You cut a guy in half but he keeps coming back to rant about kids these days
A gay old man fatally shoots you in order to teach you the power of friendship
You teach a yandere guitar the concept of informed consent and she's into it
One of your most trusted allies is a man named Clem who only says "Clem"
The pope of space capitalism wants your spaceship to go back to stabbing people
You have to stop space cthulu by reading a mad scientist's Dear John letter
One of your enemies gets high off a gas leak and you have a pool party about it
Your racist grandpa gives you his spine and it's the best weapon in the game
You have to solve a serial killing case before they murder your radio DJ
You time travel by getting eaten. No one else does it that way.
You get to choose how you murdered your maddened parents in the backstory
You've been orphaned two-and-a-half times