NiaySpeaks

My heart. My mind. My thoughts.

[niaylab]

Falling In Love Isn't Supposed To be Like This

Or, is it?..

"Sometimes, I wish I were a little kid again.. Because skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts." --a cliché that has been overused by some in lack of a better word or phrase to explain the pain, excruciating pain, a heart-broken person feels. A friend once told me that "it hurts like hell", further explaining it that its as if she journeyed from earth to hell just to say 'hi' to Satan then came back here again, carrying all the accumulated sufferings from the people from hell.

I tell her, there is life after a break-up. There must be, there should be.

Break ups can be difficult and painful. The degree of pain varies; if there is a measure for pain caused by a broken heart. I know you will agree with me that there is no amount of words that can ever describe the kind of pain one goes through in the process of recovering from a broken heart.

But, it's just a matter of perspective. How you try to view this phase in your life. After sometime, you will come to terms with the pain and then realize that it's not that bad after all. Some break up (if not all) is for the better. For you and for your partner. Especially if it's already becoming too toxic for both of you to handle. There will come a certain time in a relationship where feelings could no longer exist or feelings are becoming too intense that one party can no longer breath. Talking about imbalance pairs: one that gives and gives, the other one just receives and receive. No vice versa.

I say, break up is not the end of the world!

Ever heard of the phrase "when God closes a door, he opens a window"? Maybe you are on of this classic example.

Never be sad that it ended, be happy it happened (no matter how much it hurts). At Least you have tried to love and be loved in return. This has been a frustration of many, not having loved and be loved at all.

IT IS OKAY to feel sad after a break up. Cry. Shout. Yell. Curse, if you must. But never cry when the sun sets because the tears might hinder you to see the stars. Do not drown yourself in sorrow. You can bathe in the sadness but learn how to swim back to the shore of reality.

TIME HEALS. Give yourself plenty of time to heal all the pain. Damn with that three-month rule. You can have all the time you need. But first, learn when to set a deadline. And when the alarms finally goes off, get up. No second thoughts. This time, no snoozing.

STOP REMINISCING--for now. Put away the gifts, erase the pictures, delete the messages, do away with anything that will remind you of your ex. You can quit social media if you must. This way, you can refrain yourself from unconsciously stalking your ex. This includes knowing if you have already been replaced.

RESIST THE URGE to call or text your ex. To ask if you still can get back together. No means no. Can you not understand what a rejection is?

REBOUND RELATIONSHIPS may be a mistake--for now. Days or even months after a break up is the most vulnerable situation in one's life. Do not rush.

SURROUND YOURSELF with friends and family. Do not try to deal with your problems by yourself. Share your problems with them. Feel free to talk about your feelings, your emotions, and your experiences. Allow them to comfort you.

GO OUT, REACH OUT. Gather with everybody you trust to help you erase your loneliness. Hang out. Meet new people. Rebuild old relationships, the ones you unconsciously strained and eventually lost when you fell in love.

BE BUSY--for now. The point is, by keeping yourself busy doing the things you love and enjoy, you won't have time to dwell on the past. You can keep your mind off your ex.

TAKE SOME TIME OFF. Get away from the world for a little while. Reflect. Re-arrange your life. Re-align thoughts and plans. Create new expectations, new dreams and aspiration. Make a future where you see yourself being happy and fulfilled without the presence of your ex.

ENJOY YOUR TIME ALONE. Sit down, make a list of the things you wish to do. Things you want to do but wasn't able to do so because your world revolved around your ex, literally.

My point is, there are things that we do not want to happen but have to accept. Things we do not want to know but have to learn. Persons we (thought) can not live without but have to let go. No matter how much it hurts now, one day you will look back and realize it changed your life for the better.

Never let a break up get your down.

Remember, it was never your loss. You are way more than that.

--niaylab

09162015

02:13am

[niaylab]

The 'First-Born' Syndrome

(a soliloquy by Niaylab; firsthand first-born to eight siblings)

In celebration of this new year (though in the kind of job I have, there is no such thing as celebration or holiday or even weekends), may I ask you what do you think is the hardest job one could ever have?

Yes. Yes, of course. everybody will insist that his or her work is much more difficult compared to other.

But what is your basis for claiming such? Your salary? Your position? The complexity of your work? Its prestige? Or is it because you are in demand due to your work?

What if I tell you that the hardest job anyone could have doesn’t entail monetary values? That this job I am pertaining to is a job devoid of the glitz and glamour most of us millennial generation clamor for.

Being the first-born child is what I mean. Aside, of course, from motherhood.

Yes. You’ve read it right. Being the eldest of the family is quite the most difficult task one could ever endure. Let me enlighten you with these ten reasons why.

·         One – you have to endure the “trial and error” of your parents’ so-called parental skills. This is because you are the first-born and everything about you is literally their practice on handling a child.

·         Two – you have to live up to your parents’ expectations. Again, because you are the first-born, your parents are obviously very expectant of you to grow up just the way they envisioned you to be.

·         Three – you have to mature fast. This is because you are automatically the one who is next in rank. Naturally, even at a young age, you have to assume unwritten obligations in the family. You have to take on the role of being the head of the family whenever your parents are not around.

·         Fourth – you don’t have your free will. Since you are the first-born, you are assumed to be the successor of your parents. Thus, your folks got to choose the path you will eventually take in the future. This includes the course you will take in college and eventually the degree you will end up with in the end.

·         Fifth – you have to live with all the rules of superb strictness. Curfews and the long list of do’s and don'ts. In my Mother’s soothing voice: “I have to be strict with you because you are the eldest. Your siblings will look up to you.”

·         Sixth – you have to be the role model to your younger siblings. Believe me, this is the part that sucks the most. So, you have to follow all the rules and regulations because you have to set a perfect example for your siblings. So much pressure there.

·         Seventh – if you happen to perfect numbers 2 to 6, then expect to suffer the “gap” between you and your siblings. Why? But of course! Whenever your parents get to scold your younger siblings they commit (and you are very so sure that you have nothing to do with it), they automatically add in their speech “Bakit hindi ka gumaya sa Ate/Kuya mo?” then *insert adjectives here to describe you* Kaya umaasenso kasi may direksyon sa buhay!“

·         Eighth – in order for you to bridge the sibling gap, you often do silly things to make it up to them. Like owning up to their mistakes to your parents. Example: it was your sister who deliberately soiled your Mother’s LV bag but you have to say it was you who did it. Why? First, so you get to your sister’s good side and be her ‘friend’; and two, you are so sure that your Mother will let it pass because, well, you are the perfect child anyways.

·         Ninth – (and I am sure many will react) you don’t get to do things you really love. It is because as a first-born, it is innate in you that unwritten rule that it will always be family first before anything else. That family will always be your top priority.

·         Tenth –  you are expected to sacrifice your own happiness for them, your family. You have to set aside your own personal goals so as not to disrupt the way of things. Because, well, things are supposed to be that way.

 Family first has forever been my mantra and with that, the sacrifices that were uncalled for are just some of the things that I will be so glad to do anytime. Being the eldest of eight, I know that needless to say, I must be the stone to the rock that is my parents, let the wind that is my parents to spread my wings. Even though that until now, I still have self-doubts and questions that are left unanswered, I know that things are just the way it should be.

As for all the first-borns reading this, I hope I have given justice to our predicaments. And, I am not ranting here. I am just saying this so that our younger siblings will understand that it was never just plain glitz and glamour to be their Ate.

I always hear some of my friends say how lucky I am that I was the eldest, that I always get the first say or last say in the decision-making process of our family, that I have that certain “power” to control things. But hey, you will never know for sure if you really have not tried being in my shoes.

I always answer them by quoting Spiderman’ “with great power comes great responsibilities’.

There. You have it.

Now tell me, what is the noblest thing you did for your family?

(niaylab 010916 2050H)

[niaylab]

The 'First-Born' Syndrome

(a soliloquy by Niaylab; firsthand first-born to eight siblings)

In celebration of this new year (though in the kind of job I have, there is no such thing as celebration or holiday or even weekends), may I ask you what do you think is the hardest job one could ever have?

Yes. Yes, of course. everybody will insist that his or her work is much more difficult compared to other.

But what is your basis for claiming such? Your salary? Your position? The complexity of your work? Its prestige? Or is it because you are in demand due to your work?

What if I tell you that the hardest job anyone could have doesn’t entail monetary values? That this job I am pertaining to is a job devoid of the glitz and glamour most of us millennial generation clamor for.

Being the first-born child is what I mean. Aside, of course, from motherhood.

Yes. You’ve read it right. Being the eldest of the family is quite the most difficult task one could ever endure. Let me enlighten you with these ten reasons why.

·         One – you have to endure the “trial and error” of your parents’ so-called parental skills. This is because you are the first-born and everything about you is literally their practice on handling a child.

·         Two – you have to live up to your parents’ expectations. Again, because you are the first-born, your parents are obviously very expectant of you to grow up just the way they envisioned you to be.

·         Three – you have to mature fast. This is because you are automatically the one who is next in rank. Naturally, even at a young age, you have to assume unwritten obligations in the family. You have to take on the role of being the head of the family whenever your parents are not around.

·         Fourth – you don’t have your free will. Since you are the first-born, you are assumed to be the successor of your parents. Thus, your folks got to choose the path you will eventually take in the future. This includes the course you will take in college and eventually the degree you will end up with in the end.

·         Fifth – you have to live with all the rules of superb strictness. Curfews and the long list of do’s and don'ts. In my Mother’s soothing voice: “I have to be strict with you because you are the eldest. Your siblings will look up to you.”

·         Sixth – you have to be the role model to your younger siblings. Believe me, this is the part that sucks the most. So, you have to follow all the rules and regulations because you have to set a perfect example for your siblings. So much pressure there.

·         Seventh – if you happen to perfect numbers 2 to 6, then expect to suffer the “gap” between you and your siblings. Why? But of course! Whenever your parents get to scold your younger siblings they commit (and you are very so sure that you have nothing to do with it), they automatically add in their speech “Bakit hindi ka gumaya sa Ate/Kuya mo?” then *insert adjectives here to describe you* Kaya umaasenso kasi may direksyon sa buhay!“

·         Eighth – in order for you to bridge the sibling gap, you often do silly things to make it up to them. Like owning up to their mistakes to your parents. Example: it was your sister who deliberately soiled your Mother’s LV bag but you have to say it was you who did it. Why? First, so you get to your sister’s good side and be her ‘friend’; and two, you are so sure that your Mother will let it pass because, well, you are the perfect child anyways.

·         Ninth – (and I am sure many will react) you don’t get to do things you really love. It is because as a first-born, it is innate in you that unwritten rule that it will always be family first before anything else. That family will always be your top priority.

·         Tenth –  you are expected to sacrifice your own happiness for them, your family. You have to set aside your own personal goals so as not to disrupt the way of things. Because, well, things are supposed to be that way.

 Family first has forever been my mantra and with that, the sacrifices that were uncalled for are just some of the things that I will be so glad to do anytime. Being the eldest of eight, I know that needless to say, I must be the stone to the rock that is my parents, let the wind that is my parents to spread my wings. Even though that until now, I still have self-doubts and questions that are left unanswered, I know that things are just the way it should be.

As for all the first-borns reading this, I hope I have given justice to our predicaments. And, I am not ranting here. I am just saying this so that our younger siblings will understand that it was never just plain glitz and glamour to be their Ate.

I always hear some of my friends say how lucky I am that I was the eldest, that I always get the first say or last say in the decision-making process of our family, that I have that certain “power” to control things. But hey, you will never know for sure if you really have not tried being in my shoes.

I always answer them by quoting Spiderman’ “with great power comes great responsibilities’.

There. You have it.

Now tell me, what is the noblest thing you did for your family?

(niaylab 010916 2050H)

[niaylab]

"They say, find a purpose in your life and live it. But, sometimes, it is only after you have lived that you recognize your life had a purpose, and likely one you never had in mind." #andthemountainsechoed #khaledhosseini #Pari #Abdullah #Afghanistan #Kabul --Hosseini did it again. 😔 His third book is a devastatingly simple story but it captures the essence of the complex moral responsibility that parents have for their children. To what lengths should parents go to protect their children from a life of suffering? Is being torn from one's family a better fate than grinding poverty? What acts of mercy do the fortunate ones owe the less priviledged ones? #deep 😑 Slowly, I closed the book and proceeded to cry. *sniff sniff* 😢 #noshame. I do not remember the last time I have ever read an author who has been able to so consistently keep me enthralled book, over book, over book, the way this guy does. I don't know if it is because of his relatively simple writing style(relative to the depth of his ideas) but every time I finish reading one of his books, it feels like I have discovered something new about humanity. 😳 Okay, maybe that was a little too deep, but I guess what I am trying to say is that each time I finish reading one of his books, I always have a clear understanding of what he was trying to portray and tell the world. 😌 We really should be thankful for the gift of family. This is a reminder that no matter how accomplished you are in life, you will never be complete without the presence of family. There will always be a gaping hole that only the love of a family can ever fill. 💕👪 #niayreads #makereadingahabit 📚 #starting2016right

[niaylab]

"Sunrises over the harbor. Ice cream on a hot day. The sound of the waves down the street. The way my dog curls up next to me on the couch. Evening strolls. Great movies. Thunderstorms. A good cheeseburger. Fridays. Saturdays. Wednesdays, even. Sticking your toes in the water. Pajama pants. Flip-flops. Swimming. Poetry. The absence of smiley face in an e-mail. What does it look like to you?" --Ellie O'Neill #thisiswhathappylookslike #jennifersmith #Maine #California #Ellie #Graham --I could list a couple of few things that makes me happy but I think, Books, is what happy really looks like for me.💕 (aside ofcourse from enjoying lazy day offs doing nothing 😊) You know, as I become old and wise (lol! I would like to assume and claim that as I age, I became wiser too) that the things that will ever make us happy are the things that are priceless, in monetary value. I could still recall that as my peers enjoy hanging out on week ends, doing whatever our age is doing, you can find me curled in my bed or at the couch near our window lost in the pages of a book. Haaay. Those are the best days in my life! Not exaggerating here but I just can't explain the feels whenever I have a new book to read and that feeling of contentment when I finally finish reading it. 😄 So nerdy, right? I'm really not that particular with the story, I'm that voracious reader. But lately, (due to the age and toxicity of work I guess) I prefer stories like this one --light, chill, feel-good and nothing too serious. A story that will somehow make me believe again in fairy tales. 👸 That well, somewhere somehow someday, love will eventually come knocking at my door. 💞 #niayreads #makereadingahabit 📚

[niaylab]

"Like a compass needle that points North, a man's accusing finger always finds a woman. Always." -- #athousandsplendidsuns #khaledhosseini #kabul #afghanistan #mariam #laila ~~This is my second read of Hosseini's books and I can say that it is quite as depressing and disturbing as the Kite Runner. 😔 you can feel desperation, exasperation, and as usual, heart-gripping emotions. It tackled about what it means to be a woman in a culture where they are valued only for how well they keep a house or how many sons can they produce. A culture where they are made to be subjected to the whims of men. 😡 My eyes welled in a few pages. 😭 At some point, I have to stop reading, close my eyes and gather my thoughts as the story hit close to home. 😢 (parental/arranged marriages, ring a bell? Or how women should be "domesticated" or that women should be kept at home/hidden.) Oh how much harm religious fanaticism and intolerance can do! 😳 By the end, tears were already streaming down my face and once again, I thank God that I have parents that are understanding and supportive and giving. I couldn't have asked for anything better. 💕 And with this, I rest my case. 😛 this might spark some debate or lengthy discussion. ✌ --Niaylab 12.13.15 2228h

[niaylab]

“When someone’s been gone a long time, at first you save up all the things you want to tell them. You try to keep track of everything in your head. But it’s like trying to hold on to a fistful of sand: all the little bits slip out of your hands, and then you’re just clutching air and grit. That’s why you can’t save it all up like that. Because by the time you finally see each other, you’re catching up only on the big things, because it’s too much bother to tell about the little things. But the little things are what make up life.” – #toalltheboysivelovedbefore #jennyhan ❤ –best read I’ve had (for this year), so far. The title maybe misleading but its not only a story about a mushy-cheesy fantasy love but of real love and connection between sisters. A bond that you can’t possibly relate to if you did not grow up being the ‘panganay’ with four sisters like I do. 😊 that whimsical crazy rollercoaster ride of growing up with the pressure of trying to be their role model, their second mom, their disciplinarian, their “nanny”.. the list could go on. 😔 But I wouldn’t change a thing though.. To Nat, Aneen, Bb, and Tok; I am so proud of the women you have become and is still trying to become. 😚 You are always missed by Kaka. I love you, kiddos. 😭👸

[niaylab]

LOVE YOURSELF--JB 🎧🎧🎧 #megaLSS #sorrynotsorry For all the times that you rain on my parade And all the clubs you get in using my name You think you broke my heart, oh girl for goodness sake You think I'm crying on my own, well I ain't And I didn't wanna write a song Cause I didn't want anyone thinking I still care I don't but, you still hit my phone up And baby I be movin' on And I think you should be somethin' I don't wanna hold back, maybe you should know that My mama don't like you and she likes everyone And I never like to admit that I was wrong And I've been so caught up in my job, didn't see what's going on But now I know, I'm better sleeping on my own Cause if you like the way you look that much Oh, baby, you should go and love yourself And if you think that I'm still holdin' on to somethin' You should go and love yourself And when you told me that you hated my friends The only problem was with you and not them And every time you told me my opinion was wrong And tried to make me forget where I came from And I didn't wanna write a song Cause I didn't want anyone thinking I still care I don't but, you still hit my phone up And baby I be movin' on And I think you should be somethin' I don't wanna hold back, maybe you should know that My mama don't like you and she likes everyone And I never like to admit that I was wrong And I've been so caught up in my job, didn't see what's going on But now I know, I'm better sleeping on my own Cause if you like the way you look that much Oh, baby, you should go and love yourself And if you think that I'm still holdin' on to somethin' You should go and love yourself [Instrumental] For all the times that you made me feel small I fell in love, now I feel nothin' at all Had never felt so low when I was vulnerable Was I a fool to let you break down my walls? Cause if you like the way you look that much Oh, baby, you should go and love yourself And if you think that I'm still holdin' on to somethin' You should go and love yourself Cause if you like the way you look that much Oh, baby, you should go and love yourself And if you think that I'm still holdin' on to somethin' You should go and love yourself ---current fave.❤

[niaylab]

Judgements

It is easy to look at people and make quick judgments about them, their present and their past. But you’d be amazed at the amount of pain and tears that is hidden behind that single smile they show the world.

What a person shows to the world is only one tiny facet of the iceberg hidden from sight! More often than not, it’s lined with the cracks and scars that go all the way to the foundation of their soul.

What I’m trying to say is that: 1) never judge. You never know what kind of battle they are going through. 2) benefit of the doubt. Try to put yourself in their place. Wouldn’t you want some compassion? 3) respect their decision to keep it chill and quiet. Some people prefer to sulk and come to terms with their own sorrows and not broadcasting it to the world. 4) don’t assume. Not all things are about you. The world revolves around the sun, not around you. 5) never mingle; especially if you are not directly involved. 6) don’t ask, constantly. It is understandable to ask once or twice if someone is okay but to do so every now and then is just plain annoying. 7) live and let live. No one’s perfect, not even you. So do not expect perfection from everyone.

Sometimes,we create our own demons. You will observe that some are happy or happier than you, not because their circumstances are better than yours, but because they choose to focus on their blessings more than their misfortunes.

We are responsible for our emotions, what we feel. Why not strive to be a light amidst the darkness that engulfs our world today? Like a star in the night sky that gives beauty and hope to those who gaze upon it.

There is always something to be thankful for. You just have to find it then decide to be happy about it. You can start by concentrating on your own happiness rather than peeking over other people’s life.

–niaylab❤ 12082015 0040h

[niaylab]

My soul. My heart. And my mind.

Scorching in flames. Couldn’t take the heat. I happen. You happen. We all happen. It happens. Even shits do happen.

Many times I cry down on my knees. I know this has been a stressful era. And the war makes me lose hope in winning the battle.

Swimming in the ocean all along, but it can’t just be like this. Been figuring this out a couple of times but the answer to every question seems to be so complicated and hard to discern. If only we could understand the true value of existence. If only we aren’t blind to see things the way it is.

A clot in my chest. A whirlpool of thoughts in my brain. Every second I thought it is okay to be weak sometimes because being strong all the time seems to be taking a great toll on my sanity.

Being strong all the time is fake. It is superficial. It is only what we try to project and show to the world. When infact, being strong is not as easy as it seems. It never is, never was.

But through thick and thin, I have faith. I go for peace. I choose peace. I treasure to be one of God’s living creatures.

At the end of the day, I still am breathing. I am strong. I will be strong. I have to be strong.

-niaylab 12072015 2357h

[niaylab]

"When someone's been gone a long time, at first you save up all the things you want to tell them. You try to keep track of everything in your head. But it's like trying to hold on to a fistful of sand: all the little bits slip out of your hands, and then you're just clutching air and grit. That's why you can't save it all up like that. Because by the time you finally see each other, you're catching up only on the big things, because it's too much bother to tell about the little things. But the little things are what make up life." -- #toalltheboysivelovedbefore #jennyhan ❤ --best read I've had (for this year), so far. The title maybe misleading but its not only a story about a mushy-cheesy fantasy love but of real love and connection between sisters. A bond that you can't possibly relate to if you did not grow up being the 'panganay' with four sisters like I do. 😊 that whimsical crazy rollercoaster ride of growing up with the pressure of trying to be their role model, their second mom, their disciplinarian, their "nanny".. the list could go on. 😔 But I wouldn't change a thing though.. To Nat, Aneen, Bb, and Tok; I am so proud of the women you have become and is still trying to become. 😚 You are always missed by Kaka. I love you, kiddos. 😭👸

[niaylab]

"It always hurts more to have and lose than to not have in the first place." -- #khaledhosseini #thekiterunner #Amir #Hassan #Kabul #Fremont #brotherhood #warsucks Indeed, cliché it may seem but has a ring of truth to it. 😔 This book is so heart-wrenching.💔 It is impossible to read without feeling like your heart is being ripped out in every chapter yet somehow you go on and continue reading it.😞 My heart goes out to every child that loses their future in wars that sees no end, to every family misplaced due to unresolved disputes, and to every nation who are experiencing these kinds of trouble. 😕 No child should grow up in that kind of environment. Everybody deserves peace and quiet and love and compassion. 😠 #niayreads #makereadingahabit 📚

[niaylab]

Falling In Love Isn't Supposed to be Like This

“Sometimes, I wish I were a little kid again.. Because skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts.” –a cliché that has been overused by some in lack of a better word or phrase to explain the pain, excruciating pain, a heart-broken person feels. A friend once told me that “it hurts like hell”, further explaining it that its as if she journeyed from earth to hell just to say ‘hi’ to Satan then came back here again, carrying all the accumulated sufferings from the people from hell.

I tell her, there is life after a break-up. There must be, there should be.

Break ups can be difficult and painful. The degree of pain varies; if there is a measure for pain caused by a broken heart. I know you will agree with me that there is no amount of words that can ever describe the kind of pain one goes through in the process of recovering from a broken heart.

But, it’s just a matter of perspective. How you try to view this phase in your life. After sometime, you will come to terms with the pain and then realize that it’s not that bad after all. Some break up (if not all) is for the better. For you and for your partner. Especially if it’s already becoming too toxic for both of you to handle. There will come a certain time in a relationship where feelings could no longer exist or feelings are becoming too intense that one party can no longer breath. Talking about imbalance pairs: one that gives and gives, the other one just receives and receive. No vice versa.

I say, break up is not the end of the world!

Ever heard of the phrase “when God closes a door, he opens a window”? Maybe you are one of this classic example.

Never be sad that it ended, be happy it happened (no matter how much it hurts). At Least you have tried to love and be loved in return. This has been a frustration of many, not having loved and be loved at all.

IT IS OKAY to feel sad after a break up. Cry. Shout. Yell. Curse, if you must. But never cry when the sun sets because the tears might hinder you to see the stars. Do not drown yourself in sorrow. You can bathe in the sadness but learn how to swim back to the shore of reality.

TIME HEALS. Give yourself plenty of time to heal all the pain. Damn with that three-month rule. You can have all the time you need. But first, learn when to set a deadline. And when the alarms finally goes off, get up. No second thoughts. This time, no snoozing.

STOP REMINISCING–for now. Put away the gifts, erase the pictures, delete the messages, do away with anything that will remind you of your ex. You can quit social media if you must. This way, you can refrain yourself from unconsciously stalking your ex. This includes knowing if you have already been replaced.

RESIST THE URGE to call or text your ex. To ask if you still can get back together. No means no. Can you not understand what a rejection is?

REBOUND RELATIONSHIPS may be a mistake–for now. Days or even months after a break up is the most vulnerable situation in one’s life. Do not rush.

SURROUND YOURSELF with friends and family. Do not try to deal with your problems by yourself. Share your problems with them. Feel free to talk about your feelings, your emotions, and your experiences. Allow them to comfort you.

GO OUT, REACH OUT. Gather with everybody you trust to help you erase your loneliness. Hang out. Meet new people. Rebuild old relationships, the ones you unconsciously strained and eventually lost when you fell in love.

BE BUSY–for now. The point is, by keeping yourself busy doing the things you love and enjoy, you won’t have time to dwell on the past. You can keep your mind off your ex.

TAKE SOME TIME OFF. Get away from the world for a little while. Reflect. Re-arrange your life. Re-align thoughts and plans. Create new expectations, new dreams and aspiration. Make a future where you see yourself being happy and fulfilled without the presence of your ex.

ENJOY YOUR TIME ALONE. Sit down, make a list of the things you wish to do. Things you want to do but wasn’t able to do so because your world revolved around your ex, literally.

My point is, there are things that we do not want to happen but have to accept. Things we do not want to know but have to learn. Persons we (thought) can not live without but have to let go. No matter how much it hurts now, one day you will look back and realize it changed your life for the better.

Never let a break up get your spirit down.

Raise your head up high. Chin up. Face the world. Smile.

Remember, it was never your loss. You are way more than that.

Xoxo. 💋

–niaylab 09162015 02:13am

[niaylab]

Falling In Love Isn't Supposed to be Like This

“Sometimes, I wish I were a little kid again.. Because skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts.” –a cliché that has been overused by some in lack of a better word or phrase to explain the pain, excruciating pain, a heart-broken person feels. A friend once told me that “it hurts like hell”, further explaining it that its as if she journeyed from earth to hell just to say ‘hi’ to Satan then came back here again, carrying all the accumulated sufferings from the people from hell.

I tell her, there is life after a break-up. There must be, there should be.

Break ups can be difficult and painful. The degree of pain varies; if there is a measure for pain caused by a broken heart. I know you will agree with me that there is no amount of words that can ever describe the kind of pain one goes through in the process of recovering from a broken heart.

But, it’s just a matter of perspective. How you try to view this phase in your life. After sometime, you will come to terms with the pain and then realize that it’s not that bad after all. Some break up (if not all) is for the better. For you and for your partner. Especially if it’s already becoming too toxic for both of you to handle. There will come a certain time in a relationship where feelings could no longer exist or feelings are becoming too intense that one party can no longer breath. Talking about imbalance pairs: one that gives and gives, the other one just receives and receive. No vice versa.

I say, break up is not the end of the world!

Ever heard of the phrase “when God closes a door, he opens a window”? Maybe you are one of this classic example.

Never be sad that it ended, be happy it happened (no matter how much it hurts). At Least you have tried to love and be loved in return. This has been a frustration of many, not having loved and be loved at all.

IT IS OKAY to feel sad after a break up. Cry. Shout. Yell. Curse, if you must. But never cry when the sun sets because the tears might hinder you to see the stars. Do not drown yourself in sorrow. You can bathe in the sadness but learn how to swim back to the shore of reality.

TIME HEALS. Give yourself plenty of time to heal all the pain. Damn with that three-month rule. You can have all the time you need. But first, learn when to set a deadline. And when the alarms finally goes off, get up. No second thoughts. This time, no snoozing.

STOP REMINISCING–for now. Put away the gifts, erase the pictures, delete the messages, do away with anything that will remind you of your ex. You can quit social media if you must. This way, you can refrain yourself from unconsciously stalking your ex. This includes knowing if you have already been replaced.

RESIST THE URGE to call or text your ex. To ask if you still can get back together. No means no. Can you not understand what a rejection is?

REBOUND RELATIONSHIPS may be a mistake–for now. Days or even months after a break up is the most vulnerable situation in one’s life. Do not rush.

SURROUND YOURSELF with friends and family. Do not try to deal with your problems by yourself. Share your problems with them. Feel free to talk about your feelings, your emotions, and your experiences. Allow them to comfort you.

GO OUT, REACH OUT. Gather with everybody you trust to help you erase your loneliness. Hang out. Meet new people. Rebuild old relationships, the ones you unconsciously strained and eventually lost when you fell in love.

BE BUSY–for now. The point is, by keeping yourself busy doing the things you love and enjoy, you won’t have time to dwell on the past. You can keep your mind off your ex.

TAKE SOME TIME OFF. Get away from the world for a little while. Reflect. Re-arrange your life. Re-align thoughts and plans. Create new expectations, new dreams and aspiration. Make a future where you see yourself being happy and fulfilled without the presence of your ex.

ENJOY YOUR TIME ALONE. Sit down, make a list of the things you wish to do. Things you want to do but wasn’t able to do so because your world revolved around your ex, literally.

My point is, there are things that we do not want to happen but have to accept. Things we do not want to know but have to learn. Persons we (thought) can not live without but have to let go. No matter how much it hurts now, one day you will look back and realize it changed your life for the better.

Never let a break up get your spirit down.

Raise your head up high. Chin up. Face the world. Smile.

Remember, it was never your loss. You are way more than that.

Xoxo. 💋

–niaylab 09162015 02:13am

[niaylab]

What if The One is never THE One?

What if you peered into a fortune ball right now – this very second, today – and saw with indisputable clarity that you were never going to meet the love of your life?

That’s a sad thing that I’m asking you to think of, I’m aware. You’ve been hoping to meet “The One” for a while now – or at least someone half-decent who you can deal with for the rest of your life. I know, I know. You’re not fanciful like everyone else. You don’t believe in soul mates. But you were expecting to meet someone you liked a fair amount. Someone to curl up next to at the end of a long day, who would take care of you when you got sick and listen to your stories every evening after work. We all hope that. We’re human.

Because here’s the thing about finding love – it affects us constantly. And we all loathe admitting it. But love is on the forefront of our actions even when it’s not on the forefront of our minds. It’s the reason you bought those new jeans last week. It’s the reason you went to that barbeque that you didn’t want to go to last weekend. It’s the reason you sometimes feel cripplingly insecure and inadequate and scared about everything that’s coming next. Love’s what inspires most of your greatest changes.

So if you knew, with indisputable certainty, that love was never going to be yours, how would you live your life differently? What about your daily routine would you alter? What about your long-term plans?

Your first inclination may be to say “Nothing.” After all, you’re a smart person. You have plans that don’t involve someone else’s influence. We all do. But ponder it a few moments more. Because here’s what we don’t want to admit about love: it is a crutch that we use all the time. The idea that someday somebody will love all our flaws is a subtle excuse not to work on them. The principle of two halves making a whole restrains us from becoming our own better half. We want someone to swoop in during our darkest hour and save us, but what if we knew they never would? We’d have to start doing everything differently.

If you knew that love would never be an option for you, what would be? How would you structure the rest of your life? Would it have a heavier focus on career, a stronger inclination toward success? Or would you use the time to invest in yourself – go on a few more vacations, travel further outside your comfort zone? If you knew that you would never again feel the rush of budding romance, where would you turn to for your thrills? How would you get your blood pumping?

And what about your other relationships – would they suddenly take on more weight? Would you spend more time appreciating your family, if you knew that they are the people who will have loved you the most strongly at the end of your life? What about your friendships? Would you nurture and care more for the people who love you platonically if you knew that nobody would ever love you romantically? Would you show up a little more often, share a little more of your life?

My inclination is to believe that never finding love would be a game-changer for most of us. One we’d initially consider to be devastating but may eventually realize is the ultimate liberation. Without the fear of ending up alone, the opportunities open to you would become endless. You could live on every continent. You could scale the corporate ladder. You could go back to school and get that degree you’ve always felt interested in, without worrying about the financial burden your debt may place on somebody else. Love holds us back in an infinite amount of subtle ways that perhaps we do not even realize. And the guarantee of its absence may just be the ultimate sense of liberation.

Because if we didn’t have to search for the love of our lives, we would finally be free to realize that we are allowed to be the loves of our own. That we can spend our lives developing ourselves, challenging ourselves, pampering ourselves and building ourselves up to be bigger, more capable people than we ever once hoped to become. We could become everything we’ve been searching for. We could construct our soul mates in ourselves.

If there’s one thing we all need to stop doing, it’s waiting around for someone else to show up and change our lives. Just be the person you’ve been waiting for. Live your life as if you are the love of it. Because that’s the only thing you know for sure – that through every triumph, every failure, every fear and every gain that you will ever experience until the day you die, you are going to be present. You are going to be the person who shows up to accept your rewards. You are going to be the person who holds your own hand when you’re broken. You are going to be the person who gets yourself up off the floor every time you get knocked down and if those things are not love-of-your-life qualities, I don’t know what are.

We have to start appreciating all that we bring to our own lives. Because the ironic truth is, you are most attractive when you’re not worried about who you’re attracting. When you’re living your life confidently, freely and without restraint, you emit the kind of energy that it just isn’t possible to fake. The kind of energy that’s capable of transforming not just your own life, but the lives of people around you.

So stop looking for The One to spend the rest of your life with. Be The One.

And let everybody else come searching for you.

-niaylab 💐 09102015 0600H

[niaylab]

Change. It's a scary word, or I used to think that, because it meant new beginnings. New beginnings with a future that was unknown. 😔 Thank you for the sixteen beautiful months of living independently. 💛 My refuge, my solitude, my silence. 🍃 But at the end of the day, one will realize that what's important is who you share your home with. 💐💙 #movingon

[5sos]

Our new single ‘She’s Kinda Hot’ came out on Friday !! SO excited you guys finally got to hear new music so we’re doing our first ever Tumblr Answertime to answer all your questions ! It’s happening this Wednesday 22nd July at 5.30pm PT so be there.. you can submit questions HERE And download 'She’s Kinda Hot’ HERE

[niaylab]

5sos ❤️ Can't wait to see you in the Phils!