↳ 𝙲𝙰𝚂𝙴 𝙵𝙸𝙻𝙴 : 𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙽𝙴𝚂, 𝙹𝙰𝙼𝙴𝚂 :
it was rare for bucky to find someone he could be open with. of course there was sam and steve and maybe a handful fo the other avengers and heroes but bucky didn’t feel like he knew them. like they would get his story. growing up in the forties had been different and no book or show or lifetime movie would explain the feeling of shift of time, the concept of immortality was nice until you lived it.
he sighed, hand running down his face unable to make eye contact with her. the only thing he could really focus on was her fingers on his metal arm, pale skin against shinny silver. most people tended to ignore, heck bucky liked to pretend it wasn’t attached to him most of the time. but it became harder and harder, to the point that he was recoiling from people touching it. he still wasn’t over that feeling, despite the constant therapy. but it helped that at least it was someone he knew that was touching him. “sometimes… when i first wake up i forget its there. i just think im normal, and then i can feel the pain and i’m reminded of what they made me into.”
𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒐𝒅. 𝑮𝒐𝒅 𝒅𝒊𝒅 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏. The memories of the 20th century, the forties to be more specific. Another thing they had in common, was that although they were both there to experience the world shift gears, and learn to live during a war-time effort, they both perished from their old selves at the very height of the decade. At times, she couldn’t help but feel like she’d missed out on history even though she’d lived through it all. Maybe not lived.... LIVING WAS NOT THE SAME AS SURVIVING. She was a survivor, but at times, she’d wished she hadn’t been.
No, Alice would never know how Bucky truly felt with his mechanical prosthetic limb. What it felt like being frozen in time in a literal sense, or to be wanted by the entire nation, or world if you really think about it. All she could do is try.
If you’d asked her what she missed the most, it was the inevitable: a future, and then your inevitable death. Mortals, they were forced to live life to the fullest, they were promised a future filled with possibilities, they never really knew what life would bring or when they’d take their last breath- they just knew death was a guarantee, so why not live your life with no regrets? 𝑳𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒔𝒐 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒕, 𝒊𝒇 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖’𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆. It seemed magical, maybe as a mortal human. She knew better now. She would always be just this. 𝚂𝚝𝚞𝚌𝚔. 𝙵𝚛𝚘𝚣𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎. A future that wasn’t her own. Not the one she’d have picked out for herself, that’s for sure.
Eyes don’t move to look up at his. She could sense it, even without her magic... He didn’t want the eye contact, he didn’t want that awkward social pressure, and he didn’t want her to have a loud or very serious reaction. So, she kept things light in terms of her speaking, and tried to make the atmosphere feel comfortable. ❝ I know it’s not easy. 𝑀𝑎𝑦𝑏𝑒 𝑖𝑡’𝑙𝑙 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑏𝑒. I can’t say. I’ll never understand what they put you through, even if you decided to tell me one day. I could nod, pretend to understand all the details you tell me. What it was like waking up for the first time, or how you knew the old you was gone... But I wouldn’t know, NOT TRULY. ❞ She starts, eyes focused on his hand and hers, knowing staring dead into his soul wouldn’t be the most fun in this particular scenario. Fingers continue to brush against his, almost in a comforting manner, though she was sure he couldn’t truly feel it to the fullest extent, ❝ But... I know you. I know your friends know you, Steve knew you before all of this, and he knows you now. I know you know yourself better than anyone else. I know what they made you do. Not all of it, but I know what they wanted, I do. I know why they must have decided to pick you, and why they changed you, and put this arm on you. ❞ she continues before looking up to him, ❝ But it was never your fault. None of it. You never would have done it on your own free will, Bucky. You’ve lived three lives. Before the war, with hydra, and now. You’re not the same as you once were. 𝚈𝙾𝚄'𝚁𝙴 𝙰 𝙶𝙾𝙾𝙳 𝙼𝙰𝙽, 𝙰 𝙶𝙾𝙾𝙳 𝙿𝙴𝚁𝚂𝙾𝙽. You’ve always been just that. Whether or not this is connected to you. It doesn’t define you. It defines the ghost of you. The Winter Soldier. Hydra. You’re none of that. Not anymore. ❞