NINAMOURATA

Random thoughts that I need to let out. An answer to make myself busy on boring days, and for sheer entertainment on not so good days.

[ninamourata]

Love is a vicious cycle

So, in a couple of weeks we will be celebrating our second year together. Time flies so fast, but I guess love fades away faster. I'm almost on my fourth month carrying our little sprout here. C has always been so sweet and I have always been happy amd contented with him. But recently, everything took a different turn. He is still consistent in telling me he loves me but that's about it. I miss the surprise dates, I miss being the center of his attention. I know, maybe It's just me, but I feel things have changed. I always try to initiate us going out of town, go to a dinner date or whatever and most of the time, it gets cancelled at the last minute which really bums me out. I am getting frustrated and annoyed. We barely talk to each other like how we used to. Everything's just not the same anymore. I wish this will still change, especially when the baby arrives. I don't know, maybe our relationship will get better, maybe not. I don't understand why this keeps happening, I will now call it the two-year blandness. This happened to my previous relationships as well, things get downhill from the second year onwards. This is really frustrating.

[ninamourata]

Apple Cinnamon Pudding. My first attempt at baking.

[ninamourata]

September 12, 2013

Weighed 112 lbs as of today. Bliss.

[ninamourata]

Love letters...

I was browsing thru my old mails when i saw a folder from way back 2004 to 2009. In it were love letters--written by someone in the past. I read them one by one, it was a funny feeling, i was so young back then. Then i saw a picture of the two of us, and it strucked me, i realized i am in love. My eyes were opened by the letters that i read, and the pictures that i saw. i was a naive, young girl who believed in fairy tales, prince charmings, and ponies. I was awed by the fact that i am still feeling that same euphoric feeling from when i was 16. The only difference is, it wasn't with the same man anymore.

Reading all those letters was like a slideshow of memories of the past 9 years of my life. Memories which I want to remember and forget at the same time. I had always been lucky to be with someone I really like, i was always given the attention i longed for, but after a while, people will change, and the music will faint to a distant sound. There were days when i felt really at my lowest and had to stand on my own, i punish myself over and over again for trusting too much. Those love letters had splices of hatred, sadness and guilt. Those were letters written to make me stay when i discovered the lies. I was a crazy girl, I kept believing in change, and in giving another chance.

Yes, i am still that crazy girl. i believed in change, and i gave myself another chance. Those letters made me realize how lucky I am today, how lucky I am to be with the man i am with, too grateful for how much he loves me, and how no one from my past can compare to what he has done for me. You see, I am in love, but not with the letters. I may not be receiving any love letters today, but i wake up every single day hearing the words that should be said and actions that are always meant. It is much greater than words written in stone.

[ninamourata]

Gonna jump rope when i wake up, jump rope when i'm bored, jump rope before i sleep! #fitness #thighgaps #bermonths

[ninamourata]

Days 3 and 4

Been busy with work for the last 2 days.. I'm not able to track down everything I eat because of my schedule, I'm thinking im going over my limits. Anyhow, my long weekend is drawing near, planning to just sleep through saturday and monday.

As of today, I'm at 116. Yeaaaah!

[ninamourata]

Day 2

Fail. Someone gave me chocolates at work. My favorite chocomallow biscuits. And Toblerone, but i am too guilty to eat it so i'll keep it in the fridge for a couple of days. I'm currently at 974 cals as of this writing.

Not gonna eat 'til tomorrow! I know I can do this.

[ninamourata]

Blahblahblah...

Those moments when you're almost there, but it ended coz he's done. And you're left awake, frustrated.

[ninamourata]

Was at 100-ish when this was taken. Hafta get this body back!

[pugking-deactivated20130901]

[kushandwizdom]

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[ninamourata]

Ended at less than 1000!

Did i mention I work at night? That means my “day” is about to end. My shift starts at 8AM EST so I’m gonna sleep after this post. I ended at 818 calories, baby! (myfitnesspal says so.) Yay for me! Not bad for my first day. Picked up my boyf at work, had caesar salad without the croutons and propel water, then mushroom omelette and brewed coffee. Wish everyday’s as good as this. :)

[ninamourata]

Day 1

So I'm gonna take this restrictive diet seriously starting today, no ifs and buts. Trying to get to a good start this morning, but how am I supposed to restrict my calorie intake when my breakfast is already at 345 cals? Coffee, crackers ansd spanish sardines... maybe I should've ommitted the crackers. Wish I could end the day at least below 800 cals for today. I'm still picking up boyfie from work in a couple of hours, and he's definitely gonna ask me to eat out. Wish me luck.

[ninamourata]

A bowl of instant jjamppong has 300 calories. God, why?

[ninamourata]

Mustered enough courage to post these thoughts on the web, finally, one step forward for me!

Been reading on a  lot of thinspos and proana sites for the past decade, but im too weak! Im not ana, im just pro-ana, and i've tried a lot of tips to lose weight and yet here i am, 25 and still gaining weight.

I'm 25, 5'1" and 118 lbs. as of this writing. I love to cook, cooking is my passion. Guess that's one reason i don't succeed in reaching my UGW. I tried eating oatmeal for days, to the point that it tastes like wet cardboard. I tried fasting, but in less than 24hrs i feel deprived and binge on all the food i manage to get a hold of. I tried running with my bf every Sundays, but it stopped when his restdays fell on weekdays. I'm scared to run alone, nor hit the gym alone. Apart from this ed, im also socially awkward, antisocial, loner, a loser --name it! So on days like these, i just clam up inside my room, depressed about my weight and my social skills. I am such a mess, i pity myself.

[ninamourata]

masakit. pero handa akong maghintay.

[ninamourata]

Conversations at 3am...

Hombre: Hanap muna ako makakain sa labas.

Akiz: Inggit much! Tom jones na akiz!

Hombre: Haynaku kung may sasakyan lang ako susunduin kita jan.

Akiz: Eh boksikels lang ang peg natin eh.. Bakit beki ako? Anyaree?

Hombre: Wiz ko knows mars, baka kinagat ka ng beking lamokis, eewy berdi na dugelya mo!

Akiz: Homaygawd marse, kumekemerot ka ng gay linggo! Award! :)

And that's why I love him so. <3

[kushandwizdom]