Searchin’ For Light In The Darkness Of Insanity

I ask myself, is all hope lost?

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9:15 pm

In bed on a Sunday night.

This weekend:

I laughed

I felt love

I shared information

I smiled

I had a warm heart

I enlightened a few

I had some affection

I guess it’s a start. Rome wasn’t rebuilt in a day.

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Back in November, when my dad died, we found this little hole in the wall brewery with a food truck outside.

Today, we have returned.

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Friday Night - Dinner with my sister

Sunday - Brunch with my sister

Collected some of the ashes of my parents at her house.

Best part was not having to see my BIL at all.

As an added Bonus - ESPN 2 has turned into ESPN 8 - The Ocho and is having all the weird/ odd games. Remember the movie Dodgeball? Yes, that. Yesterday was dodgeball and brew-skee ball. Right now is the American Cornhole League Championship rounds.

Plus last night’s nightcap had a visitor:

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Red cocktail No. 5.

And my cousin put in a pool…

CoEd Naked Night Swimming later on…not really.

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Well my cousin and my Aunt still get me.

El Jefe made Negronis for all the guests. My dream of becoming Issac the Bartender has become fulfilled.

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All quiet on the upstairs front.

Now, only if there was something that could shut off my brain, and let me sleep for a few hours.

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Friday Morning’s Alarm is set for 2:45.

I truly hope that Loverboy®️ either leaves for her place, stays at home alone, or has some questionable blisters on his junk…so I can get some sleep.

Otherwise, I’m going to have to try and sleep tomorrow morning on the plane, and in main cabin to boot.

C’mon bourbon, do your thing.

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I’m counting on any one of three ways that I could get out of my current spiraling depression.

None of which appear to be feasible in the immediate future. So back to the drawing board I go.

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The $64,000 question…

…How much do I have to tranquillize myself tonight?

The answer is, an astounding, yes.

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The One Constant I’ve had in my Entire Life:

Is work.

When I’m out of it, Life is Pain. When I’m flush with it Life is Pain.

Basically kids, Life is Pain.

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I want Life to go back to Simpler Times.

Or at least back to a time when I could effectively start all over again. Make better decisions. Be well informed.

Nope. I’m stuck with being scrappy. With being a scrapper. My road is never the well worn path.

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Decisions, Decisions…

Part of me wants to surprise her and shave off my beard & mustache. All this for the hope that perhaps, just maybe, she’ll gain some interest in me.

Part of me wants to keep it, and hide my insecurities in a false identity. Then go on living in a shell of life.

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Small Victories

So Loverboy®️ left last night around 10pm, never to return. I slept well, without having to tranquillize myself too much.

I’m hoping this trend will continue, because Friday I We have a 6am flight. All the more fun flying with someone who doesn’t fly as much as you do. At least I’ve bought her Clear & TSA Pre-Check, and she can follow me through security with ease.

Today something just feels off. So in lieu of having a second double espresso, I made a double latte. I sense that something big and or good in the world is about to happen. I just wish it would happen already.

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Step right up. Step right up and place your bets

Ladies & Gentlemen, what are the odds that Loverboy®️ who appears to have worked a 14 hour day (he’s in the trades). Will be able to shower, rest, eat, AND still do the bunny business 5-6 times tonight/ early tomorrow morning?

Place your bets.

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In an odd piece of good news for a change:

Today I finally heard back from the company I’ve been dealing with about a package that wasn’t delivered to my mailbox.

Turns out they’ve been arguing discussing the status of said package with USPS. Turns out the mail carrier didn’t deliver to ‘address as noted’. Let the record show that I did not report on aforementioned mail carrier, who is often high as balls when delivering mail.

So, another package is being prepared, and will be shipped to my address. Again using the USPS - so we’ll see. At least right now it doesn’t look like I’ll be out $100.

This is me being all positive and shit. Even though it’s a small thing, it’s still a thing that turned out good for my benefit. Sure, it’s not the big concerns I have weighing me down. But it’s a step in the right direction. Now, if only I can get the bunnies upstairs to cease needing to fuck 4-5 times a night.

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It’s that kind of a morning. Luckily, the amount of tincture I had last night allowed me to sleep until 3:00, 3:35, 4:30…Loverboy®️ left for work at 4:45. At which point his GF took matters into her own hands, or shall we say fingers, at 5:00.

They She was relatively quiet, it’s the bed moving about that makes the noise. I suspect they’ve figured out noise levels after 11pm should be low. I still hope that they’d just fuck in the living room. I mean c’mon you’ve got to branch out. When we were their age we did it all over the apartment, and even in the community laundry room. Ahhhh the 90’s.

Anyway, I’m drinking some moose drool this morning, coffee format, not the brown ale. I wonder who exactly approved of the image of a moose vomiting for the artwork on this.

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Serving Size = 5 drops.

I just took 50. Let the sleep gods come into my life.