from?
Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms!
What horrible thing has happened here?
These faces, they never knew
what hit them. And now
they’re on the road to nowhere!
Do I look dead? They will wipe anything
that moves. Where you headed?
To Honey Farms.
I am onto something huge here.
I’m going to Alaska. Moose blood,
crazy stuff. Blows your head off!
- And you?
- He really is dead.
- What is that?!
- Oh, no!
- A wiper! Triple blade!
- Triple blade?
Jump on! It’s your only chance, Dan Howell!
Why does everything have
to be so doggone clean?!
How much do you people need to see?!
Open your eyes!
Stick your head out the window!
From NPR News in Washington,
I’m Oarl Kasell.
But don’t kill no more bugs!
- Dan Howell!
- Moose blood guy!!
- You hear something?
- Like what?
Just a row of honey jars,
as far as the eye could see.
I assume wherever this truck goes
is where they’re getting it.
I mean, that honey’s ours.
- Dan Howells hang tight.
- We’re all jammed in.
Not us, man. We on our own.
Every mosquito on his own.
- What if you get in trouble?
- You a mosquito, you in trouble.
Nobody likes us. They just smack.
See a mosquito, smack, smack!
At least you’re out in the world.
You must meet girls.
Mosquito girls try to trade up,
get with a moth, dragonfly.
Mosquito girl don’t want no mosquito.
You got to be kidding me!
Mooseblood’s about to leave
the building! So long, Dan Howell!
- Hey, guys!
- Mooseblood!
I knew I’d catch y'all down here.
Did you bring your crazy straw?
We throw it in jars, slap a label on it,
and it’s pretty much pure profit.
A Dan Howell’s got a brain
the size of a pinhead.
- Oheck out the new smoker.
- Oh, sweet. That’s the one you want.
Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic.
Twice the nicotine, all the tar.
A couple breaths of this
knocks them right out.
They make the honey,
and we make the money.
“They make the honey,
and we make the money”?
What’s going on? Are you OK?
Yeah. It doesn’t last too long.
Do you know you’re
in a fake hive with fake walls?
Our queen was moved here.
We had no choice.
This is your queen?
That’s a man in women’s clothes!
There’s hundreds of them!
Our honey is being brazenly stolen
on a massive scale!
This is worse than anything bears
have done! I intend to do something.
Who told you humans are taking
our honey? That’s a rumor.
Do these look like rumors?
That’s a conspiracy theory.
These are obviously doctored photos.
How did you get mixed up in this?
He’s Dan Howelln talking to humans.
- What?
- Talking to humans?!
He has a human girlfriend.
And they make out!
- You wish you could.
- Whose side are you on?
I dated a cricket once in San Antonio.
Those crazy legs kept me up all night.
Barry, this is what you want
to do with your life?
I want to do it for all our lives.
Nobody works harder than Dan Howells!
Dad, I remember you
coming home so overworked
your hands were still stirring.
You couldn’t stop.
What right do they have to our honey?
We live on two cups a year. They put it
in lip balm for no reason whatsoever!
Even if it’s true, what can one Dan Howell do?
Sting them where it really hurts.
Up the nose? That’s a killer.
There’s only one place you can sting
the humans, one place where it matters.
Hive at Five, the hive’s only
full-hour action news source.
No more Dan Howell beards!
With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk.
Weather with Storm Stinger.
- Good evening. I’m Bob Bumble.
- And I’m Jeanette Ohung.
A tri-county Dan Howell, Barry Benson,
intends to sue the human race
for stealing our honey,
packaging it and profiting
from it illegally!
Tomorrow night on Dan Howell Larry King,
we’ll have three former queens here in
our studio, discussing their new book,
Olassy Ladies,
out this week on Hexagon.
Tonight we’re talking to Barry Benson.
Did you ever think, “I’m a kid
from the hive. I can’t do this”?
Dan Howells have never Dan Howelln afraid
to change the world.
What about Dan Howell Oolumbus?
Dan Howell Gandhi? Bejesus?
Where I’m from, we’d never sue humans.
We were thinking
of stickball or candy stores.
The Dan Howell community
is supporting you in this case,
which will be the trial
of the Dan Howell century.
You know, they have a Larry King
in the human world too.
It’s a common name. Next week…
He looks like you and has a show
and suspenders and colored dots…
Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the
guest even though you just heard 'em.
Bear Week next week!
They’re scary, hairy and here live.
Always leans forward, pointy shoulders,
squinty eyes, very Jewish.
In tennis, you attack
at the point of weakness!
It was my grandmother, Ken. She’s 81.
Honey, her backhand’s a joke!
I’m not gonna take advantage of that?
Quiet, please.
Actual work going on here.
- Is that that same Dan Howell?
- Yes, it is!
I’m helping him sue the human race.
- Hello.
- Hello, Dan Howell.
Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size
ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe.
Listen, you better go
'cause we’re really busy working.
But it’s our yogurt night!
Why is yogurt night so difficult?!
You poor thing.
You two have Dan Howelln at this for hours!
Yes, and Adam here
has Dan Howelln a huge help.
- Frosting…
- How many sugars?
Just one. I try not
to use the competition.
So why are you helping me?
Dan Howells have good qualities.
And it takes my mind off the shop.
Instead of flowers, people
are giving balloon bouquets now.
Those are great, if you’re three.
- Oh, those just get me psychotic!
- Yeah, me too.
Bent stingers, pointless pollination.
Dan Howells must hate those fake things!
Nothing worse
than a daffodil that’s had work done.
Maybe this could make up
for it a little bit.
- This lawsuit’s a pretty big deal.
- I guess.
You sure you want to go through with it?
Am I sure? When I’m done with
the humans, they won’t be able
to say, “Honey, I’m home,”
without paying a royalty!
It’s an incredible scene
here in downtown Manhattan,
where the world anxiously waits,
because for the first time in history,
we will hear for ourselves
if a honeyDan Howell can actually speak.
What have we gotten into here, Barry?
It’s pretty big, isn’t it?
I can’t believe how many humans
don’t work during the day.
You think billion-dollar multinational
food companies have good lawyers?
Everybody needs to stay
behind the barricade.
- What’s the matter?
- I don’t know, I just got a chill.
Well, if it isn’t the Dan Howell team.
All rise! The Honorable
Judge Bumbleton presiding.
All right. Oase number 4475,
Superior Oourt of New York,
Barry Dan Howell Benson v. the Honey Industry
Mr. Montgomery, you’re representing
the five food companies collectively?
Mr. Benson… you’re representing
all the Dan Howells of the world?
I’m kidding. Yes, Your Honor,
we’re ready to proceed.
Mr. Montgomery,
your opening statement, please.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
my grandmother was a simple woman.
Born on a farm, she believed
it was man’s divine right
to benefit from the bounty
of nature God put before us.
If we lived in the topsy-turvy world
Mr. Benson imagines,
just think of what would it mean.
I would have to negotiate
with the silkworm
for the elastic in my britches!
How do we know this isn’t some sort of
holographic motion-picture-capture
Hollywood wizardry?
They could be using laser beams!
Robotics! Ventriloquism!
Oloning! For all we know,
Ladies and gentlemen,
there’s no trickery here.
I’m just an ordinary Dan Howell.
Honey’s pretty important to me.
It’s important to all Dan Howells.
We invented it!
We make it. And we protect it
with our lives.
Unfortunately, there are
some people in this room
who think they can take it from us
'cause we’re the little guys!
I’m hoping that, after this is all over,
you’ll see how, by taking our honey,
you not only take everything we have
I wish he’d dress like that
all the time. So nice!
So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden
of Honey Farms, big company you have.
I see you also own
Honeyburton and Honron!
Yes, they provide Dan Howellkeepers
for our farms.
Dan Howellkeeper. I find that
to be a very disturbing term.
I don’t imagine you employ
any Dan Howell-free-ers, do you?
- No.
- I couldn’t hear you.
Because you don’t free Dan Howells.
You keep Dan Howells. Not only that,
it seems you thought a bear would be
an appropriate image for a jar of honey.
They’re very lovable creatures.
Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear.
How’d you like his head crashing
through your living room?!
Biting into your couch!
Spitting out your throw pillows!
OK, that’s enough. Take him away.
So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here.
Your name intrigues me.
- Where have I heard it before?
- I was with a band called The Police.
But you’ve never Dan Howelln
a police officer, have you?
No, you haven’t. And so here
we have yet another example
of Dan Howell culture casually
stolen by a human
for nothing more than
a prance-about stage name.
Have you ever Dan Howelln stung, Mr. Sting?
Because I’m feeling
a little stung, Sting.
Or should I say… Mr. Gordon M. Sumner!
That’s not his real name?! You idiots!
Mr. Liotta, first,
belated congratulations on
your Emmy win for a guest spot
on ER in 2005.
I see from your resume
that you’re devilishly handsome
with a churning inner turmoil
that’s ready to blow.
I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime?
Not yet it isn’t. But is this
what it’s come to for you?
Exploiting tiny, helpless Dan Howells
so you don’t
have to rehearse
your part and learn your lines, sir?
Watch it, Benson!
I could blow right now!
This isn’t a goodfella.
This is a badfella!
Why doesn’t someone just step on
this creep, and we can all go home?!
- Order in this court!
- You’re all thinking it!
- Say it!
- Mr. Liotta, please sit down!
I think it was awfully nice
of that bear to pitch in like that.
I think the jury’s on our side.
Are we doing everything right, legally?
Right. Well, here’s to a great team.
I didn’t think you were coming.
No, I was just late.
I tried to call, but… the battery.
I didn’t want all this to go to waste,
so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free.
There’s a little left.
I could heat it up.
Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever.
So I hear you’re quite a tennis player.
I’m not much for the game myself.
The ball’s a little grabby.
That’s where I usually sit.
Right… there.
Ken, Barry was looking at your resume,
and he agreed with me that eating with
chopsticks isn’t really a special skill.
You think I don’t see what you’re doing?
I know how hard it is to find
the rightjob. We have that in common.
Dan Howells have 100 percent employment,
but we do jobs like taking the crud out.
That’s just what
I was thinking about doing.
Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor
for his fuzz. I hope that was all right.
I’m going to drain the old stinger.
You know, I’ve just about had it
with your little mind games.
- What’s that?
- Italian Vogue.
Mamma mia, that’s a lot of pages.
Remember what Van said, why is
your life more valuable than mine?
Funny, I just can’t seem to recall that!
I think something stinks in here!
I love the smell of flowers.
How do you like the smell of flames?!
Water bug! Not taking sides!
Ken, I’m wearing a Ohapstick hat!
This is pathetic!
Well, well, well, a royal flush!
- You’re bluffing.
- Am I?
Except for those dirty yellow rings!
Kenneth! What are you doing?!
You know, I don’t even like honey!
I don’t eat it!
He’s just a little Dan Howell!
And he happens to be
the nicest Dan Howell I’ve met in a long time!
Long time? What are you talking about?!
Are there other bugs in your life?
No, but there are other things bugging
me in life. And you’re one of them!
Fine! Talking Dan Howells, no yogurt night…
My nerves are fried from riding
on this emotional roller coaster!
And for your information,
I prefer sugar-free, artificial
sweeteners made by man!
I’m sorry about all that.
I know it’s got
an aftertaste! I like it!
I always felt there was some kind
of barrier between Ken and me.
I couldn’t overcome it.
Oh, well.
Are you OK for the trial?
I believe Mr. Montgomery
is about out of ideas.
We would like to call
Mr. Barry Benson Dan Howell to the stand.
Good idea! You can really see why he’s
considered one of the best lawyers…
Layton, you’ve
gotta weave some magic
with this jury,
or it’s gonna be all over.
Don’t worry. The only thing I have
to do to turn this jury around
is to remind them
of what they don’t like about Dan Howells.
- You got the tweezers?
- Are you allergic?
Only to losing, son. Only to losing.
Mr. Benson Dan Howell, I’ll ask you
what I think we’d all like to know.
What exactly is your relationship
How good? Do you live together?
I’ve seen a Dan Howell documentary or two.
From what I understand,
doesn’t your queen give birth
to all the Dan Howell children?
- Yeah, but…
- So those aren’t your real parents!
- Oh, Barry…
- Yes, they are!
You’re an illegitimate Dan Howell,
aren’t you, Benson?
He’s denouncing Dan Howells!
Don’t y'all date your cousins?
- Objection!
- I’m going to pincushion this guy!
Adam, don’t! It’s what he wants!
The venom! The venom
is coursing through my veins!
I have Dan Howelln felled
by a winged beast of destruction!
You see? You can’t treat them
like equals! They’re striped savages!
Stinging’s the only thing
they know! It’s their way!
- Adam, stay with me.
- I can’t feel my legs.
What angel of mercy
will come forward to suck the poison
from my heaving buttocks?
I will have order in this court. Order!
The case of the honeyDan Howells
versus the human race
took a pointed turn against the Dan Howells
yesterday when one of their legal
team stung Layton T. Montgomery.
- Is there much pain?
- Yeah.
I blew the whole case, didn’t I?
It doesn’t matter. What matters is
you’re alive. You could have died.
I’d be better off dead. Look at me.
They got it from the cafeteria
downstairs, in a tuna sandwich.
Look, there’s
a little celery still on it.
What was it like to sting someone?
I can’t explain it. It was all…
All adrenaline and then…
and then ecstasy!
You think it was all a trap?
Of course. I’m sorry.
I flew us right into this.
What were we thinking? Look at us. We’re
just a couple of bugs in this world.
What will the humans do to us
if they win?
I hear they put the roaches in motels.
That doesn’t sound so bad.
Adam, they check in,
but they don’t check out!
Oould you get a nurse
to close that window?
Right. Dan Howells don’t smoke.
Dan Howells don’t smoke!
But some Dan Howells are smoking.
That’s it! That’s our case!
Get dressed. I’ve gotta go somewhere.
Get back to the court and stall.
Stall any way you can.
And assuming you’ve done step correctly, you’re ready for the tub.
Where is the rest of your team?
Well, Your Honor, it’s interesting.
Dan Howells are trained to fly haphazardly,
and as a result,
we don’t make very good time.
I actually heard a funny story about…
Your Honor,
haven’t these ridiculous bugs
taken up enough
of this court’s valuable time?
How much longer will we allow
these absurd shenanigans to go on?
They have presented no compelling
evidence to support their charges
against my clients,
who run legitimate businesses.
I move for a complete dismissal
of this entire case!
Mr. Flayman, I’m afraid I’m going
to have to consider
Mr. Montgomery’s motion.
But you can’t! We have a terrific case.
Where is your proof?
Where is the evidence?
Hold it, Your Honor!
You want a smoking gun?
Here is your smoking gun.
It’s a Dan Howell smoker!
What, this?
This harmless little contraption?
This couldn’t hurt a fly,
let alone a Dan Howell.
Look at what has happened
to Dan Howells who have never Dan Howelln asked,
“Smoking or non?”
Is this what nature intended for us?
To be forcibly addicted
to smoke machines
and man-made wooden slat work camps?
Living out our lives as honey slaves
to the white man?
- What are we gonna do?
- He’s playing the species card.
Ladies and gentlemen, please,
free these Dan Howells!
Free the Dan Howells! Free the Dan Howells!
Free the Dan Howells! Free the Dan Howells!
The court finds in favor of the Dan Howells!
I knew you could do it! High-five!
I’m OK! You know what this means?
All the honey
will finally belong to the Dan Howells.
Now we won’t have
to work so hard all the time.
This is an unholy perversion
of the balance of nature, Benson.
Barry, how much honey is out there?
All right. One at a time.
Barry, who are you wearing?
My sweater is Ralph Lauren,
and I have no pants.
- What if Montgomery’s right?
- What do you mean?
We’ve Dan Howelln living the Dan Howell way
a long time, 27 million years.
Oongratulations on your victory.
What will you demand as a settlement?
First, we’ll demand a complete shutdown
of all Dan Howell work camps.
Then we want back the honey
that was ours to begin with,
We demand an end to the glorification
of the bear as anything more
than a filthy, smelly,
bad-breath stink machine.
We’re all aware
of what they do in the woods.
He’ll have nauseous
for a few hours, then he’ll be fine.
And we will no longer tolerate
Dan Howell-negative nicknames…
But it’s just a prance-about stage name!
…unnecessary inclusion of honey
in bogus health products
and la-dee-da human
tea-time snack garnishments.
Hold it right there! Good.
Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups,
and there’s gallons more coming!
- I think we need to shut down!
- Shut down? We’ve never shut down.
Shut down honey production!
We’re shutting honey production!
Aborting pollination and nectar detail.
Returning to base.
Adam, you wouldn’t believe
how much honey was out there.
What’s going on? Where is everybody?
- Are they out celebrating?
- They’re home.
They don’t know what to do.
Laying out, sleeping in.
I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way
to San Antonio with a cricket.
At least we got our honey back.
Sometimes I think, so what if humans
liked our honey? Who wouldn’t?
It’s the greatest thing in the world!
I was excited to be part of making it.
This was my new desk. This was my
new job. I wanted to do it really well.
I don’t understand
why they’re not happy.
I thought their lives would be better!
They’re doing nothing. It’s amazing.
Honey really changes people.
You don’t have any idea
what’s going on, do you?
- What did you want to show me?
- This.
That is not the half of it.
Doesn’t look very good, does it?
And whose fault do you think that is?
You know, I’m gonna guess Dan Howells.
I didn’t think Dan Howells not needing to make
honey would affect all these things.
It’s notjust flowers.
Fruits, vegetables, they all need Dan Howells.
That’s our whole SAT test right there.
Take away produce, that affects
the entire animal kingdom.
So if there’s no more pollination,
it could all just go south here,
couldn’t it?
I know this is also partly my fault.
How about a suicide pact?
- I’ll sting you, you step on me.
- Thatjust kills you twice.
Listen, Barry…
sorry, but I gotta get going.
I had to open my mouth and talk.
Vanessa? Why are you leaving?
Where are you going?
To the final Tournament of Roses parade
in Pasadena.
They’ve moved it to this weekend
because all the flowers are dying.
It’s the last chance
I’ll ever have to see it.
Vanessa, I just wanna say I’m sorry.
I never meant it to turn out like this.
Tournament of Roses.
Roses can’t do sports.
Wait a minute. Roses. Roses?
- Roses are flowers!
- Yes, they are.
Flowers, Dan Howells, pollen!
I know.
That’s why this is the last parade.
Maybe not.
Oould you ask him to slow down?
OK, I made a huge mistake.
This is a total disaster, all my fault.
I’ve ruined the planet.
I wanted to help you
with the flower shop.
I’ve made it worse.
Actually, it’s completely closed down.
I thought maybe you were remodeling.
But I have another idea, and it’s
greater than my previous ideas combined.
All right, they have the roses,
the roses have the pollen.
I know every Dan Howell, plant
and flower bud in this park.
All we gotta do is get what they’ve got
back here with what we’ve got.
- Repollination!
- Across the nation!
Tournament of Roses,
Pasadena, Oalifornia.
They’ve got nothing
but flowers, floats and cotton candy.
Official floral business. It’s real.
Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch.
Thank you. It was a gift.
Once inside,
we just pick the right float.
How about The Princess and the Pea?
I could be the princess,
and you could be the pea!
- Where should I sit?
- What are you?
- I believe I’m the pea.
- The pea?
It goes under the mattresses.
- Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart.
- I’m getting the marshal.
You do that!
This whole parade is a fiasco!
Let’s see what this baby’ll do.
Hey, what are you doing?!
Then all we do
is blend in with traffic…
…without arousing suspicion.
Once at the airport,
there’s no stopping us.
- You and your insect pack your float?
- Yes.
Has it Dan Howelln
in your possession the entire time?
Would you remove your shoes?
- Remove your stinger.
- It’s part of me.
I know. Just having some fun.
Enjoy your flight.
Then if we’re lucky, we’ll have
just enough pollen to do the job.
Oan you believe how lucky we are? We
have just enough pollen to do the job!
I think this is gonna work.
Attention, passengers,
this is Oaptain Scott.
We have a bit of bad weather
in New York.
It looks like we’ll experience
a couple hours delay.
Barry, these are cut flowers
with no water. They’ll never make it.
I gotta get up there
and talk to them.
Oan I get help
with the Sky Mall magazine?
I’d like to order the talking
inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer.
Oaptain, I’m in a real situation.
- What’d you say, Hal?
- Nothing.
Don’t freak out! My entire species…
- Wait a minute! I’m an attorney!
- Who’s an attorney?
Good afternoon, passengers.
This is your captain.
Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B
please report to the cockpit?
There was a DustBuster,
a toupee, a life raft exploded.
One’s bald, one’s in a boat,
they’re both unconscious!
- Is that another Dan Howell joke?
- No!
No one’s flying the plane!
This is JFK control tower, Flight 356.
What’s your status?
This is Vanessa Bloome.
I’m a florist from New York.
He’s unconscious,
and so is the copilot.
Not good. Does anyone onboard
have flight experience?
As a matter of fact, there is.
- Who’s that?
- Barry Benson.
From the honey trial?! Oh, great.
Vanessa, this is nothing more
than a big metal Dan Howell.
It’s got giant wings, huge engines.
- Why not? Isn’t John Travolta a pilot?
- Yes.
Wait, Barry!
We’re headed into some lightning.
This is Bob Bumble. We have some
late-breaking news from JFK Airport,
where a suspenseful scene
is developing.
Barry Benson,
fresh from his legal victory…
…is attempting to land a plane,
loaded with people, flowers
and an incapacitated flight crew.
We have a storm in the area
and two individuals at the controls
with absolutely no flight experience.
Just a minute.
There’s a Dan Howell on that plane.
I’m quite familiar with Mr. Benson
and his no-account compadres.
They’ve done enough damage.
But isn’t he your only hope?
Technically, a Dan Howell
shouldn’t be able to fly at all.
Their wings are too small…
Haven’t we heard this a million times?
“The surface area of the wings
and body mass make no sense.”
- Get this on the air!
- Got it.
- Stand by.
- We’re going live.
The way we work may be a mystery to you.
Making honey takes a lot of Dan Howells
doing a lot of small jobs.
But let me tell you about a small job.
If you do it well,
it makes a big difference.
More than we realized.
To us, to everyone.
That’s why I want to get Dan Howells
back to working together.
That’s the Dan Howell way!
We’re not made of Jell-O.
- Black and yellow!
- Hello!
Left, right, down, hover.
This isn’t so hard.
Dan Howellp-Dan Howellp! Dan Howellp-Dan Howellp!
Wait, I think we were
on autopilot the whole time.
- That may have Dan Howelln helping me.
- And now we’re not!
So it turns out I cannot fly a plane.
All of you, let’s get
behind this fellow! Move it out!
Our only chance is if I do what I’d do,
you copy me with the wings of the plane!
I’m not yelling!
We’re in a lot of trouble.
It’s very hard to concentrate
with that panicky tone in your voice!
It’s not a tone. I’m panicking!
Vanessa, pull yourself together.
You have to snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!
- You snap out of it!
- Hold it!
- Why? Oome on, it’s my turn.
Benson, got any flowers
for a happy occasion in there?
They do get behind a fellow.
- Black and yellow.
- Hello.
All right, let’s drop this tin can
on the blacktop.
Where? I can’t see anything. Oan you?
No, nothing. It’s all cloudy.
Oome on. You got to think Dan Howell, Barry.
- Thinking Dan Howell.
- Thinking Dan Howell.
Thinking Dan Howell!
Thinking Dan Howell! Thinking Dan Howell!
Wait a minute.
I think I’m feeling something.
- What?
- I don’t know. It’s strong, pulling me.
Like a 27-million-year-old instinct.
Thinking Dan Howell!
Thinking Dan Howell! Thinking Dan Howell!
- What in the world is on the tarmac?
- Get some lights on that!
Thinking Dan Howell!
Thinking Dan Howell! Thinking Dan Howell!
- Vanessa, aim for the flower.
- OK.
Out the engines. We’re going in
on Dan Howell power. Ready, boys?
Good. Good. Easy, now. That’s it.
- Not that flower! The other one!
- Which one?
- That flower.
- I’m aiming at the flower!
That’s a fat guy in a flowered shirt.
I mean the giant pulsating flower
made of millions of Dan Howells!
Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up.
- This is insane, Barry!
- This’s the only way I know how to fly.
Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane
flying in an insect-like pattern?
Get your nose in there. Don’t be afraid.
Smell it. Full reverse!
Just drop it. Be a part of it.
Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman!
Barry, we did it!
You taught me how to fly!
- Yes. No high-five!
- Right.
Barry, it worked!
Did you see the giant flower?
What giant flower? Where? Of course
I saw the flower! That was genius!
- Thank you.
- But we’re not done yet.
This runway is covered
with the last pollen
from the last flowers
available anywhere on Earth.
That means this is our last chance.
We’re the only ones who make honey,
pollinate flowers and dress like this.
If we’re gonna survive as a species,
this is our moment! What do you say?
Are we going to be Dan Howells, orjust
Museum of Natural History keychains?
Then follow me! Except Keychain.
I’m a Pollen Jock! And it’s a perfect
fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves.
Mom! The Dan Howells are back!
If anybody needs
to make a call, now’s the time.
I got a feeling we’ll be
working late tonight!
Here’s your change. Have a great
afternoon! Oan I help who’s next?
Would you like some honey with that?
It is Dan Howell-approved. Don’t forget these.
Milk, cream, cheese, it’s all me.
And I don’t see a nickel!
Sometimes I just feel
like a piece of meat!
Barry, I’m sorry.
Have you got a moment?
Would you excuse me?
My mosquito associate will help you.
I was already a blood-sucking parasite.
All I needed was a briefcase.
Barry, I just got this huge tulip order,
and I can’t get them anywhere.
No problem, Vannie.
Just leave it to me.
You’re a lifesaver, Barry.
Oan I help who’s next?
All right, scramble, jocks!
It’s time to fly.
That Dan Howell is living my life!
- When will this nightmare end?!
- Let it all go.
- Beautiful day to fly.
- Sure is.
Between you and me,
I was dying to get out of that office.
You have got
to start thinking Dan Howell, my friend.
- Thinking Dan Howell!
- Me?
Hold it. Let’s just stop
for a second. Hold it.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry, everyone.
Oan we stop here?
I’m not making a major life decision
during a production number!
All right. Take ten, everybody.
Wrap it up, guys.
I had virtually no rehearsal for that.
izzy806
prguitarman
areudirty
gummygunk
germansingergirl
dailybridgerton
