Welcome To Night Vale

The Library is closed. There are no Librarians. Do not look at the Library. Do not acknowlege the Library. The Library does not exist. Stay away from Librarians.

[night-vale-public-library]

Public Service Announcement:

And now again we approach that time. The night where all the horrors you have read about in your secret books come from that festering part of your brain and leap into the world, ready to make their mischief on the citizens of Night Vale. Welcome them Night Vale. Welcome. Them.

[night-vale-public-library]

Public Service Announcement:

In light of the recent book wars, several ancient volumes have been lost to those ravages. Now that normal service has resumed, the Librarians are keen to attain new books. As always, any donations given are done so solely at your own risk, and the fingers lost will be used for a new bookstand at the Library entrance.

[night-vale-public-library]

YOUVE BEEN GONE FOR 4 YEARS WTH

The Librarians revolted, a bitter war was fought, and the keys have been returned. We apologise for any inconvenience caused by this disruption in service. We will ensure it does not happen again.

[night-vale-public-library]

How does one apply to become a librarian?

You must paint the sigils of learning in blood in the secret places. Once this is done, the transformations will begin. As your application is considered, you will grow at least five more eyes, and the tentacles will form shortly after. If you are accepted, your memories will begin to fade, replaced with the knowledge of the books in the universe.

[night-vale-public-library]

Public Service Announcement:

Books are very personal things, hidden things, secret things. Books aren't real, what are you saying? Why are you using such an accusatory tone? Why are you approaching slowly? Why are you snarling? Put that rock down! 

[night-vale-public-library]

Public Service Announcement:

The Library has recently had its 10,000th patron, and as such the Head Librarian would like to give his thanks to all those who use this establishment. Those willing to risk their life and limb to simply read a book are very dear to us.

In celebration, all late fees and Librarian feedings have been cancelled.

[night-vale-public-library]

Public Service Announcement:

Due to a unfortunate clerical error, all citizens who have taken a book out on loan will be charged an egregious late charge when they return said book. This is not a fixable error, so the Head Librarian would like to apologise in advance for any maiming/slaughtering hardship that may be caused.

[night-vale-public-library]

um but pencils are illegal writing utensils are illegal are you saying that you were in possession of contraband

Do you dare to question the authority of the Librarians. As Masters of Writing, they have liberties not applicable to civilians. The fact that you have stolen contraband is an entirely different matter. You should be very afraid for your situation.

[night-vale-public-library]

The Head Librarian would like to question the person responsible for the following quote:

"Books! And cleverness! There are more important things"

Be aware that no harm shall…

[timetravelinator]

No not my Hermione!

[night-vale-public-library]

Your Hermione? As you claim to be responsible for this reprehensible excuse for a civilised person, your location is being tracked, all communications monitored and you will be brought in by a Librarian for questioning. We advise you say goodbye to your loved ones and get your affairs in order as swiftly as possible.

[night-vale-public-library]

Public Service Announcement:

As part of the new renovations to the Library, a new service is being added;

If you are sure you have borrowed a book from the Library but you cannot for the life of you remember what it is, all you need to do is fill out the new Book Awareness form and feed it to a Librarian. 

After succeeding with this task, you will remember what book was borrowed in the next 48hrs. If you survive.

[night-vale-public-library]

This citizen would like to clarify... Have Buffalo (buffalo buffalo buffalo) taken over the Library and should the secret police be informed?

There is as yet no solid base necessary to dwell on this information. However look pleasantly at the glorious animals around.

[night-vale-public-library]

I forgot to return my copy of Weird Spanish for Beginners, Volume 1 and now the book is several days overdue. How should I proceed?

muerte muerte  muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte muerte

[night-vale-public-library]

How does one get a level 5 learning pass?

After providing proof of education amounting to at least level 3, a thorough check will be carried out by the Secret Police, and only after the syntactical vortex in the Museum of Forbidden Technologies has approved may we proceed to the Blood Ritual stage. After the alignment of astral bodies ceremony and blood oath, you can apply on the website. 

[night-vale-public-library]

Public Service Announcement:

This is not IKEA, bring back our pencils.

[night-vale-public-library]

Does the library have a mice and buffalo problem? I haven't looked at the library I've just seen your postings and this citizen is concerned

This question has confused us, how can mice or buffalo (Buffalo buffalo Buffalo) ever be a problem?

[night-vale-public-library]

How would one go about befriending the librarians, and how many blood sacrifices should be provided?

Not recommended, the required amount is more than is contained within the average human. If you wish to persist, prick our left thumb and hope they aren't too hungry.

[night-vale-public-library]

What is the loan period for ancient tomes from the Library?

The loan period of any tome is the length of the period which it describes. This was the fairest way the Librarians could devise, I’m sure you understand.