How to Lose Friends and Influence Nobody
I don’t want to hear your bullshit about how love is a social construct
I am too good for Facebook, and so are you
We don’t have infinite time
Some things are precious, but they aren’t things really
I fear death, and I am not ashamed about it
I fear life, and I am ashamed about it
Google has a monopoly, and nobody seems to care
All this miraculous technology, and we are mostly using it to look at pornography and play games
Edward Snowden acted heroically because he sacrificed his comfortable lifestyle to warn an apathetic country about violations they don’t even care about it
Let them eat electronic money
I feel like if anything were actually based on merit, I would have already won by now
Nietzsche is far more dead than God
This is the end of the first poem
“Fool myself once, shame on me
Fool myself twice, shame on me
Fool myself thrice, I hate myself
Fool myself four times, suicide is an option”
All I’ve ever wanted is everything I’ve ever wanted as soon as possible at as little cost to me as possible
Is that really so much to ask?
I’m not at all confident that people get what they deserve
This is the end of the second poem
This is a prayer I say to myself:
I promise to learn to help”
FYI probably the worst thing the internet did for our generation was popularize nihilism, but who can say whether the chicken or the egg came first?
I don’t mean to be brash, but you’re all fucking cowards
Woe to you who laugh now, for you will mourn and weep
Lil B rawest rapper – Lil B
Am I bad person for not reciprocating oral sex?
What if I told you that I did not even want her to suck my penis but was afraid to tell her so because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings?
I’m talking about my generation
Language itself is a fractal, probably
Emptiness is form, and form is emptiness, and so on
I used to enjoy Zen koans, but now I don’t enjoy anything
Who was it who once said, a little philosophy inclineth man’s mind to atheism, but depth in philosophy bringeth men’s minds to religion?
We are living in a dark age where bacon is not really just a food anymore but also a highly marketable meme, and people think they are some thing
I went to the mall, and boy were there products
Disregard love, and have sexual intercourse
Damn, I will never be younger than I am right now
When you don’t have a good reason to live, you don’t have a good reason to live
Material comfort does little to combat immaterial discomfort
I’ll see it when I believe it, and not vice versa
Some people masturbate by having sex with another person
Why is everybody constantly mistaking technical expertise for genuine intelligence?
I suppose it could only be the way it already is
Otherwise, wouldn’t it be different?
You and I are exactly the same
Would not a rose smell as sweet etc.
You’re imputing the meaning
Everybody needs an inspiration, and I choose Kanye West
When they ask me how I finally made it through in the end, I will utter one word:
That’s the end of poem four
I only want to make you believe me so that I can make me believe me
I have heard it said that what you put into the universe is exactly what you get back
Well, I must have put some real bullshit into the universe ha ha ha ha ha ha ha no but really
Obama is probably trying his best, just like you are
Unfortunately, Obama’s best is still not good enough
If you gaze into the social media, the social media gazes also into you
You are many statistics combined
The only way out is through
Unable to sleep willingly, so now I got these pills that make me
I am ordering chicken fries in the Burger King drive thru because I read a lot of tweets about chicken fries
I am not above being influenced by nationwide marketing campaigns
Advertising works because people think it doesn’t
I am only human, and I wish I were more but I’m not
Anyway last week I went to the hospital, and I am afraid to write about it in any serious manner not because I am ashamed of my mental health but because psychological issues are grossly overused in lit and cliched to the point of, it disgusts me
I think the banality of my suffering terrifies me more than my suffering itself
I have read too many Wikipedia articles, and now my perception of reality is warped
Why is every writer such a fuck up in all things other than writing?
Let’s agree to try not to kid ourselves any longer
Maybe don’t hate the player but hate the game(?)
Maybe hate the player for playing a broken game(?)
Maybe love the winners who find alternatives(?)
Are they even out there(?)
Is the kingdom of heaven within me(?)
Do I have Buddha nature(?)
Will I ever forgive myself for causing my very own suffering(?)
Will I ever find something like happiness(?)
Will I ever find a love that can last(?)
Check out my blog, and check out my active presence on social media websites
I am mostly desperately seeking external validation
Funemployment stopped being fun a long time ago
You hate to see this type of thing happen, especially with yourself
Let me take a selfie so somebody can like it and in some way reaffirm to me that I am not a horrible and ugly person who will die alone
My resume is a list of things I didn’t want to do but felt I had to do in order to have the opportunity to do other things I actually want to do
The personal brand is nothing but capitalism finally breaching the gates of human identity itself, and it is nothing to glorify
I don’t want the means of production
An ok moment to end this poem
The defecation is hitting the oscillation
I am supposed to buy a lightbox which emits “natural sunlight” and shine it on myself for fifteen minutes a day, but I have not done so because it sounds humiliating
My mom tells me that she’s very worried about me and that she loves me
I am very worried about me too
This is the end of this poem
It provided some kind of relief
Prozac and Wellbutrin are providing no relief
Cognitive-behavioral therapy is providing little relief
A doctor told me I’d never find the motivation to do anything if I kept smoking weed, so I stopped
After stopping, I still don’t have the motivation to do much of anything
I’ve learned helplessness because I’ve put a lot of time and energy into things that have not paid off
I have a degree in English from a prestigious university and it seems not worth the money I paid for it
I deeply loved a girl for a few years and then she left me for reasons I don’t understand
You provided some kind of relief
I’m afraid to be alone because I’m afraid to be with myself, and it’s a problem
I have heard it said that people find confidence attractive, but I tend to find confidence disgusting
When I was in the hospital, there was a piano, and I would play it sometimes
A patient asked if she could listen to me play
I told her I didn’t know how to play piano
She said she would leave me alone, and she did
I still feel bad about that
I could’ve just let her listen to me play
I didn’t need to tell her that I don’t know how to play piano
I do not know which number poem this is
There are no communities left in America, only networks
Somebody I had been seeing asked me if I am into polyamory
I am a highly monogamous person
They then asked me to be in a monogamous relationship
I told them I would think about it
I don’t like that they changed the type of relationship they wanted so quickly
I’d like to believe in my generation’s enthusiasm for polyamory, but I have a deep suspicion that it has a lot more to do with our flippancy and fear of commitment and a lot less to do with sharing love and being open
I have heard it said that nirvana is seeing one thing through to its end
Jesus washed people’s feet
The death of monogamy preceded the death of chivalry, and serial monogamy is hardly monogamy
Here’s a problem: people don’t believe in the power of love anymore
Literally the entire internet is a joke
It’s fine, but you’re all cowards, you know?
I don’t feel above anything except I feel above feeling above anything, if that makes sense
I have always quietly felt wiser than everybody else
I have always quietly believed in the redemptive power of love
Change nothing and nothing changes
Socrates used his final words to repay a debt
Put me in the Large Hadron Collider and smash my particles
I extend further than my body would have you believe
By saying “I don’t care,” you betray your care, for you cared enough to let someone know you don’t
Oddly, neglect hurts more than hatred
America, I thought things were supposed to be different
You can tweet anything you want to
I’ve tried to pick up smoking cigarettes a few times but could never keep the habit
It has always seemed entirely disingenuous to me when cigarette smokers tell others that they should never start
An e-cigarette is very post-modern, because it only exists as a reflection of what it is not
Let’s work together to deplete the environment of all its resources and natural beauty
I was born into the last generation to exist before widespread internet
I can still remember not having a cellphone
I can’t determine whether things seemed nicer then because I didn’t have a cellphone or because I was only a child
There’s just something so unwholesome about flying a kite at night
An eye for an eye and an orange rind
You shouldn’t accustom yourself to meaningless phrases
You may find that when you need to say something important, your mouth can’t shape proper words
They told me to fake it til I make it, and I’ve just been faking it for a couple decades now, waiting to make it
Watch me seek validation from my peers online
Caterpillars transform into butterflies, and butterflies transform into dust
Hanging a Nintendo Gamecube above your bed is known to stop bad dreams
You just want to reap the benefits of having somebody care about you without having to make sacrifices or being vulnerable in return
The details change but the story is always the same
Are artists the only people entitled to lives of their own?
Heems retweeted me asking Heems to save me
Do you have time to improve your life?
I could tweet circles around these poser-ass poets
I feel like what most people interpret as talent is just them seeing the end result of someone who has practiced a thing for a long time
I could probably be really good at a lot of things if I took the time to practice and become good at those things
Please list your reason(s) for leaving this job:
How about I hated it and it made me want to die?
Kill the Netflix inside your head
Sorry, I wasn’t loved enough as a child, so now I’m extremely needy and emotionally insecure
I’m kind of chill with it
Come save me, princess charming
Twitter is fun, but you’re all cowards, you know?
Probably the most horrifying thing someone has ever told me is that my loneliness is quote-unquote palpable
Good place to end this poem
OkCupid asked me whether I am more horny or lonely, and I replied the latter, and I worry about people who’d reply the former
You ever notice how just about everything we do, all this bottomless achievement and ladder climbing, is to try to prove our worth, which, every person has inherent worth to begin with, though?
You know that part in the Catcher in the Rye where Holden’s mom buys him the wrong kind of ice skates, and he’s sad because he knows she tried?
I am just looking for someone to discuss Zeno’s paradoxes with in a flippant yet subtly intellectually rigorous manner
The feeling is like when you put money into a vending machine and the vending machine fails to give you what you paid for
I wish I could meet more twenty-somethings who are into compassion and wisdom and fewer who are into drugs and sex, to be quite honest
The year is 2015, and we are all alive in it
I’m ending this poem now, but there will be another one
How young can you die from old age?
No atheists in a foxhole and many fuckboys on the internet
Hot tip if you want a massive following online: just pander
The thing about consuming too much entertainment and amusing yourself too often is that your life begins to lose meaning, and by no accident
Here’s an opinion: Netflix is probably one of the most unhealthy, detrimental, time-wasting things going on in America right now
Lots of people seem to be under the delusion that watching hours of Netflix everyday is somehow less mindless and inane than hours of broadcast television
The story of Icarus is the same as the story of the Tower of Babel is the same as the story of Macbeth is the same as the story of the United States of America
Westward, the course of empire takes its way!
It’s hard to say I’d rather be awake when I’m asleep
I can’t keep this poem going any longer
I don’t know how many more of these poems I have left to give
Nothing feels good, is a double entendre
A lot of music I used to like makes me so sad that I literally can’t bear to listen to it at this emotionally fraught juncture in my life
I am a golden link in Lord Buddha’s golden chain of love
I waste time on the World Wide Web
I like when the stock market numbers go up and down
I find it intellectually riveting and deeply emotionally fulfilling
I’ve listened to Fireworks by Drake at least 40 times in the last 48 hours
When people ask me to watch their stuff at the library or coffee shop while they get up to use the restroom, I’m like, I could just steal your stuff now
But I never do because I like people who have faith in humanity
I’m really glad I don’t have the diseases I don’t have
You see, it’s not just money / material things; some people try to acquire New Experiences in the very same way others chase money
Globally, the rate of major depression correlates with the rate of material affluence, by no coincidence
It’s as if we’ve reached the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and have realized, oh, this isn’t working, I’m still not fine
The necessity for prior experience and references is just a sneaky and glorified form of nepotism, to be honest
The sea was angry that day, my friends
Self-evident is my favorite kind of evidence, partly because I suspect it’s also the only kind of evidence
Ok, this one’s done; a few more to go
We are getting close to the end of this series of poems now
Hey guys, remember how America is still at war?
I keep forgetting that our country is at war!
These pretzels are making me thirsty!
There might not be angels, but there are people who might as well be angels
In a way, secular materialism is much more dogmatic than religion has ever been
I will stick up for religion, because nobody else my age will
After Skype sex, you’re supposed to smoke an e-cigarette in bed
Hi, my heart is constantly aching and I’m trying to pull myself out of a rut by my own bootstraps and it isn’t really working at all, how are you?
The road to hell is paved with raising awareness
It’d be cool if the internet weren’t basically a giant tool for making money
Someone’s response to my Craigslist personal ad was, Are you a serial killer?
I am not a serial killer, but I wouldn’t tell you if I were
Death is certain, but taxes can be escaped if you’re rich enough
The lengths we go to avoid admitting we’re wrong are practically always more painful than just admitting we’re wrong
Fuck your sophomoric-ass Cartesian duality
I think Tao Lin is releasing a book of tweets, and I’m envious he gets money for being a jackass online while we don’t
I’ve been thinking about trying to stop doing the same things that make me unhappy and starting to try to do new things that could make me happy
“You have to learn to love yourself before you can learn to love others”
Only a person who has always been loved would say something like that
I’ve been grieving my entire life
Check out my cellular growth and decay body mods
I’m sick of your tattoos, and the way you don’t appreciate Brand New
What does Webster say about soul?
All I want is a good home and a wife
With nobody in your bed, the night’s hard to get through
The best part about Red Lobster isn’t the seafood but the biscuits
The best part about Red Lobster isn’t the biscuits but to sit at a table with people you love and just enjoy their company
Consider this: all lobsters would prefer not to be boiled alive
Follow my blog http://memeoji.tumblr.com, or follow my Twitter @memeoji
It’s bullshit, but not any more than the next thing
I deleted all the old posts on my blog for reasons I forget
If I post a selfie, tell me I am sexually attractive, or at least imply it with a like
I need compliments, like anyone else
Tell me I won’t die alone, or at least imply it
The doctor said that when I talk about myself, it’s as if I’m disinterested and talking about somebody else
When I was in the hospital, there was a computer we were allowed to use for fifteen minutes a day, and tweeting helped keep me sane
And I wrote you a letter about how I’d been abused and how I still loved you and how I hoped we could someday get back together, and how I was trying to think of you as an angel, because I couldn’t deal with how you’d hurt me, and I still can’t, and how I was working direly to change my life for the better, and how I was on the verge of something and just needed just a little more time and
Your response was to say you don’t think people can change that fast
And that it wouldn’t matter even if I did change
I went to the Spring Fling at the Zen temple
I’d hoped to meet somebody my age, somebody to talk to, but mostly only old people hang around religious institutions these days
Old people make me uncomfortable, because they didn’t grow up with the internet
Young people make me uncomfortable, because they didn’t grow up with a strong sense of morals
I spent the night mostly alone, watching people
The temple was decorated with guest’s art taped all over the walls
At one point during the night, a picture fell off the wall
It was calligraphy of the word “Impermanence”
It was deemed significant by the Buddhists that the word “Impermanence” fell off the wall
I was too busy neurotically checking my phone for new messages from girls to care much
I bought you a small painting of Princess Mononoke
The painting reminded me of you, but so does everything
It was “pay what you want,” and I paid a lot and wanted to
I told the Zen temple I needed refuge, and they told me I needed money
You must be as exhausted as I am with this by now, if not more so
The sky has been grey in Michigan for twenty years
My posture is terrible from leading a largely sedentary life
My body holds onto what my mind would prefer to forget
For example, I have an exaggerated startle response
I used to have dreams of being a published author or famous musician
Now my goals are more grounded, like making it through this poem
At one point, I was at the self-actualization level of Maslow’s pyramid, but I have fallen back down to the love-and-belonging level
Things could always be worse, but I find this fact more frightening than comforting
All I have ever wanted is to make someone feel less alone
All I have ever wanted is for someone to make me feel less alone
There are known knowns, known unknowns, and most frightening of all, unknown unknowns
I still remember September 11th
I was in the second grade
Our teacher let us watch the TV in class as the planes hit
We were confused and too young to know what happened
We are older now and still don’t know what happened really
My teacher retired that year
She wrote the class a book to say goodbye
It was called “Mrs. Nelson Tells Her Age”
It talked about getting older and moving on
We were too young to understand why
Hey, remember how I played you Landslide on my phone as we walked in the dark, by the church, and I started crying, and it made you start crying?
Well, I’ve been afraid of changing, because I built my life around you
And time has made me no bolder
I’m just a child who got older
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