Guys⌠I came home and Marc wasnât here. Has anyone heard from him lately? He left some notes.. and I.. I canât even finish reading the one he wrote for me.. I think heâs gone..
 Uh, well, Caleb had a little accident and is in the hospital under suicide watch. I promised him that Iâd spend most of my time with him so he didnât have to think about the hospital.
Tell us about your secret. Is your secret the reason you're here? If so, why?
She died the day I turned sixteen. We were in our sophomore year, and I still lived back in Manchester. Every one says it wasn't my fault, I tried to do everything to save her, but it had been my idea. I wanted to try anything I ccould, I wanted to see it all and to know it all. My parents always taught me that experimenting was the best way to create your own opinions, you shouldn't let anyone else tell you what to do and why, and that was exactly what I was doing. And she was my sidekick, she was always there to make me company on everything I wanted to do and of course to keep me company.
Nicole wasn't really innocent either, that was exactly how she became one of my best friends, we both wanted to try everything we could, we didn't want to be scared of anything, but I don't think any of us though it would end up that way, perhaps most people thought it would be me the who would end up in a coffin. After she died, I finished my sophomore year with poor grades, I suppose mom and dad were worried about it, everything I did had never really affected my grades until now; that was when they decided to send me to Lancaster, a boarding school.
It was full of rich kids even though I never considered myself one of them, I guess mom earned enough money, I made some good friends, but I never quite forgot about her, not even now. Things just got worse while I was there, I skipped classes and I drank way too much any time I could. Spencer was my guy to go for this, I suppose, he provided everything I could need to not think about Nicole, drugs, alcohol, sex, even a good laugh from time to time. Cole was nice too, he was one of my closest friends, I could've loved him.
But none of them ever knew about Nicole, they never knew the reason why I constantly drank too much and talked so little, or why I spent my days drawing and fighting with my math teacher instead of trying to make friends. She was everything I ever had, I had never been good at getting close with people, she was the first person I ever considered to be a true friend of mine, and losing her was hell, it was absolutely nothing to anything I ever felt before or after she was gone.
She just smiled, you know, that âEffy smileâ, that means, âYou donât know me at all. You never willâ. But I do know her and I know that she has got so much love in her heart but the thought of letting it out, showing her cards, scares her to death.
 Oh no, I donât think I could do that to him. I like him a lot. Sometimes itâs hard to deal with, but in my case, itâs not that had to deal with.
I suppose so, but you could always say that he was the one who didn't agree with the goverment and started the rebellion. It is, and it was very hard for me, for a long time.
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