The Delicate Balance of Self-Love and Self-Improvement
Beyond Imperfection
To love oneself, I’ve often noticed, is often misconstrued as to assume one is perfect. True self-love, in my view, is the acceptance that while one is not perfect, one is worthy of love and respect. It is realizing that imperfections are part of the human condition – that it doesn't translate to a lack of need for improvement. In fact, recognizing the areas where we can grow is a healthy, integral aspect of self-love. It allows us to embrace our entirety, fostering growth not despite our flaws, but because of them.
The Rubric Illusion
When we assess ourselves in professional settings, physical health, etc. we often apply a rubric—a set of standards or criteria by which we can measure growth, improvement, and deterioration. An illustrative moment from my life was during an interview I was asked to assess my own performance. When asked why I had marked myself as lower than perfect. I cited arriving late and other minor infractions. So, is my next interview going to be perfect, now that I got lower marks? Or am I never again going to be late? This interaction highlighted that while self-evaluation is critical, it should also be contextual. The scores we assign ourselves or the areas we aim to improve are snapshots, confined by specific contexts and moments. They are not, and should not be seen as, comprehensive evaluations of our worth or potential. Recognizing this can liberate us from undue harshness towards ourselves, allowing us to focus on growth without the burden of perceived perpetual inadequacy.
Coddling the Ego
True self-love must be distinguished from the mere coddling of one’s ego by retreating into a self-affirming bubble. It involves a willingness to confront one’s flaws. It requires breaking away from the comfortable delusions about one’s infallibility or superiority. Embracing not only our imperfections and the occasional helplessness in the face of challenges, and moving forward with resilience, and most importantly, recognizing our potential for improvement does not undermine self-love; rather, it reinforces it by fostering genuine self-awareness and growth. This type of love encourages us to take risks, challenge our limitations, and engage with the world in a more open and honest way.
In Conclusion
Embracing ourselves is about finding strength in our vulnerabilities and seeing the continuous path of improvement not as a journey towards becoming someone else, but as becoming better versions of ourselves. It’s about understanding that the rubrics we apply are just tools, not definitions of our essence. In doing so, we not only love ourselves more genuinely but also enrich the ways we connect with and contribute to the world around us.