weighed down

you and atlas are one and the same, cursed to hold a weight you can't bare and still standing not because you can, but because you have to

[neojaein]

ADRENALINE.

[noeulneo]

neojaein --

she can’t remember (can, can remember, hates to remember, can’t even begin to think about - ) the last time she was this vulnerable. this exposed to the world around her. this human in the face of humanity at it’s worst. her stomach twists in sickened knots.

it’s startling to see her like this. jaein, who normally strikes a weird version of fear within him. jaein, who is strong even -- no, in spite of the near-constant erratic beat of her heart. jaein, who noeul swears may kill him one day. if she ever finds out. but he doesn’t think that tonight. even when she shoves at him and he stumbles back easily. ground spinning beneath his feet once more, a dull but persistent migraine the cause. he grunts as his back hits the concrete wall, but it’s nothing compared to the pain excruciatingly present in jaein’s voice. 

human, he pinpoints finally as she whispers something frantic. she seems human. 

not the fearless vigilante he’s used to, just human. he’s not sure which one scares him more. 

“shit,” he curses, shrugging off his overlarge black jean jacket and setting it on the floor. the crisp winter air pulls goosebumps onto his skin, but the anxious rush of blood in his veins warms him enough to ignore it. “sit,” he says, orders, helps her do so without even waiting. holding onto her and sitting her down slowly as to not dizzy her any further. he crouches beside her, grabbing her wrist to feel for a pulse, frantically sliding two fingers across her skin when he fails to find one. then reaching for her neck, pressing his middle and forefinger right beneath her jaw. when he feels pulsing he lets out a breath, shoulders relaxing though his brows continue to furrow. it’s too slow, he worries, while his own beat rises too fast. “just, breathe in slow,” noeul instructs, following his own directions as he does, “then let it slowly, too.” 

he guides her through it a few more times, until his own heart rate returns to just above normal. still quickened with his worry split in so many directions, but manageable enough for him to focus his eyes on jaein in front of him. “that help you at all?” he asks, concerned, bringing his hands back towards himself, forearms resting on his knees.  

[noeulneo]

influence

@neoyani​ / phase two, in afterlife

since getting acquainted with this side of elysium, noeul’s always felt off. like a fish out of water. like he doesn’t belong, because in most ways, he doesn’t. at least he’s always thought so until tonight. when, right after getting out of the subway, muscle memory alone guides him to the afterlife. buildings no longer bathed in neon haze blend together, undistinguishable from one another, and yet noeul knows the way. this is his only source of comfort as his radio link to his sister only feeds back static, no matter how many times he whisper shouts her name into his wrist. and when he switches the frequency to his station, successfully receiving a report back, this only makes his worry rise. 

so it’s with a rapidly beating heart, anxious and stressed, that he enters afterlife. it’s always a buzz of activity, but it’s even more so tonight. too many warm bodies filled into one building, making it hard to squeeze his way through to the bar. he could use a drink. or several. he asks the frazzled bartender for as much, skipping his usual order of cheap beer and going straight to whiskey, neat. his wires are all crossed, noeul the undercover versus regular oh noeul, and the first sip he takes does little to help reconcile the two. still, he takes the glass with him, throwing himself back into the sea of people, hoping to find a less crowded corner of the room. 

as he pushes through, he bumps a little too hard into someone and curses as the liquid sloshes violently in his glass, threatening to fall out. “sorry,” he mumbles a little too aggressively for an apology, stress evident in his voice. “oh, yani. hey, sorry,” he repeats, much lighter now when he meets yani’s eyes, “too many damn people here.” noeul smiles, small but there. yani has that effect on him, comforting. easy. the ramming against his chest slows because of it, and he jokes, “looks like we all had the same idea, i don’t know what to think about that.”

[neojaein]

ADRENALINE.

[noeulneo]

neojaein --

she stumbles, staggering to the edge of a building and pressing her hand against the smooth shining stone surface, panted breaths between her lips. her head is foggy and clouded and she feels as if she’s pushing through viscous air to try and progress forward. had she been going home? she can’t remember. she pulls herself upright with some struggle and there is a very palpable fear that grows inside her at the earnest fear of her position, the horror of facing the world as just a girl, something that had been proven in the past to be fragile and breakable. perhaps it’s just her luck, then, that she quite literally stumbles, vision graying out at the sides, into the figure in front of her, who catches her in shaking arms with a tone of surprise. she uses him as leverage to pull herself upright, unbothered by a wince as she grasps at his arm. “noeul?” she mumbles, clearing her throat. “what the fuck?”

noeul doesn’t remember when he lost rin. noeul doesn’t remember much of the night, to be fair. everything’s a blur of darkness, broken glass, heated bodies, a few drinks too many followed by pills he’ll regret taking in the morning. if it ever comes. and oh god, why is his heart rate increasing again, why is he anxious? did the bliss wear off already, it has been a few hours now, so is this the fall after the rise? or, did someone sniff him out, spike his drink? did yani? shit, what did he really take? his head spins. throbs. he groans, shuts his eyes, brings his hands up to his temples to press thumbs against them, apply pressure to relieve. it helps very little. he keeps stumbling down the street rubbing circles anyway. 

when he opens his eyes again, he doesn’t know where he is. without blinding neon lights and the usual bustle of the city at night, he’s lost. like a mouse dropped in the middle of a maze for the first time, only with no scented food to guide him. just pollution and the stars in the night sky shining to announce their appearance for the first time in a while. he leans back against the wall of a building, staring up at the speckles of white, attempting to slow the beat of his heart back down. he breathes slow. one, two. one, two. one, two. and it works, until the fall of footsteps, belonging to no other than jaein, ruins his rhythm. “jaein?” he calls out, and it seems to go unheard. “jaein?” he repeats, but that’s useless too and she almost crashes into him. 

he catches her, nearly stumbling back himself before he put his foot back down to steady them both. her nails dig into his shoulders, cutting as always, and he winces, inhaling sharp. she seems off, he notices, and it only amplifies his worries. “yeah it’s me, i was calling you - did you not hear me?” he asks, brows furrowing while he searches her face, “what the hell’s going on with you?” 

[noeulneo]

static

@rinneo​ / some time between dusk and dawn, at the radio station

rin fell into noeul’s lap. figuratively, one night as he tapped at the biohacked chip in his wrist, static loud in his radio linked ears while the stations flipped. her voice had been soothing in the late hours of the day. a siren call to his lonely seafarer drifting in unknown, dangerous waters. the show became a staple of his long nights, and weeks passed before his trained ears picked up on what he suspected might be signals. repeated phrases that would be inconspicuous to any casual listener, minuscule shifts of pitch, specifically ordered spins. nothing he could parse meaning out of just yet, but patterned enough for him to take notice. 

that had been weeks ago, and by now, all his suspicions have been confirmed through rin herself. he’d inserted himself into her life slowly, casually. a delivery here, a delivery there, an accidental run-in before an intentional drop-in, and another, and another until he became a staple, too. being around rin had been a nice reprieve from the outright sin around the afterlife and a true jackpot unlike the false promises handed out by ambrosia. but he kept her a secret, never reporting her existence to his superiors during briefs. 

he never dissected his reason why, and still doesn’t now, pretending he just needs to gather more info. that’s his excuse tonight, as her calming voice filters into his ear and he walks the now familiar path to the station. he hangs around the corner of the building until she closes out the show and he shuts his radio link off, heading to the large viewing window as he always does. his knuckles rap against the glass until rin looks over and he crosses his arms, rubbing his hands against them dramatically and letting out a cloud of breath. “are you gonna let me in or let me freeze out here?” he asks in lieu of a proper greeting, turning his lips down into a fake pout he doesn’t manage to keep on for long.

“i come bearing gifts and compliments about your adequate choice of music tonight,” he offers, with a dumb grin, lifting a greasy paper bag filled with warm cream-filled bread. 

[noeulneo]

hello wow i’m so very late but très excited to be here with my boi noeul! for a quick rundown he is: 25, atlas, a cop but undercover rn so unless we plot it out, no one should know this fact! he’s actually what you might consider morally upright for the most part (in comparison to probably most of elysium), but boy has an aggressive streak that might change your mind about that. the duality of man. who knows, idk he just has a lot of issues, which you can find below the cut!

but yeah if you’re up for plotting with him and all, please shmash that like button and lets just jump into it 🤪

QUICK CURRENT FACTS

yall know the atlas personality thing? yeah that’s him

in adjectives he is: reserved, resilient, determined, selfless to a fault but also prideful, competitive, unforgiving, anxious, possessive

as mentioned above he does have an aggressive streak, read more on how that developed in his history, which he thought he managed to temper, but now being undercover and in the thick of everything, it's kinda hard to keep down

his undercover task is really just to bring dirt to his superiors, so they can use that info to blackmail or sell or of course give to the powers that be

so he's now usually found around the afterlife and ambrosia, pretending to be but a mere delivery boi

he's so very conflicted and confused internally and morally and everything in between, so he's kinda a hot mess kinda jumpy and defensive

but pls love him thanks xoxo

THE ABRIDGED HISTORY

( tw: child neglect / abandonment, death / implied murder )

like most of elysium, his family was dirt poor when he was born

so his dad, also a cop, turned dirty, accepting bribes and such for the $$$

long story short, his dad hates it, feels gross abt it but what can he do, becomes an angry alcoholic to cope w it, blames noeul for it directly to his face

mind you noeul's a small kid at this point, and he just takes it all quietly and takes care of his dad when he comes home blackout drunk at 3am

meanwhile, his mom just keeps withering away, so he's basically raising himself and his parents

and then some years later somehow his parents popped out another baby on accident?? so yea he got a little sister, and surprise surprise, she's not well cared for at all by their parents

so he ends up essentially being her parental figure, tryin to protect her from all the arguments and bs going on in the house, etc. etc.

eventually, his mom just ups and leaves, and then a few years after that, his dad dies during a "robbery gone wrong"

their aunt moves in with them to take care of them, but she's also pretty shit at being a parent soo noeul basically does everything again, finding odd jobs and etc.

so he didn't properly get to grieve about any of those big life changing events at all, and that all came to a boil a few years down the line

enter: his aggressive streak during his later teen years where he picked fights with ppl he had no right getting in fights with just to get all his anger out and to Feel

got really badly injured one time and when his sister ended up having to take care of him, he reminded himself of his dad and so he vowed to stop and clean up his act

which he did, and ended up getting into the police force, and blah blah, that's essentially where we are now

ETC.

regarding the whole revolution stuff: technically he is working against it right now, considering he is feeding back all his intel to his superiors, which then gets in the hands of the govt and whatever

buuut tbh he hates the state of elysium and what it did to his parents and his ideals really kind of align with the revolution more, so my hope is as he learns more about the cause and stuff, he'll likely turn

that's my original arc idea for him anyway, but at the moment he is just a beat cop just doing the work he's been given

so what i'm sayin is please help break him eheheh

[allforbts]

[thedoomreport-deactivated202201]

It’s the person who would sell his soul for a nickel, who is loudest in proclaiming his hatred of money—and he has good reason to hate it.

Francisco d'Anconia (via thedoomreport)

[zarathustra-would-be-proud]