nowherenowhere

Not All Who Wander Are Lost 

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One Apple A Day #412

This is fascinating. I picked a BeTheChange card this morning. One that says "Being Creative by BEING who you are". This card is an invitation to explore my bigger me. It challenges me to think about when I'm most of who I am.

I started writing about the quest for who we are. But words weren't flowing. I wrote and rewrote each sentence.

Until I realised that I wasn't me. Sometimes, the search for something can take us away for that same thing that we are looking for. Like in this case. In my desire to find the real me I was walking away from it. My bigger who is not in the answer. It lives and expresses itself in the question.

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One Apple A Day #411

How do you handle boredom? Do you ever feel bored? I do. Like in those weekends when the weather is grey enough to take away every desire to set a foot outside, and I want to lie down and do nothing.

I love doing nothing. I'm never tired of doing nothing. But my mind plays tricks with me. In those days when I'm doing nothing, my mind starts whispering.

"You're wasting your time again." "Shouldn't you do something meaningful?" "Why aren't you doing that work you've been procrastinating all week?" "Many things are happening in this city, and you're missing them all."

It goes on until the boredom arrives and I feel the guilt for wasting my time in meaningless activities instead of going out with my partner. It is tough to slow down and take a pause in our busy lives. And it's not a practical problem. It's a perception problem. It's the fear of missing out and wasting my time that creates that feeling of boredom.

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One Apple A Day #410

Journaling is one of the most common practices for self-exploration. I've been writing in my journal every morning for the last two years. It has been a vital component of my journey. Through this simple morning practice, I've learned more about myself, and I became more aware of my thoughts and actions. Though, lately, I felt a stuck as if I had peaked in this practice. The morning ritual of journaling was becoming almost mechanical, and my writing wasn't giving me any valuable insights about myself.

In her book Insights, Tasha Eurich warns us about the risks of introspection and self-reflection if we don't do them in the right way. It is easy to get trap in our thoughts becoming blind to our behaviours and how they are affecting our life.

So, a week ago I decided to shift from introspection to observation. While the first is about going inside and dig deep into thoughts and emotions, the second is about observing my behaviours, words and actions. It's like taking a step out and observe myself from the outside. I use my journal to ask straightforward questions such as:

Did you do your best to live your values, today?

Were your actions aligned with your long-term vision?

Have you done anything to serve the person you want to be?

If the answer is yes, I write about how I can keep doing it. If it's no, I write about what I can change or how I can do better.

It has been only one week so far, but I'm already learning a lot about myself.

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One Apple A Day #409

What makes something important? This is the question that summarises yesterday.

Importance is very subjective. What’s important for me, or for my team, can be entirely irrelevant for someone else. Though, do you know what makes something more important than something else?

When you don’t have clarity about your metrics, you end up using other’s scale of importance, or urgency, or the emotions of the moment. In any case, you won’t be effective in your action because you won’t feel it as essential for yourself.

My measure of importance is informed by my destination. I start by where I'm going. My goals or, even better, my aspirations. I found that the most useful metrics is the one that helps me understand if I am moving, not just forward, but closer to my destination.

When I have to decide if something is important, I asked myself two questions:

Does it help me advance towards my destination?

Is it aligned with my values?

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One Apple A Day #408

In the last three days, I had at least three conversations about the awareness, knowledge and understanding. I'm reading this as a sign that I need to dig more on the subject.

The dictionary is always the right place to start.

Knowledge: facts, information, and skills acquired through experience or education; the theoretical or practical understanding of a subject.

Understanding: the ability to perceive the intended meaning of something; comprehension.

Awareness: knowledge or perception of a situation or fact.

The first thing I notice is that knowledge requires understanding. We can't really say that we know something if we don't understand it. David Weinberger says that "Knowledge without understanding is like, well, information". So, my "understanding" is that knowledge is not objective. Facts and information are objective, but knowledge requires me to perceive the intended meaning of those facts and information. My knowledge may be different from yours even if we start from the same information.

But what about awareness? Awareness is all about the experience. It is our unique experience of a fact or information.  

The real questions here are: do we need to understand something to be aware of it? Do we need to have knowledge of something to be mindful of it?

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One Apple A Day #407

The right word to start. I'm sitting here waiting for the right word to come forward. To manifest itself so I can start writing. Though, does it exist? What makes a word "right" to start a post or to open a conversation?

I looked everywhere, among the things I've learned and the ones I don't know yet. Waiting for the right word to pop up. Until I realised that no word will be right until I won't start. Whatever word I'll start with, that one will be the right one.

Words are not right or wrong. We make them right when we use them to move.

How often are we stuck because we want to say the right word, make the right choice, do the right action?

What if we start by changing the order? We don't say the right word, we make every word we say right. We don't make the right choice, we make every decision the right one. We don't do the right thing, we make everything we do right.

We still have to figure out what does it mean for something to be right. To me, it means that it's aligned with who I am, with my values. What about you?

Self-leadership is about knowing your values and having the courage to act on them, knowing that whatever the word, choice or action I will always hold my values.

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One Apple A Day #406

Yesterday, I can't remember what I was doing, I had this thought while I was thinking about decisions. In particular, I was reflecting on the fact that every decision is the right decision, as long as you make a decision. And then, this thought came out of nowhere. I realised that there are a few things in life that you can't "not do".

You can't "not change". Change is the nature of life itself. You just can't avoid change. You may try to resist with all your energy, and in doing so consume yourself, but it's pointless. You will change. Your body change. So, embrace it. Go with the flow and turn the power of change in your favour.

There is no such thing as "no communication". You are always communicating. Even if you do nothing or stay silent. Just by being alive, by existing, we are communicating something. This is why is so important to nurture our awareness and be present in the here and now.

You can not "not decide". Funny isn't it? Non deciding is a decision itself. You can choose, or you can choose not to choose. Whatever you do or not do, you're making a choice. You can't excape so, accept it and relax.

Are there other things we can't "not do" in life?

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One Apple A Day #405

I love to understand things. I get excited anytime I can understand what's behind something or when I can see connections between ideas or concepts. This passion for seeing through things helped me a lot in my career. It allowed me to go beyond the surface of problems and find creative solutions. Though, this yearning to understand and see through can get in the way of my ability to listen at a deeper level. In my journey to become a coach, I discover the amazing power of being listened. Being truly listen. Deep listening creates an empty space, a vacuum that easy things out of someone. It is a kind of eduction effect. And once the flow is on, it kept going if we don't put barriers on its way. And this is what my need to understand does. It engages my brain, and it put obstacles that slow down the flow. Because the point of deep listening is not for me, the listener, to understand but it's for the other person to let things out so she can see them from another perspective. So, here's my intention and challenge. To listen deeply. To pause the need to understand because there is nothing to understand. And just listen. If you never tried the power of being truly listened to, I invite you to find someone who can listen deeply. You will be amazed by what will happen.

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One Apple A Day #404

I am an introvert. I can spend hours digging in my own thoughts and emotions, analysing any nuances to gain insights about myself. Truth is that most of the time, all this digging leads to nothing. So, I've learned to replace introspection with conversations. Conversation with others but also with myself, through writing. While introspection is all about myself. I'm the subject and the observer at the same time. Conversations bring in the picture another perspective. They help me embrace a different point of view. Obviously, it's easier when the conversation involves someone else. But the brutal honesty of a blank sheet of paper can do if you have anyone around.

I am also a dreamer. And this morning, when I picked my Be The Change card, I realised that a dreamer is just an introvert focused on the future. I love dreaming about the future as much as I enjoy digging in my past. Sometimes I find myself lost in a life that doesn't exist, creating a whole world inside my head.

Both activities, introspection and dreaming, albeit enjoyable, can become a weight holding you back if they don't manifest through actions. Actions are the means through which we connect our inner world to the outer world. When I don't create this connection, I feel stressed. I experience a tension between my internal and external world.

So, if like me you are an introvert dreamer, try to find always a small action out of your introspections or dreams.

So you can make the connection with the outside world.

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One Apple a Day #404

This morning, while I was doing my exercises, I got an idea. I was doing a plank to be precise. And while I was there counting the time a sentence popped up in my mind.

Awareness is about infusing your being into your doing. The more aware you are, the more of who you are informs what you do.

Lately, I've been thinking, searching, reading and writing a lot about awareness, so I'm not surprised when my mind drifts in that direction.

What I found interesting is how ideas come to me when I'm not looking for them. Like at that moment, doing the plank and slowly counting to one hundred.

Sometimes, I have to take a pause and silence my mind to create the space for ideas to flow in. Physical activities are great for this purpose. I am an overthinker. I quickly got lost in my thoughts and dwell in endless introspection. It's vital for me to force myself out of my head every now and then. This morning experience is a reminder that, sometimes, I must get out of the way of my creativity.

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One Apple A Day #403

Today's post is about two videos I watched yesterday and a famous Rumi's quote.

One video is about the devastation left by the severe storm that hit the north-east of Italy a few days ago. Large parts of secular woods have been wiped out. Trees have been throw on the ground as if they were made of paper. Where there were roads, bridges and fields now, it's just mud.

The other one is about an Australian comedian I never heard about giving a speech at a university. The whole speech is worth watching, but there is one thing he sais that struck me. He offers nine rules for life to the students, and the third one is "Remember, it's all luck". So, be humble in victory and compassionate in failure, because it's all luck.

Both these videos remind me that we are less powerful than we think. There are forces in the universe greater than us. The idea that we can control them is just an illusion. How much energy do we waste trying to control everything? What would happen if instead of trying to control the universe, we use that energy to become one with it?

As Rumi beautifully said, "this too shall pass".

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One Apple A Day #402

Lately, I've been struggling to get things done. My todo list keeps growing no matter how many tasks I complete.   I feel like I'm not moving forward.

This morning I took some time to slow down. No, it's not true. I didn't take it deliberately. My body took it for me. I was so tired that I lied in bed until it was very late, at least for my standards. I wasn't able to convince my body to get up.

But my body was right. As it often is. That time lying still, allowed my mind to slow down and look at things from a different perspective.

I was entirely focused on the doing. The tasks to complete, the calls to make, the things to write. I was lost in the doing. As a result, I wasn't present in what I was doing making things worst. I was in a downward spiral, pushing mindlessly through things.

I needed to pause, and my body reminded me that. To pause and shift my focus on the being. How much of myself I put into things is more important than how many things I throw at myself. When I can enter a state of flow, I become incredibly creative, and things get done. The key for me is to remind myself to stop thinking of the outcomes and focus on my state of being. How do I do that? A precious friend gave me two suggestions that I will apply starting from now.

Take a pause and slow down.

Recenter before starting anything.

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One Apple A Day #401

Yesterday, my friend Sujith made me think about the paradox of power. Or better, the paradox of empowering. We often hear about the need for a leader to "empower people".

Empower means "give power or authority to". According to the dictionary "to empower someone means to give them the means to achieve something, for example, to become stronger or more successful".

When we empower someone we are giving them power. So, they will have the power to achieve what they want with their own strength.

But here's the paradox of power. When we give power to others, we are giving ourselves even more power over them.  

Their power will be "given" by us, and that means that we have more power than them. So, on one side we want to empower others, but on the other hand, we are taking away power from that same people because their power comes from us.

If we really want people to have the power to achieve what they want, we shouldn't empower them. What we can do is to hold the space and allow them to create their own power in their own way.

The real power is self-generated. Empowering is a self-discovery journey.

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One Apple A Day #400

Four hundred. I wrote the first post of this "One Apple A Day" series on the 17th of February 2017. More than a year ago. For all this time I kept writing almost every morning. I would never think when I started, that I would get so far. But I did it. And now I'm here, thinking about the next stage.

Do I want to keep writing? Hell yes. I cherish this moment in my morning ritual. It is my anchor.

So, how can I raise the bar? Being bold. I feel it's time for this project to be brave and step out there. This blog has been a great place to grow. It's public yes, but not so visible. It's like going to a party but staying in a corner and avoiding eye contact.

I decided to move this project to my main website, fabiosalvadori.com, and give it more visibility. In the end, it has been, and it still is a fundamental part of my journey. I am proud of what I wrote, also on those days where words were are to find.

In the next days, I will migrate this posts and give them more visibility. This blog will remain as my playground. Maybe silent for a while, but I'll find a way to give it a new purpose.

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One Apple A Day #399

I don't know.

How often do you say it? How often do you admit that you don't know?

It is such a powerful sentence, yet it is so hard to let it out.

There was a time when I wasn't able to say it at all. It was a kind of personal commitment to always know more than the people around me. It was so important to me that I had even convinced myself it was true most of the time. I thought I knew it all.

But I was just delusional.

It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so. —JOSH BILLINGS

Because I thought I knew, I was blind to what was happening inside and outside me. I wasn't changing. I wasn't growing.

Until life slapped me in the face and woke me up. It was painful. It was unexpected, so even more painful. But it made me realise that I didn't know.

Observe yourself while you go through your day. If you don't say "I don't know" at least once, I may be time for some reflections. It may be a sign that you're not challenging yourself enough. That you're not changing.

The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand. —FRANK HERBERT

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One Apple A Day #398

I'll be sincere. This morning my mind is empty. I've searched every corner looking for something to write about, but nothing. Sometimes, in the dusty place between some memories, I think I've seen something good enough, but it vanished as soon as I cast a light on it. So, I pick a Be The Change card. They always spark a conversation in my head. This morning the card has no words. There is just the drawing of dolphin. As Vanessa wrote in the booklet, this is the wild card. An invitation to be free, explore and play.

So, here I am. Still writing but without a topic. I feel like those days when I wander around the city without a destination. Just for the pleasure of it. J. R. R. Tolkien wrote, "Not all those who wander are lost". And I don't feel lost. I am just writing because I know that, as long as I keep doing it, something will come out. I started thinking that this is part of who I am. I am a wanderer. I like to explore without a destination, constantly seeking something that I don't know. And then, sometimes, an intuition pops up. It often has the form of a bridge. A connection between things there was disconnected. And it there, inside that moment, that I feel free.

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One Apple A Day #397

“Staying with the confrontation that it comes with!”

Here it is, another powerful card, another invitation going straight to the heart.

It is a moment of important and beautiful choices. In the last months, an intense yearning emerged for both my partner and me; to find a place we can call home. A place where we can create our nest, from which we can leave to explore the world knowing that it will always be there for us when we return.

But this desire brought with it some inner confrontations. My roots versus my will to explore the world. The wonder of nature versus the vibe of cities. What I can and what I want. Where is my attention right now? And my priorities?

I’m trying to get my head around all of this to find a way through. To integrate everything. But this effort is creating some pressure. I am creating some pressure.

So, maybe I should just stop battling all these ideas, possibilities, tensions and confrontations. I should stop all this internal debating and just stay. Stay with it. Surrender to the universe knowing that there is no right or wrong way. There is only our way. And it will emerge from the silence.