My heart is nuclear ... @nitallica - Tumblr Blog

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When your bestie goes to a Renfaire and comes back with warning labels for you: I'm so wearing these to work. :) source: https://www.nickifaulk.com/2026/05/31/warning-labels/

I really should post more. I keep telling myself this. I just haven't had the spoons. Work is ... difficult. I come home mentally and emotionally drained, and basically just potato and decompress until bedtime. Then sleep, get up, rinse/repeat. I get out and people as needed on the weekends. My anxiety is still all over the place. All day, every day. Most days the darkness is held at bay by my meds, so that's good I guess? Maybe I'll start reviewing books here since that's how I'm currently spending most of my time: reading. I haven't wanted to game much, and books have always been one of my favorite ways to escape. Plus, a bonus: BOOK CLUB! That's actually one of the ways I am getting out and meeting folks now. My therapist approves. Mom too. :) In fact, I'm sitting here fangirling hard right now over a book due out soon by Kresley Cole. I've long been a fan of her Immortals After Dark series, and the first of her new Immortals Untold series is dropping end of July. I can't wait! :::fangirling intensifies::: Maybe that's what I'll do, share my thoughts about my beloved books? I've been posting to a private forum for the last couple of years, but honestly I could share here too I guess? source: https://www.nickifaulk.com/2026/05/27/im-all-booked/

It's a full moon...

... and I'm feeling a little fragile. This year so far has been a circus. And not the fun kind. Oy. source: https://www.nickifaulk.com/2026/05/02/its-a-full-moon/

So Alexa got a personality upgrade recently. I've kept the "old" voice and everything has seemed pretty low key. That is, until this morning when she roasted me: Excuse me while I find a hammer ... ;) source: https://www.nickifaulk.com/2026/01/14/so-much-sass/

Nostalgia wins ... for now ...

I may reblog this to my gaming blogs later, but starting here for now ...

I had been resisting, until last night -- I agreed to try Aion 2 when it releases for NA/West. I held out as long as I could. Really. Truly! :P

I've been looking over videos and snippets of the Korean and Taiwan developer live streams, and various articles about what's been teased so far, and it looks interesting. I have a few thoughts to share on the matter ... https://www.nickifaulk.com/2025/09/02/nostalgia-wins-for-now/

The full moon is upon me yet again ...

... but it feels like this one is hitting me harder than usual. Reggie has been in my thoughts non-stop. There are times I think I see him, and my heart breaks all over again when I remember that he's gone. I've been thinking about Heather too. In fact, I had a dream about her; I was racing across town trying to get to her and warn her that she was about to die. Each time I tried, I failed. I awoke shaken and in tears. I like my job at Hibbett. My recruiter, Shane, had convinced me to give them a try; and I'm glad that I did. My teammate, Jon is a good dude. My boss George is also a good dude. I've made a few friends. (so far no enemies that I'm aware of) The benefits are far better than my previous two jobs, so there's that. The commute to/from work and being in the office is killing me. I can negate some traffic a bit by leaving earlier, but some days it still takes me an hour to get home. And, I like my users, but they drain me. Figuratively and literally. I come home exhausted and spend my weekends recovering (sometimes not even doing that). My migraines have increased ten-fold. My anxiety is through the roof, but I've avoided medicating to try and push myself. (and wonder if I'm harming myself more in the process) Oh well. At least home is comfortable, and soon it will no longer be hotter than Satan's ballsack outside. And football starts up again. My book club is planning more excursions since cooler weather is coming, so I'm looking forward to those. I've been seeing Donna and Jennifer, and their husbands pretty regularly, so at least I'm getting out more. That at least gets my mother and my therapist off my back. :) It's the little things, right? source: https://www.nickifaulk.com/2025/08/06/the-full-moon-is-upon-me-yet-again/

Add to the "things I should do" list ...

I have lots of lists. One of them is "things I should do." Keeping a dream diary is one such thing. I write down entries here and there if I remember to do so, or I tell my therapist about them, and then they're completely gone from my mind. (hence why I should record them all!) Here's one I had the wherewithal to record on my phone on September 23rd, 2024: Last night I had a dream that mostly I do not remember except for the very end. I was in my childhood home and I think my dad was with me as well as my kid. I can't remember if there was noise or not I just remember him pointing to the back door and looking out the window I saw these tall plumes. Kind of like nuclear mushroom clouds, but thinner. They were extremely bright yellow and red and white. They were racing towards the house and dad was trying to get me and my kid to go down into the basement. I knew we wouldn't make it in time, nor would we be protected. I remember reaching out as if to hold them back with my hand, and feeling the heat. Then everything exploded, and I remember thinking "this is how I die." I was burning and I think I screamed. Then I woke up. source: https://www.nickifaulk.com/2025/04/06/add-to-the-things-i-should-do-list/

It is what it is

So yesterday afternoon I was laid off. I had actually seen this coming but had hoped I had more time. There's been some disturbing events I've witnessed and can't talk about (because: NDA), potential workplace violations, and other things that honestly don't really matter now because my focus is now full time to find another job. I had been looking on the sly for a couple of months. I've been unhappy with workplace politics and (more things I can't discuss). So now it is what it is. My team was gutted. As far as I know all other departments are 'safe' ... for now. I will miss my team, they're great guys. I really hate job searching. Almost as much as I hate online dating, because the two are so similar. Bleh, but it is what it is. source: https://www.nickifaulk.com/2025/04/02/it-is-what-it-is/

It's the simple things ...

That moment when a forum mod makes your day ... Subject: Title Accepted! Message: Hi there, We're pleased to inform you that your choice of custom title "Was left unsupervised during a full moon" has been approved, and has been added to your account. Regards, Staff source: https://www.nickifaulk.com/2025/03/12/its-the-simple-things/

Merry Christmas, Happy Solstice, and Merry Yule, y'all!

How much?

This time of year sucks. It's a plain and simple fact. Some years I manage OK, but this year isn't one of them. One of the downsides of starting a new job, and getting a new team and 'work family' is knowing how much to share about my past traumas, explaining why I am the way I am. My DP fam are fantastic, I love them to bits. My boss is a great guy. That said, I cannot wait for the holidays to pass by as quickly as possible. The great thing about being with ibml so long was everyone knew why I hated the holidays and avoided it in discussions because they knew it was painful for me. No one knows that here. I've opened up to a few folks and said this time of year is difficult but left it at that. However, I'm unable to navigate most conversations away from holiday questions and discussions without being rude, standoffish, or even downright cold. I'm not that person. But at the same time, how do I eloquently, discreetly convey that I can't talk about the why because I don't know that person well enough to trust them with my pain? Dare I share more about why I'm this way? How much do I tell? How much do I hold back? Who do I trust with this vulnerable part of myself? Simplest path: trust no one, tell nothing. Either way I'm still suffering ... source: https://www.nickifaulk.com/2024/11/27/how-much/

Civic Duty ...

Some days?

Actually, most days ... All I really need is just someone to hug me and tell me that it will all be OK. source: https://www.nickifaulk.com/2024/08/23/some-days/

Happy Birthday to Me!

Hell's Dells

I'd forgotten how much I loathe Dell's website in general. After buying my new laptop, I had points racked up. After receiving said laptop, I completely forgot all about them until I received an email that they're expiring in a couple of months. So like any geek, I went looking for something to spend them on. Seriously, their search leaves much to be desired. After an hour of clicking around, I gifted myself a new shiny toy which should be coming in just after my birthday. Hooray for me! :) Unfortunately, I've been having to hit the Dell Support site for work-related items several times over the last few weeks and it's now the bane of my existance. I thought IBM's site was bad. I'd clearly forgotten Dell's is worse. I remember having to look up something during my time with ibml, and raged endlessly about how bad the experience was. Right now I'm on 'chat' with someone in Dell Basic Support because I can't access anything else without a service tag. My question is about Dell OMSA (OpenManage Server Administrator), making it a software issue, not related to any one machine. I look over on the next tab here and there's a big QR code with "We're available on Apple Chat. Scan to start a conversation with Dell Technical Support." Yeah, NO. They're on WhatsApp too. Seriously? I half-considered creating a throwaway WA account just to get to speak to a real person. Bleh. So far MSP life has been ... nothing like I expected. The horror stories I've heard haven't applied to Dataperk, so I'm super happy about that. I haven't started in the on-call rotation yet, but so far this job is fun and I'm learning tons. As much I wanted SVP to be great, the truth is: the year I spent with them took at least 5 years or more off of my life. I feel that the way I was treated leading up to and post- my departure speaks volumes about their culture (or lack thereof). "And that's all I'm gonna say about that." So anyways, I'm fighting migraines from hell and staying busy with work. I haven't had the spoons to do much else. Even gaming has taken a back seat. I play GW2 mostly weekends and some days not even then. I've been re-reading a lot of my favorite books. I can't take any time off until after my 90 day probation is up at DP, so no concerts or trips until this summer ... and even then, where would I go? Maybe go see my kid? You know what they say, "when Muhammad does not go to the mountain" ... source: https://www.nickifaulk.com/2024/04/04/hells-dells/

A soft spot for legacy software

So I have news

The new laptop finally came in. I went with another Alienware (an M18 this time) because at the time I was still employed at SVP and we had a nice big discount with Dell, putting it far below the ASUS ROG I had been eyeing. Basically the same specs, and to be fair, until my last lappy ate itself, both brands had proven rock solid. Dell's tech support proved slightly better than ASUS in my own personal experience. And considering that machine was well over 7 years old, I'd say that it held up really well! So now I'm still moving data over. I had online backups through Carbonite which kept most things that I'd forgotten. Sadly, I lost my OneNote notebook. The online copy was over a year out of date. Apparently it had stopped backing up, and I could not find any local copies. If I could've gone back, I would have manually exported a backup copy somewhere. Oh well, you live and you learn. Sucks because that's where I stored all of my custom Powershell scripts I'd written over the years. Bleh! Almost all of my software licenses were backed up via email or my external backup drive. Unfortunately about 25% of my Plex library is on that drive too since I'd store my manual DVD and BluRay rips there. I've now got the drive mounted on my Shield again, so those are populating back into Plex now. I lost the rips I had done of my iTunes library, so I'll have to do those over. No biggie, just gonna take time. I wish to God someone had a place where I could buy movies and TV shows with no DRM. I mean, it's easy enough to buy on DVD or BluRay and rip it myself, but the out of print stuff is harder and harder to find. :( Like, I'd love to have all of Murder She Wrote. Let me pay to download full copies to own myself and put on my Plex so I can watch offline. That's one of my few comfort shows. Netflix, Hulu, Peacock Premium, hell even just basic cable, it's all too expensive now. Let me pay for and own what I want. /le sigh At least DRM-free music is easy to find and usually pretty reasonably priced, so no worries there. :) Also: I accepted a job offer this past Friday with DataPerk. It'll be a pay and benefits cut, but the job sounds fun. The guys I met seemed nice enough. I'm not looking forward to having to go through all the medical authorizations for all of my treatments and medications again (considering we JUST did that when SVP changed providers). And DP's benefits do not cover my therapy so I'll be back to paying that out of pocket, which is going to hurt for a while. Better than going without though. Been there, did that, not gonna be that stupid again. I honestly don't have updates on much else. I know I need to get away first chance I get. Unwind, let off some steam. The last year has mostly not been good for me outside of the few trips I took. This year I need to take better care of myself, drawing firmer boundaries where needed (family included). So we'll see ... source: https://www.nickifaulk.com/2024/01/28/so-i-have-news/

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