NicciPrinkey328

All things my life PA

[nicciprinkey328-blog]

Nothing better then having a great Memorial Day weekend off. Thank you to everyone who has served and given my family and all families the ability to enjoy a great cookout, good wine, and the freedom to spend it with those they love. We can't thank you enough.

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A Brothers’ Betrayal

Aaron

That was an interesting dinner, and I’m still pondering whether our parents have sat down and decided to give it another honest go. Dad probably felt guilty for all his wrongdoings, and mom excepted because it is her Christian duty. I personally would never allow my significant other to take advantage of me or make me look foolish like my father does to her. My heart always aches for her. Being the son, I am while Ira is out probably trying to figure out how to fix whatever they were talking about after my meeting today, I will be with my mother trying to up her spirits. It is that time of year to start to get the seedlings for our garden planted and into the greenhouse, so they can sprout. One thing my mother and I have in common is our green thumbs so to speak.

I finish helping her clean the kitchen and dining room, and head to my bedroom to change out of my good clothes and into something more suited for getting dirty. I also wash up and come down to join my mother who hands me I new pair of gloves. Out to the greenhouse we go. All the same little pots we used last year are in a desperate need of rinsing. We start by grabbing and carrying the boxes out to the hose. Mom begins setting them out in rows while I carry the rest of the boxes out to her. When I finish with all ten boxes, I assist with lining, and she begins to spray them all clean.

We have little conversation with each other. A mutual respect that right now we are too busy with our thoughts and worries in our heads that the silence and act of producing something out of what feels like nothing has a calming effect on our souls. I spend most of the time thinking about what exactly my little brother has gotten himself into. He was always the risk taker. The one who wasn’t afraid to say exactly what’s on his mind no matter the consequence. The daredevil who commanded everyone’s attention if he was in the room. As a small child it took all three of us to keep him from exploding at times. He could never handle anything unexpected, or that didn’t go his way. I learned early on that I had to just stay out of his way. Not try to pry into his problems, or thoughts without suffering his wrath. I just kept to myself unless I was asked to interfere. He was always in trouble for skipping class, and still when he is told what to do asks “why do I have to listen to you?”

There are probably millions of possible illegal stuff he could be mixed up in. My first thoughts are gambling, drugs, or some sort of street racing. I know that I must be careful and try to find out what it is he is up to without him being non the wiser. Once I have an idea, and proof of some sort I will have to come to my parents for aide. Just another problem that will drive a wedge between my parents and cause our family more stress. Dad will take his side and go easy on his punishment because he is the most like himself. Mother will freak to the point where dad will get annoyed by her, and a fight will ensue. They always fight about Ira. Why can’t he just try to stay out of trouble until he is out of the house? He doesn’t think about how his actions affect others around him. It’s like he is the King and most important person in the world, and we all live to make his life easier, and happy. Maybe I will confront him on my own and try to help him without involving our parents. Last thing mom needs right now is for her and dad to be fighting when they are obviously trying to work on themselves for once.

Once we finish rinsing all the pots out we start to carry the large bags of fertilizer to where we have the pots. Mom grabs a handful of seed packages, and I start to fill the pots one by one. Mom takes the seeds and puts three in each pot at a time. I love how this makes her smile. I take a second and decide to turn on the outdoor stereo and we enjoy singing along to some soft rock while playing in the dirt. I can relax for a moment and laugh with my mother. She is truly happy at this moment and there is no better sound in the world then my mothers voice. She sings like an angel who just got their wings. I would say a cross between Mariah Carey, and Sia. Lots of soul and with everything she has in her heart. I have no doubt in my mind that she could have been famous if it wasn’t for my dad tying her down with us boys before she had the chance to shine. Valedictorian of her class, head cheerleader, voted most likely to succeed. Where is that mother now? How can any women allow a man to control her and dictate what she is to become in this world, especially when she could have gone so far? Love can make you do crazy things I have heard, I just don’t have anything to compare it to.

Once we get done with all the pots we line them up on the shelves in the greenhouse. I then help her clean up the mess we left in the yard. We then go into the house, and I run straight up to shower while mom does her own thing. The rest of my night will be boring. I am going to see if I can’t hack into some of my brothers’ accounts. Maybe his AOL, and Myspace will have something I can get some dirt from. I must know what he has gotten himself into if he has any chance of making it without me here. Any brother would have the same responsibility. I know he is with Kelly and Rich who are the only people I ever see him chatting with online, so I am safe there. They won’t try to talk and catch me.

Quickly I can get into his account. 143Kelly is a given. Mom always says 143 to us when we are in public, so we aren’t embarrassed. It is our I Love You. The word count makes it easy to remember, and the only one Ira loves to any capacity right now is Kelly. Only girl I have ever heard of him fighting for. He is young yet, perhaps his feelings will change. Our parents have forbidden him from seeing her thinking she’s the whole reason he is getting caught up in troubling situations. Little do they know, and I am about to do some searching to find out the truth.

The first thing I come across is a conversation between Ira and Rich about meeting times and places. I notice they have spent a lot of time at the local bowling alley. Wonder what that’s about? The only reason anyone goes there is because of the bar. Neither one of them can get served there, and most of the bar tenders know them from around town. Strange to me why they would seem to be spending so much time in that area. I also see talk of what they call “Angel Dust”. I then do an internet search for it, and realize it is a slang term for cocaine. Wow. That’s what they are into.

The shock I am feeling must be showing on my face. I knew he was into some illegal stuff but dealing drugs at the age of fourteen is crazy to me. How did he even come to find out about it? Who in their right mind would approach a bunch of kids and ask them to sell something like this?

I have my work cut out for me over the next few days. I must find out who this Ron character is, and where to find him. I think it would be best if I tried following him tomorrow to see where he goes to get the stuff. He isn’t bringing it home that’s for sure. If Mom or Dad found out he would be dead for sure. It’s up to me to try to help him. It’s time for me to step up as the big brother and help him the best way I can.

[nicciprinkey328-blog]

A Brothers Betrayal

Ira

The first day back to school sucked and felt like it took forever. I was so focused on getting to track practice and beating my last time that it felt like an eternity before it finally came. I met up with Rich in the locker room, and we had a short conversation about how well we did on the extended weekend. I had more money to give to Kelly to put in her moms’ drawer for the bills and kept half for myself. This time I was able to give her two grand. I knew deep down though that it was only a matter of time before she would be catching on. She really has no chance of making that kind of money off tips from a small failing restaurant in Jeanette. The only way she would make that is by selling herself on the corner like so many of my clients do to keep up with their nasty drug habits.

The meet started, and I took a little of the angel dust that I carry with me in my bookbag to give myself a much-needed boost. I really didn’t get any rest over my break and had to make sure I kept up with Ron’s quota. That man is best when he is happy from us keeping his pockets full and product moving. I also must worry about beating that record set three years ago in the 400 meter. If I beat it, I can get my brother off my back for a minute and impress him enough to stop bitching about my only way out being a full scholarship.

The meet does go better then expected even though I end up running .07 seconds short of beating the record. This is only practice though, and if I can get a little rest before the actual competition in three weeks, then I am sure that I will beat that record. I did tire rather quickly after the third run and had to run to the locker room for another bump. Now I am worried that I won’t have any appetite for dinner. Don’t want to bring any attention to myself or have my parents become suspicious of why I am not eating as much as I usually do. They already bitch because I am naturally skinner then most of the members in my family.

When the meet is done Rich and I run to the locker room and hit the showers. I can’t stop talking and worry that everyone is going to notice that I am high as hell. I finish quickly and get dressed to go meet Kelly outside before I must go home and eat dinner with my miserable family.

Rich and I meet her outside by the field gates, and I can tell right away that something is wrong. The worry is written all over her face. She is never one who is good at hiding her emotions. Her whole body seems to carry it, slumped shoulders, and fidgeting which is something I can’t stand and have made her aware of. It is a huge sign of weakness in my opinion.

“Hey babe, what’s wrong? Your doing that fidgeting again with your hands.” I say as I walk up to her grabbing her hands to calm them.

“My mom is really on my ass about how there is twelve hundred extra dollars in her drawer yesterday babe. She’s going to catch on to what you guys are doing if we don’t stop giving her that money.” Kelly replies what I suspected was going to happen sooner rather then later.

“We are just going to have to keep half of our earnings separate and add them a little bit at a time. What if you grab the mail, I get money orders for the bills, and you send them in the mail? That way you can keep your water and lights on. Maybe she would be none the wiser then.” I say trying to find a way to ease her anxiety a little.

“She can’t find out guys. What if she goes to the police? They could start following us. Not everyone is as rich as you are Ira. I depend on this money to help my family. I can’t go without it. The cops could bust the whole operation and then we are dead men walking. Ron would put a hit out on us from jail man.” Rich always must state the obvious and cause Kelly to freak out even more then she needs to already.

“It will be fine man, we just have to be more careful to make sure no one finds out. You don’t think I need this money too. I have to get out of my house before I kill everyone there. I have a good amount saved up for a car already. Just two more years, and I am gone. I don’t care how old I am. This is my ticket out. Aaron gets to leave this year, then I am all alone. I can’t imagine what that’s going to be like.” I try to change the subject a little and get rich to stop thinking only about himself as he always does.

“Let’s just do what you suggested. We will see how long that lasts before my mom figures it out. I don’t think she pays that close of attention to the bills. As long as I get them every month before she can find them we should be good.” Kelly begins to realize that my plan may be a better idea then what we are doing now.

I start to think maybe now isn’t the right time to hand her a stack of two thousand dollars. Maybe I should just hold onto the money until she can get me the bills and I can get the money orders. That way her mom doesn’t have so much money at her house. I wonder where I can hide all this at my house where my nosy parents won’t find it. Just then Aaron walks up to us. I try hard to hide the anxiety I feel because who knows how long he was standing there listening to us. I never heard the doors open, if I would have this conversation never would have happened. He smiles and asks if I need a ride home like the dork he is. I remember that we have dinner plans with the family and oblige to meet him at the car in a minute after I say goodbye to Kelly and Rich.

“I have to go, please don’t worry we will figure this out. I will be by your place after I eat with the family. I love you babe” I then give her a kiss and turn towards Rich.

“Don’t worry, we are not going to get caught. If something by chance crazy would happen remember what Ron said. He will take care of us as long as we keep our mouths shut.” I give him a handshake and reach around for the awkward half hug we all do and start walking towards the student parking lot.

I am a little worried about Aaron knowing more then he let on. He is an expert at hiding his emotions just as well as I can. Guess when you grow up in our house that’s a quality you learn quickly to survive. It helps with our parents act of being perfect all the time. Behind closed doors though we are all a fucking wreak.

I get to my brothers’ jeep and anxiously await his berede of questions about the conversation I am pretty sure he overheard. Instead he is just listening to music and starts off towards home. I sit silently, and eventually start to dose off from boredom. I was never a fan of classical music, and don’t understand my brother’s obsession with it.

We get home and Aaron must shake me awake so that I can go in and fake some level of happiness, so my mother doesn’t feel like her whole world is falling apart at the seams. I put my bookbag down and take off my sweatshirt. Dad is yelling at some idiot on the phone who can’t understand some simple instructions about the business I am guessing. Mom is just finishing up dinner, and I take my place on the right side of the table. Aaron runs upstairs for a minute, but quickly joins me across the table. Mom puts the chicken, and sides on the table, and we wait for a few minutes for Dad to finish that business call.

“So, how was your day boys?” Mom asks to pass the time until Dad gets to the table.

“Well, we finalized the plans for the prom this year. The theme is midnight in Paris, and we are doing the grand march followed by dinner at Dave n’ Busters and finishing with a night of dancing on the Gateway Clipper. The tickets are a bit pricey, but we are going to do some fundraisers to offset the cost. I think it will be a great night” Aaron replies with such a corny look of accomplishment on his face.

“That sounds wonderful baby. Have you decided who you are going to ask this year?” she inquires.

“Yeah, I think Natalia would be the perfect date.” Aaron goes for the safe bet of course.

“I think I may beat the school record for the 400 meter at the competition coming up. If I can I bet that I will have college coaches looking at me for a scholarship in a few years. I just have to make some time to get those grades up, so I can keep them interested.” I had to change the subject to save my brother from having to fake interest in the opposite sex.

“OH, both you boys work so hard to make us proud. We are so lucky you guys are so good. I can’t wait to see where you will go Ira.” Mom truly is only happy when we are doing good and all together.

Dad comes to the table then sitting at his seat and begins to cut into the chicken. He passes around a plate with all the cuts on it and we each take turns getting some stuffing, and green bean casserole. We sit and eat in relative silence other then the occasional sentence here and there about how good the food is, and Dad as usual talks business. Soon we finish, clear our plates putting them in the dishwasher. I head up to the bathroom and brush my teeth to be ready to go see Kelly. I run downstairs and grab my bookbag to head out.

“Mom, I’ll be back before curfew. I going to play some ball with the boys.” I yell as I am on my way out.

[nicciprinkey328-blog]

New Opportunities New Beginning

I must say that this week has been a crazy one. I have been looking for a new place to work that is in my same field, but will provide tuition assistance so that I can finish my degree in Psychology. I found that this week. I have had mixed emotions though because of the boys I currently work with. 

Not to put myself above others or try to come across as conceited, but I am one of the only people at my work that actually work. A problem I seem to find at every employer I have ever worked for. There are those who work hard for their money, and then there are those who rely on everyone else’s work for a paycheck. There are also managers who want to be everyone’s friend and not rock the boat instead of doing their jobs. I for some reason have transferred houses three times and every manager I have worked for has possessed these characteristics. I believe the whole company wants managers to be this way. 

I do not understand why I feel guilty for looking out for my children, and my future. I am worried about what will happen to the boys once I am gone. I do have to remind myself that they were fine before I was there, they will be fine once I am gone. My manager may be forced to grow a back bone, and all the staff that are there now who thank me repeatedly for doing their job for them will not last long after I have left. I have to get over it though. I have my children, my husband, and my own future to worry about. Finishing my degree and going the whole way to PhD will also allow me to help many more children with ASD. 

I can’t wait to start at the school for children with ASD, and my schedule is great Monday through Friday from 8 to 2:30. They also offer tuition assistance, and are a non-profit that will allow me loan forgiveness. This is the smart move, the right move. 

Now people can understand why I write in my free time. Why I draw, exercise, and garden. These are my escapes from a very hard job that I feel for most of us should be just as celebrated as Nurses week. We do a lot that many people don’t even talk about. I do everything a nurse does except the people I work with have intellectual disabilities, autism, and many are non-verbal. I take care of wounds, clean a whole house, make meals, give medication while documenting, redirect bad behavior, administer programming, take notes and data, stop self aggression, bathe, dress, brush their teeth, do dishes, laundry, restrain them if they are hurting others, take them shopping, to different places, to visit family, to school, and doctors appointments. I also have to order meds, keep track of everything they do, and discuss with other staff and treatment team about what the best care and action that need taken to ensure they have the best possible life. I have to care for them when they go to the restroom because many of them are incontinent. I do the work of many people and work overtime quite a bit. I work as their mother, father, and caregiver because frankly their parents cannot care for them the way they should have. Many kids I have worked with come from homes that should not have legally been aloud to have children. Others like the ones I work with now have parents that were in denial, or just to busy with their careers to get their children the services they needed at such a young age. 

I knew with my son that something was wrong, he didn’t want affection, he didn’t want to play with anyone else. He wasn’t talking or looking us in the eye. I knew in my heart he needed more help then I could give him on my own. I called Children’s I immediately got him diagnosed at 2 1/2. I had to wait six months until they would even schedule his appointment. I worked hard to find out everything I could do as a mother to ensure that my child would not be left behind. I worked twelve hour midnights, and lived off three hours of sleep to sit with the therapists and learn techniques and programming that helped him learn the right way for him. Five hours a day five days a week in our own home. Then a few years after he started services our daughter was diagnosed with ADHD, and ODD. Three hours a day of therapists. They both had OT and Speech when they were young as well. I was a mother who lived to make sure our children had the same ability as every other “normal” child did. My children today are both mainstreamed in regular education classrooms, and I can’t help but get angry when I see children I work with who could have been well enough to go to a mainstream classroom, and live at home with their family if their parents would have made the same sacrifice as I did. They were too worried about their own careers to dedicate the time and attention their own children needed. Why should I feel guilty? I shouldn’t 

I should focus on my new career, but same career that will offer me the option of focusing on myself now. I need to finally worry about my career and not focus so much on the fact that I spent too many years worrying about someone else’s children who are too old now to be helped any further. That was not my mistake. I am not going to be my coworker who has spent her life with the same group of kids, is miserable, and counting down her days to retirement with only the income that social security can provide. I need to get out, spread my wings, and make a big difference by finishing my degree, maybe going the whole way, writing a book about what I have stored in my head, and helping children that are young enough for my help to change their future. 

On another note. I won two bracelets from John Hardy for mothers day. One for myself, and one for my daughter. Beautiful classic chain sterling silver with black sapphires that I one day may be able to dream to afford out right on my own. That’s right. My own. I wrote some sayings finishing mad libs that were inspired by my beautiful, smart, kind, lovely daughter who reminds me everyday what I am capable of as a women. She is who she is because of who I am, and that my friends is something I can be very proud of. I was rewarded for all the hard work I put in everyday with everyone. I am a self sustaining force of nature made by hand who works hard everyday to make a difference in the lives of everyone I meet. This is who I am, who I want my children to be, and what I want my husband to want to be. This is the first thing I have ever won and I believe I am the person who deserved it the most. 

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A Brother’s Betrayal

Aaron

    The rest of my break was as expected. I spent some time with my mother helping get the garden ready and finished a new composition. I got some rest to prepare for the final nine weeks of my senior year. I am having trouble taking a moment to enjoy the rest of my high school days which will be over before I know it. It’s already April, and there is still so much to get together before I graduate and officially can call myself an adult.

I help Mrs. Vergo with the year book and realize all the people I have come to love that I will miss next year. At the end of the year we will all pledge to keep in touch, but how many people can say they are still friends with the same people they went to high school with ten years after graduating? Not many I am scared to say. My mother and I have had this conversation a few times, and she tells me that college is where you make your life long friends. I have no idea where I will end up in life. I do know that I will succeed and one day my name may play at the end of a movie credit that has just won an Oscar, or my composition will play during an opera in France. I just hope I find a group of friends as good as the ones I have found here. They know the real me, a few of the very close ones. My best friend Natalia who has the voice of an angel and I love playing the piano next to during her solos at our concerts. Andrew who will one day be a famous violinist because he is already on his way to Juilliard. Julia who knows for all certainty that she is moving to Los Angeles as soon as she graduates and is so gorgeous that she is going to be the next Natalie Wood.

I must attend a meeting after school today with the student council to help plan the junior/senior prom. This is always my favorite time of year being that we have so many events to plan that it keeps me away from home. Don’t have to deal with the pain in my mother’s sweet face. She is always trying to hide the hurt she feels, because she is oblivious to the fact that Ira and myself have known for years what our father has done. They have tried hard not to be to loud, but we can hear everything that goes on in their room. When he is gone for days on end and mother is wearing long sleeves in the middle of summer. We are not as young as we used to be. We understand how the world works as we have gotten older.

I get through my day without anything unexpected happening. I go to the student council meeting and spend most of the time working with the treasurer trying to decide how much we are going to have to charge the juniors and seniors to pay for the costs associated with all the prom plans. We have already decided to spend the beginning of the evening at Dave n Busters on the Waterfront in Pittsburgh playing games and eating our dinners. From there we are going to spend the whole night on the gateway clipper dancing while enjoying some refreshments and light snacks. We also must include the cost of decorating the auditorium for the grand march, and the Clipper. Shouldn’t be too bad I don’t think. We are also selling the tickets as a pair with two different fundraisers to offset the cost a little. We close the meeting satisfied about what we have accomplished.

I then decide to go check on my brother Ira to see if he needs a ride home after track practice. He has a huge meet this weekend and I know he has been stressing about his times lately. I go through the back doors and stop quickly because I notice he is standing with Kelly and Rich talking about something that seems important. I step back for a minute thinking its inappropriate to listen in, then it hits me that mom and dad have forbid him from seeing Kelly. I step back out and hide while listening in on their conversation.

“My mom is really on my ass about how there is twelve hundred extra dollars in her drawer yesterday babe. She’s going to catch on to what you guys are doing if we don’t stop giving her that money.” Kelly says.

“We are just going to have to keep half of our earnings separate and add them a little bit at a time. What if you grab the mail, I get money orders for the bills, and you send them in the mail? That way you can keep your water and lights on. Maybe she would be none the wiser then.” Ira replies.

“She can’t find out guys. What if she goes to the police? They could start following us. Not everyone is as rich as you are Ira. I depend on this money to help my family. I can’t go without it. The cops could bust the whole operation and then we are dead men walking. Ron would put a hit out on us from jail man.” Rich begins to scare me with his intervention.

“It will be fine man, we just have to be more careful to make sure no one finds out. You don’t think I need this money too. I have to get out of my house before I kill everyone there. I have a good amount saved up for a car already. Just two more years, and I am gone. I don’t care how old I am. This is my ticket out. Aaron gets to leave this year, then I am all alone. I can’t imagine what that’s going to be like.” Ira replies with desperation in his voice.

“Let’s just do what you suggested. We will see how long that lasts before my mom figures it out. I don’t think she pays that close of attention to the bills. As long as I get them every month before she can find them we should be good.” Kelly says while grabbing onto Ira to reassure him that his plan will work.

They then stop talking, and I decide to walk out and make my presence known. I am not going to mention that I heard them right now. That’s a conversation for Ira and me to have alone. They have a shocked look on their faces as I walk towards them no doubt worrying if I heard anything they had said. I plaster a fake smile on my face, and they all relax with relief thinking I must have just came out the doors just at the right time.

“Hey, Ira was just wondering if you needed a ride home by any chance? Dad is back from his trip and mom really wanted us to at least be home for dinner. I don’t want to be there as bad as you do, but this is for mom.” I ask trying to talk him into going.

“Yeah, sure I guess. Just give me a minute to say goodbye. I will meet you at the car.” He agrees reluctantly.

“Sure, no problem.” I then walk towards the student parking lot.

I know the only reason he agreed was because he doesn’t want me telling our parents that I caught him talking to Kelly. I would never tell them that. I know it’s not Kelly that is the bad influence on him. It’s Rich and those damn Twins. They have changed who my brother used to be. Before they started hanging out with the kids from that end of town he was doing good in school and cared about himself more. Now they have my brother caught up in some bad shit that can get him killed apparently. I will have to talk to him and figure out how to get my brother back on the right track. I only hope I am not to late.

I get to the car in no time even though it’s on the other side of the school, and across the highway. I put my books and bags in the car while I patiently wait for Ira to arrive. I can’t help but worry about what they were talking about. Why would the cops get involved if Kelly’s mom found out? Why would they end up getting killed for it and who is Ron? What exactly has my little brother gotten himself mixed up in? Should I bring it up now, or wait until we are truly alone so that I can try to help him out of the situation without alerting our parents? Yes, another time soon I will make sure we can talk and do my best as the older brother to make sure he is in the best place he can be and prepared for me to leave for college. He will need as much help as he can get to make it in that house without me.

[nicciprinkey328-blog]

A Brothers Betrayal

Ira

    Man, it’s Easter Sunday, and of course I am forced to have to deal with my stupid family. The perfect brother who can do no wrong, and parents who only stay together because it is the most comfortable situation for both. It’s all a crock of shit, and frankly I am sick and tired of putting up with it. I try as hard as I can not to be here other then when I am sleeping. My parents make it easy because they are so busy they don’t have the time to keep an eye on me. My brother is easy to get over on. He is always so gullible, and Rich of course always has my back like a true brother should. He never lets me down unlike Aaron who’s too busy kissing everyone’s ass to give a shit about loyalty.

I join in pretending to be a perfect child while we are surrounded by family who only care to come over for holidays for the free food and booze. I must admit one thing about my mother, the woman can cook. I have never tasted ham that melts in your mouth as good as my mom’s. Wish my father would act like he appreciated her even the littlest bit. Not even so much as a thank you after slaving away all day in the kitchen to feed mostly his side of the family. I eat and can’t help but give him nasty stares from the other end of the table. They all disgust me. If they only knew that the rage inside me has been boiling over for weeks and is about to be more then I can take.

The only relief I can find is when I go out with the boys. We party, make money, and mix whatever drug we have available to forget just how fucked up our lives are. Sure, my parents are well off, and from the outside we look like the picture-perfect leave it to beaver family. The four of us, and now my friends know just how fucked up it all really is. How late at night when they think we are sleeping he is yelling and beating on my mom. How when he has had too much suddenly he is away on a business trip when his company doesn’t do business outside of Pittsburgh. How mom cries her eyes out when he goes, because she knows when he returns she will have to wash off the scent and stains left on his clothes from the prostitute he spent his time with. Finally, the fact that my brother is failing miserably at trying to hide the fact that he is a gay man living in the most racist town in western Pennsylvania. My grades are falling apart, and soon I will be benched from the only sport I ever found any comfort in, track. I can run from all the stress and pretend for a moment to fly when I am running.

As soon as dinner is done I thank my mother and ask to go see Rich. Of course, I promised Kelly I would spend some time with her family. They live not too far from me, within walking distance, but worlds away you would think. She lives in the bad part of town. Her single mother tries hard to put a roof over her and her sisters’ heads. I have been doing what I can to help. I always sneak into her mothers’ room when I know she is working and add cash to her stash drawer. I am glad Kelly keeps telling her its babysitting money. The last thing I need is anyone finding out that I am selling crack to help my girlfriends mother pay her bills. If I didn’t I know they would go without water or heat. I just can’t see that happen. My asshole parents think she’s the bad influence on me. She is my angel, the light at the end of all these bad days. I know I don’t deserve her, but I am working hard to be the man she needs me to be.

Her mother did a good job. They are turkey people of course, which is a change that I appreciate. Wouldn’t want to eat ham twice in the same day. It’s much different from my house though. Just the four of us here, and after we eat a movie, and not some football game which I know is taking over the living room at my own home. I get some time to rest. I can relax here and enjoy the company I am surrounded by. They are truthful, and don’t try to hide when they feel upset, or sad. I need a little rest, because I will be back at it again tonight with Rich, Tyrone, and the Murphy twins. I have a shit ton of product to move, and what better night then Easter to do so. I know the fiends will be out with vengeance roaming the back streets and bars trying to find the quickest fix. Crack sells in this town, and even some cocaine can go quick when my regulars need to re-up.

I finally decide to get up and go to work for the night. I give Kelly a kiss and assure her like always that I will be okay. She worries with all the shootings and shit that happen in this little town. I then leave and wait patiently for Rich to pull-up. We have a long night ahead of us if we truly want to start making some serious cash. I roll a joint, and we begin our grind.

First off, we must head to the trap house to grab tonight’s supply. Tyrone runs the place for his heavy hitter Ron who lives somewhere in Upper St. Clair which is the best part of Pittsburgh. All the infamous Steelers and Penguins live there in their mansions. Little do they know they live right amid the area’s biggest drug dealer. He owns quite a few dry-cleaning stores, and Chinese restaurants he uses as a front to launder all the money he is making off us kids. Still can’t wrap my head around the fact that he employees a fleet of high school kids to turn his profit. Smart move over all though. If one of us gets caught, we can’t testify against him.

We pull up outside what everyone knows as trap house lane. Used to be old brick row houses where the coal miners and factory workers lived before it all got shut down. We park the car in the garage, so we don’t bring unwanted attention to the house. If the cops saw a Beemer parked outside they would have to investigate. Up the tall thin ass staircase, we go, and straight in the bare ass house. Not much around to make you think someone lives here. Just a sectional couch, a big tv, coffee table, and PlayStation. Tyrone never leaves, and doesn’t need much as far as luxury goes. He grew up even more dirt poor then how he is living now. I swear the man survives on ramen noodles, colt 45’s, and cocaine laced blunts alone. His job is to keep an eye on our supply and be the door guy for house calls. He is a hefty mother fucker and around six and a half feet tall. I once saw him throw a guy out of the second story window who was begging for a fix when he owed a couple hundred. I sure as shit wouldn’t step to him in any kind of negative manner.

He hands us our supply for the night, and off we go to begin our journey. We have set up shop in the local bowling alley. One of the rare places that stay open twenty-four seven because their bar is their best source of income. Rich, myself and another kid we hang with named Tim pay for a lane and figure we shall have some fun for the time being. It’s not to long before we start getting texts on our phones asking where we are and if we’re good. One by one we exit to meet clients in the parking lot. We also take a few breaks between games to smoke and enjoy our break from the realities of our lives. It’s not too long before we are out. We did surprisingly well and decide we could re-up and sell out again before the night is over. Jeanette really is full of the most desperate crack fiends.

When our night is through we have made a nice profit. Rich and I split it in half and I ask him to give me a ride back to Kelly’s. By the time we get there her mom has already left for her shift at the local diner called Park n’ Eat, and I have an opportunity to sneak into her room to deposit around twelve hundred in her tin in the stash drawer. We did so well tonight that I get to keep half for myself to go towards my “I desperately need my own car fund”. I don’t know any other fourteen-year-old that could by a car with cash and not think twice. I know that it is one step closer to getting me out of my fucking parents house, and into a place I can call my own. Kelly will join me of course, we must find another way to help her mom without her being the wiser. I just can’t keep living with two parents that fucking hate each-other, and a gay kid for a brother.

  I creep into Kelly’s bed, and watch her smile gently in her sleep while I wrap my arms around her. I don’t know what I would do without her. She’s the only thing left in my life that feels real, and the reason I breathe. I am counting down the days to sixteen when I can leave behind the ones who think they have a right to tell me who matters and who doesn’t. I drift off to sleep and dream of that day.    

[nicciprinkey328-blog]

A cyst, really?

Turns out the reason I haven't been feeling well was a cyst that burst. Most of my mother's family have had issues with cancer of the female kind. Aunt's, cousin's, grandmother's, and even myself have had to deal with this terrible silent killer. Now my doctor is pushing for genetic testing. It's a scary thing which I hope does not end up with me making a choice of whether or not to undergo a double mastectomy and a total hysterectomy. I am not ready to make that choice at 34. I wanted to be making the decision on whether or not to have a third child, not to forget about that possibility all together. This is a hard reality to have to face right now. Until I feel the need to speak my truth again.

[nicciprinkey328-blog]

A drawing a did in school. The closets to my heart. Did it for my dad, and it sat on his entertainment stand until he passed. He was the best man I ever knew. I just hope I can raise my son to be as good as him some day. Was one of the last true gentleman.

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Monday’s

I can tell you I experience the Monday blues just as much as anyone. This is my last full-time week at work, and I am still working hard on getting my strength back up to where it should be. I make myself eat, which comes rather hard for me. This is my health though. I have been working on my book, and taking care of the house. I have to eat to keep up the energy, but is it strange that I feel guilty because of it? I have to take the time to get this under control.

My kids were home for half the day today, which is a nice change. I enjoy spending time with them, and not feeling like there is so little because I work the midnight. I know that this is just the start of the week, but I always feel so tired on these days. Wish I could get up the strength that I need for work tonight. Wish Monday’s still weren't a day that I dread, even though I don’t work the traditional Monday-Friday job. Is it wrong for me to still feel like Monday’s suck even though I have no weekend due to my schedule at work? I still have to get up and get the kids out the door early, so technically I still have a different Monday then I do on the weekends. I just think the swing shift is taking it’s toll on me and making life hard. Here’s to hating Monday’s 

[nicciprinkey328-blog]

Life

I am excited to say that I have actually found myself writing quite a bit today. I made time for it, which is something I haven’t found a lot of lately. It is a huge stress relief to be able to be creative and let off some steam. I didn’t have any time for me for a long time, and that is never good. My health suffered because of it as it usually does. I was working very hard, and then coming home to a house that I felt I could never keep clean. Appointments for the kids because when you are a special needs mom you are always going somewhere. I also couldn’t find any time for my husband let alone myself. I was taking my body for granted. Living off of the bare minimum and only eating when I felt like I was going to pass out with no choice. I got sick truthfully like most of us busy hard working stressed out moms do. So much so that one morning I was hell bent on going to work even though I had a fever of 102.2, and could barely stand up. My husband stepped in, and to the hospital I went. Reluctantly of course. I am not the one who will go willingly. My blood pressure was a low 88/45, and no one could tell me why. I was forced to take a few days off away from my clients, and told to rest. Ha rest, what is that word? Am I right ladies? 

Needless to say it still isn't back to normal yet, and I have been working very hard at reminding myself to eat. I go to the doctors soon, and hope she can figure out what’s going on. I wouldn't want to end up like my father anyway. Gone at 56. I am only 34. I could be gone sooner if I don’t take the time to stop and smell the roses so to say. So part-time at work it is with a guilty feeling left in its place because my clients genuinely listen to me, and one is even improving trying to say a few words here and there. Something we never thought would happen because of the autism. They know I care, and work hard to make their lives as rewarding as I can. I also just always clicked with those on the spectrum. I understand them on a deeper level, and they are drawn to me for some reason. God gave me a gift, and I feel guilty not using it as much as I can. When though does my health start to take center stage over others? When will I understand that if I am not at my best I can’t help those that need me at their worst? My first step was taken, lets see how long it lasts.

[nicciprinkey328-blog]

A Brothers Betrayal

Aaron

The day began like any other holiday, with a house full of close family and a few friends. Like always my family worked hard to put on a perfect show. This had become our lives, and it was getting harder and harder to keep up with appearances. My mother and father have been fighting for years behind the scenes but seemed to be killing each other trying hard to make sure everyone thought of us as the perfect family.

The year was 2002, and the day was Easter. It was early in the year falling on March 31st. The only thing that meant to me was I got an early spring break which was really needed. I had been on my grind what with this being my senior year and all. Soon I would have the ability to leave this charade of a life behind and start being happy again. I wouldn’t have to fake being a straight male anymore in a town that hated anyone that was a little bit different. I was ecstatic about what my future held for me.

I had never explored far from this little area in Western Pennsylvania. We were about 30 miles east of Pittsburgh in boring town USA. Jeanette didn’t have much to offer as far as entertainment. Most of my friends came from families that were well off. I knew that I was lucky not to end up with the wrong crowd like my brother was. There were the rich kids, and the ghetto kids all forced to go together in a school that was just not well equipped to deal with that big of an economic difference.

I was talented and worked hard for everything I was trying to become. I excelled as a pianist and spent a lot of my time volunteering with our church and summer camps. I also spent much of my time writing and editing the school newspaper. I knew one thing for sure, I was getting out of this town, and going to be someone important.

The last few weeks had been crazy ones. I never found it very hard to be the perfect son and help my parents keep up with this act they work so hard for others to believe. We were the leave it to beaver family to everyone other then ourselves. Truth was we were all cracking under the stress and losing our shit. My brother was becoming harder and harder to live with. My parents were setting ground rules to try to get him under control, but they weren’t around enough to enforce them. That meant that on top of my own busy schedule I also had to try to keep an eye on Ira.

He had started hanging out with the wrong crowd, and my parents thought it all had to do with his girlfriend Kelly. They had forced him to stop seeing her, but she wasn’t the culprit. Truth was he was trying hard to make money with a group of thugs from the worst part of town. His best friend since we were little Rich had got him involved with this group. I tried to tell them it wasn’t her, but him. They unfortunately are in denial, and my grades are what may suffer. There is just so much stress when it comes to Ira. If only he realized that he is never going to get out of this town unless he starts to take school seriously. It’s our only ticket out.

The smell of ham and sounds of our family laughing aloud me to forget for a few moments. Listening to my aunts and uncles talk about their busy lives is a much-needed escape. I feel loved when we all gather together for holidays, and my mother always works hard to impress with enough food to feed all of Jeanette and then some. I enjoy the ham, potatoes, and apple pie. Then its off to the living room for some bonding over sports. I can’t wait to be at college in Ohio at Capital University, and spend my free time reading and studying instead of faking loving the typical male pastimes. I also can’t wait for my mother to not hound me as much about why I don’t have a girlfriend like Ira. If only I could be honest with her about what I really want in life. If I live in this town and go to this conservative high school I cannot. There are still kids who get killed for coming out as gay here. It really is sad that I must lie and use my studies as an excuse. I hope Columbus is a little more progressive then this town is.

After the game I disappear to my sanctuary and decide to spend some time on my music. I love to compose new arrangements and see what sounds good together. Most of my time is spent in the basement where my parents were kind enough to set up an area where I can go to do my music and not disturb anyone. I have my piano, a computer, a few other instruments, and some recording gear. I composed the piece that got me my full scholarship in this basement. I do have to admit I will miss this when I leave. I truly wish I could take it with me, my little slice of heaven.

The day was very long, and I was lucky to get through it without a fight with Ira. He left right after dinner, probably to Kelly’s, but Rich will always cover for him. No matter what he does. I enjoyed a small chat with mom about the family, and how well everyone seems to be doing. We really are lucky after all the nine eleven tragedy that they both still have good jobs, and how beautiful our home is. I realize how fortunate I have been to have the parents I do. I give her a big hug and head off to bed. Tomorrow is another day filled with working hard to become successful, trying to keep my baby brother out of trouble, and making sure everyone still thinks we are the perfect family. I rest my head for another night.

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The Beginning

Some background before I make my first post may be necessary. This is a true story that I am writing. As I stated I have changed the names to protect all of those involved. I feel that this is important because they are all still in some way shape or form dealing with the consequences of this tragedy. I was very close to the situation as a teen, and it forever changed many of our lives. When something like this happens in your small town and those surrounding it our innocence is taken. Literally. I loved one of these people, and looked up to how amazing he was. 

I will release one chapter a week. Every Friday, and will always listen to any advice any reader has to offer. I am going to be as respectful as I can be without ruining or limiting the art that will be involved in writing it. This will be very hard for me, because I am writing it in first person with two separate persons points of view. I will ask you to be patient with me and follow me on this journey of healing. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read these posts Sincerely Nichole Prinkey.

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Thinking if a book would be good for me now?

I know I am still very new to this whole blogging thing, but I am not the kind of person who doesn't want to make an impact with it. While talking to a coworker last night I was brainstorming ideas of how to put myself out there more. Yes my blog will be about my everyday life, and the challenges I face being a mother of two special needs kids, a wife of a husband with a cronic disease that Chrone's is, and taking care of people on the spectrum in my work life. I also however want this blog to be a place where I can be creative and show all the unique things that I enjoy doing for an outlet. I will make time to take pictures of my different drawings every so often, and maybe a few little creative things I do from time to time when life starts to get to be too much. I have also decided to publish a book I have been working on one chapter a week. I am going to begin this process tomorrow being as though it's Friday. I would love to take any opinions and also answer any questions from anyone who finds it interesting. I will say that my book is close to my heart. Many of the people I cared about in my Highschool life expierenced this tragedy with me. I have changed names to respect those who were there and lived it with me. Thanks for listening. Till tomorrow, Good night.

[nicciprinkey328-blog]

First day

I am really new to this whole blogging experience. I do have to admit it has started to really catch my eye as a way to share my life with others. Maybe you all will enjoy a little about the things I like, the struggles I go threw daily as a special needs mom, and support staff for those on the spectrum, and maybe be able to relate to how I am feeling about everything I have been through. I just hope to be truly honest and put myself out there and make a difference. We are all not alone, and if I can help one I have lived a good life. Thanks for listening.