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@niveusphoenix
[ indie private rp blog for GB!Jean Grey - Jasper Grey ]
Somethings wrong | ExoculoDux
Back there..
He should be back there.
No matter how many steps he took, each one felt like he was walking the wrong way. He wasn’t though, well, he didn’t actually know. Back behind him, was the bedroom but, it was also another hallway that Jasper could have gone down to. Nothing was that way besides more rooms so, the kitchen was his next best guess. The kitchen, then the library and if not there the garden. Where…where was he? Where was Jasper?
He shouldn’t be panicking like this. Not because it was too soon to throw the cards in and expect the worst, it was late at night and the man couldn’t have gone too far. It’s because he just shouldn’t. Explaining would do him no good, he couldn’t even fully understand the feeling himself. Right now, he needs to focus on hide and seek.
Screaming. Loud in his head. Noises, that didn’t belong there.
A second went by silence.
Not enough time to know what hit him, what left. Like their link had gone from a continues tone then flared up before dropping into a comfortable hum. One that had him closing his blue eyes, listening to the comfort. A feeling of home.
This was his reality. Scott picking himself back up onto his feet, palm pressed against his forehead. You don’t dream when you’re awake. He opened his eyes, heart swelling when he found him. Safe, a little shaken but safe. Every feeling was real. Not another second passed before he was marching up to the man who stole his heart, concern laced in his features. Poking, searching, for that link only they share.
”—-Hey, Jasper..”
”Hey..”
Like nothing had ever taken place. No Death. No pain, betrayal and no heart break. Nothing. Just Scott, concerned, healthy and alive. Never once remembering that just days before Jasper died at the hands of Wolverine, his team member.
Because it never happened.
“Baby, what are you doing..?”
His touch feels so real that Jasper nearly sobs right there and then. In reality their link is broken, it snapped the moment Jasper died and he can only imagine the pain Scott must be in if these were the dreams he was having. Jasper still thrived on contact, there was no avoiding that but no matter how many dreams he wandered into and how many times he touched Scott; it wasn't real. He starved a little more each day and it was making it difficult to find all the pieces of himself and the Phoenix in order to somehow return to Scott in a way that would help. So he feels no relief but he clings to the other mutant anyway even though it's torture, breathing in his scent. Nothing is real here and yet everything is and Jasper knows he's screwed up. How could he forget he was dead, pain like that doesn't go away, the hollowness from losing Scott doesn't ever ease. Jasper fears that if Scott were ever to find out what he was doing, he would be locked out his lover (ex-lover?) and never be able to find a way back. "I-I was..." What was he doing? Now he's aware, he knows he should be in the bedroom and this is wrong and as strange as it sounds, he's incapable of lying in Scott's own dream so Jasper goes for the honest yet cloaked route. "I-I don't know. I woke up and I was scared and you were gone and I thought--" Jasper glances back over his shoulder to the kitchen, all these rooms that only exist because Scott has kept this memory for some reason. Something about it Scott cherishes or fears and Jasper dreads to know which one it is. "I forgot... thought you might be in the kitchen but there was no one there, just noise..." Jasper drops to a whisper before turning back and burying his face in Scott's neck. He can't get close enough. It's never close enough and it makes him ache, yet he doesn't pull away, just clings ever so desperate to the man he'd tear planets apart just to save.
Somethings wrong | ExoculoDux
He stepped silently across the hallway carpet, trying to be quick but not alert anyone of his hurry. In a place like this a simple quick walk could put any kid on high alert and they might raise a red flag. Even in their own home, their own haven, they lived in f e a r.
First was there room, no one. That set something off in the back of his head but, for some reason he just couldn’t p[in point exactly what. It was all wrong. Wrong. Wrong..
Still, his body moved on it’s own. Into the room, fingers gently caressing the covers, damp from what he guessed was sweat. A nightmare? He turned around, looking towards the bathroom..
No ones there.
“Jasper..”
He didn’t call out for him, it wasn’t a question. Running his hand down his face, Scott again looked around. It felt like he was in the right place. A small ‘Found you!’ sounding out in his head but—found who? His boyfriend clearly wasn’t in here.
Once he finally got over the off feeling, he picked up the pace and left their room, looking down both sides of the hallways before taking a guess and running down that way. Screw the students, to him this was as important as a missing persons case. His second choice is the kitchen, maybe he got up for a glass of water. That made his heart ache, he should have been with him, Scott should have gotten out of bed to get him a refreshment. It hurts but, he can’t always be there.
”Hone—Aah!”
A feeling blared in his head, intense enough to falter his foot steps. Almost bringing the man to his knees. It hurt, like something without permission just made its way through the mental blocks he had up.
Not through them but pounding, like banging your fist on a door.
Wrong wrong wrong. It's all wrong and Jasper can't work out why, so he digs deeper and deer, trying to get more power and more control over the noise in his head. All these voices that make no sense, he's fairly sure half of them aren't even yelling in English and it scares him. but not as much as his inability to distinguish between them and a mental link he built up with his soul mate over years of love together. "I just-- please be quiet I just need--!" It's then that he notices the flames dancing over his skin, the Phoenix swirling around and projecting a physical form to try and protect Jasper from his internal agony but it has no effect on him, not enough to dull down anything until the noise is screaming in his mind so loud he's sure his ears will bleed. Then it all falls quiet. Falls quiet because he catches sight of Scott, the man he's been so desperately trying to reach and everything falls into place. The Phoenix is not helping because it's not a part of him anymore. The noise isn't mind from the schools but simply traffic and thoughts from Scott himself. Because Jasper is dead and this is a dream. He died. He remembers the claws piercing into him, the warmth gushing over his abdomen and the tears of apology in Logan's eyes as he robbed Jasper of a life he had been trying to leave for months. When all the torment from himself and the Phoenix finally came to an end. It took months of wandering the astral plane and searching the White Room to gain enough of himself back and lock onto Scott, to feed on that connection and draw strength while setting up a home within Scott's mind. In a place the mutant would never look, yet Jasper was too selfish, he walked through Scott's dreams and tried to piece him back together. And this... this is a memory. The nightmare had been concerning the jet, Scott crashing and he'd bolted awake, sobbed and then sagged into Scott's arms when he came back alive-- the bedroom No wonder everything was wrong. It was too easy to forget you were dead. The flames vanish and Jasper tries to remember more from this night, from when he'd shows Scott such a weak, needy part of himself but all he see's is Scott stumble and Jasper's there in seconds sliding arms around his waist and pulling him tight and close. Even a dream could feel real, until you woke up. It was a form of torture for Jasper, if he ever reclaimed his mind and a physical form... surely Scott would never forgive him? Jasper took what he could. "Scott--"
Somethings wrong | ExoculoDux
Something feels…off.
The team leader felt the sudden change in atmosphere, like the world around him faltered, just a fraction. On the outside, his lips tugged down, indicating nothing about his sudden switch in inside. Tapping his fingers against the jets controls, he lets out a small sigh. It’s dark, the mission took longer than it should have. He was supposed to be home hours ago, tiptoeing into his room so that he doesn’t wake Jasper, and enjoying the tired look of surprise he would get when the man woke up. Just arriving now, nearly light out, he isn’t too satisfied. Though if he remembers correctly, his boyfriend shouldn’t have any classes right now.
Finally, he parked the damn thing and left, headed for the locker rooms to suit down and go to bed. He was about to take a shower but, that uneasy feeling wouldn’t leave. Where was it coming from? ….Where else?
[ Jasper, baby, are you awake? ]
——————Silence.
A shower can wait, it wouldn’t hurt to go see what the man was doing. Better safe than sorry. Trying to reach for their mental link just made his head hurt, hopefully it was just a migraine. Hopefully.
rainbows and kittens and puppies and fairground rides and candyfloss and fast cars and horses and paint and school and powers and mutants and screaming and laughing and crying and cuddles and parents hitting their children and children running from their parents and fear and anger and terror and dreams It all floods into Jasper's mind, he can't stopped the flow or the connection with everyone and neither can he sift through the noise and lock on to his lover. He can't find their connection, can't find their connection and the Phoenix gives no sign of finding Scott either. They could be on opposites of the world and still be able to talk to one another only right now Jasper is lost in his own mind. "Shut up...--shut up! Stop talking please I can--...can't..."
There's no one there listening to him, most of the house is asleep and Jasper's despair goes unheard. He can't even quite remember what the dream was, only that he felt like he was being torn away from Scott in every way. He makes his way out the kitchen, not feeling the heat of the flames that rise across his skin before vanishing, just simple bursts of power as Jasper's walls came down, searching for more power to search deeper. Scott had to be there, somewhere. If not, the alternative was too horrible to consider.
It's not right, not right something's wrong.
Jasper's nightmare had felt much too real, much too raw for his liking and it's the first time in a long time that the mutant screams himself awake. Only Scott's not there beside him. The bed is empty and cold and vaguely he remembers something about an over night mission but his mind is too loud to focus. He can hear everything and everyone in the mansion. He stumbles out of bed, not noticing the spark of flame that licks at his finger tips, that Jasper is so worked up the Phoenix is fighting and ready to defend Jasper from whatever is causing him so much pain. It's a rare time when the Phoenix doesn't benefit from the raw terror in Jasper's gut and thus is on point but as Jasper finally stumbles into the kitchen, Scott's not to be found anywhere. Jasper trembles, searching through all the voices too loud in his head but it's too difficult. He can't locate Scott, can't split apart the voices.
I'VE BEEN TAGGED BUT IT WON'T SHOW UP >.<
He frowned a bit, no guess? Alright. Scott walked into the room and plopped the object on his boyfriends lap. "I uh, didn't know if you would like it. I couldn't really ask you because that would have been counter productive to this surprise." He looked down at the bag, which contained only a gold scarf, nothing much but..he always thought of Jasper as something golden, even when he couldn't actually see the color. "We can take it back.."
"Isn't a bit counter productive to give your own true love a present then say you'll take it back before they've even looked at it?" Jasper smirked a little, catching Scott's sleep to tug him down onto the bed next to him while his free hand went hunting around inside the bag. He pulled out the scarf slowly, watching it pour like silk and huffing out a laugh in wonder if Scott thought the scarf was red and that's why he bought it. But no, it was gold and the mutant grinned slowly. "It's beautiful."
"So I was out shopping today.." He leaned on the door frame, both his hands held behind his back and a small smile gracing his lips. "Take a guess at what your man got for you, no cheating."
"No idea."
”I love you too, Jasper.”
"Damn right."
”No, not at all, I was saying you don’t need to only compliment my..
—-but you are right?”
"With a sex change in mind I just assumed. But there isn't a single bit of you that I would change. Not ever."
”That’s not what I meant.”
"Is this one of those tests where you try to see if I'm only with you for the sex?"
”You can’t say anything about my eyes instead?”
"Well I assume if you had a sex change, your eyes would stay the same."
”Uh huh, okay Jasper.”
"I promise that's a compliment."
”That wouldn’t happen.”
"Good, 'cause I'd sure as hell miss your dick."
”Just me, then?”
"If you decided to have a sex change then yes, I'd be straight just for you."
exoculodux replied to your post: exoculodux asked:Gay ...
Does that mean your’e straight for someone else?
"No."
Gay
"Only for you."