— Noah Sullivan uploaded a new photo to Instagram.

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@noahxsullivan
— Noah Sullivan uploaded a new photo to Instagram.
Nathan and sleep had not exactly been friends the last few days since the fire. He opted out of even trying to fall asleep early and headed to On the Rocks. Stepping into the local establishment, it hadn't taken him long to find someone he knew, sitting at the bar. It was a place he preferred to sit, whether he was with someone or alone. Sliding onto to the stool next to Noah, he let out a quiet huff of a laugh. He eyed Noah's beer for a moment. "Yeah," he paused, "I've got him trained really well, actually. Pretty sure he only comes around when things start looking like this." His voice was low, easy, lifting a hand to gently flag down the bartender so that he could join Noah in whatever path they were going to today. "How many until I'm caught up with you tonight?" @noahxsullivan
"Oh yeah? You got him trained on my beer of choice?" Noah chuckles at the thought of a beer sniffing dog. In this day in age where a dog could be trained to sniff out anything, it could be a possibility out there. Or it could be more of a possibility that this is one of the places he tends to visit more often when shit hits the fan. This technically isn't his shit or even his fan, but it somehow lands on him. Everything always does at one point. Something he doesn't feel like thinking about very much.
"I'm almost on number five so you don't have to do much to catch up." The sips feel smoother as he takes another one. His body relaxes more in the seat. Not many people he lets see him like this, drinking more than he should. Yet, he must not care considering anyone in the bar could easily run to the man in charge. "They're having a special - buy one get one."
⸺DARIUS CARTER.
Darius didn’t know how long they were sitting in silence. At first he was staring at the steam rising from his cup, and the next his mind was transported elsewhere. His thoughts dwelled on the fire and its aftermath. It’s his dearest friend’s voice which draws him back to the present. “Not well at all,” he sighed. To everyone else he can give a cookie cutter response, but Noah, he knows it won’t work. “I’m going to need it,” that response in itself should tell the man what he needs to know. Aside from dealing with the fire, he has his own personal issues at play.
“I have been unable to cook for the past few days.” It’s a task he took joy in, but with how hectic the week has turned out to be meal prepping or even managing to fix dinner for him and Naima. “But the baked goods are plentiful though,” he muses. He expects in the coming days that the old ladies of Sedona will start bringing casseroles of their own, but for now it’s been a steady stream of muffins, pies, and the like. "How have you been handling things since?"
Noah nods at the answer. For a moment he is unsure of how to continue. It isn't like the men of the Sullivan family to talk about their feelings. They are pushed under the rug until something else happens. But he has known Dairius for nearly all of his life. An event this big is bound to have it's aftershocks not only to the Carter family, but to everyone else.
"If my mother hears, you know she'll be having your freezer full in no time. I'll just pass a tiny bird to her in that you wouldn't mind having her cowboy casserole the next time she makes it." It's easier to talk about his family than his actual self. He doesn't want to dive into the topic of his anxiety and how it's continuing to bubble over the edge instead of lying low like it was.
"I'm... I'm doing better now. I sort of messed up my shoulder -- somehow fell out of the damn truck. I think it's true in that your life goes downhill once you hit forty."
𝐧𝐨𝐚𝐡 𝐬𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐧 ( @noahxsullivan ) — 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐨𝐧 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐤 !
this was entirely her fault. she'd clocked the illuminated caution light indicating that one of her tires was low and still, she'd held onto faith she didn't believe in and she'd paid the price nearly five minutes down the road from her place. with a ding to her pride, she'd accepted defeat under the arizona sun and cursed at the screen staring back at her. it was a picture of her and maeve, one of the last they'd taken together, their smiles bright and full of life.
so much for faith.
the sound of crunching gravel pulled her from the memory that made her eyes burn. she blinked away the tears and forced a smile to her mouth. "flat, no spare." how many times had her ex-husband told her to get it replaced? too many, and she certainly wasn't going to tell him that he'd been right. "if you're going into town... could i catch a lift to a repair shop? or just... closer to one," she added kindly, defeat evident in her tone.
The windows are down and the music gets turned up louder as Noah makes his way back from his visit. He tries to visit his horse as often as he can with the stables being out of the way for him. Still, he knows he left her in good hands with Sanem who generously offered to keep her at the same stable of her own horses.
His fingers thud against the edge of the truck door when he notices a familiar sight. Someone had gotten stuck on the side of the road. He can only assume a tire issue considering the amount of sharp rocks that constantly littered the road. He pulls over on the side behind the car.
"Well, that certainly puts you in a pickle." He answers once he is out of the truck. He didn't bother to turn it off so the music trickles in to fill the silence between them as he looks over at the tire. "Honestly? You might be better off just getting a new set of tires. Not meaning any disrespect but, uh.. The tread is looking a little too smooth for my liking." He takes a picture of the tire. Before getting a better idea and goes back to his truck for his toolbag. It takes a minute before the tire is completely off the car and he plops it into the bed of his truck. "I can certainly take you wherever you need to go. We can try a repair shop just to say we tried if it doesn't work out."
"I'm Noah by the way. Make you sure you get everything you need out of the car before we head off. I know this is the nicer part of town, but there's been a few break ins over here too."
“They called you golden boy and pushed you up to heavens to live amongst the stars. But you couldn’t bear the weight of the universe so you crumbled and you fell. And you burned. And you burn.”
— they don’t know no gold is made without suffering (via fireheartwrites)
Noah for a brief moment realizes exactly what is all happening. The control he's slowly kept underneath is now very much coming undone. Somehow it is this moment that it wants to unleash it's wrath of not wanting to be contained anymore. The fear of what he doesn't know is trying to take over instead.
He blinks as the person comes closer to him. Somewhat blurry as he gets his eyes adjusted to not only the sudden pain rushing to his head but the brightness of the sun. He nods as if Sanem can see him. Her voice still faint while he puts more focus on what the person in front of him is saying.
Eventually they make it to the hospital. His breathing slows back to a nearly normal pace though the tightness and pain doesn't let go. His brain momentarily fogged is clear enough to notice he is in a room with wires connecting to different areas on his chest. The last few minutes must've went by too fast for him to realize.
He looks around the room and spots Sanem sitting in the chair next to him, her hand intertwined with his. She's talking on the phone. Hopefully not to his family -- he didn't need them coming here for this. He squeezes her hand gently.
"Hey."
sanem’s voice is low, controlled while she talks to her babaanne. “ yeah, he’s here. they’ve got him hooked up, they’re running tests, just to be safe — ” she stops mid-sentence. his hand. the smallest squeeze. everything in her stills for a second before her grip tightens around his in return, thumb brushing once across his knuckles like she needs to confirm he’s really there. “ i’ll call you back, ” she says quickly into the phone, already pulling it away. the call ends without ceremony. her attention shifts fully to him, body turning in the chair, posture leaning in just enough to close the space between them without crowding him. “ hey … ” her voice softens immediately, something warmer slipping through the steadiness. “ there you are. ” her gaze searches his face — not panicked, but thorough. checking. grounding, with a calm smile smile on her face. “ don’t try to move too much yet, okay? you took a fall. scared the hell out of someone enough to bring you in. ” a faint, almost teasing breath of a smile touches her lips. she leaves out the bit where noah also had a panick attack, but, one thing at a time. her fingers stay wrapped around his, steady and present. “ bailey’s alright, ” she adds gently. “ your girl’s at my parents’ ranch — running around like she owns the place, getting spoiled. she’s in good hands. ” a pause is given for noah to process, to take in steadying inhales.
Noah pauses as the words Sanem tells him take a moment to sink in. He remembers most of what happened. The fire. The church. The overwhelming sense of dread as his world cracked. If anyone else was in the room he would feel more embarrassed than he does now. But this is Sanem. The girl who grew up with his younger sister. The family that just about became his own second family. They’ve seen each other at different stages of life and grief.
“I… Don’t tell my family that any of this happened.” He doesn’t want them to worry or to think of the worst. All their efforts needed to be on Pop because even if he puts on a strong face, Noah knows what goes on in that head of his. It’s because they have the exact same one.
He scoots up in the bed, his face contorting from the pain his shoulder gives him. He doesn’t comment on it. If he can move it then it should be fine. “Sorry for getting you involved in all this. I… I didn’t know who else to call.” Who else he feels comfortable enough in letting them inside his head.
He smiles as he looks down at their hands intertwined. His breathing back to normal though the pain persists in his chest. The tightness not loosening its own grip on him. “Bailey ain’t ever gonna come home to me with all the spoiling she’s getting.” He teases, but the talk of Bailey helps calm his heart and the eventual talk of what happened. @softglws
hank: hardware store, huh? well that's because i've been in phoenix hank: fence messed up how bad? like fixable in an afternoon or “we’re pretending it adds character” bad hank: repaint sounds dangerous. you pickin colors or just staring at the wall until it tells you what it wants hank: i’m alright. same old. can see the store’s been busy with people talkin more than buyin hank: might actually take you up on that help tho. got something i want a second set of eyes on hank: you free later?
noah: why you in phoenix? noah: next time just shoot a text before you leave to go somewhere just in case things were to happen. noah: it's not bad, just a section got busted. i think it was betsy, honestly. saw her down the road a few days ago. noah: got paint samples on it so now it just needs to do the talking on which one it likes better. so far, haven't heard nothing. noah: yeah, i should be free before dinner. want me to head over around 4?
sanem’s breath catches the second she hears her name. it's not a gasp of relief, not fully, at least. and when he says he doesn’t know if he can make it stop, something in her chest tightens hard. sanem: “ you don’t have to make it stop, ” she says quickly, grounding, gentle but firm, in her typically sanem way. “ just breathe through it. slow, okay? in … and out. don’t move too fast. you’re probably dizzy. ” she can hear it — the distance in his voice, the way his body isn’t keeping up with him. it puts her on edge, but she doesn’t let it into her tone. and then noah goes silent and sanem curses in turkish under her breathe. sanem: “ noah? hey, hey, stay with me, ” her voice drops immediately, steady and close, like she can reach through the line and hold him in place. “ noah, can you hear me? just stay where you are. don’t try to stand up again, alright? ” the silence that follows is worse than anything he could’ve said. then the stranger’s voice cuts in, and sanem straightens instantly, everything in her sharpening. sanem: “ hi — yes, i’m here, ” she says, voice switching without losing its steadiness. “ please take him. don’t wait. i’ll meet him at the hospital. ” she’s already moving from one location to another, keys in hand, heart racing but her voice still controlled. she hates that she's possibly making noah go with a stranger. or at least, a stranger to her, since she doesn't recognize the voice. but, she doesn't know how bad a shape noah is in, and sanem would always rather be safe than sorry. sanem: “ his name’s noah sullivan. he might be disoriented — just keep him sitting upright if you can, and don’t let him hit his head again. i’ll be there as fast as i can. ” a beat, softer, like she knows he might still hear her: sanem: “ noah … i’m right behind you, okay? you’re not doing this alone. just let them help you. i’ve got everything else. ”
Noah for a brief moment realizes exactly what is all happening. The control he's slowly kept underneath is now very much coming undone. Somehow it is this moment that it wants to unleash it's wrath of not wanting to be contained anymore. The fear of what he doesn't know is trying to take over instead.
He blinks as the person comes closer to him. Somewhat blurry as he gets his eyes adjusted to not only the sudden pain rushing to his head but the brightness of the sun. He nods as if Sanem can see him. Her voice still faint while he puts more focus on what the person in front of him is saying.
Eventually they make it to the hospital. His breathing slows back to a nearly normal pace though the tightness and pain doesn't let go. His brain momentarily fogged is clear enough to notice he is in a room with wires connecting to different areas on his chest. The last few minutes must've went by too fast for him to realize.
He looks around the room and spots Sanem sitting in the chair next to him, her hand intertwined with his. She's talking on the phone. Hopefully not to his family -- he didn't need them coming here for this. He squeezes her hand gently.
"Hey."
texting → hank + noah
hank: hey, you been keepin' out of trouble this week or should i be worried? hank: haven't seen you around since everything goin' on so figured i'd check in hank: but if you suddenly picked up a hobby of gas cans and bad decisions, nows the time to confess hank: jk man, hit me back tho | @noahxsullivan
noah: that's because you haven't checked the hardware store yet. noah: i've been keeping pretty busy around the house. something or someone messed up my fence. also debating on a doing a repaint inside the house. noah: You doing alright? Need anything? @wrnglr
THE BOY, THE MOLE, THE FOX AND THE HORSE. (2022), dir. Charlie Mackesy & Peter Baynton
Elliott felt pretty much useless at that hospital now that his mother had arrived to help Ellie. It wasn't like he could really give a good medical history on a sister he'd only met a couple times. So he decided to explore. Something, or someone, he thought he saw earlier kept coming back to his mind. Carefully, he knocked and peaked into every room he could go unnoticed in.
Until he found the one. Had the circumstances be slightly better, he would've smiled at the sight and at the words. "Funny. What, you think I'm the doorman of hell" He replied, closing the door and approaching the bed. "I thought I saw you earlier. What the hell happened?"
"Well, you're the one coming in here like a ghost. How am I suppose to tell you apart from the doorman?" Noah scoots up in the hospital stretcher a little more. He's counting down the minutes until he is able to go home. Or well... Call someone to come and get him since he convinced Dani to go home a few hours ago. That sounds like the worst thing to do since everyone will be asking questions.
"Nothing major, just some chest pain." Noah skirts around the truth, not in that he doesn't trust Elliott because there wouldn't be anyone he could really go to as easily as he can Noah. But more so in that he definitely doesn't want to bring up anything related to the panic attack or even why it happened. "Thankfully they said it was probably just anxiety. I guess it can make your chest hurt, who knew. You here visiting someone else and stumbled upon me?" @nextchaptcrs
who: @respairs (darius)
where: Aroma Cafe (a few days after the fire)
Noah is trying to keep a low profile as the fire continues to be the talking point in the town. It doesn't surprise him as it is one of the biggest things to happen to everyone. Still, he has this lingering feeling that he might get caught up in whatever someone needs or wants when he isn't fully feeling all that of himself.
The panic and uneasiness did eventually settle down per the doctor's estimations when the medicine that was prescribed would start in his system. He feels a little ashamed in taking the anxiety medicine but it seems to be the only thing letting him get a decent amount of sleep.
Still, that doesn't mean he would look any better than how he feels. The weight now a tiny bit lighter still holds its ground in not moving anytime soon from Noah's shoulders. He stirs the cup of coffee in front of him, both him and Darius sitting across from each other in a comfortable silence.
"How're you holding up? There's a frozen casserole in my freezer with your name on it."
who: @nextchaptcrs
where: Canyon Vista Medical Center (day of the fire)
Noah feels a little stupid as he lays in the hospital bed hooked up to just about everything under the sun. He thinks he should’ve known it was a panic attack. He’s had them before so it should’ve been so obvious. Yet, this one feels different and he feels different too. This one didn’t go away on its own when he finally got his brain to settle back down. His hands shake in a slight tremor while he scrolls a bit on his phone before the medicine they gave him earlier takes hold of him again and his eyes close.
Moments later, a knock echoes throughout his room that causes him to open his eyes. He isn’t sure if Dani had told anyone what all happened or where he was. He didn’t want them to know - not yet anyways. Past experiences at the hospital know the Sullivan family doesn’t do well in them. Instead, he’s met with a face he hasn’t seen in a long time. He squints trying to remember who this is, but then it clicks together. A vague high school memory pushes the realization.
“Well, I gotta be dead if I’m seeing you in this room.”
who: @nathanxmeyer
where: On the Rocks (a few days after the fire)
Noah likes to think he isn’t one for bars. He also likes to think he’s above a cheap beer happy hour. Yet, that is currently none of him as he sits on his rickety stool with his two for one dollar special already halfway downed. Ever since the fire, a shift in him has awoken. It’s one he isn’t too keen on talking about or even dealing with. Hence why Noah decides to hopefully drink it away.
On his fourth beer and feeling almost a little too confident in himself at a game of pool, he thinks about getting up when a familiar face sits next to him. The sight of an old friend causes a smile to tug at the side of his lips. This might’ve not been the first time they’ve met at a bar, getting a little too tipsy and a little too personal. But there’s a secrecy to Nathan that he likes and that makes it okay in someone seeing him not be the perfect man he tries to be.
“I have a feelin’ you got yourself a hound dog out there just sniffin’ me out.” Noah words aren’t slurred just yet. He didn’t know exactly where his stopping point was for tonight. But he can’t help to notice how Nathan is always there for when he starts slipping up again and again.
the second she hears his voice, something in sanem stills. not panic, not yet, at least, but something close to it, quiet and sharp, settling low in her chest. sanem: “ noah? no, i'm not busy ... ” her tone shifts immediately, softer, grounded. present. the silence that follows stretches too long. she doesn’t hang up. sanem: “ hey, hey, i’m here. you don’t have to say anything right now. just … stay with me, okay? ” she tells him gently, voice dropping into that steady cadence she uses with skittish horses, with people on the edge of something they can’t quite name. she shifts the phone closer, like proximity might carry through the line. listening and breathing with him, even if he can’t match it yet. sanem: “ i’m not busy, ” she says again after another pregnant pause, quieter now. “ you’ve got me. however long you need. ”
Noah shifts on the ground as he hears a faint voice. He waits for a moment before fully sitting up, not entirely sure what all is hurting. A fall like this probably wouldn't have done much damage in his younger years, but now as he sits closer to forty-five, anything could be a threat including this awful moment of falling out of his truck.
Noah: "Sanem?" he doesn't remember calling her number, but maybe it's who he really needed. "I don't know if I can make this stop." His voice feels far away from his body. He doesn't know if its from the atmosphere spinning or the biggest truth he's ever told in his life coming out. And then he's quiet as he keeps his head down low to keep the rolling waves of nausea at bay. he thinks maybe staying quiet will stop everything, but it doesn't.
Unknown: "Hey, he's looking pretty bad out here. I, uh.. I'm going to take him to the hospital. Maybe you can figure out a way to get his truck?" Someone found him and his phone which had fallen in the floorboard. It explains how Noah could hear since he wasn't too far away.