august is a fever

𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐟𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫

[caligiinous]

hellooooo, welcome to calgiinous ! a recently revamped multimuse, indie blog penned by caitlin ! i am so ready to get back into writing again, so i thought it was about time i finally have a pinned post on my blog that makes everything so much easier to navigate ! below you can find a few links that will make it easier for us to interact ♡

guidelines

muses

open starters

wishlist

[caligiinous]

caligiinous​:

the feminine urge to move blogs is…… very strong today

ok besties this blog has become really overwhelming hehe so i made a new one ! it’s still heavily under co lol but give this a like and i can send u the link <3

[caligiinous]

caligiinous​:

the feminine urge to move blogs is…… very strong today

ok besties this blog has become really overwhelming hehe so i made a new one ! it’s still heavily under co lol but give this a like and i can send u the link <3

[caligiinous]

caligiinous​:

the feminine urge to move blogs is…… very strong today

ok besties this blog has become really overwhelming hehe so i made a new one ! it’s still heavily under co lol but give this a like and i can send u the link <3

[caligiinous]

caligiinous​:

the feminine urge to move blogs is…… very strong today

ok besties this blog has become really overwhelming hehe so i made a new one ! it’s still heavily under co lol but give this a like and i can send u the link <3

[caligiinous]

caligiinous​:

the feminine urge to move blogs is…… very strong today

ok besties this blog has become really overwhelming hehe so i made a new one ! it’s still heavily under co lol but give this a like and i can send u the link <3

[caligiinous]

the feminine urge to move blogs is...... very strong today

[yaziciyasemin]

daily lizeth selene (3/?)

[natanscott]

Felix Mallard as Marcus Baker 

ginny and georgia (2021) 

[vhsmeme]

* talk about your muse!

send 🍯 for a food headcanon

send🥛for a drink headcanon

send 🐢 for a mental health headcanon

send 🦄 for a physical health headcanon

send ⌛for a sleep headcanon

send 💕 for a love headcanon

send 💣 for a stress headcanon

send 😵 for a sickness headcanon

send 🤲 for a religious headcanon

send 🏡 for a home headcanon

send 🍬 for a family headcanon

send 💼 for a work headcanon

send ⛈️ for a sadness headcanon

send 😡 for an anger headcanon

send 💩 for a ridiculous headcanon

send 🌼 for a happiness headcanon

[caligiinous]

hurtingkind​:

initially, devon found no harm in mentioning miller to her boyfriend whenever they’d speak –– sure, they were together a lot, and sure, she found herself telling him things she had never really told anyone else before, but that’s all it was. even if sometimes it felt like more, like the lines blurred ever so slightly, even just for a few, fleeting moments. like now, how his smile sparks something in her, something embedded deep within her gut. it’s an effect tyler lost on her not long after they started dating, that spark fading, turning to dread over time. she couldn’t see that happening around miller, though, at least, not any time soon. “ i hope it heals… if your hand gets infected and falls off, i can’t be held liable –– i’ve never seen that band-aid before in my life, ” feigns innocence, a light chuckle slipping from her lips, trying to lighten the mood. it strikes her, suddenly, that she’s more than content to stay out here, with him, than return inside and face tyler once more. in fact, there’s no place she’d rather be than here, with him. maybe it’s from missing his presence this past week, hearing his voice, his laughter ringing in her ears. it kept her afloat, kept her from drowning underneath the rising tide of expectations. expectations from herself, from her parents, from everyone, it felt like. but with miller, there was none of that. it was just them –– they existed in a world of their own, one crafted from all their late night discussions and adventures. of course, they haven’t talked about everything just yet, but sometimes, it felt like she’d known him far before this, before now, the two sharing a bond similar to that of a friendship forged in childhood, spanning years and years. but she hadn’t known him for years, only a few months. yet somehow, that felt like forever. it’s a word that echoes in her mind as she pulls away from his embrace, immediately wishing they could stay like that for longer, that she could feel his arms around her once more. how comforting it was to melt into him like that, to have him so close. but maybe that’s why she had to pull away, growing far too comfortable there with her head resting against his chest. if she stayed there even just a little bit longer, she would’ve paused to listen to his heart beat, to wonder if it had quickened, just like hers did. “ liar. you think my shitty jokes are incredible. you’re in love with me, remember ? ” couldn’t resist teasing him, laughter erupting from her throat far too easily for someone who was just crying moments ago. the tears were still leaking out, little by little, but his presence made it all hurt just a little less. teasing him about such a concept eased the pain, too, still finding it completely ridiculous to think about. him, in love with her ? out of everyone else that existed in the world ? it’s far too improbable to ever be true. doesn’t dwell on that for long, though, now pondering his question. “ no, i don’t think that’s what it should feel like –– i mean, it’s a shitty feeling. i hope it would feel better than than that, ” it’s just a matter of whether she felt as though she actually deserved to feel better than that. nods her head then, smiling softly at him. “ yeah, like a mutual understanding, i like that. i think the best thing it could make you feel is just… whole. ” can feel the edge of one of the broken, jagged pieces inside of her press into her chest, then, aching to feel something like that. “ don’t worry, you’ll see it. i know it, i mean, it’s you. i bet people fall in love with you all the time, and you don’t even know it. ”

the smile on his face is unwavering now, eyes cast downwards to take in the sight of his hand once more. he’s careful not to touch the bandaid, smirk present when his head lifts, gaze finding her, just as it always did. “ oh, if something happens to my hand, i’ll be letting them know your fingerprints are all over this bandaid, carpenter. ” his own laughter aligns with hers, entangling in the air, and dying on his tongue not long after hers does, too. has to take a step back then, or angle his hand forward, to stop the water from dripping on him, melting beneath his touch. and while he knows that’s probably a sign to head back indoors, to make another makeshift ice pack, or even head home and take proper care of his hand there, his feet remain glued to the ground, his entire body drawing for him to stay. miller comes to realise, then, just how much he’d missed her, since tyler had arrived ─ still doesn’t think that’s a sign of jealousy, by any means, but he had gotten used to her company, to seeing her every single day. often, it felt like she was the only thing keeping grounded, these days. he probably would’ve lost his mind a long time ago, had he never sat next to her on the first day of class, never approached her at that stupid fucking party, never said yes to leaving with her. truly doesn’t know where he’d be without her presence in his life, and if the past week provided any insight, then god, that wasn’t something he ever wanted to consider. “ ah, that’s right, ” finds himself chuckling again, even as his eyes roll. “ the two people who just admitted they’re not even sure they know what love is are in love with each other. is that what we should say, the next time someone brings it up ? ” and that was only a matter of time, until somebody did, he had no doubt about it. it was the type of thing he couldn’t escape, whether it came from people they knew, or people they didn’t. there’s a small amount of incertitude that washes over him, now that he’s said that aloud ─ how she could be so sure she loved somebody, without knowing how it felt, or with having a certain idea of it in her head, that feeling of being understood and whole, but not feeling that with the person she was currently with. doesn’t think it’s his business to pry into, however, so he holds back, even if the question remains at the tip of his tongue. “ hm, so to be understood and be whole ? are we asking for too much with that one ? it feels like a lot, ” he teases, but even he can’t deny how flat it falls, not after what she’d just told him, how shitty of a feeling it currently was for her. “ it’s me, what’s that supposed to mean ? because that’s so not true. i’d have to actually talk to people, you know, other than you, for that to be true, ” another chuckle falls, though this time it comes from a place of uncertainty, packed with nervousness. but that demeanour changes soon, remembering that her night couldn’t have been easy, that she would’ve been hurting. “ i’m sorry, by the way, for what tyler said. i hope you know you don’t deserve to be spoken about like that... it’s pretty fucked up, you know ? ” lets that settle for a second, before perking up again. “ what are you... i mean, what do you think you’ll do ? i know before you said he didn’t admit to anything when you mentioned it. ”

[caligiinous]

candykissed​:

he   didn’t   want   to   see   her   upset   ,   but   he   knew   his   feelings   were   valid   and   he   had   every   right   to   feel   the   way   he   did   .  nate   hated   the   way   he   felt   ,   wished   she   never   did   what   she   had   .  the   male   knew   she   couldn’t   take   it   back   ,   time   simply   couldn’t   be   erased   .   she   made   a   fair   point   ,   he   didn’t   have   any   reason   to   stick   around   ,   yet   he   made   no   effort   to   move   .   “   i   said   i   can’t   forgive   you   ,   not   that   i   don’t   care   about   you   ,   lorean   .   this   isn’t   easy   for   me   ,   you   know   .   it’s   not   like   i   want   to   lose   you   .   ”

okay,  so  maybe  she  overreacted  too  quickly,  but  she  couldn’t  help  it.  this  was  inching  closer  and  closer  to  breakup  territory.  you  can  imagine  her  surprise,  then,  when  he  informs  her  otherwise,  brows  furrowed.  “  but  it  makes  sense,  doesn’t  it  ?  ”  and  there  it  is  once  again,  her  tendency  to  self-destruct,  to  demolish  anything  good  standing  in  front  of  her,  just  like  she  had  done  when  she’d  made  the  mistake.  “  because  you’ll  just  ...  hold  it  over  my  head,  anyway.  there’s  no  trust  if  there’s  no  forgiveness.  ”  and  it  was  killing  her  that  she’d  hurt  him,  that  she’d  done  it  in  the  first  place,  that  he  wouldn’t  be  able  to  forgive  her.

[caligiinous]

candykissed​:

emma   wondered   if   things   would   ever   feel   easy   between   them   again   ,   with   the   way   things   were   going   ,   it   seemed   unlikely   .   she   tucked   a   strand   of   hair   behind   her   ear   ,   gaze   shifting   to   her   feet   momentarily   .   she   missed   how   things   used   to   be   ,   but   she   couldn’t   just   go   back   to   that   .   emma   smiled   slightly   at   his   words   ,   giving   him   a   quick   nod   .   “   thanks   ,   jesse   .   i   really   hope   you’re   happy   ,   too   .   you   deserve   it   .   ”

jesse  can’t  seem  to  help  it,  the  way  his  mind  travels  back  to  an  easier  place,  a  happier  one.  that  period  of  time  held  a  heavy  contrast  to  now,  where  he  stands  in  front  of  her,  weight  shifting  from  one  leg  to  the  other,  barely  knowing  what  to  do  with  his  hands,  settling  with  placing  them  in  the  pockets  of  his  jacket,  for  now.  even  that  doesn’t  feel  right,  when  all  he  wants  to  do  is  reach  for  her.  somehow,  he  manages  a  smile,  aimed  in  her  general  direction.  “  uh,  right...  yeah.  i’ll  get  there  eventually,  i  hope.  ”

[caligiinous]

tvnkerbell​:

              grayson wasn’t sure what would hurt more, losing the love of his life, or having to raise a child with someone he didn’t love. he should be used to the feeling by now. he had never had her, not really. she had slipped from his fingers countless times like a fume of painted smoke the exact instant he tried to get his grasp upon it. maybe she was right, maybe this was all they would ever be. “ it’s okay, i get it,” and maybe deep down, he did. he realized just how selfish it was for him to ask her to stay, to love him regardless of him fathering someone else’s child. that didn’t make him want her any less, if anything, he wanted her more. “ you deserve better, maybe that other guy will still be waiting for you when you get back. ” humorless chuckle tears at his throat, the air ripping his lungs. sniffling back the tears, he buries both hands into the pockets of his jackets. “ don’t…don’t be a stranger, okay? ” what was the point of having her back into his life if they were just going to say goodbye all over again? long legs close the space between them once more, lips pressing against her temple for a second too long before he pulls away and heads for the front door.

unfortunately, it didn’t make it hurt any less, knowing they were doing the right thing. wishes they could be selfish, that the cards could be played right for them, for once. but that wasn’t the case, just as it never had been, over the years they’d known each other ─ something always got in the way. her brows furrow when he speaks, glancing up at him through her teary-eyed vision. “ i wouldn’t want him, even if he was, ” which he definitely wasn’t; merryn had made herself very clear, on where they stood, the moment grayson had left that day, after they both expressed everything they’d kept bottled up for so long. it felt pointless now, getting everything off her chest when it resulted in this. still, she nods, following slowly behind him to her door, willing to feel his arms around her once more, to have him tell her this was just some horrible dream. alas, the moment doesn’t come, allowing for her own arms to wrap around her torso, each step harder than the last, feeling as if they might crumble beneath her weight. “ yeah... you too, ” except she didn’t see how she could still see him, in any form, after this. “ you’ll be great... at the whole dad thing. i hope you know that. ”

[caligiinous]

tvnkerbell​:

      “well, sometimes we don’t know what we want until we meet someone that makes us want that thing,“ lyanna points out with a soft shrug. she hadn’t envisioned herself in a relationship in a very long time and was slowly coming to terms with the fact that maybe she was going to end up alone. now all she wanted was something with miller. ” no, i know what you mean,“ she assures him with a small, sad smile, steely blue hues glancing down at her hands as delicate fingers played with her ring, twisting it on her index finger. his next question hangs heavily in the air, silence bearing down upon her shoulders. ” i don’t think so,“ the young lawyer murmurs, pearly whites biting the inside of her cheek. it was almost impossible to imagine a life without madison, the two had been friends for what seemed like a lifetime. ” but i don’t think i can keep doing this either, watching you with her...“ her voice trails off, long lashes fighting back the tears that threatened to blur her vision. 

she had a point, but miller had always been obstinate in that way. if his relationship with madison was anything to go by, then it was clearer than day ─ had been aware of all the things she’d wanted, and still, that hadn’t been enough to change on his mind. it could come back to meeting the right person, she was right, but back then, he’d believed he’d found that in madison.  now, he supposes, he wasn’t so sure, now that he’d been lead to lyanna. sadly, that didn’t make things any easier, as they were beginning to discuss, and the outline for how they proceeded forward was becoming blurrier by the second. “ oh, uh... right, yeah, ” he swallows harshly, raising his hand to rub at the base of is throat. hadn’t exactly thought about it in that way, what it would’ve felt like to see them together. “ so, what do you... ” he begins, needing to pause to prepare himself for the answer. “ so, what do you want to do ? where do we go from here ? ”

[caligiinous]

hurtingkind​:

“ i know you wouldn’t, i just thought maybe he said something shitty about you, not something about me, ” she held her tongue with tyler initially, wanting to hear the full story from both sides, see the full picture, considering who was involved. if he said something shitty, well then, she couldn’t really blame miller for acting out in that way, could she ? he’s allowed to defend himself in whatever way he deems fit, even if she didn’t endorse the violence of it. but learning that he was defending her, not himself, well… she didn’t really know what to think, only that no one else had ever done such a thing for her before. only her gaze could relay the reverence and affection she’s feeling now, looking at him, nodding her head. “ you’re a good friend, you know that ? i wasn’t worth fucking up your hand over, though, so don’t do that again, but thanks, for looking out. ” follows those words with a sheepish smile, stealing a brief glance at his swollen knuckles, a physical representation of what occurred tonight. hated that there was so much fuss over her, yet at the same time, she couldn’t help but admire him, somehow feeling closer to him in that moment. and it’s not long before he’s actually closer, the gap between them diminishing, her heart beginning to thud a little bit louder in her chest as his hands settle on her arms. it’s new for them, but it’s not unwelcome, or weird, at all –– in fact, it’s nice, almost, helping her body to relax, to focus on him, in front of her. meets his gaze, there, desperate for comfort, listening carefully, all the breath leaving her lungs once more at the words that leave his lips, her own pursing with emotion, tears filtering out of her eyes. “ i’m not, ” she whispers, shaking her head. she wanted to believe it, coming from him, of all people, but she didn’t know how; there were too many pieces of her missing to put herself back together again, right then and there. couldn’t find the words to speak, to tell him just how much she appreciated him, having him in her life. instead, she leans in, closing the gap between them even further as arms wrap around him in a hug, needing that comfort, that contact, even just for a moment, head resting against his chest as a hiccup of laughter slips past her lips. “ you’re the only one that laughs at my shitty jokes. ” she teases, wiping away a few tears that collected on her cheeks. in fact, he fit all of the criteria that he just described, feeling a sudden tug in her chest, as though her body was trying to relay a message to her, but she just couldn’t figure out what it meant, at least, not yet. causes her to pull away, more comforted now, yet slightly unnerved at the same time. “ i guess… i don’t really know what love is either, then. i mean, i think i love him, i care about him, but it just feels like… i’m stuck in a black hole. there’s no light, just… darkness. ” and if it’s not supposed to feel like that, then what the hell was she doing here ? it’s something to think about, at least. rubs at her forehead then, sighing. “ miller, i hope when you do actually fall in love, that it’s the exact opposite of that. it’s what you deserve. and i mean, i can’t really throw a punch, but i’ll try for you, if necessary. ”

he wishes he could offer more than a shrug in response, but it’s all his body is capable of. it wasn’t really his place to overstep more than he had already, acting out the way he had on a whim, impetuous in its nature. it was the best way to make sense of it in his head, even if he had a tincture that it meant more than that, even if he can’t make sense of it in his head right now. because no, he wouldn’t have done that for just any friend, no matter how many times he tries to tell himself that was the case. he wonders if it would’ve been different, had he gotten off on the right foot with her boyfriend, had it felt like he was even given the chance to do so, but he supposed it didn’t matter anymore, when the damage had already been done. “ ah, yeah... right. i didn’t really think it through, obviously, ” his chest elicits a nervous chuckle, glancing down at his hand, at the reminder it brought. “ it’ll heal, though. so, you don’t need to worry. ” sends a smile in her direction, almost matching hers exactly, dressed in its sheepish attire. doesn’t think he’s worth being fussed over, having her come out to check up on him, to help him the way she had. roles were reversed now, as he tries to comfort her. can’t exactly tell if he’s doing much, however, having never done it before, with her. “ you are, ” he'll echo between them, as if it was a promise, desperately wanting to reach out and wipe the tears that depart her eyes, but he’s already transgressed past multiple boundaries tonight, and so he restrains himself. all that goes out the window, having her close that opening between them, feeling her arms loop around him. he can only hope it isn’t too obvious, the confusion that runs through him at first, posture solidifying, stiffening, at the initial contact. only a few seconds pass before he realises how much he enjoys having her this close, his frame easing, muscular arms encircling her torso. he’s never felt more comfortable, having somebody’s head against his chest the way hers was, though he’s suddenly hyperaware of the way his heart beings to beat faster, feeling unsettled that she can probably feel it, too. makes no effort to move, however, only arching down to rest his chin atop her head. “ promise i only laugh at them out of pity, ” light laugher weaves its way within his words, feeling another tinge inside him, this time of hesitation, lingering right above them, not wanting to move from this spot, from her, to never have more space between them than necessary again. but he does, when she does, even if reluctance weighs him down initially. can’t seem to help the way his gaze falls to her lips when he gets a look at her face again, for a brief second wondering what it would feel like to close that gap, too. shuns that thought out of his mind as quickly as it arrives, even as his gaze lingers for a second too long. distracts himself by reaching for the bag of ice again, holding it against his knuckles, focusing on the small wet patch her tears had left on his shirt. “ do you think that’s what love should feel like ? stuck in black hole ? ” understood that it could come in a multitude of ways, but that didn’t sound like anything he’d want to open himself up to. “ i think... well, i imagine the best thing it could feel like is mutual understanding. that wouldn’t feel dark, to me, ” shrugs then, vulnerability clinging to his every word. but he’s quick to shift the mood, another laugh falling into the air. “ thanks though, dev. i’d love to see that. i think i’d pay to see that, actually. ”

[feral-ballad]

Marie Howe, from Magdalene: Poems; “Walking Home”