cicatrizes

this is a blog about scars and the lengths we go through to heal or hide them.

[nianbahia]

Cicatrizes

I think I'm officially ending this tumblr blog and moving over to word press where I can monetize and open up for comments and generally grow my my online presence. Aside from needing to earn American dollars, I'm ready to begin the hustle that will eventually led me to a life where I'm paid well for writing. 

I'm still here in Bahia. Not really sure what I'm doing but I'm taking it one day at a time. That's all I can do. I have a part time job teaching English to 3 year olds that starts Feb 3rd. I was looking for an apartment with my boyfriend but I'm not sure if it's the Mercury being in retrograde but now considering leaving the relationship all together. Everyday I contemplate how many hoops I'd have to jump through to get my grandmother to pay for my ticket back home. Everyday I browse grad school websites looking for film programs. I don't know when I'm going home.

Still haven't gotten my Orisha read. Portuguese is still "meh". Still haven't partied enough. But I've started an independent film series. And I'm taking the steps to start a writing career. I published my first book of poetry independently. I'm learning how to stand up for myself in love. Learning what I can deal with and where my limits are. Making peace with my physical imperfections and limited point of view when it comes to certain aspects of life. Learning to chose my battles. Feeling fear and doing it anyway. Celebrating my loved ones. Thanking my conflicts for showing me what I need to work on. Finding my way around the city easier. Kissing two cheeks at a time when I greet people. Daydreaming of the next country I'm going to go to. Living. Healing.

My scars bought me wisdom. I wear them proudly, unashamed of how I got them, ready to tell my story to all who want to hear.

I'd say this "trip" was a success.

fin.

[nianbahia]

these are just drafts; a prelude

I looked at an apartment today. And completed my second day of job "training". What is life? How did I get here? What am I doing? Why Brazil? Why at 23? I'm not sure, but things have taken a turn and I intend to explore my life here and share as much as possible if at all possible. 

these are all experiences, these stories are incomplete, these are just drafts. like me.

[lovequotesrus]

[nianbahia]

I just asked for a ticket to Brazil.

[nianbahia]

hungry is my debut ebook of poetry and prose available for sale here. It’s the first of what I hope will be many. These are the best poems I’ve written in my life and I’m selling them cause I’m hungry literally and figuratively. I’m ready to start on that path of doing the work to being the artist I always wanted to be. What better way to start then on my birthday.  

[nianbahia]

https://gumroad.com/l/gjZnn

I'm selling words/verses/knowledge ya'll.

No mo free randy. 

#jordanyear

[nianbahia]

hungry is my debut ebook of poetry and prose available for sale here. It's the first of what I hope will be many. These are the best poems I've written in my life and I'm selling them cause I'm hungry literally and figuratively. I'm ready to start on that path of doing the work to being the artist I always wanted to be. What better way to start then on my birthday.  

[nianbahia]

The Panafrican Fair in one of the oldest and largest historically black neighborhoods in Salvador. A day of black vendors, healthy natural food, skits, songs and poetry. There were even black doctors!

[nianbahia]

The best pic, I've taken since being here. 

In my humble opinion. 

[nianbahia]

Three favorite pics from the Walk for Peace.

[nianbahia]

A few pics from the walk for Religious Tolerance. 

[nianbahia]

I found someone who not only admires my drive and ambition but is doing all he can to support me. 

I'm supposed to leave Bahia tomorrow. 

I'm staying. 

[purplebuddhaproject]

Once you start to speak, people will yell at you. They will interrupt you, put you down and suggest it’s personal. And the world won’t end. And the speaking will get easier and easier. And you will find you have fallen in love with your own vision, which you may never have realized you had. And you will lose some friends and lovers, and realize you don’t miss them. And new ones will find you and cherish you. And you will still flirt and paint your nails, dress up and party, because, as I think Emma Goldman said, “If I can’t dance, I don’t want to be part of your revolution.” And at last you’ll know with surpassing certainty that only one thing is more frightening than speaking your truth. And that is not speaking

Audre Lorde (via purplebuddhaproject)

[nianbahia]

Since covering the Mercado Di Preta and meeting so many amazing women, I went to attempt to piece together my first documentary. The black power movement is seeing a change in its face. In my opinion the face of the black poder movemiento do Brasil, is a woman. 

Anyway, I will start working on translating these clips and editing pictures. I'm so far behind =/

[nianbahia]

Mercado di Preta just reaffrimed my love of being descended from Africans who were bought to the Americas. It's a special kind of club to be apart of. 

I love it though.

[nianbahia]

Some pics from the Mercado di Preta in Rio de Janerio this past weekend.

Thanks to everyone who made it possible for me to get there. 

[ourblackproject]

When I Realized I was Black

In third grade I moved from a diverse school in Maryland to an essentially all-White school in Texas. On the first day a girl asked me, “Are you from Africa?” I remember being in shock and thinking, “Am I the first Black person you’ve ever met? Don’t you know Black people live in America?” and I’ve hated Texas ever since. 

[nianbahia]

Black Brazilians ask me this. lol

people are dumb

[quietcarriage]

The Motto.

Just because you’re trash doesn’t mean you can’t do great things. It’s called garbage can, not garbage cannot.

[paintdeath]

:)

[nianbahia]

theme. song. Emily King - These Are The Best Days of Your Life