The Fear of the Word 'Abortion'
It is a monthly ritual for girls everywhere. According to your dependable menstrual calender app, you’re supposed to be well into the period days. Even a tinge of a stomach cramp gets you rushing to the bathroom to check if you’ve finally got it. The thought of a possible pregnancy makes you so nauseous that you quickly convince yourself to ignore it and keep busy. It’s also around the same time that your Google search history reads, ‘How can I make my period come faster?’ which is right above, ‘early signs of pregnancy’. When you tell the boy that you’re worried, he stutters and stumbles, clearly torn between the need to comfort you and run away as fast as he can. Meanwhile, girlfriends reassure you that they’ve been through the scare many times and everything is always okay; no tears, no abortions, nothing messy. You will definitely get your period and like every other month and get on with your life. But what do you do when everything doesn’t go as smoothly?
Growing up in a culture where parents can barely have an honest conversation about sex with their children, getting pregnant is every Indian girl’s worst nightmare. Since having a child out of wedlock is tabooed, any slips which result in pregnancy can only mean one thing - Abortion. The most grievous problem for any girl who even considers abortion, is dealing with the shame associated with it. How has it come to a situation where we’re indulgent in sharing information about our sexual exploits, but when sex results in a pregnancy it turns the previously garrulous mute?
Why is the entire incident treated like a tragedy? With the march of modern feminism, the message of making abortion socially acceptable should be printed in bold on all our protest placards. Latika Ahuja*, a 25-year-old psychologist recounts, “I was 19 when it happened, barely a few years back, but it feels like a lifetime ago,” she says. “Even though I knew we had been careless, my first reaction was disbelief. I couldn’t believe that it had happened to me. With barely any help from my then-boyfriend, I got in touch with gynecologists and abortion clinics on my own. My parents are supportive of my every decision, but they could never know.”
Similarly, Anandita Saboo*, a 28-year-old copywriter said, “I mustered up the courage and told my parents, but they insisted that I get married to my boyfriend. It was exactly like the movie Kya Kehna and just like in the movie; my boyfriend was a brat who refused to take responsibility. There was no way I was going to spend the rest of my life regretting. It didn’t have to end like a Bollywood film. I worked with a counselor and stopped thinking of it as the one big mistake of my life.”
Akaashi Malhotra, a 23-year-old student had a fresher approach - “One of my closest friends in college got pregnant in second-year. Like we did with everything else, our group of friends went through this one as a family. To keep her spirits up, we decided that we would make the episode anything but depressing. We went for the doctor’s appointment as a group of four. We let judging frowns be answered by our optimism and cheery smiles. We were there to help her recover, day and night, like we would if she was down with any other illness. Even today, we speak about it openly and are proud that we handled it so well.” Unlike citizens of many other countries, Indian girls can legally choose to get an abortion. Clinics and medication are easily accessible – if fact, sometimes a bit too easily. The stigma attached to unmarried pregnancies leads young girls to make rash decisions. The abortion pill, Mifepristone, became available as an over-the-counter drug in 2002. With the ability to be able to buy everything online, young girls are opting for them without consulting a doctor. These medicines are strong, and have side effects that include haemorrhage, sepsis and perforation. Under immense pressure to terminate the pregnancy as soon as possible, girls fail to understand the need for the tests and check-ups that precede taking such heavy medication. The pill may be convenient, but its use requires supervision and control.
Caitlin Moran, a columnist for Britain’s The Times, wrote in her book, How to be a Woman, about her decision to abort her third child. She described in detail the series of emotions she went through. She loved being a mother to her two daughters, but she couldn’t go through it for the third time. She isn’t the only famous name who has spoken up about her experience. Writer Nora Ephron, actress Joan
Collins, singer Anni DiFranco, comedian Chelsea Handler, and talk show host Whoppi Goldberg have all publically spoken about their decisions to get abortions. Sadly, there are no Indian names on that list. Hopefully the day isn’t far when we girls decide to speak freely about the experiences that have changed us, without shame or regret. Sharing and acknowledging the feeling of loss and guilt is the first step in creating a healthy supportive zone.
By DIY Editorial