“ i know you wouldn’t, i just thought maybe he said something shitty about you, not something about me, ” she held her tongue with tyler initially, wanting to hear the full story from both sides, see the full picture, considering who was involved. if he said something shitty, well then, she couldn’t really blame miller for acting out in that way, could she ? he’s allowed to defend himself in whatever way he deems fit, even if she didn’t endorse the violence of it. but learning that he was defending her, not himself, well… she didn’t really know what to think, only that no one else had ever done such a thing for her before. only her gaze could relay the reverence and affection she’s feeling now, looking at him, nodding her head. “ you’re a good friend, you know that ? i wasn’t worth fucking up your hand over, though, so don’t do that again, but thanks, for looking out. ” follows those words with a sheepish smile, stealing a brief glance at his swollen knuckles, a physical representation of what occurred tonight. hated that there was so much fuss over her, yet at the same time, she couldn’t help but admire him, somehow feeling closer to him in that moment. and it’s not long before he’s actually closer, the gap between them diminishing, her heart beginning to thud a little bit louder in her chest as his hands settle on her arms. it’s new for them, but it’s not unwelcome, or weird, at all –– in fact, it’s nice, almost, helping her body to relax, to focus on him, in front of her. meets his gaze, there, desperate for comfort, listening carefully, all the breath leaving her lungs once more at the words that leave his lips, her own pursing with emotion, tears filtering out of her eyes. “ i’m not, ” she whispers, shaking her head. she wanted to believe it, coming from him, of all people, but she didn’t know how; there were too many pieces of her missing to put herself back together again, right then and there. couldn’t find the words to speak, to tell him just how much she appreciated him, having him in her life. instead, she leans in, closing the gap between them even further as arms wrap around him in a hug, needing that comfort, that contact, even just for a moment, head resting against his chest as a hiccup of laughter slips past her lips. “ you’re the only one that laughs at my shitty jokes. ” she teases, wiping away a few tears that collected on her cheeks. in fact, he fit all of the criteria that he just described, feeling a sudden tug in her chest, as though her body was trying to relay a message to her, but she just couldn’t figure out what it meant, at least, not yet. causes her to pull away, more comforted now, yet slightly unnerved at the same time. “ i guess… i don’t really know what love is either, then. i mean, i think i love him, i care about him, but it just feels like… i’m stuck in a black hole. there’s no light, just… darkness. ” and if it’s not supposed to feel like that, then what the hell was she doing here ? it’s something to think about, at least. rubs at her forehead then, sighing. “ miller, i hope when you do actually fall in love, that it’s the exact opposite of that. it’s what you deserve. and i mean, i can’t really throw a punch, but i’ll try for you, if necessary. ”
he wishes he could offer more than a shrug in response, but it’s all his body is capable of. it wasn’t really his place to overstep more than he had already, acting out the way he had on a whim, impetuous in its nature. it was the best way to make sense of it in his head, even if he had a tincture that it meant more than that, even if he can’t make sense of it in his head right now. because no, he wouldn’t have done that for just any friend, no matter how many times he tries to tell himself that was the case. he wonders if it would’ve been different, had he gotten off on the right foot with her boyfriend, had it felt like he was even given the chance to do so, but he supposed it didn’t matter anymore, when the damage had already been done. “ ah, yeah... right. i didn’t really think it through, obviously, ” his chest elicits a nervous chuckle, glancing down at his hand, at the reminder it brought. “ it’ll heal, though. so, you don’t need to worry. ” sends a smile in her direction, almost matching hers exactly, dressed in its sheepish attire. doesn’t think he’s worth being fussed over, having her come out to check up on him, to help him the way she had. roles were reversed now, as he tries to comfort her. can’t exactly tell if he’s doing much, however, having never done it before, with her. “ you are, ” he'll echo between them, as if it was a promise, desperately wanting to reach out and wipe the tears that depart her eyes, but he’s already transgressed past multiple boundaries tonight, and so he restrains himself. all that goes out the window, having her close that opening between them, feeling her arms loop around him. he can only hope it isn’t too obvious, the confusion that runs through him at first, posture solidifying, stiffening, at the initial contact. only a few seconds pass before he realises how much he enjoys having her this close, his frame easing, muscular arms encircling her torso. he’s never felt more comfortable, having somebody’s head against his chest the way hers was, though he’s suddenly hyperaware of the way his heart beings to beat faster, feeling unsettled that she can probably feel it, too. makes no effort to move, however, only arching down to rest his chin atop her head. “ promise i only laugh at them out of pity, ” light laugher weaves its way within his words, feeling another tinge inside him, this time of hesitation, lingering right above them, not wanting to move from this spot, from her, to never have more space between them than necessary again. but he does, when she does, even if reluctance weighs him down initially. can’t seem to help the way his gaze falls to her lips when he gets a look at her face again, for a brief second wondering what it would feel like to close that gap, too. shuns that thought out of his mind as quickly as it arrives, even as his gaze lingers for a second too long. distracts himself by reaching for the bag of ice again, holding it against his knuckles, focusing on the small wet patch her tears had left on his shirt. “ do you think that’s what love should feel like ? stuck in black hole ? ” understood that it could come in a multitude of ways, but that didn’t sound like anything he’d want to open himself up to. “ i think... well, i imagine the best thing it could feel like is mutual understanding. that wouldn’t feel dark, to me, ” shrugs then, vulnerability clinging to his every word. but he’s quick to shift the mood, another laugh falling into the air. “ thanks though, dev. i’d love to see that. i think i’d pay to see that, actually. ”