Happy Birthday, Alyssa! Hope you are having a nice day. 🎉🧁
Side note: I have been waiting since the 20th and kept telling myself “it’s not today, I need to wait a few more days.” But then the day comes around and I didn’t realize the date and almost forgot to send this! So glad I didn’t.
1.) something you learned the last year 2.) something you regret 3.) something you wish someone had told you 4.) what do you want to be when you grow up 5.) a song you heard that you love
Thought of a new question too - 6.) something you want to accomplish in the year
Looking forward to your answers. Going to check out your other blog to see if you rb’d your traditional birthday song. 😊 Here’s to another trip around the sun! ♥️
anon i genuinely love you so much, i love that you come back every year without fail, and i reiterate what i said in my tags: i really did think about these questions SO many times over the past year. i feel like i've grown SO MUCH as a person over the past year, and every time i would start reflecting on that a little bit, your questions are what my mind would drift to. and it's funny cause i remember however many years ago when you first sent them, i was so "omg how do i even BEGIN with this," but now i'm to a place where i'm actively thinking about it and anticipating it throughout the year??? cause even that feels like it encapsulates so much of the growth i've experienced over this time period, which makes it that much more special, yk???
anyways, on to the questions:
something i learned in the past year is that i'm a hell of a lot stronger than i ever thought i was/could be. and that applies in a multitude of ways: a) most obviously, physically. i've been in the gym for a couple of years now, but this past year i went really hard on it and it's paying off in dividends. at the beginning of the year i couldn't even do a full pushup and now i can do 20+. i'm teaching myself how to do a pull-up. i lost a bunch of weight and feel so good (and most importantly STRONG and CAPABLE) in my body. and on a related note b) mentally, especially in setting and achieving goals. obviously a lot of the goals i'm setting for myself right now are in the gym, but it's been so fun to decide like "i want to do this thing i've never done before" and then just work and work at it until i achieve it. i think there's always been some element of that to me, but this year i've really leaned into it and come to love that part of me. c) emotionally. this year, to be honest, was a MOTHERFUCKER. it truly contained some of the worst fucking moments of my life, particularly when my favorite f1 driver was unceremoniously kicked out of the sport and then my grandpa unexpectedly passed away a month later. when i tell you i was in the fucking TRENCHES for months and months and months, and the fact that i feel like i've been able to come out the other side and find new things to bring me joy and lean on the people that i love...it's been really, really special and it makes me feel proud of myself for doing it yk? and d) this should probably fit in one of the other categories but it was just SUCH a huge thing that i would be remiss to not to make mention of it: putting myself out there. there was a guy i was getting to know (in person) and it felt like maybe there was Something There, and eventually it got to a point where i decided to make the first move and ask if i could give him my number. it didn't ultimately work out—he had just started seeing somebody and wanted to focus on that—but just the fact that i did that fucking rocked and made me feel SO proud of myself (and CONTINUES to make me feel so proud of myself) because previous versions of me would neverrrrrrrr lmao
i can honestly and truthfully say i don't think i have a single regret??? i went thru a lot of shit and i handled it as best i could. are there things i wish i could change? yeah. but i wouldn't say any of it is regret.
i'm gonna go slightly left and tell you something someone DID tell me that was huge for me. first of all, backstory: after daniel ricciardo (my favorite f1 driver) was cruelly and completely unnecessarily fired in the middle of the season last year (less than two months after going back on a HUGE promotion he was meant to get, mind you (whatever, it's fine, i'm over it (lying))), i was fucking DEVASTATED. like i truly cannot explain to you how fucking in the muck i was about that shit and for how fucking long. like it quite literally ruined me lmao. anyways while i was in the middle of all that, i was talking to my beautiful, beloved ray and gwen about it a lot, and the thing i kept coming back to over and over again was just this feeling of not even being able to accept that this was a real thing that had really happened yk?? and so at one point gwen told me something that she had been told, which was "accepting that something is happening doesn't mean you have to like it." i'll admit i still spent a longgggg time in the muck after that—and to be honest i'm not totally out of the muck yet and might never be!—but that realization and being able to come to a place of acceptance did so much for me in terms of being able to eventually move on to this place where i DO feel happy and fulfilled in other ways yk??
at this point in my life, the thing i most want to be when i grow up is completely, unapologetically myself. and i know maybe that sounds cheesy, but when i think about all the growth i've seen in myself over these past few years, and this past year specifically, and how that's kind of changed the way that i relate to other people....i just want to KEEP doing that. i want to keep going down this path that i've already started on. i want to find the things that make me happy and push myself in ways i wouldn't have expected before and not give a shit what anyone else thinks of me and all these different things. self-confidence, i think is what it really all comes down to. that's what i want to be when i grow up.
as per usual, i cannot give you just one: 1. baile inolvidable - bad bunny (i barely speak spanish but i got so into bad bunny this year and this song specifically? INSANE), 2. all over me - haim (i love haim i love being horny i love putting a man in his place of course i love this song), 3. all for you - janet jackson ("got a nice package alright/guess i'm gonna have to ride it tonight" EXACTLY GIRL), 4. back to friends - sombr (idk what this guy is putting in his songs but i cannot get enough, they're literal crack to me. honorable mention for '12 to 12' which is also a fucking BANGER and HEAVY on the playlist currently), 5. tell me why - gotts street park & olive jones (perfect groovy little downtempo tune, every single time i'm in the kitchen it WILL be in the rotation)
something i want to accomplish- i want to do a fucking pull-up. that's it, that's what i want. i could make this something deep and serious, but if we're being honest that's the goal i've set for myself and it's something i'm working really hard on and i want to do really bad. and i'm going to.
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