Niko 💫✨

| 🏳️‍🌈🇵🇭 | they/them | | FROM THE GALLOWS ENTHUSIAST | | pfp from the ikea website |

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!TW: this blog contains mentions of or references to topics regarding self harm, abuse, suicide, traumatic experiences, etc. if any of those are triggering, kindly leave or block this blog!

Hi, I'm Angel/Niko.

This is my rant and vent blog. I tend to vent a lot and be really edgy about it though. If you don't like that, then don't follow or interact with this blog, interact with any of my others.

I also accidentally reblog stuff onto this blog so literally ignore that 😭

other random things to know -

I go by both Angel and Niko. I currently prefer Nik or Niko. Please refer to me as such unless told otherwise /th.

I am lesbian, acespec, and genderfluid

I speak and/or understand English, Tagalog, and French (or, FLE)

I am quite literally obsessed with From The Gallows by iDKHOW

I prefer if you use tone tags

for privacy reasons, my partner will remain unnamed and will be addressed as either Husk, Stolas/Stols, Ozzie, or literally "my partner"

(and btw he uses all pronouns)

anyways idk if u need something about me check my straw page i guess

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I hate my couch a lot, but I still sit at the foot if it because I think it'll make me feel better

maybe if I sit there long enough one day I'll start to feel better

until then, I'll still sit there

I'll still sit there when I'm at my worst

when I feel like I'm worth nothing

when I feel like no one loves me

when I'm reminded of what happened

I sit there because it hurts, but maybe if I sit there long enough it won't hurt anymore

until then, I'll still sit there

I will sit there until I feel better

and if I never do, I'll still sit there

and I'll sit there until I'm no longer alive to sit there

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I hope I die tonight

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if my brain didn't make everything about me i'd be happier

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I don't think I'm ever going to get better

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ion wanna be like this anymore honestly

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i wish i didn't isolate myself from everyone when i'm sad i don't wanna sleep alone i don't want to sleep cold without a blanket or hoodie i don't want to sleep curled up in a ball i don't want to cry myself to sleep i wish someone knew i was struggling this bad

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i can't spend another night sobbing on the floor anymore i just want to be happy

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i dont wanna be alive rn

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flashbacks suck stay safe yall

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was supposed to sleep bc i feel shitty but i have a Lot of weight on my chest so im gonna throw out everything that happened today to the world so i feel a little better to go to sleep:

- from 11ish last night when i stopped any engagement with anything to right now as i speak i have been unable to stop crying

- ive been very drained mentally for two or three days now and have wanted to kill myself both yesterday and today

- ive been very drained physically and have had nausea for a week now

- i had a very bad silent panic attack today

- i had multiple flashbacks today which caused me to dissociate multiple times for different lengths of time and it progressed through the entire day

- pretty much everything that happened today had no direct reason and im not sure why pretty much everything happened i just feel very unwell

- i hit my head too hard and it hurts

i will now be going to sleep, thank you

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I'm sorry for lyric spamming I'm tired and sad

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i dont care if it hurts, i wanna have control /lyr

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im not quiet, youve been quiet, just receiving what you said /lyr

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do you like not having me at home? /lyr