fantasy whirls, running the world

the desperate boy wakes up.

[nines-dream-journal]

bres kissed me, and i was genuinely shaken

[nines-dream-journal]

i was a recovering addict. i was fragile.

people i went to a camp with coddled me. there was a stage show, congratulating me? the guy came off explaining “it was too hard” or something/ i walked off and got a headrush, and had to sit down. i reassured him saying it was fine. just wanted him to leave me alone?

i met up with people i used to figure skate with. they were all judging me hella hard. miranda came up and i was happy about it. she looked at me weird.

later, people from the camp were getting on a bus and leaving. i was putting my car back together. someone that looked like the assistant from my vocational school was there. he tried to kill me? he came with scissors and i shut my eyes and felt something hit me. i thought it was the scissors. i opened my eyes and found out he was just trying to freak me out by throwing weird crackers (oyster crackers?) on me

[nines-dream-journal]

i was traveling. a bunch of people were coming with me, and someone’s kids too. we all left separately. while leaving, my friend elw texted me about something she was upset over. i texted her back sorry i’m travelling. we had to us weird bicycle things and i brought my cat. we travelled for a while and i cycled past a bunch of guys. then i cycled for a while before i took a break near a hotel. i let my cat rest and found my friend syp. she was resting for the night as it was 1amish. i told her i would keep going, and that i was going to end the call because i was running low on battery. i asked “unless you have an extra portable charger i can use” and she said no. i said ill just rest a bit and let my phone charge. i went back to the hotel where my cat was and told her the plans.

[nines-dream-journal]

my mom was making pancakes, but poured all the batter into a pot and just cooked it, so i tried to fix her mistake.

i kept running from one stove to the other. i went to the second stove and came back to see the pot on the first stove (with the batter/pancake mixture) a red hot.

my mom asked me a question, and i stepped back from the stove. the red hot metal grew under it very fast until it hit the ceiling and fell.

[nines-dream-journal]

i murdered someone, and a bunch of people knew about it because they were there.

my husband? came in and was pleasant, and then looked at the walls with wide eyes (they were splattered with GALLONS of blood)

he was clueless and didn’t know it was blood and went to take a shower.

i told the children to take on tasks of cleaning the blood in different parts of the house, and started cleaning the floor a bit.

got nervous that one little girl i sent to clean the bedroom wasn’t doing it right, so i went to check on her.

i talked with her a minute, and started scrubbing some blood.

she said something, and then attempted to club me in the head with a rock to kill me, but the rock missed and fell next to me. i looked at her.

i took her and started choking her. i said something, and she said something. i stopped choking her and snapped her arm, and then swung her by the arms into the mirror to smash it and to kill her.

i briefly had a thought as she smashed into the mirror that she looked like a stuffed mannequin when she was thrown into it, as if this were a movie.

[nines-dream-journal]

me and someone else went out to sea

there was an island we stopped at

we got in a small boat and sharks tore it up so in a “they think that will stop us?” moment we swam to the other treasure islands

we eventually teleported back to where we came from and i watched a demonstration on the largest sharks in the world eating other sharks

i walked along the beach and found the wise *old* lady who sent us to sail out in the sea

[nines-dream-journal]

my leg was cut off and i refused to let others sew it back on

i was bleeding out and ppl were begging to fix it

i was put under a sedative and it was sewn back on

i felt tingles in my leg and looked down and thats how i found out

i asked my director if i was put under a sedative and she made the “tea” face

[nines-dream-journal]

i related really deeply to a forum post on love and relationships

[nines-dream-journal]

i was on crew and we were getting prepared for a show and bral was really hard on us and got really on our asses

*i cried*

after, i walked into the auditorium and bral started reminiscing on his past and got p nostalgic

i liked listening. *he explained and apologized about being so hard on us*

[nines-dream-journal]

i was in a training camp for theatre that would meet once a week on sundays from october 10th to december 21st that was also getting us ready for a showcase at the end

it clashed with the choir i was in but i chose the choir because it was more of a priority

i was worried they would kick me out because i wasn’t going to the camp that week

i wanted to go to columbus even though i would miss both choir and the camp

i booked a flight to columbus, the flight tickets were $15 together ($9 to get there, $7 to get back)

i had a huge breakdown in the group chat about my father

i went to columbus

i checked the group chat in my hotel room and didn’t see any texts from the group chat

later i was in the airport and i *texted* aul and we *talked* about eld

i walked away and then back and saw eld and made a big show of running up to him

i went to kiss him and then i stopped myself and his eyes widened

we talked for a moment and i apologized

i saw aul in the background but she didn’t even look at us and i made a bigger show of talking to eld

she walked off

[nines-dream-journal]

the dance is happening on a roof and it’s very mystical and dark

____

i was going to go to homecoming with michael from be more chill? and bres and other friends

other guy (luf? michael?) asks me to go with him, and i turn him down

later on luf/michael comes back and threatens me to go to the dance with him

im stuck in my house

_____

*luf/michael asks me where mom is*

i go downstairs and ask zag where lig is

he vaguely gestures and i ask again but in distress

he gestures upstairs with his head and i have the realization that she’s being raped upstairs by our uncle

i wonder tearfully how i didn’t know this was happening all these years

____

“i need a moment alone. please”

luf/michael reluctantly lets me and goes upstairs

i look over and close the window curtains, after noting that my car is still in the neighbor’s yard

*i look around and get dressed*

i leave the room

i’m about to go upstairs when i hear a door open and tog and lig walk downstairs

*it’s 3am*

lig won’t look at me

i think tog did this to lig because i left my car in tog’s yard (suddenly tog lived next to us)

i act like i know nothing when tog pulls me in for a hug and then again

tog and lig start to walk away and i start up the stairs when lig stops and says:

“maybe one day you’ll have sugar that doesn’t burn the back of your throat”

“maybe”

i go upstairs

_____

“just one dance with him. please”

luf reluctantly allows it

little did he know i plan to hold my original date close and whisper what’s happening

_____

i come downstairs in a dress shirt/tie/slacks combo when luf calls me down

i look around and do a full spin before i find him in a suit

lig keeps calling my name from the basement (she wants to help me get ready)

“you look. wow”

(some convo happens happens…..???)

“id call it before”

“before what”

“love before he came along”

(we were in love but didn’t date and then my original date came along?)

(more convo happens)

i go upstairs to find my winter formal dress and remember i lent it to bres

i start to tear up because i was thinking about how if i went to the dance with my original guy i could have worn a suit rather than a dress

i head to the middle floor and say “watch me go to homecoming wearing this because i can’t find my dress”

i go into the basement

lig left a computer with typed how to escape instructions on it

i think he will find out about it so i barely read it

“he has crazy good hearing” that’s why lig typed it out

[nines-dream-journal]

Laup tells us to take off our extra clothes (meaning outside clothes keeping us warm). She started a meeting.

Later, Aak was there.

We were near a football field passing around a ball We were all singing a song. “This is the year of our lives...”

[nines-dream-journal]

My mom and I talked

She told me why she’s been acting weird lately

She said “I only take care of myself. I realized I have to take care of you guys, too.” (emotionally, of course)

[nines-dream-journal]

The cats were fighting and I tried to separate them

They got stuck on my feet: CW on my left foot, E on my right

I kept slamming them into the ground with my feet

Something happened, and then SW put her paw around E

I thought they would fight again, but they nuzzled each other and made up

I touched e’s side and she was hurt

[nines-dream-journal]

I was a past psychologist and a new trainee teacher

Student drove me to school. She didn’t know I was a teacher until later on

We arrived and blasted a song about love

Something happened and I asked if she really wanted me to kiss her

She said yes

It was snowy outside

I slipped and fell while running in

There were security ladies dressed in red outside

I walk into a school that looks a lot like the state conference school

I go to the auditorium and stand with another teacher

The teachers were sharing a bag for their stuff

I started taking off my coat and put my things down

My phone started blasting

[nines-dream-journal]

I went to her house. She tried to kiss me to cheat on her boyfriend.

I pushed her away and said “[her name]—” She kissed me again.

I pushed her away. It was disgusting.

Either I felt bad, or I wanted to fake a breakdown to make her feel guilty. I think it was a mixture of both. I had a breakdown.

She acted normal, if not more flirty. She called me sweetheart.

I was going to call my mom to come get me without telling her. Whether not telling her was to hurt her or it was because I genuinely wanted to leave, I don’t know.

I left.

There was a tornado alert and we got seperated going to shelter. I found three older adults who took me in during the minor tornado.

[nines-dream-journal]

*Harry Styles.*