We’d been on the road for a good four hours now, only halfway through our journey. We’d fallen into a comfortable silence about half an hour ago, both of us relaxed, enjoying the feel of the road beneath the tyres and the radio softly drifting through the air. Everything was perfect… until you changed the station.
“Don’t take this the wrong way,” I remember saying, “because I love you, but I swear to god your taste in music gets worse as the years go by.”
The grin that crept onto your face made my grin appear too. You had such a playful youth about you in that moment. It’s one of my favourite memories; seeing you so carefree and happy.
“Really? You used to love my music, if my memory serves me correct."
And that was true. We met when I stumbled across your band just two years before. Your music had resonated within me, filling me with emotions I’d never felt before.
Rolling my eyes in a joking matter I responded with something like, “I said your music taste, not your music."
Laughing, you card your hands through your hair, the sunlight catching in the strands casting a golden glow behind you.
“Leave my music alone. Just because you like to listen to absolute rubbish.”
“Hey! At least my music doesn’t sound like a dying cat.”
“What?” the way your face contorted made me giggle, still does to this day, “It does not.”
You didn’t let me finish.
“Does not. End of discussion.”
“Fine… I won’t discuss your terrible music…”
You sounded so smug when you responded with a simple, “thank you.”
In mock seriousness, you placed your hand over your heart, the heart you claimed was mine and mine alone, and tried to look offended. You couldn’t hide that beautiful smile though.
“I’ll have you know this is my favourite shirt.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at us. Hearing your laugh, seeing you smile, feeling 100% comfortable with each other. We were young, free, happy. We didn’t have a single care in the world.
If I could have, I would have paused that moment and stayed there forever, with you in the front seat of my car. But if I had, we would have missed out on all our other adventures, from climbing Everest to getting married, having three beautiful children and that trip to Disneyland with your parents; you know the one. The one where your dad incited a fist fight with Mickey Mouse for hitting on your mum. The kids thought it was hilarious, cheering him on while security and your mother tried to separate him from the guy.
Its memories like these that remind me of why I love you, even when you’re pushing my buttons, why I smile to myself when someone mentions your name and why I know that everything will be okay when all looks lost. I know things seem tough right now, like we will never know happiness again. Just know that when I’m gone, I’ll be with you always. In spirit, in mind but most importantly, in heart. Hold onto these memories, our dreams and our love. Remember me as the girl in the crowd who fell for a drummer in a stingy bar, who say off key to all your songs and the girl who became your wife. Most of all, remember me as the girl who mocked your taste in music and made you smile so many years ago.
And your stupid music. Xx
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