NikSpeak

The brief ramblings of a hairy dude

[nikspeak]

Intermission

Taking a break from the humdrum existence that I call life, I thought I would share some news that is really newsworthy, yet the "news" doesn't think it's worthy to be talked about.

Yes my friends (and this is where half of you stop reading), I am talking about democracy, or the lack of it as the case happens to be.

I've always been politically minded, but over the past 10 years I've grown tired of the established "democracy" that we have in the UK, it's not actually all that democratic at all.

Here I employ the trusty dictionary to define what Democracy should be:

government by the people; a form of government in which the supreme power is vested in the people and exercised directly by them or by their elected agents under a free electoral system.

So in essence, you would think that we have democracy - we vote for MPs, they get elected if enough people vote for them, and they go on to speak for "the people". Let me ask you this, when did you're local MP last ask your opinion? Yep, thought that was the case... never...

So where are the MPs getting their direction from? It is from either a) their affiliated political party, b) their own judgement or c) somewhere else. Not from you and me.  We get a say every 4/5 years to then vote someone else in because we are unhappy with the way everything is going... "down with that sort of thing!".

And this is where my interest really perks up. Right now, all over the globe, people are starting to wake up to the fact that they are not actually living in democracy - as democracy should be. In Hong Kong they have an extreme issue that they have fake democracy in the sense that all the choices they can vote for are from a single party and are all "selected" by the current reigning government.. not very democratic.

In the US 95% of people have been polled as not trusting their form of democracy.

We all remember the Egyptian protests and others that have got some media attention.

But did you know that right now.. and for the last 2 days, there are a bunch of people forming a peaceful protest in Parliament Square, London - right opposite the Houses of Parliament? I bet you didn't, because there has been zero mainstream news coverage of any worth (1 article on the Guardian website with incorrect facts).

The protest is raising the issue that our democracy is broken, and it really is. They have the aim of a peaceful protest for at least the next week, and you would expect that under a democracy, a peaceful protest would be every citizens right - both under law and as a basic human right.... right?

Wrong.

Whilst getting no mainstream media attention I have been following the protest through social media and with the benefit of individuals attending the protest "livestreaming" video so that important events can be both witnessed and preserved. Quite frankly what I've seen has led me to believe that our demoracy does not want challenging, in fact if people are willing to "make a stand" then they are essentially being criminalised for not breaking the law.

As a brief overview of what I have witnessed this weekend, I have seen 60 year old women being 'forcibly' pushed around, I have seen a man get arrested for cutting a piece of string, I have seen all equipment one would associate with a protest (banners, placards etc) confiscated. I have seen a blatant misdirection from those in authority on the scene.

This misdirection is one of the more dangerous things I have witnessed, as it shows a complete absence of written law in practice. There is video of a man being told that he cannot sleep on a used pizza box. So the man asks for the law to be clarified, would sitting on the pizza box be ok, or is that illegal. The response is troubling as the reply basically states "I will use my discretion at the time to decide what is happening" - this worries me if an authority figure cannot explain to someone if they will be breaking a law without it relying on the "discretion of an individual".

A lot has happened in the last 48 hours, and it makes me sad that even when attempting to be peaceful, the authorities (London Heritage Wardens plus police) have done everything possible to both disrupt the protest and incite a negative reaction from the protesters. 

I want to share a video of something that happened late Sunday evening, so you can understand what is going on.. The protesters have been told (by Heritage Wardens and police) that they are allowed to sleep but they are not allowed anything "to aid them sleep".

Let me clarify what has been said to the protesters, you can wrap a sleeping bag round your shoulders for warmth and it is legal, but if you should fall asleep, then it is illegal. So essentially, you can only sleep in inhumane conditions.

So on the first night, in the middle of the night, police turned up in force and seized all forms of sleep helping equipment such as sleeping bags, blankets etc 

The video shows a group of protesters sitting on a sheet of tarpaulin because the ground is wet and muddy... this has been deemed by the authorities as "a structure" and will therefore be removed. The video shows how the police remove a piece of plastic.

 Now I'm not a legal expert, but I am reminded of the Human Rights Act where is says that everyone is entitled to hold an opinion and voice it freely, where it says that everyone has the right to take part in the government individually and that everyone has the right to fair living conditions.

If you are a terrorist that gets caught, you will be given a blanket and a warm cell. If you are a seeker of true democracy you will be given the mud and well, more mud.  It is because of this unbalance in our democracy that I will not be voting at the next election. I refuse to choose the best of the worst. When there is next a real alternative to the democracy we live in I will be a part of that... or maybe I will create that alternative... anyone with me?

#revolution

[nikspeak]

Day Whateva - Lessons Learnt

It has been suggested that I write a "what I learnt from my time flying solo with 3 kids".. I may do that over the next week, breaking it down into sections.. because there is a fair bit of interesting stuff, and not what you would probably think!

However, there is one essential lesson I have brutally learned this week that cannot wait. Everyone needs to know this right now, if I can stop the suffering of one single other person on this planet then my work here will be complete.

That lesson is fairly simple, essential but simple.

And it is....

No other brand of tinned sweetcorn compares to Green Giant... NONE!

I tried to be thrifty and get a good bargain, but let me tell you... it was not sweetcorn in that tin! It was more like someone had been to a cornfield, hacked it with a machete, stamped on the lovely sweet yellow morsels and then crammed them in the tin by scooping them up with a poopascooper!

I was truly disappointed.

[nikspeak]

Day 5 - Arable Farming in South East China

Catchy title eh!

I don't even know if there is any arable farming in south east China, and if there is, I promise I know nothing about it at all!  If you clicked on a link that mentioned farming and wanted to read about that - many apologies, you won't find any of that here!

What I am focussing on today is the "unknown", so the title is extremely relevant - see, how clever I was there! An obvious angle would be "fear of the unknown", as that is what most people associate with the word... so I'll go somewhere else.

How many times do we answer questions, both to others and ourselves with "I don't know...". Quite a lot if you're anything like me! My youngest is 3, he's at the stage of life where everything is a question, "why?" being his phrase of choice. My 11 year old is an open book and always willing to learn, but at the same time accepts answers without question, the 12 year old knows everything already and requires frequent monitoring to ensure that he hasn't created the next conspiracy theory that will go viral on youtube before breakfast.

Three completely different levels of unknown right there. From literally knowing nothing, to having an idea but willing to be corrected, to the self righteous ruler of all knowledge (in his head). As a parent it is my job to be there with a response, and that response should not be "I don't know...".

I'm an avid learner (not in the geeky sense, well, maybe a little!), if I don't know something I HAVE to find out 'something' about it. I don't know where this drive came from, and it drives my kids crazy. They ask a simple question, and I treat them to an hour long lecture complete with freshly constructed powerpoints (not really, powerpoint is so 80's, I build a website instead!) and make them endure it like a holiday slideshow from the in-laws camping in Yorkshire. Maybe I'm exaggerating a little (but not lots) but all they want is an answer and then to go on Minecraft with their friends. I guess I'm one step away from being one of those dads that they won't want their friends to meet in case I open my mouth!

But I digress, the point is that "I don't know..." is a lazy answer. There ARE alternatives... such as, "Let me find out", "why don't you find out" or "let's find out together".  Even an unknown can provide a good launchpad for interaction. And I don't just mean between parents and their sproglets.

Imagine if you will, a friendly chat (between 2 friends) - they have been talking about their lives and then one friend says to the other "I don't know why [insert thing here] happens, but I wish it wouldn't!". There we have an ideal example of where the other friend would probably comfort the other and an issue would remain unresolved.. simply because the answer is unknown. But right there is a moment of opportunity, for 2 people to start a journey together into discovery and depending on the issue - recovery.

There are things in this world that we probably won't ever "know" fully, but does that mean that we shouldn't do everything we can to try and find out?

Before writing this I set myself a challenge to find out 3 things I didn't "know" but have thought about... and you know what, finding the answers weren't all that difficult at all. Let me share them...

1q) If urine is the bodys waste liquid, why do some people drink it? 1a) Apparantly, the "waste" is only 2.5% of the consistency of urine. The rest being water (95%) and useful minerals/enzymes (2.5%). Drinking urine is safe because the body filters everything that is taken in and strips the 2.5% of bad stuff thus leaving the intake healthy.

2q) If Fairy Liquid is so good at cleaning, why don't we bathe in it? 2a) Apparantly, the ingredients in Fairy and bubble bath are extremely similar, however Fairy has a higher concentration of chemicals that can dry out the skin. It's main use is to separate grease from non-grease, so it will (in the right concentration to water) pull good oils from the body too. Although it does appear quite popular as an occasional hair washing product.

3q) Who invented socks? Why not just have more comfortable shoes... 3a) It is believed that shoes cames first - as they were used to protect the feet (rather than socks that were created to add both visual and warmth benefits). Romans feature highly in the sock world, having created their from animals skins, so essentially - leather socks (ROCK N ROLL!). However, the Romans also drank their own urine as a way to clean their teeth - so the level of respect I give them is minimal.

They may be pretty trivial things, but they illustrate the point that there are some things I just didn't know - and now do know something about. Am I now an expert in urine drinking, grease stripping roman sock puppets? Nah! But I made a start!

Imagine this level of effort (it wasn't a lot to find my answers) applied by everyone on issues that would affect society, rather than simply shrugging and life carrying on as normal... if people chose to 'KNOW' something, and in turn chose to do something with that knowledge. A new day is coming.. well it will if people join my revolution... who's with me?

[nikspeak]

Day 4 - Amour-Propre

“I think everybody’s weird. We should all celebrate our individuality and not be embarrassed or ashamed of it.” – Johnny Depp

Johnny Depp may have said it, but it's always been a core belief of mine. We are all unique and uniquely endowed to do something greater than we could ever possibly imagine.

You can think in the 'big picture' that relies on stereotypes, the kind that say that women are more  natural carers, and that men are more physically attuned - wanting action over thought. You could think that way, but why limit yourself, why limit to possibilities of others, why limit the power of uniqueness.

Despite yesterdays frankly awful day, today has proved a remarkable insight into the paradoxical world of the flipside. 

Today we got the results of my daughers 11+ test, the one that says if they are "suitable for entry to grammar school". She passed, which took us all by suprise - not that we didn't think that she was capable, just that we had planned "for the worst", and prepared to receive a negative response. So when the news came there was a second when the world froze and we all stopped and took the moment in. And then, the most curious thing...

Daughter obviously very happy let out a squeel followed by a reassuring - are you sure, question. And eldest son, tried to speak and choked up.

I winked at daughter and took son out to find out what was going on, at which point he explained (with difficulty) that he felt "less" than his sister. Son you see didn't get deemed "suitable for grammar" and we went through the appeals process to gain his place. His not passing was a shock at the time to us, him and his teachers - all firmly believing he would walk it. In short, he just didn't do well on the day, but now it's demonstrated that a single day in Junior school has stuck with him for 2 years, and affected his mindset up to this point.

We had a good talk, about feelings, abilities and especially that it is not the actions on a single day that defines a person but rather the repeated actions over time (obviously I was a bit more user friendly than that!). It's the start of a dialogue, but it's what provides the title for this post... "amour-propre", french for "self love". 

While talking to son I gave countless examples how he has both excelled since his time in grammar school both personally and educationally, none of which can be attributed to the events on test day, but motivated by belief that he can better himself through determination and a bit of perspiration.  It's not easy to 'love yourself', in fact we usually view the world through distorted glasses that reflect negatively on ourselves. We have the belief that the rest of the world see's us as we see ourselves - which is totally not the case.

Despite the direct references, this isn't a post about my daughter, my son or even me (selfless I know!), but it's a post about not letting single instances affect our lives. Stuff happens, sometimes serious stuff - but we shouldn't let that define who we are and how we live. We should all revel in our uniqueness and be driven to create a life that excels what our tiny brains can conceive as possible. If each one of us can grasp this as a way of life (notice I don't say way of thinking, because you can think and not do!), then humanity would be all the better for it.

A society that strives to be 'better' would not stand by and watch a whole nation in poverty starving. A society that thinks of each other as valuable would not only act on a deadly virus when it arrives at our door. A society that see's potential in every living person would not cut back on provision for the disabled or elderly. 

I want a better world, a fairer world. A world for my kids growing up that says to them - "do it, because you can". I have always told my kids that "practice makes perfect", only as they get older they place ceilings on their abilities because they are taught in society that some things are too hard and it's better to just do the best you can.. I say stuff that, dream big, achieve bigger. If you don't know how to do something, perspire a little and learn it.

Amour-propre people, and make it count!

[nikspeak]

Day 3 - Carnage

I love all 3 of my kids.

It should end there. If I wanted to that would be enough for today, however it doesn’t adequately describe what I am feeling right now! As the title says, today has been… Carnage.

From 6.30am till 7pm the youngest has been running on Duracell. I kid you not when I say that I did not have one single breath or heartbeat without him requiring attention or my sole focus. One could argue the case that “he’s 3, that’s normal”, but I would disagree, I have seen ‘normal’ behaviour over and over again where he is more than happy to actually be independent and play by himself… but not today.

It’s confusing to try and pin a sole reason for the attention he needed today, it could be that he is just missing his mum - but hasn’t mentioned her, it could be that he’s a bit under the weather - but with no symptoms, it could be that I expect too much - nah, it’s not that.

In short, today he beat me, he wore me out. I got 100% of nothing done (foolish thought that was in the first place!), I feel deflated that today wasn’t a breeze, although I don’t really see what else a human could do to accomplish anything with a very dependent dependent.

Now, as if that wasn’t enough we have the return from school of the older two. Remember about 36 hours ago I said “you gotta love that tweenage independence” - well stuff that!  While I’m not a parenting noob and have had countless battles of disobedience, arguing, generally just being difficult… today I encountered a whole new level.

I can totally see that ‘my’ reactions weren’t as measured as they would normally be (not that I was ever in the wrong, just not as patient) due to the youngest having ground me into a mushy weak lump of parentpulp  - the things that push my buttons were employed with force.

As the day wore on I looked forward to the older kids returning in the vain hope that 1) they may provide some distraction & 2) they may feel my burden and we could all survive together.  I was wrong on both counts! Both returned home filled with the inane proposition that they checking into ‘hotel home’ and that I was their personal butler/homework-coach/referee/slave.

There’s a lot of moaning in this post, so to find the positives - I really did enjoy the (albeit tiring) 1 on 1 with the youngest - seeing his mind working and how he figures things out. Despite the mental anguish, it was ‘quality time’. And ignoring the tweenage issues - I have to commend the older 2 for not making a bigger issue out of the fact they are stuck with only 1 parent. 

I’ve come to a couple of conclusions so far about single parents.

Firstly, it’s tough and no-one can go on forever trying to “do it alone”… if you know a single parent (I bet you do) offer help because even if they don’t show it… they need help.

Secondly, I would place cold hard cash on the statistical leaning towards single parents either having a higher rate of substance abuse - or being prescribed anti-depressants. That’s a pretty sweeping statement - but if I had to repeat this one day over and over and over, I would be seeking one release or another before too long!

Finally, It’s really easy to make judgements about how other people (not just single parents) raise their kids. But usually such assumptions are made without a knowledge of the backstory, the real issues, the things you don’t see. Next time you allow a thought of “I can’t believe they did that” enter your head, slap yourself and rephrase the question to be something like “what can I do to help in that situation”. Of course, as a disclaimer - there are some truly awful people raising children and doing a really bad job - so sometimes it’s an issue that requires “professional intervention”, but as for you and your thoughts - try and think more of people, I know I will from now on.

Tomorrow is playgroup day - for this I am truly thankful. No, not thankful, I am truly, madly, deeply in love with anyone that works in the childcare profession. Heaven knows, they aren’t doing it for the glamorous uniform, for the huge pay packet or even for the peaceful working conditions… to those I speak of, I salute you, thank you and wish that the odds may be forever in your favour.

[nikspeak]

Yeah cos lunch should be fun right?

[nikspeak]

Day Two - Communication

Right, let me explain a little something to start with. I have always spoken to my children like they were humans, I've always used big words and got them to repeat them, and I will take personal credit that they both (older two) excel in English.  It is my belief that if you speak to a child like they are a human, rather than "a child" then they will better face the inter-personal challenges that all kids face growing up.

Now that's done, you will be empathetic when I tell you that kid #3, the youngest, appears to have been quietly thinking up ways to make me feel stupid.

Example #1 - to encourage him to have a rain cover on his pushchair, I jovially called it "going in the bubble". He protested at this and didn't want to get in... when I finally got to the bottom of the stress, he explains that bubbles burst and I'd make him get wet.  He would only get in when I referred to it as "a raincover" and stop using the term "bubble".

Example #2 - when wanting to watch something that wasn't on telly at the time - he proceeds to confiscate the remote control and search on youtube (on the telly) for the programme he wanted.... now, I'm no technophobe as anyone I know can attest to, but surely I should know how my TV works?

Example #3 - on demanding that his big sister read him a bedtime story (I'm well up for that!), they disappear to his bed to read. I walk in halfway through to find she's reading him Mr Lazy (of the excellent Mr Men) - after telling me to "be quiet", he then proceeds to follow up everything the book says "Mr Lazy does..." with  "just like dad!".

I'm not even going to rant about why the malted milk biscuits are 'in his world' called "cow biscuits" - it's quite clearly a deer on the cheap Aldi variety we have. I'm not going to mention the crap juice making skills that constantly get referred to as "smelly socks", and I'm definitely not going to mention the boatload of other examples that would make you lose that empathetic feeling you got right at the beginning.

As for the morning routine I feared so much, it was a easy. Despite being told "you're not as grumpy as we expected" and the 4 times lecture of what should be in a packed lunch, it all went swimmingly. 

Now tomorrow brings a new challenge. No playgroup - which means having the "mocker of my intelligence" to entertain all day, while attempting to do some work. Sometimes I think that "daytime sleeps" should be mandatory for all under 5s, at other times I think that the chinese, 1 child per family rule - makes some sense. But most of the time I just think... "let's survive this". 

[nikspeak]

Day One

So, no-one died today, I guess that should be hailed as the major achievement!  

With a morning spent making sure homework was done, while employing the wonderful service that is Netflix to educate the 3 year old, it was all very collaborative and 'nice' - although I am coming to the conclusion that the 12 year old conned me into doing his Geography!

An afternoon spent with "relaxation" in mind, the older 2 pretty much did their own thing (gotta love tweenage independence) and the 3 year old decided he has a new "power". That being the ability to run at full pelt down the hallway AND be able to stop without falling on his face.  However it did take me a while to work out that the kitchen chair in the doorway wasn't a prop but rather a 'crash barrier'.

As a family we also managed to speak to the absent parent in Ethiopia on skype. It's a pretty distressing reality that despite wanting to know if the hotel was any good, they lost interest really quickly.  I am putting this down to my superb parenting skills and that I have made them unaware of any changes.

That'll all change in the morning when the duties I usually miss (due to being an extreme late night workaholic), ergo the packed lunches, making sure shoes are found and everyone's deposited at the correct place at roughly the right time.... 

Assuming I actually do anything about the 6.30am alarm I have set, having also told the kids that the alarm is their signal to get physical with me, not actually to wake me up... then the fact that I, in fear of falling over in a caffeine-less stupor, forget what the heck the plan is....

The whole ritual should be made easier by the fact that I've efficiently already provided all the uniforms to the correct sprog, got lunch boxes ready to be filled on the kitchen table and pointed everything towards the front door in a feng shu moment of clarity.

Tomorrow, I'm ready for ya!

[nikspeak]

The Gibson. He chose the effect, personally I was pushing for a warholesque result

[nikspeak]

Night One of Single Parenthood

2.30am... normally used to working well into the night, thought I'd get an early night to help me cope solo tomorrow. Now can't sleep for the fear of sleeping too heavily and not hearing if I'm needed..... whoda thunkit!