The Idiot Cave

I’m the guy who makes long ass fics on ao3 for sport.

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This is probably how their first interaction went down:

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Why is bro standing there like a gentleman???

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Garte wants his fucking money.

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Switch 2 version of Disco Elysium can fuck right off. I can’t go twenty minutes without it crashing on me and i’m constantly quick saving. The only saving grace is that I can make funny little images in the main menu but that’s about it.

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There’s option A, going with Kim to the island.

And then there’s option B, going with Cuno to the island.

And then there’s option C, going by yourself.

If we could’ve picked any character we’ve met along our journey to go with us, I would’ve sent Garte to that fucking island with me.

To top things off, he would be going in with zero context. Garte wouldn’t know a goddamn thing and he’d just be oblivious the entire time. I wouldn’t tell him shit even if he asked. Go have a conversation with the creepy deserter and then meet a large stick bug.

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Ted playing Disco Elysium would change his entire fucking viewpoint on life you GOTTA trust me.

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As i’ve been getting into Disco Elysium i’ve been imagining what it might be like for other characters to have Skills, like Garte for example.

Empathy: Oh, look! That detective hasn’t died off from alcohol poisoning yet! Good on him. You could probably learn a thing or two.

Authority: Ohhhh no. No, no, no. You will not stand for this. How dare he waltz in here without so much as paying his nightly bill yet?

Electrochemistry: You NEEEEED to let that old bear hit it from behind.

Volition: Do NOOOOT listen to that lying bitch above me it’s a trap.

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What fuckass timeline have I gracefully stumbled into???

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I forget, was anyone else helping Rudy with the lights? Did they seriously leave the physically sick guy to do the most dangerous task in terms of festival prep? Is that what they did?? They had no one monitoring him at all???

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I’m reading the book version of Alan Wake and oh my god there’s so much homoerotic tension between Alan and Barry.

Barry wants that cookie, man. He’s pining hard. He’s yearning.

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If Onionsan is actually dead and there’s an actual connection between Deltarune and Undertale, then how the hell is he in Undertale??? That’s the only part i’m not getting. Do we just gloss over that tidbit or what? 😭

I really kinda just think they’re being held captive somewhere.

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The only explanation to chapter 5 is that Asgore and Rudy fucked crazy sloppy style in college.

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“When I parade their body around town”

Oh hey! Just like what i’m doing with Kris! Parading their dead body around town! Neat!

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First I have Sans trying to fuck my mom, and now i’ve got this flower twink trying to fuck my dad. This is the worst.

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I JUST WATCHED NICEPANTS BE GUNNED DOWN IN FRONT OF MY VERY EYES.

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