How to be a jerk

Detailed guidelines on how to be a jerk in all situations.

[ninabisser-blog]

How to be a jerk to a CO-WORKER

Everybody knows that your should keep you co-workers happy. There are several bullet-proof ways to do it. To begin with, when you work on a task together with a co-worker, you should absolutely make sure that you progress in the slowest possible manner. On top of this, do not bother to check the quality of your work as they will certainly be happy to do this for you.

Try to engage your co-worker in long and detailed discussions about minor and, ultimately, inconsequential issues, especially if you can clearly see that they are focusing on something else at the moment. Make sure you repeat everything that is being said at least twice while still misunderstanding the main point. This is especially important to do when you are discussing the same issue not for the first time and a decision on how to address it has already been agreed upon.

Also, make absolutely sure you share many details from your personal life with your co-worker, especially if they have never displayed any interest. Your kids, car troubles, neighbours and pets are certainly all topics everyone want to learn more about. On this note, take as many personal calls and make as many personal appointments as possible during the work day.

Ultimately, the best way to make sure that your co-worker likes you is to make sure that a maximum amount of their day is dedicated personally to you. A great way to ensure this happens is to show them that you lack initiative to the extent that everything has to be spelled out for you and in addition, you cannot even be relied on to handle simple routine tasks on your own. In this way, you will always be on your co-worker’s mind and they will love you for it.

[ninabisser-blog]

How to be a jerk to INTROVERTS

If you ever cross paths with an introvert, immediately engage them in a pointless conversation about the weather, your hair, what you had for breakfast or your plans for the weekend. Remember that, as a rule, introverts find small talk fascinating and will never be bored or annoyed by it. Keep the conversation simple and as superficial as possible, unless you have a really personal question you want to ask them, in which case go right ahead and press until you get an answer. Introverts really enjoy sharing intimate details from their personal lives with other people.

While interacting with an introvert, enter their personal space a lot by standing close to them and especially by unnecessarily padding them on the back or the shoulder. If the person is visible uncomfortable and trying to politely escape from you, this just means that you have earned their trust.

Remember to loudly ask your new introvert friend why they give one-syllable answers to your questions and then immediately point out how shy they seem to be. Never forget that introverts live to be the center of attention so if you see them trying to have some alone time, immediately drag them at the center of the action.

Most importantly, take everything they say at face value, introverts are known for having no sense of humor and would never use subtle sarcasm to mock you.