half of entry one because i got anxious about it.
I feel alone. Despite having family around me constantly, friends that I see once a week. I feel alone. That if I was to disappear from their lives it would only make theirs better and they would carry on fine. Maybe this stems from the feeling that I always get coming up on my birthday, which is that everyone hates me but the other side of me tells me it's the truth. I have eight days until I turn twenty-two. At this point in my life I thought, well, that I would be more adult. That I would have a job, a degree and probably a stable relationship but instead all I have is a certificate and perhaps depression and multiple other mental problems.Â
When I was twelve, I had it all planned out. Go to high school, go to uni, finish that at twenty-one or twenty-two and then by twenty-five have children. And well I did go to high school and finish, going to uni is certainly out of the question as one with my brain will never pass a test. So here is the plan for the rest of this shitty little year. Well it's been two shitty years but I’m focusing on this one because it is the present. I am going to make the most of it, so that I can go swinging into the next becoming the woman that I want to be.