Narealize kung anong karmic cycle ko sa mundong ito, kaya pabalik balik ako sa same cycle. Nagrereincarnate ako in this world a thousand times pero hindi ako makaalis.
Thank you to Hape, I have seen myself reincarnating a lot of times in Earth - same cycle. Same karma. Kumbaga matagal na akong stuck sa ways ko at tinatakbuhan ko ng tinatakbuhan, I always end up killing myself; I was in Limbo.
I am an Aries. I have the power to lead people, I was born a leader… pero when I was a kid up until my early 20s I lead people to vices, bad decisions, or even lead them to nothing - kumbaga I do it for fun. Hindi ko siya nakikita as my power before at hindi ako aware na ginagamit ko siya sa masama. Sa utak ko, ginagamit ko yung kakayahan kong magimpluwensya for my own entertainment at bahala na yung tao kung itutuloy niya o hindi. I have used people like a puppet for fun.
I have ended this cycle and I will only use my power to lead people to do good this time. Napakabilis ng pangyayare sa Healing Ceremony. Kaya sinasabi ko, para akong pinanganak ulit kasi ibang tao na ako agad.
All these years of suffering, suicidal shit, I was also escaping myself. Lahat ng sugat, lahat ng pain na dala-dala ko, lahat ng pinagbabayaran kong karma, tinatakasan ko by attempting to end my life. And I belie lve that is the reason kung bakit meron akong birthmark sa left cheek ko, near the ear because I also killed myself in my past life. Endless karmic cycle.
I was also hard on myself - hindi ko tanggap sarili ko, I have standards na hindi ko ma meet (beauty, achievements, social status, material things)
I never healed my inner child self dahil ang alam ko lang mag move on to life, dahil may mga responsibilities ako as an adult. Kumbaga naka set aside lang lahat while I deal with my adult life. I apologized to myself, I grew up as an abused child pero ganun din ako sa sarili ko. Tumingin ako aa salamin to see myself as a different person at nagsorry ako.
I'm sorry because I was too hard on you, pinipintasan kita, wala akong tiwala sayo, tinatapakan ko ang pagkatao mo, at tingin ko sayo di ka worthy, wala rin akong tiwala sayo.
- And that is also the reason kung bakit ako naapektuhan sa mga sinasabi ng iba. Ito reason kung bakit simpleng advice hindi ko magawa, na kailangan in-detail or I-elaborate lahat because I overthink, I'm a perfectionist, and I have a lot of trauma and baggage.
Sinabi ko sa sarili ko na aalagaan ko siya, pagagalingin ko siya, at wag siyang mainsecure sa katawan niya dahil sakanya galing si Lucy - napakaganda ng anak niya, paglalaban ko siya sa mga nangaapi at mga nananakit. I will face everything as an adult, pahinga na si Cookie - my inner child self. Wala akong dapat patunayan sa ibang tao, sa mga kaibigan ko, sa pamilya ko kundi sa sarili ko lang.
I have never felt so powerful since then. I'm fully alive.
Sinasabi nilang God made you in his own likeness, totoo becase I am a God too. I create, I preserve, and I destroy. You are a God too.
So, putangina ng mga hambog na nakatry ng maraming Healing Ceremonies pero hindi gumagaling at feeling nila mas nakakakataas na sila sa kahit sino dahil may nakuha silang POV na never naman inapply in all aspects. Check yourselves, you might be stuck in your own ego na you are "woke" but never really made it to changing yourself.
Fuck your Fate, no one's gonna save you but You. HAHAHAHAHA.
