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@ninetysixpercent
Look to your left. The first thing you see is what you would hoard as a dragon.
fans
Walls.
Plushies. I’m already there.
Pringles
Pillows!
Sketchbooks!
Christmas trees
pizza hut receipts
cats. i accept this fate.
Forty-foot steel shipping containers. I'm cool with that.
namco high
Ceph I think this is you
100% confirmed that is me
Lair Review, Safrienaer #19849
dig this lair
All this gold and white in here its like I just walked into a wedding
dearly beloved im magdalena we are gathered here today in a really cool gradient from gold to white to check out my pearl
are you checking it out I dont think you're giving my pearl the attention it deserves do you know how much time I spend licking this thing. i'm licking it right now, look
this little bird appreciates my pearl but I dont see you giving it your full and undivided attention now do I? I can stay up here all day if I have to.
anyway once they get done with that i'm marrying this guy
that's metal.
wait shit he's twins
welp
im pretty sure that this is a good decision especially the part about how the guy performing the ceremony is sauron
no doubt about it that's sauron how could this ever go wrong
best idea I ever had
Lair Review, ChaosApparatus #5685
dig this lair
ooooh the PARTY DONT START TILL I WALK I-
oh WOW
ooOOOOOOOOOOhhhhh~~
im getting some really serious duality woojievibes here this is like the uh, like the eternal conflict of good and evil? Of light and darkness? Of being all grim striding around in like COATS and against the wind and maybe being the sort of dragon who says things like
when they just got theIR FACE CLAWED OFF? Versus dragons who don't do that? like this one?
this is shyrza tho
I think she kind of needs to relax a little she looks like the kind of dragon that would make grossety dragons in bandages say hardass things because she clawed their faces off and they had to pretend to be cool about it like layet did right there
all this disharmony here is really messing me up though you know what everybody needs is to settle this once and for all and i'm pretty sure I know EXACTLY HOW TO MAKE IT HAPPEN!!! :D:D:D:D:D <3 <3 <3
there's something about little spiral babies doing the STARING EYES THING that makes people nervous so I had neveah help me :D:D:D:D
okay now EVERYBODY LINE UP!!!! >:(
SCARY ON ONE SIDE GROSSETY ON THE OTHER SIDE
okay!!
now KISS!!!!!!!! :D:D:D:D<3<3<3:D:D:D
my work here is done <3 <3 <3
Waiting on a lair review from me?
Thanks to everybody who signed up for a Cephalopod lair review, I've been enjoying them a lot and will definitely do it again. If I haven't done yours yet, don't worry--they just take a little while with the extra graphics and I've got a few other unavoidable time demands. There'll be a steady stream over the next few days.
I'll be sending everybody a message with a link once theirs is done, and you can also watch the tag for your FR username. Stay slinky, you awesome bastards.
Lair Review, cyphercat #5632
dig this lair
the hell?
the hell's going on here this is supposed to be one of those VENERABLE lairs.
venerable my ass Im not seeing pearls in here mainly a buncha guardians lying around not guarding a fucking thing. mostly theyre making clam nachos and guarding clam nachos.
wait
who the fuck am I kidding
anyway turns out this is a higher class joint than I thought check it out they've got a poodle
see the scallop? Seeeeeeee the scallop?
GO GET IT
...jerk
look at this sad piece of shit I found in the back though. farted and tried to blame it on me when there was nobody else around, for real. shame tunic in full effect.
one look into his four beady eyes and you can tell hes been a disappointment to everybody who encountered him since he hatched
keeps trying to tell me about his rp character its a level fuckillionteen ninja wolfnaga priestess with three heads that all make out with each other ones got green eyes and ones got purple eyes and ones a wizard and she runs a tavern called the dewdrop inn he thinks thats fucking hilarious
he just leaned over and nudged me
dewdrop inn he said
do drop in
fuck me I gotta get out of here
Lair Review, warchief #19406
dig this lair
It takes a plague lair to wade through a river of glands up a hill of bones and cartilage and back down into a valley of coagulated horrorsludge AND THEN get this asshole gliding up out of the gloom with a skull mask and a glowing sigil like what up, it's contagious. Goddamn tryhards. PLAGUEMAMA DON'T GIVE EXTRA CREDIT FOR LOOMING, FUCKER.
...huh.
Hold on a second here. I knew there was something to like about this Zoroark guy under all that forbidding bullshit. No skydancer has ears that hairy. Fuckin look, check out his spawn Strawberry.
Kid looks like a comfy old sofa in the best possible way. You could lose quarters in those flowing locks. You could lose cars. Worlds. Y'know who's not responsible for that double-plush topcoat? HER MOM, THAT'S WHO.
The pearl's well and good but don't be fooled. Coupla guardian parents on her. Got this shit figured right the fuck out.
So there you go, Mr. Loomy McDark O'Boney. Secret's out. You can take the tundra out of the shag, dude, but you can never take the shag out of the tundra. };}
But uh, on a more personal note. See, this lady here.
Nice rocks on her. Great spikes, her mom's named after booze...you know, basically perfect. So uh. Tereshka?
Hey.
We could, like, get coffee sometime.
coffee = laid.
just saying.
call me. <3
Lair Review, Lemonfeet #6687
dig this lair
This lair's gonna be a problem, I can tell
im tasting the rainbow and I tasted it a little already if you get me and i think you do
so the first thing I see when I walk in is this
and over its shoulder I see this
and this
and this
and thats about the time I start thinking to myself that his is going to be one of those moments when you just go fuck this im a snapper and you lay down and spend a few quiet hours pretending youre an abandoned dumptruck that nobody can haul out of the way
this only works if youre a snapper
I guess if you're a fae you've gotta pretend to be an abandoned cheeto or something
point is that you're gonna have to claw your way out of this lair with your eyebrows if you have maybe exceeded your daily allotment of things like flashing colors or dragons with gembond like a fucking disco ball or things that wub because skrillex is here
see
says so right there
anyway I got to the back of the room and took a couple deep breaths and found this secret ninja crew lurking around check em
they're cool.
we're gonna start a band. Abhorson wants to call it like LORDS OF CONSUMING THE FLESH OF THE DEAD or something but hes got this whole scandinavian death metal gig going I think it's gonna be something a little more like BEERS
yeah
BEERS
good name.
Lair Review, Sunshine #35210
(please) dig this lair
HIHIhihihi im heeeere im REEEEADY <3 <3 <3 :D:D:D:D:D:D:D
:d
:|
:\
o_o >_< O_O
what
what happened here
oh hi there arent you a CUTIE <# wheres your mom
oh i uh
what
help
i
um whatever I said I didnt mean it im
im REALLY SORRY D:
oh god youre all just staring
I cant handle this I cant deal with this at all I have to get out I have to get out RIGHT NOW can one of you tell me how to get out of here I CANT SEE ANYTHING ANYMORE ITS ALL GOLD AND IM SCARED
AAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEE THEYRE BREEDING NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:
HELP
MOM
MOM I LOVE YOU IF I NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN I NEED YOU TO KNOW THAT I LOVE YOUUUuuuuuu~~ !!!!
!!! oh god you must know whats going on YOURE THE ONLY ONE WHO ISNT SOME FREAKY CLONE THINGY PLEASE CAN YOU HELP ME I dont even know what im doing here anymore and everybodys staring at me and smiling and I dont UNDERSTAND D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:
Lair Review, Lestenna #22846
dig this lair
shit I love ridgebacks lemme just give a solid to this guy right here
said I brought a pizza and im in like Flynn or more accurately Flynn with a pizza check it
anyway hes a scholar and a fucking gentleman as you can tell by the whole knightly getup with like the armor and whatnot strapped on and the general demeanor of earnestness and being iron and gold colored and the fact hes got his own little peasant following him around attending to shit
whats this guy up to
looks sullen
you can tell hes planning something
so my bro there tried to introduce himself and i think I broke something saying it back cause those are not sounds that are real sounds I dont care how many goddamn fermented seaberries you get your claws on a vrallazth is not a thing you call a guy
hes ben now
just ben
this is bens girl Thththththththththththth
at least I hope she is theres something about her I dig maybe its those kinda beady wildclaw eyes that look a little pissed all the time and those fuckoff huge evisceration claws on her feet
plus shes got that tiger thing going on all the time thats three or four species of mean stuck into one lady dragon
basically shes obviously a stone cold badass in a satin shirt and I think shed like my guy ben
and then i met this guy
i may or may not have pillowed my cheek on his soft and accommodating bosom for like five minutes and those five minutes were an eternity
they were an ocean
they were like the dimly remembered shelldreams of a tiny baby hatchling upon whom the travails of this naughty fucking world have not yet been visited
I cried a little
im not too proud to admit that
im not
Lair Review, Blackpearl #6223
OMG HIIIIIII
sO THE SE guys? Just let me in? AND HERE I AM D:D:D:D wait I mean :D:D:D:D:D
okay so pretty much everybody heres an imperial or kind of looks like one like maybe they're skydancers or something but they're imperials INSIDE I CAN TELL i've always been very intuitive I wanna kiss everybody <3>3 but theres LIKE A TON oh my GOD its just
its just EVERYBODYS BEAUTIFUL SOULS looking me right in the face make me want to dance so
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim comin up AND WERE GONNA GET THIS PARTY STARTE~~~~~~~d
dancing dancing this is liara and she's a beautiful beautiful flower that is a beatuful butterfly AND SHES A DRAGO N TOO we're sisters now her soul talked to me and said that was okay
shepard is all noooo I am icycool but inside I AM HOT and its TRUE!!!SHE IS SO HOT <2 she is a maniac maniac on the flo~~or
this guy tho
um
party foul a little bit I cant say he cant bring his GROSSETY ASS in here cause this isnt my house
but I hope he heard that :(:(:(:(
this is the best party and im glad I came these are good people. I love this place so much everybody is so bright and clean and pink and purple and FANCY (except that guy) you could lick ANYTHING in here and it would be okay!!! i bet that guy licks things too though so maybe not
brb theres somebody at the door
oh shit shit shithsihrihrtihofuhasduofhaohuads[ BRB 4 EVA <3<3<3<3<3 <3 U ALL IM PARTYPANTSTODANCEYDANCE ON SKYPE KEEP IN TOUCH ILU
Lair Review: Hadarac #36510
Snooty fuckers dont even keep their doors locked check it out
im hanging out with hoity toity pearlcatchers this shit is sincerely deluxe
smells good in here
so anyway here's the deal basically everybody here is naked
i'm not complaining I guess that's a thing when you're this fancy and youve got pearls the size of fucking pomeranians cruising around you just figure hey you know what im not even going to put on a fucking hat today im gonna play bareass pearl volleyball like I usually do
speaking of which
i'm gonna make this guy murinu my top gun my wing man my maverick I think you get the idea look at those god damned wings will you look at that shit you could make those fuckers into a tent for baby lamborghinis camping out on the lawn of their beachfront summer home
im kinda lost in them right now hes probably looking at me funny but that fucking kokomo song keeps running through my head and im swept away to like this tropical sex palace where everybodys a drink that comes in a pineapple
thats what those wings are about
dont know whats up with the muttonchops though
real talk though this lady here eligia is coming back home with me she doesnt know it yet but im totally convincing
gonna sidle up to her and be all hey
hey baby ooh cmon I know a place
oooh I wanna take you to bermuda, bahama come on pretty mamGOD FUCKING DAMMIT that fucking SONG
seriously though look at her shes like a million dollar cybergoth macaron <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 bet her soaps the same color she is bet it smells like freesia or something <3 <3 <3 <3 whatever the fuck a freesia is
im gonna sneak around the back a little so she doesnt see me coming I gotta make my move right
impressive yknow
hey check it out its the nests lets just have a look see whats going on he-
aw BALLS
well
guess ill just let myself out then
it was fun while it lasted
1kT Lair Reviews, AKA totally not casing the joint
Hi. I'm Cephalopod and I want to subject your lair to exactly the sort of evaluation you'd expect from somebody whose own lair is a landfill disco. I'll send one of my seasoned club dragons over to check you out and post the results; they'll probably be high but hey, it's 1000 treasure, right? Such value. And look at this face.
you want this face to look
into
your windows.
this face has seen some shit.
Send a message to Cephalopod with anything you think I should know and a cool 1k attached. Glory awaits. <3
Albino Blood Blister Babies up on the block!
Hello. I'm Cephalopod, and these are my precious babbus that despite their charm and good looks and excellent breeding ARE GOIN STRAIGHT TO POLISH UP PLAGUEMAMA'S SCABROUS BACKSIDE if nobody's feeling like adopting them.
This is my fancy lass. Dig that pallor. Those scabs, man. Unf, right? Maize/White/Maroon. She's 50k treasure.
And this is her brother, who's a goddamn spaghetti death god in the making. 15k treasure. Maize/Ice/Red. He's cheap cause lolsketti.
Three days I'm feeding these freeloaders and then GOODBYE CAREFREE CHILDHOOD. Message Cephalopod or set up a crossroads trade, first come first served. Rot in peace, citizens!
*picks up phone* ah, yes sir, we got your résumé. it’s just a bunch of photoshopped pictures of Snails playing the bass guitar. you requested a salary of 3 million dollars an hour. you’re hired
thank u im enjoying my new job
Can we just stop and take a moment to appreciate the accuracy of this picture
Because this is seriously exactly how girls hold the strands of hair when they’re braiding.
Hussie whose hair did you have to braid to learn this
Funny thing, I don't hold hair exactly like this when I braid it; I use my pinky to hold the third strand that isn't being folded. And I never had reason to think about whether that was unusual until now. BRAIDERS WEIGH IN HOW DO YOU DO YOUR SHIT
Flat Raisin time!
Flight Rising hatchling letters are my new problem. This is from my clan's newest snapper to her folks, Byrne and Baird. If you see this, Mercenary, I promise she wrote this in a moment of melancholy and felt much better after lunch.
The letter smells pretty rank; the paper's schmutzy and rumpled and there's the distinct waft of mildew and ammonia from the ink. The handwriting is childish: big careful letters in basic shapes. But the lines are straight, at least. hi momndad, im here in my new place. pizzabox says i should write to you so you know the plaguemother didnt just eat me. she didnt. after i got here i fell through the crust and when i tried to climb out i had a lettuce on me so now im named swampbuggy. THIS PLACE IS GROSS MOM. everybody smells and nobody cares and some of them have huge blisters and i hate it i want to come home. theres other snappers here but theyre GROSS and nobody looks like dad or any of my other friends. somebody gave me a bird and im confused. am i supposed to have a bird? heres a picture of my bird. pizzabox also says i should probably finish writing and come to lunch because she made potato salad. shes a tundra so she makes it wrong. im sending my blanket back because im almost a grownup now. also it smells really bad. i miss you lots and ill come visit as soon as i can. love swampbuggy
