Jumped Pt. 5
Eek this is scary. I don’t know if I’m back. I don’t know where this is going. We’ll see. I just felt compelled to continue their story. I hope you enjoy it. I’m posting this unedited so I don’t chicken out.
It had been a long day at work and I escaped the hot, muggy night at Hank’s, where the air was cold and the beer colder. Normally I enjoy my single life. I make my own schedule. I can keep my apartment as messy as I want and I never have to check in with anyone. But some days I’m lonely. Some days I wake up with an ache in my heart that I don’t know how to fill. I have friends and I know I can call them but that’s not what I need. I need to be held and I want to be wanted. I start counting the days that have passed since the last time I felt a real connection with another human and the realization that it’s been months makes me depressed.
Hence, beer. Lots of it. Alone. In a small, hole-in-the-wall bar that I’ve been coming to since before I could drink. I let the darkness blanket me and hide me from the world. The dim lamps over the pool tables are a spotlight over the steady beating of balls being struck. The noise comforts me and drowns out my thoughts. I can zone out. I try to focus on the classic rock coming out of the jukebox as a way to stop my brain from regurgitating an infuriating email from work. Recognizing “Life In the Fast Lane” by The Eagles makes me smile, possibly the first smile of the day. It takes me back. It reminds me of a boy I brought here once a year ago. He liked the Eagles. He sang along to this very song as we played pool together here. And then we had a little fling for a couple days. And then he left. He went to London first to finish writing his album, followed by promo and the release of said album. Then came a world tour. I stalked him, kind of. Can you stalk someone with 20 million Instagram followers who posts regularly? Yes, I broke down and got an Instagram. I followed him and watched him travel around the globe and be loved by millions of women. And I was proud of him. But I missed him. It wasn’t right. He wasn’t mine. But I did. You can’t have a man like Niall Horan in your life and not miss him when he’s gone.
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