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What Happens Next Then?

NaNoWriMo is done and dusted.

And to be honest, once I reached those 50, 000 words I knew that I would have to take a little pause from writing. I have never written like that before, with such intensity and motivation. During the whole of November all I wanted was to reach that writing goal, and not really thinking about whether it was any good. Just wanted to see whether I could do it.

So that lead me to here. Today. I haven't even looked at what I've written. And I'm not going to do so either, not until January. I'm giving myself some breathing space from the story. I want to get some distance away from any negative thoughts and self-doubt I have attached to all those words. I want to look at it fresh and see whether I can turn it into an actual novel, a real novel, that people other than myself would like to read.

In the meantime I'm going to get back into writing by working on some short-stories. I'm looking forward to sitting down again, in the quiet, and create new worlds and perspectives. Now, when I know that I can write 50, 000 words I feel as if I can do anything.

What are you doing next?

#Next #Edit #NaNoWriMo #After #Short Stories

We Are All Winning

So I did it. I won NaNoWriMo. Ubercool indeed. To be honest I think it hasn't really sunk in yet. That I wrote over 50,000 words in 25 days. Reading that sentence back it just looks like I'm lying. But no, it's true. I have, for the first time in my life, written the first draft of a novel. And I'm 32. I've been making up stories for at least 25 years but never commited to any of them. Wow. It's sinking in now ... And I didn't even know where this story was going half the time, or most of the time. It started out as literary fiction, I thought that would be easy enough to write. But then, oh boy, my characters obviously got bored and made it all into page after page of erotica. Sweet goodness. All I'm saying is that after 25 days of writing all those thousands of words I am letting Nobody read it. I'm going to leave it until January and I'll attempt this thing everybody seems to be calling Editing. Yikes. Then, perhaps, if I'm feeling brave, I'll send it to some far-away land where somebody I don't really know can read it. Yes, that's what I'll do. But, the writing continues. December is ahead and my fingers are itching for a new story. Well done to all my fellow NaNoWriMo's. You are all incredible and you are all winners. I am honoured to be a part of your crowd. It's been, and will continue to be, amazing. NR

#NaNoWriMo #Day 26 #Winning #Erotica #50240

Day 17

I know that, along with thousands of others, I will win NaNoWriMo. And it will be beautiful. Today I loosened my goals a little. Rather than aiming for 2,500 a day (I know, crazy-talk) I brought myself down to 1,700. That way I leave my writing session wanting to write more. And that's a way better feeling than having written way too much in one sitting and feeling motivation drain from your fingers and soul. So at Day 17 I am moving from the in-love stage of this relationship to the love-love stage. I know the strengths and the weaknesses, the highs and lows, the strides and dips. That crazy rush of first love has moved into a confident solid certainty that I can do this. That we are one. Hurrah. NR

#Nanowrimo #Day 17 #34679 #Winning #Love-love

Just Be Nice, OK

Today, on Twitter, in response to @ohdanielle saying : That gut-squeezing moment when you're waiting to hear what someone thinks of a piece of writing you've poured part of yourself into. I wrote : I know, the dream of a great response is so much better than the indifferent shrug of reality. Everyone doing NaNoWriMo or creating anything from scratch know that feeling that @ohdanielle is talking about and I'm sure that my fellow Nano's will agree when I say that I would rather have a response, a great one would be fantastic, but any response, rather than a shrug or a pause that turns into a heartbreaking silence, or worse, a discussion about grammar or phrasing. Yikes. In fact, this is not just about writing or creativity, this is about communication. Proper communication. Actually seeing the person in front of you and picking up on what they need. I'm not saying not to be honest, always be, but ask yourself whether your negative feedback (what, you can't take a little criticism? why did you ask me to read it then?) will make any positive difference. You know what, it won't. I'll probably not share anything with you ever again, because the need to be happy with my work is a lot greater than the need to share it with you. So there. NR

#NaNoWriMo #Day 15 #32272 #Response #Communication

Balancing The NaNoWriMo

After taking two days off from NaNoWrimo I struggled to get back into the swing of things. I completely lost motivation and the panic that I had in the beginning, not knowing how to come up with the first or the next line, overwhelmed me yet again. But yesterday I decided that I just needed to write. It always comes back to that for me. Just Show Up. It's about looking past all that ugly self-doubt and smack it right in the face with another word, sentence of paragraph. It doesn't have to add up to pages and pages of brilliance, or even anything interesting. It just has to be something. Anything. A sign that I haven't given up, that I'm still doing it, still writing, perhaps slower and less enthusiastic, but at least writing. And I lost motivation in the worst way. Thinking that my story was pointless, lame, the most pretentious and badly put-together story anyone could ever come up with. I lost complete faith. Had no idea what the hell my characters were doing or where it all was going. My sentences were short, stuttered or un-readably long and comma-crazy, without enough adjectives and way too many verbs. But today, inspired by the Twitterverse and the incredible achievements of fellow NaNoWrimo's, I wrote 2,999 words and passed the 30,000 mark. Insane! Now, in hindsight, I know that you have to have those days of absolute disgust, the lack of motivation and loss of self. They have to be there, to balance the good days out. Because then the good days are So Good. The brain needs recovery time, it needs to re-group and re-focus. I'm not saying my words today were brilliant or interesting, or my sentences necessarily well-constructed, but they were words, and they were mine. And right now, that's all I'm happy with. Thank You Tweeters! NR

#Nanowrimo #30231 #Day 14 #2999 #Balance

One Word At A Time

Today my only goal was to sit down and write, perhaps even get past 27,000. Just short of 200 words to get there, and I am done for the day. Even small goals get big results. NR

#Nanowrimo #Day 10 #27008 #Small Goals #Big Results

Streaking

I was going to take a day off from writing today. I felt that because I'd done so well and gotten so far ahead I deserved a day away from it. But then I knew. I knew that if I didn't sit down today I would break my streak, and there would be a chance that I wouldn't sit down tomorrow either (oh come on, it's the weekend) or the next day or the next. I'd give excuses saying that because I am already at the half-way mark I have plenty of time to catch up, I'd still reach the 50, 000. But then, for me, the streak is more important than the 50, 000. For me, showing up is what I need to do. This NaNoWriMo journey has helped me set down a routine. It has taught me that I don't need to know what I'm going to write, I just need to write. I just need to show up and do it. So, I sat down. And I said to myself that I just needed to show up. Simple as that. NR

#Nanowrimo #Day 9 #26825 #Showing Up #Streak

The Changeling

I am going to be honest with you. I am an excellent planner, but terrible at meeting goals and deadlines. Horrendous. I suck. I do most things at the last minute, even though I never plan to. It just happens. I hate that about myself. It's stupid and irresponsible and wastes so much time, mine and others. But. Today I met a massive NaNoWriMo goal. The half-way mark. Half-way to the big 50. And I even passed it! 25,485 words! I am not writing this to toot any horns, I'm just happy. I'm writing this because I met a big goal, and now I'm thinking that I can actually finish this thing and after the month is over perhaps I can even make it into something that people would want to read! An incredible feeling. It feels good. It shows me that I can in fact meet goals. That I don't have to be that person that gives up on deadlines and never finishes anything. I just need to do the things I'm passionate about. And stick with it. Not lose confidence or faith. Just go for it and know that we all have something to say and be in this world. NR

#Nanowrimo #Day 8 #25485 #Goals

Our Writing Demons

It's funny when you wake up and you just don't get to writing. You know you should, but you just don't feel it. But that's the thing - when I start thinking about writing, or anything, as a Should I know it's probably time to re-group. To get some perspective and take a step back. This morning was such a morning. I had no writing in me. I was in a bad mood and I just didn't feel like a writer. Reaching 20,000 yesterday didn't matter. I started having thoughts about never getting any further, fuelled by posts I've read from previous NaNoWriMo's and people not getting further than 20,000. Starting to believe that perhaps I was where they once were, when the motivation had just drained out of them. The initial buzz of the first week gone. And now just the chore of having to finish this damn thing. Beginning to think of it as a draft rather than a novel. Not giving it any credit. That it's all trash anyway, that nobody in the entire world would ever want to waste their time reading such banality. Sigh. Then, later in the afternoon I just sat down. I thought that I could at least write 100 words, or one paragraph, one sentence. Then at least I'd done something. But the first sentence was followed by another, then the paragraph grew to more and I ended up at 4000 words, a thousand short of the half-way mark. Perhaps because I didn't care. Perhaps because I went into it with the mindset of it being so awful and horrible and unworthy of anything. Perhaps that's why I just wrote, not caring whether it was good or not. And then landed where I did, mounting up more words than I ever thought possible on such a day like today. So, try this, give in to thinking that it's bad. Really bad. Your writing absolutely stinks and nobody wants to read it. Make it something you'd like to read instead. Forget about the rules, the grammar and structure. Just write. Let it happen. Give in but don't give up. The feeling of stacking up words is priceless. You know that these thoughts of your story being horrendous are not really real, they're a self-indulgence. It's your resistance and demons lurking, tempting you to stop, to yet again, give up. Don't let them draw you in. Be strong, be tough, be brave and just write. NR

#Nanowrimo #Day 7 #24308 #Demons

The Big 20!

Not much to say today other than that my word count now says 20,263 and that I somehow managed to fit in over 3000 words this morning. What the fudge. NR

#Nanowrimo #Day 6 #20263 #Fudge

The Power Of NaNoWriMo

I've never been this determined, or committed, before. Participating in NaNoWriMo has begun to make me in to an actual writer. That thing we all, or the majority of us, say - Wishing To Write A Book One Day, is actually happening. Right now. It is not just an idea or thought anymore. It's reality. And it's exciting and beautiful and terrifying. So far, NaNoWriMo has showed me how thin and precious that line between sitting down and writing and not sitting down and writing really is. I realise how scary a blank page can actually be, and how that moment before the first sentence arrives always comes with a hint of panic. A moment so close to giving it all up. I'm 16,653 words in as of today. I have 33,347 words to go. And 26 days remaining. Filling in my word count on the NaNoWriMo page, writing this blog and connecting with other NaNo's here on Tumblr and also Twitter has motivated me and inspired me to actually get to the finish line. Thank you. NR

#Nanowrimo #Day 5 #16653 #Happening #Thank You

Free Falling

Today I reached 15,072 words. And I still don't have my whole story straight. There are no chapters and all the characters keep stealing time in the spotlight. I have a rough idea where I'm heading, but it's no straight path. But I like it. It's exciting not to know what's going to happen each time I sit down to write. In life I am a pretty structured person, I like knowing what's going to happen before it does, a planner and procrastinator. This story, this month, is one of the few places where I am completely free falling. And it feels good. NR

#Nanowrimo #15072 #Free Falling #Day 4

The Mornings

For three days now I've been doing all my NaNoWriMo-writing in the morning. Waking up it's still dark and it kind of feels like you're stepping out of sleep and into this brand new world you're creating, all on your own. I like writing like that. Early. As the world wakes up around me I'm building rooms and painting houses, setting scenes and imagining faces and conversations, places and people nobody knows about. Just knowing that inspires new sentences and different, braver scenarios in my story. Yesterday I couldn't really believe what I was writing. That anything like that, so different from my own behavior and role in the world, could find its way out of my head and on to paper. But I told myself that I didn't have time questioning it, especially when I'd written a precious 2,000 NaNoWriMo-words towards the big 50. My stats state that I wrote 2,744 today and a total of 12,809 so far. I wanted to start big, bold and just go for it with all that I had, because I know that I have a tendency to lose faith and confidence around the half-way mark. So, if I can get somewhere near 25,000 before next weekend I know that I'll still have some time to catch up if I lose my way later this month. Hope you're all meeting your goals and going on adventures. NR

#12809 #2744 #Mornings #Nanowrimo #Day 3

How To Freak Yourself Out

Day two of this absolutely wonderful and insane ride called National Novel Writing Month. This morning I did exactly the same thing as I did yesterday morning. I went blank and didn't have a clue where to start, or where to continue my story. Because I have pretty much thrown all my initial notes, and the small preparations I'd made, out the window, I am counting on my characters to lead the way. But to get to that point, the first sentence, that's tough. I did get going though. I am amazed where words and sentences come from sometimes. This morning it felt like I was just writing down what someone, my character, was saying to me. Or like I was in his head, or maybe even being him in person, and just writing down my experiences and thoughts. This character hadn't really had a big space in the story before today. He was a sidenote, someone connected to a more important character, but nothing more really. But today it was like he said Hey, I'll Give You A Good Story, Look At Me! And for over 3,000 words this guy told me about his thoughts, horrible thoughts, and sick way of viewing his life, the world and the people around him. It was disturbing. I really freaked myself out. Because this was all coming from my own head, there was no guy there, no real guy, telling his story. This was all me. After I checked my word count for the day I sat back in my chair and didn't know whether I liked it or not. Whether I liked where this way heading. But I also realised that perhaps this was the balance I needed. The bad guy to my good. The one you hate so much that you just need someone, the good guy, to win. Whatever the winnings are. I'll see what happens tomorrow. I might need a break from that guy until Sunday. NR

#Nanowrimo #Day 2 #Freaked out #Bad guy #3000 words

Departure Of Flight 7048

I couldn't sleep last night. I was so wired, my body restless. I had so many thoughts about the first day of November that I just couldn't fall asleep at the right time. Because going to sleep at the right time was important to me. I had been planning for days to wake at 6, early for me. Then sit down after all the things I do with my morning, like eating, and begin writing my very first NaNoWriMo contribution. But still after midnight my mind was racing, so I set the alarm for 7. Woke up in darkness and the clock said 6.17. Wow. Cool. Awesome. I had the coolest dream, that I won't bore you with, but it made me think that it was a sign that I should write it. After sobering up in the shower I decided that it was not a sign after all but just a cool dream and that I should stick with the idea that I had after my initial idea and just do it for goodness sake. I sat down to write after breakfast, still dark outside, and ... Nothing. Blank. Complete stop. I looked over the few notes I'd made but nothing made sense to me. Nothing. I sat for ten minutes, a lifetime, not knowing what to do. What does an actual writer do? Where does it all begin? What's the first sentence? I am not like the other NaNoWriMo's! I have no idea what I'm doing, I should just stop right now. I am not a writer. I'm not. Then, a sentence I'd written yesterday jumped out from my notes and I started there. I decided to listen to advice I'd gotten from NaNoWriMo's on Twitter and the Nano forums and just let the story lead me and the characters decide where they'd want to go. After 1,000 words I realised that my overall idea had taken a turn somewhere half-way but that I didn't care. I had such a flow going I didn't want to interupt it with trying to tie scenarios and people together with string that just wouldn't hold them. I just let it happen. And it was wonderful. At 2,000 I said I could write another 1,000 and at 3,000 I felt I couldn't just leave the story hanging where I'd stopped. This proceeded all the way up to 7,048 words. And I only decided to stop because I wanted to keep writing so much that I knew that fire and drive would still be there tomorrow morning. It was incredible! So if I can share any wisdom from this new experience it is : Go where the story takes you. Don't hold your characters and scenarios back. Let them breathe and just let go. I imagine it's something like jumping out of an airplane or bungee jumping from space. You don't know what's going to happen but you just know you have to do it. Until tomorrow, have fun. NR

#7048 #Bungee Jump #Nanowrimo #Day 1

Nah, Let's Try This Instead!

Today is the day before the day that I will sit down to write the first 2,000 words for NANOWRIMO. With the perfect story constructed and an outline complete I put my feet up, sigh, and feel ... As if I am doing something for school. As if I am writing something in the hope to impress a teacher or another student. Becoming the wonderfully mysterious and skilled writer in class perhaps. And with that thought all my excitement and drive fell away. However, it was fairly quickly replaced with a new idea. And one I feel very excited about! Of course I started thinking that I Am Doing This NaNoWriMo Thing Wrong Already! My preppy self tells me that I had a perfectly good story and that I spent a lot of time with that outline and that's what real writers do! But, I say to hell with it! Life is just too short to recite stories already written and spending the month of November filling in gaps of an outline. I want to discover the story just as much as a potential reader would. Sure, I have a general idea of my story, but instead of filling out character-sheets in Storyist (as I did before) I've written a sentence here or there of a possible scenario or conversation, like : She was boasting about not needing any other warm-up than talking. Hence, the singer talked a lot and sang some. I have an idea of what this person is like, but I don't know her name or story yet. I just see her for a second, and I'd like to keep her there until I start writing my story tomorrow, but no sooner. The point is, we have to do the thing that excites us. And mostly, the things that excite us are the things that are honest and we find are true to us. Who cares who we may or may not impress! Let's impress ourselves instead! Let's be brave and be different and see this writing-thing as something we just have to do or we might just implode and end up conforming (yuk) and turning into clones (sigh) and falling in line (yes, let's) and write impossibly pointless status updates (f-o-r-e-v-e-r). As you can see the excitement of having a good story to believe in makes me feel slightly radical. And thank goodness for that, it means I can spend the next 30 days not dying a little inside. So, that's the deal for tomorrow. Happy Halloween, be cool & good luck! NR

#Nanowrimo #Fresh #Excitement #Honest #True

Some Doubts, Of Course

Well, I knew they'd come, eventually.

I've been so fired up and ready to write 50,000 words in 30 days. It all sounds so romantic, doesn't it? Something a real writer would do. And I knew from the first moment I found out about NANOWRIMO that I could do it. I've pictured myself sitting, early in the morning, writing mind-blowing and magical sentences, in absolute awe of my own brilliance. Sounds a little pretentious I suppose, but what writer wouldn't want to picture themselves like that?

Today is Tuesday, and on Thursday I'm supposed to sit down and begin my story. The story I've been dreaming up for days now. And as I'm reading back some of my outline I wonder whether it actually matters, whether any of it matters. What is the need of this story? How does my main character think they can pull this off? Haven't this story been written before, and way better? I mean, who the monkeys do I think I am!?

Thoughts like that. Self-obsessive and completely unproductive. Fun. Fun. Fun.

This is when the right thing to do is to go back and read The Flinch by Julien Smith. It is all about thoughts like this and the like. Fighting the resistance as well as living with the resistance is the only way. It's one of those books that needs to be with you, for life. It's a bible. And it's free.

But on days like this, the ego of the writer doesn't really matter. Hurricane Sandy is in New York and surrounding states which truly gives you perspective. We are all tiny, but all so mighty. So keep writing even when the lights go out. This too shall pass.

#NANOWRIMO #Doubts #The Flinch #Sandy

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