No Manic's Dak

Playin' Games

[nomanicsdak]

New Post has been published on https://manicdak.com/january-falana-etc/

JANUARY: FaLaNa etc...

The Monthly Mix

In yet another attempt to have content for this website (a new year’s resolution maybe?) I decided to do a themed mixtape every month. Why not? That’s at least twelve posts!

This month’s theme: The FaLaNa mix, a bunch of songs that feature Non-Lexical Vocables. You might know them as nonsense syllables. Words that are not words. You know, your Fa La La La Las, your Rah Rah Ah Ah Ah Roma Ro Ma Ma Ga Ga Oooh La Las, etc. It’s a mix to remind you that once upon a time a man calling himself Sting sang a song titled De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da. Perhaps there will be some 90’s classics that you had hoped to forget? By which I mean, yes, there will be, but there’s no reason to be Blue (Da Ba Dee?) about it, just sit back and enjoy!

The Rules:

A. Five or more of these words in a row at least once, anywhere in the song. (exceptions can be made if the nonsense is broken up by a real word in a chorus though!) We’re not going for one or two las here and there; we’re talking quantity and repetition! The gold standard example is, of course, Hey Jude, clocking in at around four minutes worth of “na”s!

B. I tried to think of these off the top of my head or through idly listening to other playlists/the radio and not look any up. (I always get curious and fail a bit at this one. How could I forget Land of 1000 Dances? I tried though!)

C. I capped it at 25 tracks, which is why there’s a lack of Doo-Wop!

Without further ado:

The Links and the List

TIDAL

APPLE MUSIC

SPOTIFY

Short Skirt / Long Jacket – Cake

Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye – Steam

Don’t You (Forget About Me) – Simple Minds

Common People – Pulp

Psycho Killer – Talking Heads

Go! – Tones on Tails

Beautiful Ones – Suede

Bad Romance – Lady Gaga

De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da – The Police

Blue (Da Ba Dee) – Eiffel 65

You Can Call Me Al – Paul Simon

Sweat (A La La La La Long) – Inner Circle

The Boxer – Simon & Garfunkle

Fa Fa – Guster

Piano Man – Billy Joel

MMMBop – Hanson

Let’s Live For Today – The Grass Roots

My Cherie Amour – Stevie Wonder

Hooked on a Feeling – Blue Swede

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm – Crash Test Dummies

Crocodile Rock – Elton John

Jesus Built My Hotrod – Ministry

Two Princes – Spin Doctors

Land of 1000 Dances – WilsonPickett

Hey Jude – The Beatles

[nomanicsdak]

New Post has been published on https://manicdak.com/readathon-update-post/

Readathon Update Post!

Update#1

Exit the Aardvark

I know we’re a few hours in, but I got a late start! My Saturday sleep brain is used to hitting the snooze and throwing my phone across the bed in the wee morning hours, what can I say?

Anyway, once I finally awakened, I let the doggo in for cuddles and finally finished up Enter the Aardvark. Which was fine. I did end up enjoying it more than I thought I would, but there is an awful lot of ‘bury your gays’ in it, and those that didn’t end up at a funeral were just kind of sad and tragic regardless. Apparently it was billed as a comedy of sorts, but maybe my satire detector has been broken after these past few years! I just want everybody to end up happy! or at least not mostly miserable!

After that, I went all the way to Vromans in Pasedena because it is Independent bookstore day, after all. So, somehow, I have now grown my tbr pile during this readathon! I’m a little behind now, but I just started Prime Deceptions, the sequel to Chilling Effect, which was one of the only non-Thrawn related books I read last year. Will Checkov’s Space Cats finally play a part in the plot??? I guess I will find out soon!

[nomanicsdak]

New Post has been published on https://manicdak.com/athenian-ping-pong/

Athenian Ping-Pong

Huh, I hear tell on the internets that people are already getting tired of Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla? Meanwhile, here I am, still playing Odyssey until the eventual heat death of the universe. As long as I am having fun on my journey is all that matters! Right?

Anyway, first and foremost in this session, I’m going to peruse Lemnos island, of the Skyfall puddles, for more locations. The first thing I stumble my way into is a cultist who for some reason is being set upon by a group of five or six Spartan soldiers. I don’t even have to do anything. I just roll up on them and confirm the kill. Thanks, my brethren! 

All the Bounties

There is nothing more to do on this island, and despite my best efforts, I can’t run my bounty up higher than 3 guys. I head all the way back over to Elis again to complete more locations and while I have 3 bounties on my head, I complete the last fort here. I stroll on in, because my goal is to be noticed and get these 5 bounties without civilian casualties (even though I know that’s the easiest way to do it.) I get the guards to to chase me around and eventually manage to kick my wanted level all the way up to five! 

As soon as the trophy registers, I run the heck away from there and pay off all my bounties. I know, another trophy is to become the best mercenary and an easy way to defeat other mercenaries is if they’re all coming directly to me, but I still have stuff to do! The last thing I need is to have an important quest interrupted by “Wisteria the Floral” trying to murder me.

I do however, almost immediately get my bounty back up, so let’s rethink that strategy. I let them come at me and basically have four of them hit me at the same time. I only die once though! And now I am a Tier 3 mercenary! Only two more tiers to go before I am the top dog! Woohoo!

I let my bounties stand and head off on a quest. I am back in Sparta now, on my way to clean up a bunch of undiscovered stuff in Athens. How there is still stuff I haven’t done in Athens by now is beyond me.

Some lady, Xanthe, the magistrate, is all excited and knows who I am. Let’s see what she has in store for me.

An escort mission??? Bah.

Is he Old Enough Though?

Basically, I have to escort her son to his military training because his parents are too busy. Like–he’s old enough to be in the military, can’t he just go there himself? I will do it anyway, of course. Should be easy enough. (Famous last words?)

Surprise! It was easy enough! Less of an escort mission, and more of a me following this literal child up a mountain. Once I get there, the trainer wants to battle me because, Sparta! I suppose. Afterward, I learn that some of his students have gone missing including the little kid’s brother. Now I must go and find/rescue them. Alexios hints that maybe some other beast, not wolf or bear, has gotten them. I mean, we just battled a Minotaur; it wouldn’t surprise me. 

Okay, wait…the camp is like a hundred meters away from the training grounds. How in the heck did the trainer lose them? Also, how did he miss the body that is up here? Anyway, the dead guy is not the brother. Come to find out that he is hiding out in the cave of sorrows, which sounds like a familiar place that I’ve been to. Let’s check it out. When I arrive, it looks like some rogue Athenians got to them. Well, in any case, I provide rescue, give bro a pep talk, and return to give Xanthe the good news. In return, she gives me more tasks. 

Apparently, I am to go around town and advise some people. My own personal self help tour, I guess. Lady, I have got things to do and mercenaries to defeat! C’mon!

As you can probably guess, I am going to do the quest, though.

1st: Lady who thinks her farm is cursed

2nd: Help some lady get control of her wild daughter

3rd: Taming more Precocious children…didn’t I do this quest already? It seems very familiar.

1. I have to take an “offering” to her husband who is hanging out on a beach. The Offering is actually a gift basket full of booze and shrooms. All us dudes party down and are so messed up we don’t notice a Trojan (Athenian?) horse full of Athenian soldiers roll up on us. We defeat them: end of Quest, but I have to wonder why on Earth anyone would want to check out a Trojan horse after what happened with the first one? ( PS: I later find out that this quest is not part of Xanth’s tasks. Oops)

Neigh? Nay.

2. The Wild daughter just wants to adventure and have fun. Sounds fine to me, but instead I just offer to teach her how to be the best Spartan she can be. She flirts with Alexios, I don’t flirt back, but it all leads to a pick nick under a blossoming tree and nothing else. Quest finished!

3. This isn’t the same quest, because all I have to do with these precocious children is tell them the story of Perseus. Apparently there are clues to how that goes down around the building they are in, but I just barrel right on ahead and begin the quest without checking anything out first.

I cannot back out of this cut scene now, and instead of choosing to look up the actual story on my handy laptop, I just plumb the depths of my brain for memories of Clash of the Titans. Did Athena really have a mechanical Owl???? Was there a Kraken? Did it get released? Apparently not because the kids hate my very inaccurate retelling. Lol, I pass the quest anyway.

Alright, Xanthe errands completed. I do not have an option to go back to her, so I just keep it moving.

I spend a lot of time clearing locations around Athens that I missed, and now I have finally found another quest.

My dearest friend Sokrates, has a stolen horse. 

It is not his stolen horse, alas. He knows who did it and now he is going to pose his questions of morality on to me. ‘Krates…you know what my actual job is? We’re gunnin’ for top mercenary honours; nobody should be trusting questions of morality to Alexios at all. 

Okay, the thief did it because his only horse died and he can’t afford a new one. He didn’t take the best horse, and it will help with the farm. 

Bro, you can keep the horse, I steal horses all the time even though mine is a whistle away. Seriously, who am I to judge?

I return with my opinion to Sokrates and he hits me with a Trolley problem. Gosh, dangit. I am not in the mood for this deep thought in a stabby game, right now.

Alexios is tired of ‘Krates philosophies and mental tests now, so we leave to find another quest.

It always ends up with someone drunk and/or poisoned on the floor

I head on across the way to another exclamation point and find none other than Alkibiades, fresh off another successful party and still super drunk. We are going to bask in each other’s hotness for a moment before he gives me an escort mission. Gotta help this poor, even drunker, politician who clearly didn’t know what he was getting into back to home. I get to ask Alkibiades about his hard partying, wily ways, which I already know all about.

Then I take the drunk politician to his “home” which turns out is a set up. Once I clear out the ambush and save the guy, Alexios wonders who it is that set them up.

Uhhh, not the dude that told you where to go and wouldn’t let the guy sleep it of at his place? Nooo, never. Couldn’t be. I return to Alkibiades for another quest and he doesn’t exactly admit that he set us up, but he set us up.

As for this new quest…not to put too fine a point on it, but he wants me to retrieve a dildo from some lady he done wrong. Once again, the things I do for you, Ace.

Haha, the good news is that I already have it in my inventory.

Why do I have it???? Where did I get it??? How long did I have it???? For Zeus’s sake.

Turns out it wasn’t his to retrieve in the first place, and I actually stole it to Alkibiades’s political advantage somehow. You did not have to lie to me to get me to do this quest, Ace. You should know that by now. Anyhow, I don’t get all the details about why this needed to be done, and As for the end of the quest, well, let’s just say all the effort didn’t go to waste. *shrug emoji* Alkibiades is right, I have given up saying no to him. Haha!

Now that I’m finished here, I have a new quest from Sokrates. THESE TWO ARE GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME!

Okay, well, I find a quest to help a slave get his freedom. He tried to pay for it, but of course the master didn’t let him go. Because people that own people are such stand up and trustworthy guys. Let’s go take him out!

I go talk to him and find out that he’s a card carrying cultist who isn’t trying to hide and he’s baiting me because Phaidon needs his papers to be free and “the Master” is hiding them, so I can’t just kill him. I have to do an assassination of his choosing in hopes that he’s acting in good faith. I doubt it, but I don’t get the option to tell him to go fuck himself.

What are the chances indeed.

This quest is entirely confusing. After standing firm in the belief that all are created equal when Sokrates ask me about it, I get a quest update to return to the cult dude. Alexios tells him he won’t do his bidding, he tells me he won’t be freeing anybody and that’s the end of the quest.

Instead, I hit the road and meet Sokrates, who I’m sure is going to pose some philosophical and unhelpful question. Where is Ace with his goof-goof-dildos when you need him???

Sokrates now has me questioning myself on whether I should just sneak-stab this slave owner a-hole when he’s not looking, even though he’s on my culty hit list already and I have to if I want to Platinum this game. Instead, I let some dude out of a nearby cage so I get attacked first which makes the decision easy!

I don’t get a new quest from Alkibiades after this, but I do uncover a new cultist who is nearby!

I finish her, and another branch of the cult tree! 

I click on over to the map to find a brand new quest, and it seems like this ping-pong match between Sokrates and Alkibiades quests is not over yet after all. I trek on over to him for another escort mission. To make a medium story short, I’m taking a woman to a sanctuary to escape her abusive husband, and Alkibiades is helping her out of the goodness of his heart. So, not everything he does is self-serving after all, which Alexios doesn’t quite believe at first. 

Afterwards, I return to Alkibiades to find out that he is getting married now.

Wait, what??? Alexios, notably as confused as I am, wonders why he hasn’t heard of this woman before. Ace does not tell me everything about his life though, alas. I now have to help him steal some flowers and a wedding ring from some love temple which is way more difficult than it should be at this point.

The Lucky Lady

I also have to present these items to the lucky lady for him and she straight up informs me that she’s totally using Alkibiades as a step up on the ladder to ruling Greece. Like, girl, you are telling your nefarious plans to the wrong person. Not that I think Alkibiades is going to give two shits; I think he probably has his own nefarious plans, but I’m still going to rat her out.

I am right of course, but he insists he is marrying for love and so that the people can see a more serious side to him. Their joint ambition to use each other to take over the country is just a bonus. We know how that works out because of history I suppose, but Godspeed anyways, bro! 

I also get a recap of all the quests I’ve been running around doing for him this whole time and his reasonings behind his plans. All in the name of moving up in the world, except for helping that last lady escape her husband. He confirms that one was just the right thing to do. I already basically knew all of this though. The big question is, am I not going to get any more quests from him now??? 

Am I nearing the endgame? Will I actually finish a game of Assassin’s Creed? Are we ever going to travel back to the present times?

 Find out next time!

[nomanicsdak]

New Post has been published on https://manicdak.com/the-face-of-boeetia/

THE FACE OF BOE(etia)

Riddle Me This

I have to talk to a man called Gorgias (who may be this Gorgias?) here in Boeotia. I’m just going to assume this is pronounced like gorgeous before I can hear anybody pronounce it! (Update: it’s not, but I’m still going with it.)

Hello, Gorgias!

After defeating a huntress camp, we find Gorgias in a weirdly modern looking ruin. In it is also the Sphynx. Apparently this quest has something to do with Pythagoras, so maybe it has to do with finding the relics I’m supposed to be finding. Who knew this was a main quest? I probably could have figured that out by looking at my menu, but who wants to do that?

Anyhows, I have an amulet that I am supposed to be finding the matching half of? Seriously, did I just doze off when I met Pythagoras? Because I remember none of this! Haha, anyway, Gorgias is worried about his Pibos, which is not a colourful euphemism, but the name of his missing apprentice. Pibos has the other half of the amulet, I guess. How ‘BFFs’ of them.

I find his body not far away. A creature killed him! Also, it ate the amulet. Why would it eat the amulet and not the guy? Maybe all that heavy metal gave it indigestion. I recover the goods from a lion’s belly in any case and head on back to give Gorgias the bad news. He’s going to be so sad. However, this amulet is the key to awakening the Sphyinx, so— I won’t feel so bad if the Sphyinx comes to life! It probably won’t though; I’m guessing it will trigger some kind of treasure door or doom puzzle or something.

Is this the Real Life?

 Okay, well—the statue of the Sphinx and Gorgias disappeared before I could even get there to test my theory. I try to insert the amulet anyway, but the game tells me to come back at night. Why are you giving away all your secrets, game? It would have taken me a thousand years to figure that out on my own! Anyway, I meditate for a while, come back at night and—

HOLY SHIT, the Sphynx did come to life! I am delighted and terrified. Is it reality, or is Alexios having some sort of fever dream? Let’s see what she has to say!

She has a challenge for me of some kind and is totally not here for my awe. Which, to be honest, Alexios probably shouldn’t be that awed. We already found like, three Cyclopses, one should be dead triangle dad, and Athena 4 Real. Literal Sphynx is just another day in life really.

Is This Just Fantasy?

Oh no. She has riddles. 

Well, they are all pretty easy, and when I solve them and touch some symbols on the wall she disintegrates and I capture a giant golden feather inside some kind of ancient Greek Pokeball. For my efforts, I get a Sphynx figurehead for my boat! 

 Sorry, snakes. She is way cooler!

Sibling? Rivalry!

Okay, Sphynx quest done and done, now time to see what I’m supposed to be doing to help out Sparta per King’s request. This cannot possibly be as fun or ridiculous as the Olympics, alas. I am only proven correct when I arrive and the general in charge is my step-bro??? or actual bro? TBH, I am confused about who exactly this dude is to Alexios, but I do know he thinks I killed dear old dad. Naturally, he punches me in the face on sight. Cool. 

OMG!

Well, we have some words, but he gives me a mission anyway and what I have to do is kill Boetian champions, so off we go!

The map tells me to head to Thebes for the one called Drakon, but I can’t find where there at is, so I go to the nearest big city which is actually Thebes! Good guess, self. Here I will be doing a bunch of quests and clearing out all the locations!

In the first spot I come away with a mace called Boetian Rhapsody. Worthy of note because, Heh. Whilst I’m in this pause screen checking out my gear, I also find a most terrifying mask. Where the hell did I get this thing???! Also, since I often talk about the cult family tree, here’s a screen shot of it. I’m just checking these guys off as I roam around. I should probably make a point of it after I finish this quest though, because I need to upgrade my spear so I can upgrade everything else with my unused points.

Cult Family Tree. Also, why does that dude on the top right branch look like the ghost from He Man?

NIPS

Next, I head towards the gym, because this is what the game is telling me I should do. Here I find Melanippos, who is worried about his one true love—Drakon. The dude I’ve been hired to assassin. On the scale of things I want to do, proving myself to my a-hole brother rates very much below reuniting these lovebirds. Let’s see if I get a choice in the matter.

Ok, so Nips over here wants to create a love potion and smear it all over the inside of Drakon’s armor so it gradually seeps into his skin, guaranteeing eternal love. Eternal poisoning is more like it. On the one hand he is wearing a Rod of Asclepius necklace, so maybe he won’t be accidentally coating the armor with hemlock or something. On the other hand, this is just a terrible idea. You can’t make people love you, bro. 

The Unintentional Saboteur

Of course, I agree to find the herbalist who has the ingredients for him. Alexios asks about how vulnerable Drakon’s going to be while he doesn’t have his armor, and the answer is, very.

 I see you, game, sussing out the tips on defeating Drakon. Here Nips is, giving away vital information directly to an assassin. 

We’ll see how it shakes out.

Here are some more clues:

 The herbs are red hot so Drakon’s affections will sizzle. Rowwwr!

How did he and Nips meet? Well, Nips wanted to become the best, so he wanted to train with the best. “But the only muscle he worked on was his heart.”

Please don’t make me kill this dude.

The last bit of info that I get is that Drakon might be at the training ground.

Okay, off to find this herbalist!

I am not surprised to find her farm surrounded by bandits. I get rid of them and talk to the herbalist. Apparently, Nips has been after this for a while. This is kind worrying. Also worrying is the singing he engages in when I get back. I get the feeling that maybe Drakon is not as into Nips as he is into Drakon. Like, did I just enable a stalker? In any case, Alexios double makes sure that Drakon will be without his armor for a time, but none of this helps in finding him.

Oh well. On to the next quest. 

HORSING AROUND & HIPPOKRATES

I’m going to help this merchant get his goods, and his horse back from some soldiers. This too leads back to Drakon, who will be mad if he can’t get his oil for his back. Also another clue: Drakon prefers the flammable oil. 

Dudes, you are making his defeat too easy. Loose lips sink ships after all.

Hippokrates’ Meds Bring All the Boys to the Yard

I get the horse back for the merchant and get another clue about the location of the training grounds. There is still one more quest that will presumably aid in my task. I have to go save and rescue a hunting party from a terrible beast for Hippokrates, who is here for some reason. I thought I left him to deal with the Plague back in Athens? 

Anyway, I find two bears fighting over this poor hunter with the rest of the party dead. I stun the bears until the brown bear goes down. The white bear on the other hand just runs away. Do I get to complete the quest if the mega bear is still on the loose? I guess we’ll find out. 

The answer is yes. I avoid mega bear whilst carrying the injured man back to bald ole ‘Krates. Incidentally, Alexios really hates these Thebans who sided with Xerxes. He keeps muttering at them for being cowards under his breath as part of the ambient dialog. I guess you can’t totally take the Spartan out of the mysthios. 

TO KILL OR NOT TO KILL…

It turns out Hippokrates is having a crisis of faith. The injured guy will survive if treated, but Hippokrates might not want to do that. You see, this fella is a slave trader who hurts and tortures people for a living, you see. Bro. Why did you send me out to save the dude? I could have just let the bears eat him!

Now I have to make choices instead!

I mean—Do no harm, right? I don’t want to be responsible for the Hippocratic Oath not being invented. Of course, this would be a really weird choice for a professional assassin to make. I’m out here stabbin’ all the time. I mean, Hippokrates could always just hire me to ease is conscience. 

LOL, on second thought, actually I don’t have a choice. 

Save him for the $$$, or save him because it’s the right thing to do are the actual choices now that I’m done ruminating on the pros and cons and actually re-read the text.

Save him for the right reasons, Hippokrates. Alexios offers to free the slaves at least and Hippokrates just runs with it. He wants to rehab the slave trader and show him the error of his ways. Well, good luck with that, pal. I have some people to free!

Swimming with the Puppies

So, they are located east of the river in the Malanippos’s camp. Nips has a camp??? Did he escape from there? I’m so confused. Let’s go there and see if we can’t figure things out. The good news is that I free the slaves and also find out Drakon is nearby so I don’t have to expend brain energy misreading the map. Also, one of the attack dogs fell into the water. So now there is an aquatic dog down there glitching, which is hilarious. Luckly, it doesn’t try to fight me underwater.

Anyway, I free the slaves and talk to their leader. I don’t remember anything she said now, but I return to Hippokrates and he is still really bummed out that the bad guy is going to live. This quest did not, however, give me any more clues on how to beat Drakon. 

I guess that means it’s time to defeat him now! Let’s get to it!

I see how it’s going to go though when I reach my destination. There’s no talking to him. I approach; he attacks. At least that’s going to ease my conscious about this task. Hopefully I will never have to see poor Nips again though.

With that finished, I am lost.

I have three other champions to defeat and the only clue the quest gives me is that I must defeat them.

Where are they? Are they all in Thebes? Would that be too easy?

TO KILL OR NOT TO KILL…part 2

Well, Hippokrates has another quest for me, so maybe if I help him out it might give me some clues.

It does not.

I arrive at some house and Hippokrates is fretting because the old man there wants his help to die. He’s old and in pain and wants his son to take over business before their rivals can take advantage of his frailty. Hippokrates, on the other hand, wants to study his disease in hopes of learning some more medicine that can help others.

I agree to help him take out the rivals and lo! I have already beaten them apparently. I love a quest that is finished before I even start it! The guy still wants Hippokrates help though, so I agree to speak on his behalf. I try to convince him to do the man this favor, but Hippokrates does not want to hear about morality form an assassin. Fair enough, my man. Fair enough.

Hippokrates and His Potential Lab Rat

Well, I guess that’s that for now. I will fetch the Hemlock that has been requested of me and see where it goes from there. Also, it’s worth noting, I suppose, that in game, Alexios knows that this is poison. Hippokrates thinks it will work great to ease the man’s pain in the correct dosage though. 

It’s taking a really long time for the cut scene to load which is a bit worrying. When it does, Hippokrates is giving me the power to decide how much Hemlock to add. This was a bad idea, dude. Why are you tasking me with this, you’re the doctor??? I guess he’s just going to have to be mad at me then.

Later, I choose not to lie to my friend and tell him that I did what he couldn’t do, and that it isn’t right to keep the poor guy alive and suffering just so he can be a lab rat… And Hippokrates agrees with me, but he still wanted to do it anyway. Instead, he just tells me of his plans to travel the world now and learn from other doctors around the lands. Will we ever meet again? Perhaps, I mean, I will be playing this game until my golden years, so who knows?

I have to leave this man’s house now though, because his family keeps coming in and gasping at my weaponry.

WHO’S THE CHAMPION NOW?

I manage to figure out that I had to select the specific champion I want to defeat in order to get instructions on how to find them, so I select the next one on the list. She is much harder than the first guy, because nobody is around to drop hints about how much she likes flammable oil and will be particularly vulnerable because some rando is rubbing love potion inside of her armor. Also, she has two companions raining down arrows on me.

I managed to defeat her once I get her alone, and come to find out she is a cultist! Two birds, one stone. Nice!

On to the next! 

Bears, Atop Tents, in the Moonlight

I go to find him and instead of getting to do the deed myself, I find that dear old Wolf dad has done it for me. I thought I told him to gtfo??? (PS. What happens if Alexios dumps dad off the cliff in the beginning? Does he survive anyway? Would I have to beat the third champion myself?? Would I have to fight my un-brother?) Oh, well, I tell him to go to my bro and give him leadership advice. Maybe this will get the dude off my back and he can stop punching me?

I guess I still have to finish the champion quest though, so let’s find the last one!

She is a hunter and has a bear. I stun the bear and then deal with her. I also find a tomb on my way back to my bro, so I complete that location too.

Back at Bro’s camp…his name is Stentor, so I can stop calling him that.

Stentor is predictably unhappy to see me. I mean, what did he expect? Alexios to die, obviously, but my job is the direct opposite of that. And I’m good at it, so sorry, not sorry, Stent. 

In any case, now I have to compete in one of those melee battles, which I am also very good at. I shall return triumphant…eventually. First I head to the armorer, because at least I’ve learned that lesson. I only have enough leather to upgrade my tunic though. Once I’m geared up, The battle still proves to be too much for me, so I decide to blow up some more grain silos and take out the leader of Thebes in hopes of weakening Athens a bit. Turns out this does not help. I do eventually win the day, and when I get back to Stentor, the dude is less than grateful.

Stentor Hasn’t the Time

In fact, he still wants to kill me, and I still don’t know if I’m related to him. We bicker like siblings anyway. Luckily, before we can cross swords and after I try to talk Stentor out of it, dear old dad decides to make an appearance. Took you long enough, dude.

Stentor still hates me, but at least I don’t have to kill him just yet. With that, Boetia is on Sparta’s side and I have to find a new quest. Dad warns me that there’s a ‘shadow over Sparta’, and I don’t want to deal with that until I have to. Let’s go hunting instead. I need to upgrade my snake bottoms. 

HOUSEKEEPING

We’re heading back to the arena for some cultists! I want to upgrade my spear already! Luckily, the cultist I have to defeat is only level 29 and I’m about 15 levels above that now, so nice. Skoura is there also, for sage wisdom about the arena and also to make me suspicious.

He has a daughter and she’s the reason he’s now just the gate guard. They lost touch…or she’s dead? I dunno, either way he looks very sad. We will perhaps get his entire story when I finish this quest, but alas, I am not equipped to fight the rest of the arena participants, so I’m off to find the final cultist I need to do the next spear upgrade! He’s off the coast of Andros, so it looks like we’re in for another naval battle.

Unluckily for me, there’s about four other pirate ships around this cultist’s boat. I try to just go for the cultist right off the bat, but his whole fleet just converges on me and sinks my ship about three times before I decide that this is definitely the wrong strategy. 

Instead, I pick off the smaller boats one by one and that does the trick. 

It is still not enough to upgrade my spear. I am frustrated looking for this information on my pause screen, so I just look it up online. I need nine shards to upgrade and I only have seven. I need two more guys, so I pick out the weakest ones, who are only one level below me at this point.

One is on a boat that I can’t find, and the other I have to face during a melee battle while fighting for Athens. I head towards this area, which hasn’t been uncovered on the map yet. Hopefully there will be some juicy quests over here, and maybe one of those statues I’m supposed to be looking for for my sculptor friend. You remember? The paranoid one I hooked back up with in Olympia, who thinks the cult is leaving him clues? 

HOW BOARING

After a few tries at this, I give up. Maybe if I weaken Sparta’s hold on the area that will help a bit, but I can’t find the leader. Instead of noodling around the area, I decided it would be a great time to take out that demon boar from earlier, since it’s just across the water from where I am.

This turns out to be a bad strategy also. How is the first legendary animal the most difficult??? I head back into town after dying a few times. I am absolutely determined to upgrade my bow at least. I do that, and also replace an inscription on one of my weapons to make me even more venomous. I promise, I did not set out in this game to transform into a snake.

I also go to the store to spend my special currency. I buy the phantom steed masthead because it looks pretty cool. 

With my poison bow in hand, I head back to the boar and finally defeat him! Like…this quest is one of those that’s slotted in one of the first areas of the game that you’re clearly supposed to leave open until later in the game after you’ve leveled up, right?? Or am I just that good at this game? Because I return to Daphnae and she gives me a legendary bow and some sweet ghostly arrows that do more damage. Imagine if I had those at the start of the game?

 I also get the option of heart dialogs with her, but I’m so annoyed that she gave me this quest, that I ignore them. I wasn’t going to when this whole thing started, but, well…being tossed around by a demon pig ad infinitum definitely is a mood killer. 

Also, She’s Kinda Rude–

It is time to head back to the melee for the cultist, but when I arrive, it is no longer available! I guess I will have to find the leader after all and burn stuff down after all!

So, I spend the majority of the next bit just wandering around trying to find the damn leader so I can trigger the battle again. I also upgrade my gear as much as possible. This time it takes me three tries to take out the cultist dude that appears on the battlefield. I don’t win the battle, but the guy doesn’t respawn after I lose it, so I will leave it and move on. 

I find the final cultist that I’ve identified on the map (There are more, I just haven’t unmasked them yet.) He’s a boat guy, so I even get to equip my new ghostly steed masthead! I am able to take him down pretty easily, but I don’t get to fight him or get the boat treasure because I sink it with my battering power.

I am all hyped up on success and my newly upgraded spear! I head on over the hill to that Cyclops lair! I have to say my confidence is completely unfounded, so Cyclops hunting is right back off the list of quests I want to tackle.

 There’s not a lot to do unless I go back to Brasidas and my mom to continue on with my main quest, so I just run around doing question marks. Me and Barny wax poetic about our home ports on the boat at one point, but he doesn’t want to tell me his own origin story.

ERRING ON THE SIDE OF GODS

Now we are on the isle of Kythera. Home of some ominous sounding purple thing. (It is dye… the ominous purple thing is dye.) There are a bunch of undiscovered locations and some new sidequest! yay! (I’m sure I will come to regret that ‘yay’ soon) 

I go to complete a fort and accidentally stumble upon my first quest: There is a guy named Empedokles yammering about how the guards stole his robe and that he is a God. I let him out so he will shut up, and this gives me a quest.

At Least He’s a Respectful God

I meet up with him later and he is stubbornly sticking to his story of Godliness. I tell him I believe him, just because I don’t want to risk it. I already met a ghost Sphynx. I am not taking any chances even though this dude seems bonkers. I agree to go meet his Godly siblings for a dinner date after I retrieve the key to his God house from the guards.

I think my instincts are good this time, because I go to select this quest in my menu and it’s a main quest. How??? Why??? I am curious now, let’s go meet this guy right away.

I go to the forgotten island to meet him and immediately fall into a sinkhole. Cool beans. This is going great already! I meet E where he’s ranting and raving at a crumbling door about hearing the gods inside. They sound more like a trapped bear that is going to eat me. Should I further indulge this guy’s ranting? 

I choose to indulge him. Alexios isn’t going to go as far as to actually believe him, but we know there’s some damn thing inside. Let’s see what it is!

 Awww, shit. It’s a cyclops. A cyclops which just straight up squishes E. Damn. I should have told him to wait outside. Well, now I’m stuck inside with this thing, so I have to fight it. The good news is that it’s much easier than the one on spear island. I do exhaust almost every one of my arrows. I do get a cool cyclops eye for my troubles though.

EWWWW

 I now wander around filling out more question marks. I find a legendary bear, which was way easier to defeat than I expected. Also, looking at the quest and there’s another boar? WHY? I head back to Aphrodite’s island for more quests and I what should I happen upon but a random Spartan soldier who thinks I killed Stentor.

Well. That’s a hell of a way to find out your brother is dead. What in the actual F, game? I know he was a douche, but— In any case, I am tasked to kill the actual mercenary who did the deed and it turns out that I already did that. Huh. You see, I’ve been trying to get my bounty up for that trophy, but I can’t seem to get it over 3 assassins no matter how many other mercenaries I take out. At one point I had all three of them and a chicken chasing after me.

Next Time: my chicken fears are coming back to haunt me!????

[nomanicsdak]

New Post has been published on https://manicdak.com/oh-balls/

Oh, Balls!

aN OILY ESCORT MISSION

So, we are back to escorting Testikles to the Olympics, and he is wherever the fuck he is on some Hades forsaken island in an uncovered part of the map. Like, yo, game—I don’t want to uncover another part of the map yet along with all its fetch quests and forts to defeat or whatever, because you know I will be compelled to do so. I guess I must though. I will try to power through without getting too distracted.

First I have to get some oil though.

Only the Oil maker’s slave lady is there though, and she is frightened that his wrath will come down on her if she dares help me by—giving me oil that I am going to pay for? Does this dude want business or not?? This guy already sucks, if I ever meet him… I convince her to just sell me the recipe and I make it myself—hopefully the right way. Which seems way worse for business than just selling me the oil. Oh, well. I succeed in remembering the recipe, and now I have to find Testikles on his island. I once again misread the map and also just guess at where he’s supposed to be instead of going directly to the clearly labeled point on the map. *shrug*

SNAKE SHIP!!

Ssssssssssssssssssssss!

This time it pays off though, because I find a sunken temple and it’s one of the locations of the treasure feathers! I’m sure stumbling ass backwards into them is how I’m going to solve this quest. It is the best way, I think. I also find some gold colours for my boat! The look I find is called the Hound of Hades. I like a Cerberus themed boat! Since I’m heading for the bay of Hades anyway, I think it’s fitting. 

I’ll miss my pink and white boat though!

Before I talk to Testikles, I take the time to explore the nearby shipwreck of the Nestor. I find a new figurehead for my ship. It’s a serpent one, and although I already have a blue one and this is just a normal, I switch them out, because snakes are my jam.

TESTIKLES

The Man, The Legend–

So, there is also some treasure chest that is either underwater or underground, but I don’t see a cave entrance? I try to find it, but I can’t, so I just go talk to Testikles, who is flexing and carrying on about being the best. He may or may not be super drunk or super dumb or both. Who can say?

I have to convince him to get on the boat by giving him the oil now, or bribing him with it. I still feel kind of bad for leaving those Spartan kids to spar with wolves on their own a while back, so maybe I’ll just give it to him and not become an extortionist. 

Great, he wants me to rub it on. What did I tell you about oil? We’re off on our escort mission now though, because I don’t get a choice in whether or not to oil down the big guy. Alexios is not gonna do it! 

SHARK BAIT

Ahoy, Ace, why are you here?

Back on the boat, Barny is fanboying over Testikles and Herodotus recites poetry at him. We arrive at our destination with the man of the hour whooping about Sparta, which is about the extent of this guy’s discourse, and for some reason I have to talk to Alkibiades who is here too. I’m going to guess he wants me to somehow throw the games in Athen’s favour in direct contradiction to what I should be doing to prove my Spartanness? 

Let’s find out! He’s enthusiastically jumping up and down and clapping at me.

If your wondering why he is here, it is to welcome us, actually compete in the Olympics, and flirt shamelessly, of course. Testikles burps in his direction. Herodotus and Barnabus share a confused look. 

There’s some good natured ribbing and more sex puns made even more inappropriate by the peanut gallery watching behind me. Huh. Nobody’s asking me to do anything I don’t want to do yet— I’m feeling good about this cut scene for a few seconds until I duck out of Testikles’s grasp as he wants me to oil him up again and he falls off the dock and gets eaten by a shark.

I just—I die laughing at this point, because that’s the most absurd thing that has happened in this game so far. Will I have to step in for Sparta now? Alikbiades  is definitely interested in seeing Alexios compete anyway. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more. He gives me the nickname “Lexie”, so how can I say no? I probably can’t. *shrug* 

QUEST TIME!

We get the day off to explore around Olympia though, so that’s cool, let’s do that. I very nearly knock Barnabus off the shark pier on my way out the door to the nearest location. Sorry, my man! 

I spend most of my time trying to defeat this huge ass fort and failing. I only get lucky because some bounty hunters show up and they start fighting the guys in the fort, so I can finally get it done. I’m a bit irritated that it took so long, so I just get back on my sudden quest for Olympic gold. I have to go find the organizer for this, I suppose to inform him that our contestant got eaten by a shark. *shrug* It happens?

I wander around Elis for a while, wreaking havoc on the Athenian forces. When I finally get to the actual Olympic Valley, I’m notified that I shouldn’t get caught doing anything illegal there. Great. We all know how good I am at sneaking and not doing illegal things. There are a bunch of new quests here that I can do before we get back to the story too, so let’s see who wants me to commit crimes so they don’t have to!

JUMPIN’ JAVELINS

First a sad bookie. 

He’s sad because some dude named Pithekos is not on his game and it’ll cost him a lot of money if this guy loses (I hope he’s not in my event?) In any case I can offer to maim his opponent or cheer his spirits. Obviously, I’m not going to maim a guy undeservedly. The bookie isn’t keen on my plan to recite poetry at the guy. Since Pithekos is not the kind of man for poems, I just go talk to him.

Okay, he’s broken his “lucky” javelin. I attempt to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he just straight up admits to cheating. Like, I know I’m not suited up to the nines in the gear of my homelands, but that’s probably not the info you should just be imparting to rando-could-be-your-opponent-Spartans. Of course, I guess I’ll get him his javelin. Hopefully I won’t end up in jail.

I can steal it, which is probably the wrong choice, so I just talk to the vendor lady and buy one. There is also an old one in a corner. I bring both and I don’t get a choice on which to give him, so I guess I chose right by bringing both. The bookie offers to let me place a bet, but I decline to bet on the cheater. 

SEEING THE SIGHTS

My next exclamation points leads me right to Barnabus who is being a total tourist. Lol, what is this quest, just sightseeing with Barny? I mean—Okay, I’ll take the easy XPs Why do you keep trying to make me learn stuff, game?

Zeus Beef in the wings

First: Altar of Zeus where we see them slaughtering a bunch of bulls for him. I buy Barnabus a slice of Zeus beef. He is delighted! Then we’re off to the next sight. The organizer for the event I’m supposed to be competing in must be around here because I keep being alerted to an untracked quest nearby, but I’m going to finish what I’m doing first.

Over in the temple Barnabus tells me the statue of Zeus was crafted by a sculptor I’m supposedly friends with, but I don’t know the name. Is he the dude I saved way back when I first came to Athens? Alexios says something sarcastic about the Gods that gets Barnabus’s dander up. I choose apologies. I don’t need to rain on his parade when he’s being such a fanboy and having a great day.

DISTRACTIONS

On the way to our next destination, I pick up another quest: Herodotus is trying to keep the peace, because I assume a Spartan and an Athenian are fixin to throw punches and break this Olympic truce. (One is wearing red, and one is wearing blue, so I can only assume. I remain, ever and always in neutral snake-tones) I agree to help them.

some dude

Back to Barny…or not. I stop again for a quest. A guy wants to tell my fortune, but it’s all a ruse to steal my money. He distracts me while a little girl steals my purse! She reminds Alexios of Phoibe and now everybody is sad. I’m even more sad when she tells me her story…some Captain made her thieve and is going to hurt her apparently. Obviously, I am going to help the girl that reminds me of Phoibe. The Captain is going dowwwn!

He goes down! I return to the kid to give her the necklace Captain stole and she’s happy that they can keep all they steal now. Heh. Go get ‘em, girl!

I finally catch up to Barnabus where he gives me the low-down on this special tree that the Olympic wreaths are made out of. We hug it out and I get my XPs! Thanks, Barny! 

On to the next mini-quest!

A TALE OF OILY DUDES

Out on the street a poor woman is being browbeat in public by a priestess. Her crime: Being married and wanting to watch the games. 

She is Kallipateria who wants to see her son compete. This is nonsense. Why is it a crime, I ask?

The priestess tells me its because all the oily men will be too tempting.

Uhh— Well, my only choice now is to say that’s not fair, which it’s not, so I’m not fussed about that pathway.

Turns out the punishment they want to dole out for attempting to watch the games is to throw her off Mount Olympus. The fuck???? That’s the punishment??? Priestess Lady, you’re going the way of Chrysis if you keep it up. She gives me the chance to prove Kallipateria’s heritage and save her, so I’m off to go look for her son in the green room as it were. 

There’s a old lady there projecting her own thoughts onto every other woman in Greece. She’s clutching her pearls over all the hot oiled dudes. Yes, of course, because there is no other reason for women to enjoy sport, but also, who cares if she wants to scope some dudes? The only useful clue is that Kalli met with a man here often. Like…is the man her son??  The next person I talk to is her son. He confirms her story.

However, I also find a love letter seemingly addressed to her. 

The plot thickens. 

Regardless, nobody needs to be thrown off a mountain. Unless it’s me, throwing myself. I’m immune to fall damage after all. 

Next a rando dude confirms her story and also—that her husband is dead???? What? Widowers got to stay married from beyond the grave here? I guess so. Kalli is still devoted and makes offers to the Gods for him. I find yet another letter confirming the story of Kalli’s son and their heritage. Time to stop this priestess and her hateboner for people who enjoy a nice oily dude. I guess what I find is enough for her to let Kalli go. Good. Damn her for making me schlep all the way the hell up this mountain though. I’m going to jump off it! 

LOVE GONE WRONG

Alright, time to help out those fighty dudes from earlier. This quest is called the Drachmae of Romance, so let us see what this is all about. I find a note. Looks like a couple of lovebirds stole money from the fighting dudes to escape—something. Slavery? Crushing debt? 

Next I find a really suspicious guard who is terrible at lying. He fell asleep on the job, but he does know the thieves headed east apparently.

Third clue—no forced entry to the treasure vault the guard was supposed to be guarding. Hmm.

Well, the game tells me exactly where to go, so at least I don’t have to wander Eastward with nothing but hope and a bird to go on. 

It turns out this a Romeo and Juliet situation and the couple that stole the money are the son and daughter of the dudes that hired me. Those two dads also got the info from the guard and find us here. There is no conflict resolution for them. In fact, they are ready to kill their children over this feud. I got news for ya, dudes. You picked the wrong mysthios. I can either kill the poor kids or these two toolbags. 

The good news is that the kids can forge a new peaceful future for their families now. A job well done as far as I’m concerned!

SCULPTING SUSPICIONS

My next and looks like last quest is to visit my sculptor friend. He is indeed the man who I saved from cultists. He does think cultists are still after him and for some reason did him the courtesy of leaving a coded message before they do away with him that I now have to traipse around all of Greece to figure out for him. I’m not going to do that right now because these statues with secret code are all over places that haven’t been uncovered yet. Sorry, Sculpto, you must wait!

Paranoid Sculptor Friend

 I think it is time for some wrasslin’ or whatever the hell I’m competing in (The Pankration) because I am fresh out of exclamation points! I arrive at the organizer and he’s surprised to see me instead of Testikles. He lets me go ahead and replace the poor guy rather than cancel the whole event. Since I have nothing left to do, we’ll get right to it. I beat up a couple of dudes and now we get a pause before the big match against the Athenian champ.  It is a break where we meet up with Barny and Alkibiades only to find Alkibiades has probably been poisoned. Damn! You can’t die yet, Ace! It’s not in the history books! (I know, I know, tell it to Perikles, right?) I am off to find the supposed poisoner!

PICK YOUR POISON

Somehow, Alkibiades of all the people, is super scandalized about how his upstanding good-time drinkin’ buddies could be shady double-dealing murderers. Sorry, my dude! Suddenly, my pause screen jumps out at me without prompting to give me some news. Kallias, Olympic hero, is now marked on my cult family tree. Does that have anything to do with this quest? Is HE the poisoner?

Let us investigate!

 Clue #1: I visit the site of the party and, Yep. Poison. Lots of the party-goers are dead now.

 Clue#2: More poison supplies in the kitchen. I find the name of the merchant who delivered them.

Clue#3: There is a bigger bad. Who is it? The merchant doesn’t know, but at least he gives me a place where I can find the antidote: That accursed fort from earlier? Nope, a new accursed fort. Probably at the only undiscovered location left in the Olympic Valley. Let’s Ride, Phobos! No time to lose! I am in and out without the guards catching me, and Alkibiades is up and at ’em as soon as the cure touches his lips.

A WIN FOR SPARTA

Now it’s time to finish wining the day for Sparta and defeating a cultist. Like—we know it’s him what ordered the poison, right? It has to be?

Back to the organizer, who laughs at me for not being oily enough. Heh. I’ve got some delightful cinnamon oil that I made myself, dude. I take this guys advice and use it. Why not? Testikles doesn’t need it. I have a tense moment with Kallias the cultist before things start, and I defeat the champion handily. Alexios looks extra shiny during the crowning, but whatevs. We won! 

Oily, Oily, Glory

Next on the list: Cult dude, who I find just wandering outside the hippodrome alone. I sneak up on him and that’s the easiest cultist defeat ever.

Olympia is complete! I guess. I don’t even get to say goodbye to Ace this time, or find out for sure who the poisoner is. Bah.

Oh, well. I’m heading of to Boeotia now, because A: I have a king quest there and B: I have some mysterious Sphynx quest that I don’t even remember picking up, and we all know how I feel about Sphynx quests! (I love them. Hit me with your riddles, cat woman!)

[nomanicsdak]

New Post has been published on https://manicdak.com/home-sweet-sparta/

Home Sweet Sparta

FIGHTING AWAY THE SADNESS

 I am just going to complete some new locations and try to find my treasure feathers to start off with just to work out a bit of this sadness. RIP Pickles and Phoibe. I spot a cultist nearby as I’m trying to suss out my treasure maps, and hey—I’m not passing these dudes up for later anymore. Vengeance is mine!

Eventually I just give up on figuring out the treasure maps and find a mirror island, that I try to solve, but— I can’t. I move on to more locations and maybe I’ll come back to that later. It’s kind of eating at me though, like the Sphinx puzzle in the last game, so we shall see.

I’m on some Dionysus themed island in some place called the Crane of Paxus and there is a Quest exclamation point calling to me, so let’s go see what that’s about rather than wandering aimlessly.

A RELEVANT QUEST

Your Mom Wuz Here

Okay, here are the deets:

“blood or change the Phoenix must choose” is the caption on graffiti nearby that some dude is angry about. This seems rather relevant to the mom quest, doesn’t it? Should the artist be silenced or not? Not obviously. 

Okay, well, I am hired to end the graffiti artist. He doesn’t want me to kill the artist though. Which is good, because I don’t want to do that either, even if this dude whom lives in a cave wants to incite violence against my pirate mom. I gather useless clues for some reason, because the art dealer tells me exactly where to find the guy before I even search for them, but search for them I must to complete this part of the quest.

After I gather all the pointless clues, I find him in a cave with an Alpha bear. My MO is now to tame these majestic beasts so I can complete the location, then let them go. If I need random pelts for upgrades I can just take out some boars and wolves. In any case, the artist is well protected by this bear, but I find his hidey hole and get him to confess. He won’t do it again, because he does actually like Phoenix. He was just commissioned by the Spartans and/or Athenians (I forget) to get rid of her. I make him pinky promise not to do any more graffiti and the matter is settled. 

Since I’ve stumbled my way back into the mom quest, I’ll just continue to look for Phoenix. I finish all the locations on the island first. I do find a sweet bow that turns all my plain arrows into poison arrows. After a minute I realize that this may be too cool of a thing and worry that I have another cursed object. It is not! Hells yeah! Just some sweet loot. nice. I get dressed up in my Sunday best (upgrade my Snake armor) to visit mom. She’s having a meeting of minds about protecting the town that I walk in on. Obviously she’s stunned to see her dead child. Lol, the first thing I tell her is about Kassandra. She immediately picks up that she’s cult brainwashed.

Phoenix, Myrrine, Mama!

We cry it out, obviously.

Myrrine vows to get Kassandra back from the cult.

ISLANDS IN THE STREAM

But first! There is an invasion from the neighboring island that we have to take care of and I learn that she has aligned herself with the Spartans because her rivals have Athens on their side.  We learn that the rival island used to be cool, but the new leadership has some manifest destiny ideas. Not cool. That’s why they’re fighting, they want to expand. 

She says I remind her of dear old Spartan!dad with my fighting; I choose not to tell her I know Nikolaus is not my bio!dad at this point. That’s the last thing I’m going to divulge just to get all the other dialogue options out of the way. Let’s see if she knows what the damn cult wants.

They’re just afraid of us and our badass genes I guess. Let’s “give them a reason to be afraid!”

WHO’S YOUR DADDY?

Now to the bio!dad question!

lol, okay, now the game acknowledges that I met Nikolaus as an adult. Myrrine makes sure to remind me that Nikolaus did raise me, so he is my dad. I mean, I would be cool with that if he hadn’t THROWN. ME. OFF. A. CLIFF. 

In any case Bio!Dad was in the picture before Nikolaus, and he was looking for Myrrine specifically I guess. Then he poofed away never to be heard of again. I choose to tell her it’s okay that she didn’t tell me, and–Cut scene over. That did not answer anything! We’re just moving locations, probably so Myrrine can be captured/killed just as we reunite and before I can get answers because Alexios must live a tragic life.

 I am choosing all the reunite my family replies, instead of bloodthirsty murder the cult options. I don’t know if this matters, but yeah. Nice guy assassin over here. *shrug* We still have not returned to the dad question. We’re probably going to have to battle rival island first, because her general arrives to announce a symposium. 

I wonder how this is going to differ  from Pickles’s Symposium. Should we take bets on whether or not Alkibiades shows up with a goat?

Alas, turns out I don’t get to attend. Maybe later though, because she has given me a few tasks to help defeat the rival!island. First, I must find her missing admiral that disappeared on a peace mission. Just kidding, Aspasia shows up to the symposium to try and convince Myrrine to leave, because that troublesome Rival!Island have sent assassins! Aspasia points me to a cave so I can defeat them, but I’ve already been there. Do I need to go back? Or are the bad guys going to respawn?

Of course they respawn, so I have to dispatch them again—though this time they are soldiers and not cultists. It seems like Rival!Island sent them at first, but it turns out that—well, they did, but also the leadership over there are cultists, and also the kings of Sparta might be cultists too. This explains a lot.

EVERYWHERE A CULTIST!

Now we are going to find the missing captain and weaken their defenses!

When I finally rescue cap he lets me in on his cult suspicions, but we already knew that. He goes back to tell Phoenix and I work on weakening the island by pillaging the quarry that I already pillaged twice already. I guess this is what I get for clearing locations before doing quests.

Done with that—now there is a blockade to deal with. 

C’mon, let’s uncover this cultist and let mom retire in peace with Aspasia and her right hand General, Tim (her name is also begins with Tim. Who knew there were so many Tims in ancient Greece?)

Alexios, who has never heard of the Hydra, wants to dismantle the cult by cutting off all the heads.

Myrrine wants to go back to Sparta to fix things from the inside, and it looks like she’s going to convince Alexios to come with her. Everybody is sad, like… the camera focuses on super sad General Tim. Are she and mom a thing? Head canon/possibly real canon accepted!

WHO’S YOUR DADDY? : TAKE TWO

Before I rejoin Myrrine in Sparta though, she wants me to find my bio!dad.

Is she going to finally tell me who he is instead of a vague idea of him?

Vague idea it is. She won’t tell me, because he is so hard to describe. She just gives me an island to find him and wishes me good Posidons for my journey. The game now gives me helpful hints on how to grind as if I haven’t been playing already for eleventymillion hours. 

Geez, maybe it’s just a hint that I need to be a higher level for the new Dad quest? I hope not. Should I try to find out how to work mirror island, or go straight to it? 

I consult the map and discover that mirror island is also Dad island both my ideas have converged, so I might as well jump right in.

THE LOST CITY

Turns out Mirror island is super easy when it’s the right time to do it. I make it into the cave and Alexios is confused about how he’s going to find dad in this musty old place full of skeletons. 

Now I am in a volcano getting burned and sliding down inescapable tubes. I’m going to assume mom didn’t send me to certain volcano doom. Maybe dad is Haephestus? Nah.

When I’m through the volcano, I have found “Gateway to the Lost City” I hope there’s dinosaurs down here. Let’s see the cult try to stop me when I come ridin’ in on a T-Rex. Ahh, this underground city has a nice window to the sea and some old dude. 

What Lies Beneath This Triangle?

Some old dude that Ikaros is friends with. I call my bird a traitor and the old dude welcomes me to Atlantis. Okay, that makes way more sense then a journey to the center of the earth situation. I mean, we’re clearly not in the underworld. I already went down the Hades hole and there was nothing in there but cultists.

Alright, it’s Pythagoras himself, this old dude. Father of triangles, and father of me. Whoo, boy, if only my good friend Demokritus could see me now! Should I tell Pythagoras about Atomic theory?

Alexios (and me) are very confused, cos P◺is supposed to be very long dead. He doesn’t even explain to me how he’s still alive and living all locked up in Atlantis, but he does explain that he sent Ikaros to bodyguard me. This explains how a single eagle can take down an entire ass boar all by itself I suppose. 

In any case P◺ has no time for my want of a family reunion. He wants to seal away Atlantis so the bad guys can’t get hold of the knowledge here. Alexios is grumpy now. What is his part in all this scholarly nonsense?

P◺ tells me my purpose is to protect the secrets of Atlantis.

My Bird Has Betrayed Me!

Cool, cool, cool. It would surely have been nice for at least one person to tell me about this mission prior to, well…now. We are not happy about this, but of course I’ll help P◺. He is my dad supposedly, Myrrine seems to think I need to be here, so okay. (I can choose the ‘you haven’t earned my help’ option, but tbh that doesn’t fit my MO.) 

Wait–wait–wait!  P◺ is sending me on an adventure to find and discover some artifacts needed to unseal a door to the secret knowledge. They are in the hands of lesser beings and can corrupt the minds of the beholders as well as protect themselves.

Firt of all: Why are we unlocking the knowledge that you want to lock away, dadums?

Second of all: Is this not the plot of the Adventure Zone: Balance???

Okay, watevers. I’ll get your artifacts if only because I want to see what’s behind door number one for myself!

Oh, whoah! We’re back in the future.

LAYLA TIME!

It’s Layla!

Layla and the Dr. are the current times adventurers. I know I haven’t mentioned their names before. Anyway, she is super excited about this Atlantis discovery. The Doctor thinks she’s delirious from too much time in the memory machine. Layla makes the good point that none of this is any weirder than anything else that had happened, and clearly the staff of Hermes is what’s keeping good old P◺ alive. Why not.

We make the trip out to the middle of the ocean to find Atlantis and the staff I suppose. 

Hey, I wonder if P◺ is still down here! I do not find out, because I am Alexios again now. Time to get back to it, Ancient Greece style!

BACK IN THE DAY

First things first is to visit mom, and not blame her for not straight out telling me that she was shackin’ it up with a 150 year old math dude, because I obviously would not be believing that shit. Sure mom, long dead P◺ is my dad. Uhuh. I can understand the reluctance to come straight out and say it.

When I return to my mom Alexios does indeed ask if Mom knew he was old as hell. An awkward convo for mother and son indeed. We reminisce about Sparta now that we’re back. I’m going to say it doesn’t feel right to be here. I mean: A. Stepdad tried to kill me. B. I’m buds with an awful lot of Athenians now. The only Spartan I have befriended is a defector, so… Maybe I don’t want a happy Spartan homecoming, ma?

Before we can go visit our old house Myrrine wants to show me where she taught me to fight. Good times. We choose not to help some kids kill some wolves, which I regret, and then head on home. Myrrine reminds me of the ways of Sparta. I guess she can feel me getting too sympathetic. We are sharing some good family memories in any case at the old homestead when Brasidas shows up.

Cool dude. Where were you when I needed some cave backup, eh?

Anyway, he’s mostly here to exposit about how we can’t get the family home back because it is in Stepbro’s name now. Turns out, nobody likes that guy. To win back our home, have to go on a quest to get the king’s good graces by finding some Spartan ‘traitors’ who are providing armor to some rabble rousers.  I do not get a chance to tell everyone that I did not in fact assassin Nikolaus. *shrug* I guess it’s for the best that he just disappears forever.

Instead of doing this quest, I clear out all the locations on this section of the map including a “Boar Fight club”. Do people fight the boars? Or do the boars fight each other? I do not know!

The First Rule Of Boar Fighting Club Is–

Anyway, I get back to getting the traitors and now visiting my mom at grandpas grave where she tells me how great and awesome he was. Sure. I can agree with that I guess. Myrrine asks to see my spear and she magics some memories out of it.

We have some cultists talking to grandpa Leo. Ohh, he’s disagreeing with them and pissing them off.  The cultists want Xerxes in charge, and they promise to kill all Leo’s ancestors. 

That explains a lot.

FAVORS FOR KINGS

Pausanias Looks Like He’s Scheming

After those memories, a king shows up. His name is Pausanias. He thinks the laws that led to the whole cliffing thing are archaic. 

I say he sounds progressive. I mean it as a compliment, but he’s not having it. He says I’ve been hanging out with too many Athenians. And then he doesn’t stop talking for a while about Spartan laws and, really, I forget most of what he said. He’s co-king brother is the more conservative one who loves the old laws and Spartans are always killing everybody even their own selves, which was a reply to me wanting to live in a peaceful land.

Okay, whatevs. Seriously, do I have to get my old home back? Can I just get back on my boat and travel the lands? Well, if my mom wants to live here, I will help her out and also…Pretty sure I have to do these quests to advance the game. 

Now I have to go end to this Krypteia rebellion for Pausanias. These elite soldiers are just out there killing everybody for funsies. Alexios things that this is going to pit the king brothers against each other. TBH, Pausanias is probably going for that exact thing.

Right, so, after dispatching the rogue Krypteia, I report back to Brasidas who shows me to the kings. They are fighting it out in their chambers as you do in Sparta I guess. Conservative bro is Piiiiiiiissed when I’m introduced. Why, dude? All I ever did was get thrown off a cliff, and kill a bunch of your guys, but that’s seemingly besides the point in this game unless they are plot relevant guys. Did I kill any plot relevant Spartans?? Okay, I guess I did… Huh, also broke king grumpy pants’s nose, which Pausanias is eager to remind him of. Well—I guess I’ve been playing this game so long that I forgot what happened in the beginning.

King Fight Club

I stick up for my mom and tell the kings to blame me for everything of course. They give me two options now: A-Make Sparta my home. (no thanks?) B-Hunt down the betrayers! (The cultists?) I choose B, because, I know Ma is into it, but I’m not keen on putting roots down in Sparta. I’m sure you have concrete plans for me though, game. Le-Sigh.

King Grumpy-pants wants to know who I think the betrayers are. Probably him. Though maybe that’s what he wants me to think. *strokes chin thoughtfully*

Okay, well, both King Grumpy-pants and Pausanius give me tasks to prove myself. GP wants me to fight for Sparta in Boeta. I just argue with them and get yelled at, because fuck those kings. I have to go to Boeta anyhow, but not so fast! Pausanias has a task for me too.

He gives me–an ESCORT mission???? For Sparta’s Olympic champion–but I have to make sure he wins the event. What in the hell, dude???? Seriously, if these leads to me having to murder the entire Athenian squad, I’m going to be mad. 

[nomanicsdak]

New Post has been published on https://manicdak.com/misfortunate-son/

Misfortunate Son

What Could Have Been

I return to the game still besieged by bandits to shoot some arrows and—-Now, I’m not sure, but I think the guards from a house nearby have joined the fray and killed the bandits for me. I shoot a few arrows around (definitely not enough to kill four or so bandits several levels above me!)  and then go hide for a second and all of a sudden the guards are back guarding their house and ignoring me because I’m not breaking in, and Demokritos has the ‘you have completed this leg of the quest, come talk to me now’ diamond above his head. Huh.

Nobody’s laughing now

*shrug* I’m not above letting an npc or the local wildlife complete a quest for me.

The sad news is that Demokritos’s poet lady friend has been murdered before he can tell her his feelings in the form of atomic theory. I choose the sentimental option whilst comforting him: He should read it to her anyway. He just wants to be left alone and wonders what could have happened in another life. I could have been his student, and he could have had his love. Ah, well. I tell him not to think about the past could have beens, and he gives me some drachmae and a scientist hat for my services. I am super bummed out now. Is there a simple fetch quest I can do now to chill out a little bit before I head off to see the pirate woman for more mom clues?

I’ll just wander around in that direction and do some locations. Also, I’m going to check on Pythagoras’s cultist clue. He is a dude called the Mytilenian the Shark; A fixer who put evidence of the cult’s evil doings into the ocean. Great, a boat guy! Maybe I’ll come across him while meeting with pirates! So, I make my way to another pirate island, stopping once again at the silver isles to get my boat because there are no fast travel points nearby my destination yet. There is a cultist on this new island—not the one I just unmasked, but a different one. I manage to get him with only one bar of health. Seriously, why isn’t my health regenerating???? I consult the interwebs to see if it’s a bug, but it is not. I have equipped a cursed object!

It gives me 100% damage in exchange for only having 1/4 of my health. No thanks. I’m not that good at hitting stuff!

Quid Pro Quo?

Cultist dispatched, I head off to meet Xenia, the Pirate queen. I vaguely register that I have entered a restricted area but nothing seems to be happening, so I just hop across some roofs to Pirate HQ and only notice that literally everyone in the village is chasing me right at the very end. 

Xenia

Xenia is not happy to see me and wants to know what I’m doing breaking into her village. They are not down with strangers here! Like—I really had no idea I was supposed to be sneaking, but okay. I let her in on the deets. Anthousa, sent me, I’m looking for my family etc… She will help me for drachmae that I do not have because I keep paying off my own bounties like a richy rich person. Maybe it’s just the game though, because I can now earn money by doing tasks for her pirate friends. I feel like I’d probably have to do them whether I had the money or not. 

If there is any luck maybe this piratical quest will be less educational than the last one. I am on the Isle of Misfortune today. Doing favours for pirates because I am being extorted by the pirate queen, Xenia. She’s just going to tell me my mom got on a boat and went to some other undisclosed location, isn’t she? I will have run out of clues at this point.

I am getting ahead of myself though.

The first pirate I meet looks like Timotheus of the seductive brothers quest, except less blonde. He wants me to fly Xenia’s colours and show the other seafaring vessels who’s the boss. You got it, my dude. I easily defeat 2 Spartan Vessels and 2 Athenian Vessels, but I can’t find any other pirate vessels. What the heck?

I go to bed and return another day to find some pirates and move on to the next quest.

This time I have to retrieve a treasure map for one of Xenia’s associates. Easy enough, but then she shows up right outside the target’s house acting all cagey and suspicious. She doesn’t want to go diving in shark waters herself for this treasure, so It’s up to me. I agree to this, naturally, because I agree to any old tasks. 

I head back to sea and get turned around, so instead of heading to the treasure location, I just head toward the nearest exclamation point instead. Here I find a stranded pirate crew on some tiny island and they are about ready to kill the Captain. He is super apologetic about stranding them there and begs me to take him back to pirate island. His excuse for this crash is that he was so excited about sinking their target ship that he crashed his own ship on the rocks. Perhaps he’s not a great captain, but does he really need to perish for it? I don’t think so, so I agree to his terms.

The crew is not having it, so we have to fight them to escape. 

Next up is the treasure. Apparently these super shark infested waters are very dangerous, but I just swim pass the sharks like Elle Woods getting into Harvard law. When I surface there is a nearby ship, but I don’t think it’s my ship. I am besieged with doubt now, though, so I swim to it anyway, and it’s not. It’s that shady pirate lady’s ship. She is here to double cross me. I try to lie and say there was no treasure, but she’s not buying it. She’s going to try and kill me no matter what. I fight a little, but decide that it’s a dumb idea to take on her crew by myself when I have a perfectly good crew to help nearby. 

See, if I defeat her ship with my ship then all my lieutenants that I recruited will join me! I jump off her ship, swim to my ship and get to sinking (her ship, not mine) We all board and take them out pretty easily. I also get to keep the treasure, which was some armor I think. 

Now it’s time to deliver the wayward captain back to Xenia. Turns out it is her brother! Whew, I am super glad I did not side with the crew on this one. Xenia is also a person whose bad side I don’t want to be on. She’s like twice my size and way meaner. In any case, she still chastises her bro and gives me his armor, even though it’s their dad’s armor.

Southward Bound!

I have two more tasks, one is to retrieve some of those special expensive bricks I found earlier, (I still have to find more though. At least I know where they are and what they are for this time.) The other is to steal the national treasure from the big fort on the other side of the island. There is nothing remarkable about either of these journeys except for the huge amounts of wild pigs and lions on this island. How did they get here? 

The Phoenix Remembered

Money in hand, Xenia will now tell me about my mom! YES. I should have done her quest first! The highlights: 

Myrrine was a pirate. Her pirate code name was Phoenix. Alexios is surprised that mom is so cool. 

She was Xenia’s friend and Xenia wished she would have stayed, but alas, she had to move on again.

She went somewhere to the south. It is at least a direction which is more than I got from Hippokrates and Anthousa. 

Let us see what the South has for us!

Waving on the Wind like Feathers

I kid. I actually have to return to Athens and consult Phoibe’s new mentor Aspasia But, first, before I can do that I am compelled to finish all the locations on this current island. At some point I get fed up with all the boars and lions wreaking havoc everywhere and just decide to go hunting. I need the pelts to upgrade my snake armor! Also, at another point while doing all these things, I notice Xenia has another task for me.

This time it’s another treasure hunt. She wants me to go find Zeus’s golden feather which was given to Ajax and woven into an ox hide shield that once belonged to a giant and though the shield is gone the feather remains. I get three treasure maps to figure it out.

Damn, I guess it’s not the feather from Athena4Real then. Maybe if I earn enough feathers I can create a whole bird. Sorry, Ikaros! In any case, I hope this whole operation doesn’t lead me back to that damn cyclops. I still do not have the fortitude to attempt that battle. 

In any case, I’m putting off the main quest to quest for this treasure instead! As you do. 

This is all much harder than I think it’s going to be when I finally look at the treasure maps. They are just vaguely rendered drawings of islands with an X on them, so now I have to scour the map and find the topography that matches. Easier said than done, my friends. 

I find an okay looking spot that might match the first map, but it’s in an undiscovered area. Barnabus sails me over there and drops me off at a quarry where everyone is ten levels above me, but ignores me. I get a bunch of XPs after I steal their loot, so all those stormy seas were worth more than nothing at the very least.

A Tragic Scene

I find another spot near Athens and figure I’ll check it out even though there’s no river there and there is on the map. Who knows. I fast travel and get a cut scene.

Geez, looks like there was some kind of massacre happening here. There are some dead people and an injured dude implores for help and the sky is all murky and rainy and tinted sepia. Either something bad happened here, or we somehow fast traveled to Mexico. 

I guess I’ll check in with Aspasia before I continue with my feather treasure quest.

As I head on, I pass by Kleon talking shit about Pickles some more. He wants to make Athen’s great again, which still isn’t winning me over to his side of things. I’m supposed to talk to him, but Aspasia is first on my priority list at least.

Okay, here’s the deets: Perikles is sick. He wants to go to his Parthenon and he doesn’t want to see Hippokrates or anybody really.

Little known Plague Symptom: Brown Skies

I guess the Plague has taken over Athens and not Sparta ransacking the place like I first thought. Is this the same plague I unleashed on my home island? Maybe I should have investigated that sooner. In any case, Aspasia will only talk to me about mom if I go help out Perikles and get him to take his meds. Of course I will! I will talk to Kleon first just to get it over with though. 

I don’t find him, but I do find Hippokrates. He doesn’t know where this came from, but he doesn’t know it spreads through err…bodily fluids. His recommendation is to burn the bodies so it can’t spread more. I agree to help him out and I have to avoid some religious fanatics whilst doing it of course. I wish I could impart my future knowledge of vaccines onto this situation, but alas.

After that’s done, I don’t think I have to actually talk to Kleon, so I won’t. Time to see Perikles. He takes his medicine and is all sad and despondent about Athens dying of plague and Kleon taking over when he dies, and the gods abandoning him. He feels like he should live out his last moments in the Parthenon. Both me and Aspasia agree that he probably shouldn’t risk the travel what with his illness and fanatics running around. 

I have to run back to Aspasia now and give her the news that Perikles took his medicines, and now I get to be sad with her. This quest is just running back and forth being sad.

Isn’t the Literal Plague Enough?

 I’d really like to get out of here and not die of the Plague, but alas again, dear Phoibe has gone missing on an errand. I chastise Aspasia for sending the kid out in the dangerous streets and now I have to go and retriever her. 

When I get to the dude’s house she’s supposed to be running her errand at, I don’t find her, but I do find everybody dead. After I look at the clues, which don’t clue me into much of anything except maybe my sis is sending a message for the cult, my only instruction is to exit. I sense an upcoming cut scene. Possibly with Kassandra.

Nope. I hear a scream and have to go rescue Phoibe from the cult. I make sure to get as far away from her as possible to do battle. Like…I don’t think I can kill an MC accidentally or out of historical context, but I did once accidentally stab Sokrates which didn’t do anything but it did make me feel really bad (and sometimes my horse collapses if we fall off a really high cliff or a lion jumps us, and that makes me feel even worse.)

And after I do away with the guards I return to find Phoibe already dead anyway. Like, I had a feeling this was coming eventually, but it still hurts.

 I leave an eagle carving in her hand and say a prayer. Seriously, these cult fuckers are going down. Hippokrates and Sokrates arrive to inform me that Pickles is missing (where did Sokrates come from? He is everywhere!), but I just want to give Aspasia the what for for putting Phoibe in danger in the first place. I manhandle Hippokrates a bit and they tell me to look in the Parthenon and agree that I should probably use their level headed escort before I do something regrettable.

Kassandra, No!

Well, I don’t (do anything regrettable) . In fact I choose not to blame Aspasia. I mean, she’s not a cultist as far as I know. I vow to avenge Phoibe. Sokrates and Hippokrates arrive to tell us how everything has gotten even more sucky in the past few minutes and in the meanwhile Perikles is indeed inside and it sounds like he’s being attacked or something.

Oh, cool, Demios aka Kassandra is there with Perikles in a classic…Oh crap, she’s going to break his neck pose. No, she has a knife. She does that instead without much preface except the usual ‘you can’t stop me, Greece belongs to me etc…nonsense’, and this is a cut scene so I can’t do anything to stop her anyway.

 Is this how Perikles actually died? (No, he died of the plague in real history apparently) 

After I defeat Kassandra’s guards, I promise to give my remaining friends refuge on my boat. It’s getting a bit crowded on this thing. 

First some Athenian soldiers try to stop us from getting on board because Kleon said so. I knew that guy was a dick. It doesnt take long to defeat those guys and upon doing so Hippokrates and Sokrates inform me that they must stay in Athens to help her get back on her feet. I try to convince them to come with me, but they’re going to fight the good fight. I make them promise to give Phoibe a proper burial and on that, the sourest of notes, Me and Aspasia are on our way!

[nomanicsdak]

New Post has been published on https://manicdak.com/the-cure-and-the-cult-and-demokritoss-atomic-dustbin/

The Cure and the Cult and Demokritos's Atomic Dustbin

The Doctor is Out

Well, it’s time to visit our next person for Mom clues. I will consult the quest list and find out that it is none other than Hippokrates himself. Doctor of Doctors. This guy is chillin’ over in Argolis, which doesn’t sound like a place I’ve visited. Yes, there are still vast quantities of map I haven’t even uncovered yet, as I might have mentioned before. It is right nearby where I already am, so I’m going to take some time now to complete some more locations. I find another tomb! Agamemnon’s tomb. There is nothing at all exciting in here except for snakes, so we’ll just complete the location and see Hippokrates.

Sostratos is his name. Thanks, screencap!

JK! I go to Hippokrates clinic and all I find there is his assistant. Soso…that is not his name. I forget what his name is because I did this the other day, but I know it begins with So and probably ends with ates, but it’s definitely not Soktrates. I will update you when I meet this guy again. Also there is a priestess, Chrysis, who is demanding Hippokrates bow down and proclaim that his mad healing skillz came from the Gods and not science. We basically tell her to get lost. I’m sure she will come back to haunt us later. 

In any case, Soso gives me directions and stuff to deliver to Hippokrates and tells me not to mention his bald spot, which I do anyway when I finally get there.

As for Hippokrates, he hasn’t the time for my mommy issues or discussion about his follicular insecurities. Also, why would he even remember Myrrine, he has a zillion patients anyway. I press him for info, but he has tasks for me to do before he can trust and talk. Fiiiiine. First and foremost is some commander stole his notes on brain disease and he needs it to help this dude that is dying on his table right now. He has stiffness of limbs and foaming of the mouth.

Sounds like Tetanus (at first I thought rabies, but we’re dealing and soldiers with possibly rusty swords not animal bites), but still I can’t give Hippokrates the deets, because I am Alexios, not actually gifted in future medical know how even though some future person is peeping through my blood memories. (Remember the premise of Assassin’s Creed? I know, I too forget until I get cut-scened into the future… We haven’t been back to the future in a long time though.) 

Maps Are Hard, Okay?

 I am off to do Hippokrates bidding, because I am all for actually helpful medicines and getting the info I need too. I am supposed to look for this fort in the north of Argolis, but I have looked all over the damn north and have yet to find a damn thing. Is it “north” in Argolis, but south of the city? WHERE IS IT. I am not turning on easy mode for you, Hippokrates. 

**Several tens of minutes later** Please do not laugh, it is actually North of the Ancient Ruins of Perseus not Northern Argolis. This area is clearly labeled on the map, in readable English letters. Excuse while I go hide of shame.

So, I have to sneak into this place without killing anybody, because I made a promise to Hippokrates. An oath, if you will. I don’t sneak so much as I manage to get caught and then hide until the dudes stop looking for me. It is a minor miracle that I was able to get into a hiding space while still inside the fort. I go to meet the doctor there who is definitely amenable to helping me out. Like—why can’t I just send in Ikaros with a note for this dude to meet me outside or something. Because that would be easy.

Notes? What Notes? Side note to the notes: I like this dude’s necklace!

Nothing is easy, especially when Fort Doctor tells me the notes have burned. He did memorize them and will come with me to Hippokrates to help out if I do him a solid and retrieve his bone forceps from some soldiers who keep stealing them for Gods knows what reasons. Whatever they are, they can’t possibly be sanitary. So, I do that, less than stealthily, making this quest so much very longer than it has to be, but I don’t kill anybody. Will this get me secret points to cash in at a later date? Probably not, I don’t think Assassin’s Creed has that much finesse re choices, but you never know when you’re going to need a doctor in the end game and he doesn’t show up because you pissed him off at some point previously.  I mean, I already asked about his bald spot.

So, Fort Doctor and Hippokrates meet and this time the bad news is the patient has died because we were too slow. Was this quest on a secret timer? Because I spent an awful lot of time avoiding killing anybody, or does the guy always die? The world may never know. Anyway, Fort Doctor sticks around to transcribe what he remembers of the notes and help out. 

Turns out Hippokrates does vividly remember my mom. He turned her away when she came to him for help with her depression and sent her to a sanctuary or something. He vowed to never turn away another person after that. So, now I have my next destination! Are we taking bets on whether or not that priestess I met earlier is at this sanctuary? Let’s find out!

Near the River of Dreams, as foretold in the ballads of William the Joel

Gods, Snakes, and Secrets

I am to head to the middle of the valley of dreams.

Why are there two targets here? Do I have to do tasks for multiple priests to get my info? Drat. 

Well, the first guy is less than helpful. In fact he’s a jerk who won’t talk to me because he’s under orders not to talk to mercenaries about Spartan women and injured babies. How very specific. Obviously he’s got the deets. If I rid his sacred bath of snakes then he will talk to me after all, it turns out. I guess he’s not THAT loyal to whoever ordered him to keep his mouth shut.

First he regales me with stories of how the gods heal the sick, which are wild. The bath is a sacred cleansing and then god of healing, Asklepios will come to the patients. As for the snakes, there is a special snake house that they escaped from where people with mind sickness go. The snakes lick them with their tongues and it is like a kiss from the gods. The snakes have escaped their house.

I can’t kill the snakes either, because the priests need their kisses. I have to chill them with cold water so they go back to their own warm snake houses. That doesn’t sound right, but there are no Snake Discovery videos about how to safely rid an ancient Greek bathhouse of sacred God kissing snakes, so what do I know? 

I find the pipe and wonder why this dude couldn’t have turned on the cold water his damn self. This guy is the worst, he doesn’t even tell me anything and walks around laughing like it’s all a big joke. I just get another guy to talk to. 

A Tablet of Truth

The next priest who is carving records into stone is Timoxenos. He is very helpful and talkative despite orders. Turns out Chrysis is the priestess here and it was she who has put the fear of gods into everybody and told them not to talk to me, also, yes, she is the lady who was giving  Hippokrates’s assistant an earful at the beginning of this chapter. What is her deal? Because I didn’t side with her when she was harassing Soso? Also, whoever bet that she would be here, you win! 

Stone Tales

Anyway, Tim over here, leads me to my mom’s stone. She came here wounded with a child and then went on her way. The child did not survive.  I’m going to meet Tim later though, because we get caught and I have to pretend like I’m asking for directions. 

Later, at the Olive tree, we get caught again. I have to defeat Chrysis’s thugs and Tim is nowhere to be found afterward. I hope he ran away! On to the next priest who is probably not going to help me, I guess. 

He is battling some contagion which cannot be helped with the regular sacrifices or snake kisses. I offer to help him, because there are people suffering, for goodness sake. He thinks I want money and whatever nonsense Chrysis has been spewing, but if I bring him an alive white bull—maybe he’ll talk. I’m hoping he’s more of a Tim, less of a bathhouse dude whose name I don’t remember because eff that guy!

Let’s go safely trap a bull! *gets stun arrows ready*

I don’t need them, as it turns out, because bandits already killed the bull. Dammit. Uggghh, now the bull heart I bring back to the priest can only help one person and I have to choose. The farmer whose bull it was (he provides food to the area), a wealthy woman (with 2 kids), or the child (who wants to sacrifice herself for the others). Noooo. Well, I am going to choose the selfless child, 

and then like—refer everybody else to Hippokrates, because he has actual medicines probably? Chrysis can go jump off a bridge. (PS. I can’t actually do that.)

The deed is done, the adults curse my name and vow revenge. And the priest refers me to the oldest man here for more info. I also learn that this old guy he speaks of cut out his own tongue and also I level up! Nice. 

So, the guesthouse where oldie lives is guarded as hell, and I have to bully my way in there, but tbh I’ve had just about enough of Chrysis, so her thugs can be gone. When I finally meet the old man, he is hooking up with a slave. She speaks for him about how the baby was past saving, but eventually it comes out that Chrysis took the infant. (and gave her to the cult, obvies. Since Kassandra is all cult-brainwashed now and certainly alive.) Poor Myrrine thought both her babies were dead, but they were both not. Where the heck is she now?

It’s a Chrysis!

I still don’t know yet. I go seek Chrysis out at a baby saving altar and she tells me all her evil plans over this random screaming infant. 

Ughhh, turns out this woman kidnapped my sister and abused her to “teach her how to be strong.” She wants more children from Myrrine, who must still be in hiding and tbh, I am double over her. Especially now that I know she’s hassling me, not because I sided with Soso, but because she’s a G-D Cultist.

She basically calls me a hypocrite because I’m an assassin myself with a body count too, and then she throws on a Molotov cocktail or some such at the baby. Okay, I may be an assassin, but at least I wouldn’t ever try to torch a baby. This isn’t the Sims. Geez. I save the baby from the fire of course and the kid’s mom thinks it’s all the God’s plan even if the baby had burned. Luckily God sent me and Chrysis can do no wrong. Gee, you’re welcome lady. 

Well, the distraction worked. Chrysis has escaped, and I have to find her again. Alas, her quest-line is ended, so I guess I’m not meant to find her right away. 

I need a break from all those revelations, so I’m going to do a character quest now. It is called “The Dunce conundrum” That sounds fun. (Probably not with my luck.) I have to go talk to a dude called Demokritos “The Laughing Philosopher” to unlock a mystery with some theorems. Cooool, sounds like my worst geometric nightmare, but off we go!

I run across a quest on the way to meet Demokritos. It is a woman wailing about suspicious bandits in a supposedly safe forest kidnapping her husband and her horse. I offer to help and as it turns out, it is a trap set by Chrysis, because she knew I would help. 

Uhh…congrats, lady? On your plan to lure me out when I was already looking for you. Seriously, you didn’t have to kill a dude to face me, you could have just not run away the first time! 

WTF. She is trying to get me to join her! ‘Yo, Alexios, sorry I broke your mother and kidnapped and abused your sister, but you should come work for me now!’ Forget that, I’m going to avenge my sister. 

She calls some plain old footsoldiers to fight me and well—I may have hit her with a hasty and wildly aimed arrow or she might have been stabbed by her lackeys. Honestly, I cannot tell. Either way, I easily defeat the soldiers and return to Chrysis so I can vow to reunite my family before I put an end to her evil child abusing ways for good. I wonder if I have enough shards to upgrade my spear yet. 

Theorems, Theorems, Everywhere, and also a Cyclops

Update: I do!

Also, is it just me or are there new things on spear island? There is a golden Q here now. Did I just miss a legendary creature all the times we came here? Let’s go check it out. 

OK, it’s a literal ass cyclops. (Not a one eyed human gangster) Time to run the fuck away because this thing is ten levels above me still. 

A Thoughtful Demokritos

Should I visit the Laughing Philosopher? Sounds good to me! Bye, bye, Clops. 

I fast travel to Demokritos and he tells me the tales of three theorems that will lead to great treasure, Zeno’s Paradox, the Pythagorean Theorem—no need to search for that one my dude it’s A² + B² = C². You’re welcome, and thank you, math class. The third one is the Golden Ratio. He says he will pay me for my help. 

Of course I will find them, but I want the treasure man. Unless the treasure is more math, then you can have it. Will these three theorem’s combine together to create some sort of mega-theorem, a STEMzord if you will?

Judging by the name of the quest, I feel I’m going to come out of this looking foolish, but let’s find out!

The Zeno’s paradox is first, so let’s head on over there.

On my way there, I stumble across a bear den. “Salty” bear to be exact. He is big and white and I forgot I had my knockout arrows out for that bull, because now Salty is not defeated, he is my friend. Yay! I don’t keep him for long, because taming the bear completes the location as I found out with Lions McGee. So, I just let him go right where I found him and go on about my business. It takes me a while to find this paradox because it is in the very corner of the area I’m looking in. 

There are a lot of incomplete locations here still, but I am off to find Pythagoris’s theorem for now. It is, of course, in the middle of a triangle of islands. I wander all around the area getting attacked by pirates, including one boat that gave me an achievement for defeating! I don’t know what that achievement was, but go me! Pythagoras’s theorem is in an underwater temple along with a cultist clue!

Precious and Salty

Next, the Golden ratio is super easily acquired in a sculptor’s studio. OF course. I learned about that one in art class I now realize. Ah, well, since I already have all the knowledge it’s time to head back to finish the quest. (Except for Zeno? Do I know that one? Maybe Demokritos will tell me when I show him all my scrolls.)

Okay, I’m going cheat and look this up because Demo here is asking me trivia questions about these concepts that I get to multiple choice answer and I’m assuming he’s assuming I already read it, so I might as well already read it. 

I don’t know. Infinite divisibility  sounds like the best of my options, but I read about Achilles and the Tortoise and am very confused. Why are we giving this reptile a head start anyway? Well, divisibility was the right answer to impress Demokritos, but I still don’t get it. 

As for the Pythagorean theorem, according to Demokritos this is the greatest breakthrough of all time. Yeah! Triangles!

And the Golden ratio is in everything and everybody or nothing at all, making things mathematically right and beautiful in the world.

As it turns out Demokritos really is creating his own STEMzord mega-theory. Let’s see what it is. He postulates that as we break down things into infinitely divisible parts then there is more space between them. Huh, is he talking about like…atoms? quantum physics? Is he going to invent time travel or a shrink ray or be the father of the memory machine? (At this point, I wiki good old Demo who is a person that did indeed exist like many characters in this game. We are talking atoms! Yeah!) 

He hopes to unite the world with this theory anyway. TBH this kind of science seems like it might do the opposite at this point in time, or maybe not and I’ve just been dealing with too many fanatically religious cultists lately. (Nope, I look this up too and nobody takes his atomic hypothesis seriously until the 19th damn century. I’m learning a lot on this quest.)

Ahah! He does have an ulterior motive though. He’s creating his STEMzord mega-theory to impress a girl. Of course he is. I am not one for wasting time, so I convince him to go see her now. Unfortunately there is a crapload of bandits at her house. No! Also, they are a good seven levels above me. Err—can I put this quest on hold after I convinced Demokritos to come here? I didn’t think I was going to need a save point before I accepted the next part of his nerd-quest! Will he just wait for me to grind? Let’s find out on the next installment of !Dakplays Assassin’s Creed!

[nomanicsdak]

New Post has been published on https://manicdak.com/this-is-all-alkibiades-fault/

This is All Alkibiades Fault

Finally: Korinth

Recap: Having acquired the feather from that rando lady aka: Athena 4 real, nobody can convince me otherwise, it is now time to see what is the next quest on the agenda! I am off to the Porneion district in Korinth to visit some hetaerae as instructed. Anthousa is my contact, so let’s go find her! I immediately stumble into a nearby pyre and catch myself aflame, because I am super good at this game.

  Korinth isn’t too far away, and their flag is a Pegasus! I think it’s going to be easy to find her, but alas—the hetaerae aren’t in the Porneion district after all.

Next, I talk to some horny dude, and he tells me that they have made themselves scarce because some dude named “Monger” and his army are loitering about. Looks like I’m going to have to defeat a dude, but lets check the rest of the clues. Next I find some scaredy cat who tells me more about how the Hetaerae were pushed out of the market by he who shall not be named. 

Finally a woman to talk to, maybe she’ll be more helpful. She just wants to err— sell me her wares, but does indeed tell me where I might be able to find Anthousa! Possibly she is at the temple of Aphrodite, because they have clients there. I will check there first.

 I find this temple through pure happenstance whilst clearing locations. The guards chase me all the way up a mountain after I get caught looting. Thank you, guards!

A Simple Favour

What conversing with Alkibiades is like.

I stop off at an exclamation point and pick up a quest, and LO! It is Alkibiades there to assign me dubious package delivering tasks and make sex puns at me. Of course I will deliver the package, Ace. Winkity wink. 

We comment on the size of this box I am to deliver and he tells me that big things can come in small packages sometimes. I get stonewalled with the rest of my questions. No, I can’t know about the guy who gave this package to Alkibiades in the first place or what it is. Why can’t Ace or the OG guy who gave him the package deliver it? It’s just a chain of favors and I’m the last link apparently. I also learn that Alkibiades’s favorite Hetaerae and/or his favorite port of call changes based on his mood. And that is all we get to discuss for now. 

I have Anthousa to find and a tiny package to deliver.

Okay, I’m delivering it to a guy near a fort in the name of Diodoros. It’s absolutely, definitely, totally NOT from Alkibiades. Nope. Lol, I have a feeling Ace over here is 1000% setting this Diodoros dude up somehow. Haha, Let’s go find out! 

I’m sorry Anthousa, but my curiosity is piqued. Consulting the map to select the newly acquired quest, I discovered that I have completed the cave quest! I guess I’ll also go collect that reward, but first to synchronize this location so I don’t have to walk back here again!

A quick fast travel back to Phokis to complete this quest and score a buttload of XPs! Nice.

 Back to Aphrodite’s temple now!

Okay, so the “Monger” is hassling people at the temple now, so the Hetaerae have moved on to somewhere else. Basically this guy is giving everyone the shakedown. He’s after the Hetaerae because they rake in the dough and he wants a piece of the action. This is why they are in hiding, so I guess I’m going to take the monger down.

Time to deliver the package, then visit Anthousa at her possibly new hiding place, possibly place that she has already fled leaving some other lady to tell me about her possible whereabouts. 

So, I have to infiltrate a damn fort to get this package in and deliver it to a general—and it is a, well, I’ll let Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg explain:

So, it’s not an actual dick in a box, it’ is a casting of one and it comes with a note: “For when your wife starts to miss me” Hahaha, but also, thank you for sending me into a heavily guarded outpost for THIS, Ace. 

Well, A: I’m not going to sell Alkibiades out obviously, but B: This dude in front of me is probably going to waste Diodoros if I say its’ from him. I could say it’s from me which would be hilarious, but I don’t know— This can’t possibly be part of some brilliant military stratagem can it? I take a while to think it over, and just end up doing what Alkibiades told me to do. Like, I don’t want to be on his bad side, for real. The last thing I need is someone sending my enemies handcrafted artisanal dildos when he decides I’m not useful anymore. 

Anyway, the package recipient whose name I don’t remember threatens to end Diodoros. Him and his little army too as I suspected. Huh. Maybe it IS part of a brilliant military stratagem after all? At least that’s what Ace more or less tells me when I find him in Aphrodite’s temple. He wanted to get Diodoros out of the way and this seemed to work a treat. Now that is done, so it’s time for more egregious flirting. He wants to know did Alexios like what he saw? About the casting—which was his doing of course as if there were any doubt in the first place. I’m on to your ways, friend!  Also, he’s into doing it right here in the temple… I mean, if we’re going to defile a temple then I guess we could do worse than Aphrodite’s.

Surprise!

I can’t think of a reason not to this time. There are no goats anywhere nearby. Flash-forward to tomorrow, Ace has bid me adieu with hope for an encore performance at some future point, and it is now time to visit Anthousa!

Finding the Hetarae

I find her at the fountain and surprise Phoibe is here! Alexios is not enthused about this turn of events. She is just here to relay to Anthousa that I am coming, an “emissary” if you will. I let her tag along for a while, but when I start asking about my mom, Myrrine and Phoibe starts in about how I’m a sad orphan raised by Markus of the bad ideas on nowhere island, I send her away to play. She’s annoyed, but I don’t want her to get hurt or reveal all my secrets!

Anthousa might know something, but first I have to help her and the girls with their little Monger problem. 

I Found them!

I finish up the fort location instead of the Monger quest, and I find that I have somehow picked up a huntress quest. For once I get to visit a huntress camp without getting besieged by bears. This one was super easy, because I already just took care of the captain that was hassling these ladies and the quest is finished before it even started! I’m all for easy XPs! 

Now, onto the Monger problem.

The Torture Room

The first part of this quest is to find out why one of the ladies, Damalis’s, clients has been acting strangely. Probably the Monger put him up to it, possibly by kidnapping his family or something. Let’s go find out! 

Phoibe has followed me, I try to be nice, but honestly her inserting herself into these proceedings is worrisome to say the least. I mean, I don’t have an easy time avoiding stabby bandits myself, but I’m sure the game has concrete plans for her that are unavoidable anyway, which I have magically not been spoiled about. I mean, I’ve been playing this game for a thousand years now it’s a miracle I don’t know all its secrets already.

In any case, we team up and Phoibe tells me about things she overheard. This dude is having a meeting at a pig farm about some land and is supposed to bring Damalis there also I find out. While I’m distracting him with this info I know courtesy of my girl Phoibe, she breaks in and steals a bunch of clues. I sat there and listened to the guy blabbering for forgiveness at me, but I’m still not quite sure what the Monger has on this him that he’s acting the fool and willing to betray Damalis, whom he claims to love. It’s time to find some more clues!

We head to a house that was in the letter Phoibe stole. I find some bloody pots, a secret room, a lock of hair that somehow Alexios knows by smell. Though he can’t quite place it. Oh, and a wall with a creepy manacle attached to it and also casts of faces and breasts — So, the Monger has a creepy torture sex dungeon. Gross. Just in time, one of the Monger’s lackeys arrives to call me a prude explain it to me in case I didn’t figure it out from the clues. Bro, it’s more the kidnapping people and holding them against their will that’s the evil of it, not my prudish ways. Ugh. In any case, he has caught Phoibe, but she escapes with Alexios’s help. 

I head back to Damalis to give her the bad news and chastise Phoibe for not listening to instructions. Anyway, Damalis is grateful and now knows what to steer clear of RE: the Monger’s plans. Also, I level up! Time to spend some ability points!

One thought before we move on— Whose familiar lock of hair was that in the Monger’s lair? Do I know someone he kidnapped???? IS HE someone I know? Alkibiades? Herodotus? Sokrates? Yikes. For now, all we can do is move on and help the rest of the hetaerae.

Come Sail Away

A woman named Erinna has misplaced her friend Kleio. The only clue we have to go on is that some guy saw her get on a boat. I spend bunch of time sinking this pirate boat only to find out that Kleio was the one who hired them. It was not an abduction, she was running away from the Monger. To Mykanos. Heh. Good thing I already took care of the tyrant on that island. Well, in any case, I agree to take her there. I’m certainly not going to force her back to Korinth if she doesn’t want to be there. I head back to give Erinna the good news. She’s super sad that her friend is gone, and makes me promise that she’s safe.

Sure thing! She’s with my girl Kyra and my bro Thaletas now. 

Taking Down the Monger

My next quest in this area is called “lawless port” or something and I wander blindly towards the gold diamond only to find that it’s right in the Monger’s warehouse. I have to hide in the bushes until the guard goes away so I can plot my strategy. Apparently I am supposed to burn down the warehouse. 

Good, eff this Monger dude. I see some people tied up in there and I free them before I start any fires. As I do the deed and attract more guards all of a sudden — A cut scene! Some dude with a Spartan shield comes in to save the day! Yas! I don’t have to beat all these guys! Am I supposed to know this dude? Was it his hair? 

After we beat all the baddies together I learn that his name is Brasidas and I do not know him after all. He wants to deal with the Monger on the DL, because of blablabla politics. (Sparta is Allied with Kornithia, if the take out the main guy in public that’s bad for business.) I get the choice to help him or stick with Anthousa. TBH, my first inclination is Brasidas’s hush, hush option, so lets do that. Mainly because I don’t even remember what Anthousa’s plan was. I already helped out her friends. 

Brasidas

Anyway, after that’s all decided I spill all my family secrets to Rando McSpartan over here. He knows Myrrine, and my not dad— who I say I haven’t seen him since the whole cliff throwing incident but… who the fuck did I meet on that first beach I landed on? Wolf of Sparta? That was Nikolaos, my Spartan dad, right? Who is still not dead? I let him live, because fuck the Serpent. Why am I lying to Brasidas? or is this game so long that even the writers forgot what happened in the beginning??? (I have no choice in the dialog options here, so I’m not actually choosing to be cagey about it. I am very confused, game.) The exit to this convo is to tell Brasidas I’m not dwelling on the past, so let’s not. We have Mongers to eliminate. 

Anthousa Displeased

As expected Anthousa is not pleased with my decision making. And after she arranged a whole viewing party for the Monger’s execution and everything. I head off to do the deed and as I’m passing through the market I get a notice that there is a cultist clue nearby! Cool! I send Ikaros flying, but there’s nothing there. Searching doesn’t help either. With the help of the internets I find out that I have to buy the clue from the Blacksmith. This clue tells me that the deserter Pallas is the cultist and I can find him in Achia. But that will have to wait! I also discover that I have a bunch of dudes I can unmask, but I haven’t bothered to, so I do that. Now the map shows me exactly where they are! Heh. Why have I been making this quest much harder than it had to be?

I am back in the sacred cave—the cave the ended my cave quest. Good news, the Monger thinks I’m a demi-god also, and I definitely don’t know him. Shit, though—he knows my mom? Was it her hair???? We get a flashback to him manhalding her because she had the gal to stand up to him. This guy is attacking my mom, kidnapping people, and being a general devil. Also, he is confirmed to be a cultist! It’s time to end him! 

Anthousa shows up just at the end of the fight to try to convince me to do this one last time in public so the people can see his cowardice. I mean, I don’t know if dragging an already beaten up man in for a public execution gets that message across at this point. Who doesn’t show up? Brasidas. I thought he was supposed to be helping me! In any case, I’m not doing that. Goodbye, Monger. I’ll take my golden triangle. I think I only need three more to upgrade the spear now! 

The End

Later, Anthousa, is not quite as steamed at me as she was at first. She thanks me, and ‘for once’ thanks to Alkibiades. We share a chuckle over him and his wily ways  and she tells me about my mom. She was a friend, but Myrrine wasn’t happy there in Korinth.

Here’s the points of interest: She left Spart, because—you know the attempted child murder. She was heartbroken. Anthousa gave her shelter after finding her in the streets. She looked to the sea, clearly she was restless in Korinthia, and she never told anybody anything about her past or where she was going. The only clue I get is that dear old Mom got on a ship called the Siren Song, known for her ability to weather anything Poseidon could throw her way. 

We bid each other adieu and Anthousa promises to keep me up to date on Korinthia’s happenings.

[nomanicsdak]

New Post has been published on https://manicdak.com/unfinished-business/

Unfinished Business

We are back! Not months and months later for once! Right now, I am questless, so it’s time to search out some more exclamation points and question marks! I find a temple of Posiden which is right next to some dudes practicing thier long jump, which is more like a hop. Are they training for the Olympics perhaps?  I also find the wreck of the Argo in this area. You know, the ship Jason piloted. I do not find any golden fleeces here, just the guard that is chasing me around. After I collect all the treasure from Posiden’s temple, I run directly into the neighboring bandit camp.

Don’t Bite Me!!!

Pause. Why are bandit’s setting up camp mere feet from a guard filled temple??? Well, these bold bandit’s team up with the guard’s chasing me, and it’s all a recipe for desyncronization. It doesn’t help that I keep hitting the button for calling Ikaros instead of the one for my sword. On the second go round, I’m succeeding, but trying not to kill any precious attack doggos. Luckily I don’t have to, because a wolf shows up to dispatch half the bandit camp and thier little dogs too. Thank you, wild doggo.

Just as I reach Korinth and some person in a camp with a timed quest—I open the quest screen to discover that I am not done with the brother’s post-quest meetups. Tim also wants to meet me apparently. Well, he should have said so with words instead of sidelong glances. I guess we can do a quick backtrack and “spar” with him. Hopefully that is not some sort of double entendre, but I also learn that thier questline is called A Brother’s Seduction, so— 

Shark Hunter Was Here

Before I have to fight anybody, even if it ends up being romantic fighting, the game beseeches me to please! please! replace my gear with better stuff from my inventory, so let’s do that. Then, I have to steal a fishing boat with a bunch of sharks strapped to it, Old Man and the Sea style, because Tim is on some rocks in the middle of the water.

Okay, well, I can do hearts dialogue with this guy too, but I do not choose that, since I already did with Lykinos and it just doesn’t feel right. We’re just going to fight instead! The backstory here is that he used to spar with his dad on this rock out in the ocean, and he still comes there to be sad. He doesn’t seem to actually want to spar, so we’ll see how this goes.

Update!: So he has PTSD for sure. After Alexios beats him in the sparring match, he is clearly having flashbacks to some sort of trauma. He thinks he is going to lose control and murder me, and — Oh, god — timed choices. Crapness. Does it even matter, or am I going to truly cock thins up if I pick the wrong ones? I end up talking him down from the ledge in any case.

 We get to also have a heart to heart. Turns out he did once lose control and murder a fellow during battle. Yikes, dude. That was why he was discharged from the army. He hid this from his dad, so he could make him proud. I comfort him until he feels better and then we stare stoically into the sunset, thinkin’ about all the murder we’ve perpetrated I presume.

It is Assassin’s Creed after all.

After this, the game informs me that I should check up on the bros back at their house, so I guess we’ll do that. I get back on the sharkboat and paddle my way back to shore. When I get there , the place is trashed and Lykinos is crying in a corner. Dammit. The bandits abducted Tim. I have to go rescue him now! 

Seriously, eff these bandits. They’re all going down! You want money, so leave all the money on the table and steal Tim?? 

Off I go to a new area of the map and the bandits are holed up in some giant fortress. I run around getting them all first, because I learned the hard way that they’ll just kill the prisoners that you free if you let them out before all the bandits are gone. 

When I let Tim out, he doesn’t want to go because there are still bandits??? Some of the dudes I let out of cages are running around and they kill the last one that I didn’t find right as I arrive, and finally we get a cut scene of Alexios calming Tim down.

Top Bad Guy

Hey, remember when I was wondering if there was a bigger loan shark? I found him. The actual bandit leader, not all the guys I just assassinated shows up. As it turns out, dear old dad was not only hitting up the loan sharks, but he was working for them as a smuggler too. One time he took money from them for gambling and they killed him for it. They never got the money back, so that’s why they’re hassling my boys. I should probably just stab these shady ne’er do wells , but instead I pay for the debts myself!

Lykinos makes his case

Tim makes his case

Once that is done, the boys thank Alexios and then start fighting over him. Tim never thought he would see happiness again like when he is with Alexios, and Lykinos thinks we’re soulmates. Oh, boy. Lol, I get options to choose one or the other, or neither. I choose neither, because—and I repeat, my heart belongs to the cute country doctor and/or the man-ho of Greece, Alkibiades.  The bros are both super disappointed and walk away. Sorry, bros! I must keep moving on!

I head back to Korinthia, stopping to defeat a huntress camp and to see what quests I have in the queue already, I find one about helping a captain on a beach, so I head off in that direction. Along the way I learn that Alexios thinks carrying boats over land is a dumb idea. Clearly he and Fitzcarraldo have wildly different opinions on this.  I arrive at the handsome pirate’s shore. Let’s see what he has going on.

Hello, Captain!

Here’s the story… Soldiers have been taking out pirates. Obviously, I am on the side of the pirates in thi situation somehow. Cool. Well, anyway, this dude’s brother went out to take on the military and didn’t come back. I choose the cagey option when I reveal I know he got eaten by sharks. I don’t tell him that I visited his bro’s grave. (This is one of the graves I went to when that lady asked me her obtuse riddle last time.) This guy’s new plan is to build an unsinkable ship that surely the army won’t be able to defeat and thus his village will be saved.

Is his villiage the boat? Like—I’m pretty sure if the military wanted to exact revenge or something, they could just burn the village to the ground? But I probably shouldn’t give them any ideas. I’m here to gather supplies though! I have to collect only Olive wood, which I already have because I walk or swim everywhere and pick up everything along the way. (Sorry, Phobos! I love you, good horse-o, but I always forget you exist!)

Next I have to go get a protective eye from a shipwreck—If the eye is protective, then how come it’s in a shipwreck? Oh, well. Who am I to question lucky charms. Off we swim!

Okay, the eye was on pirate guy’s old ship. He’s sad about how the pirate ways led to such death, and Alexios advises him that maybe he could use Titanic II for other things besides piracy. He agrees and pays me the last of the pirate treasure for good measure. Alright!

Titanic II

Now, I learn that this dude was part of that old lady’s riddle quest. Why do these quest lines keep making me think I’m finished when I’m not? I supposed I’ll return to her and help the guy who’s brother got eaten by a lion? Let’s find out! Who is this woman??? IS she a goddess? She’s sending me to a volcano island now, and is curious to know about what my gathering wood and advising the dude to quit piracy says about my character. I mean, I’ll do it, because she’s behaving suspiciously witch/godlike. I mean, the prince got turned into a beast because he didn’t help the old lady in disguise, right? Volcano island it is!

But first, I have to retrieve a key from a graveyard hermit, because this quest has something to do with this lady’s locked vault. I return to the graveyard to meet the hermit, and he is also a weird duck. A weird duck who doesn’t have the key. He left it on a guarded island somewhere. Gee, thanks. I guess it’s time for a swim. Or not. It’s far enough away that I have to find a dock and call Barny. 

As it turns out, this thing is guarded by lions. Is this the test? and not volcano island? Well, it is a location that requires me to kill the alpha lion so— I shoot them all accidentally with knockout arrows because I forgot I used up all the pointy ones. As it turns out, taming the alpha animal will also clear the location, so now I have a lion friend for as long as it takes me to get back to my boat I guess. 

Lion friend tearin’ up the town

OMG. He came with me! Lol, I return to the old lady and lion friend materializes out of nowhere. Surprise, lady! I brought one with me! He’s off to go fight the guards that were chasing me, so I’m afraid he wont be long for this world after all. Alas.

I return the key and learn that I am going to Haephestus’s foundry to find a helmet and not a volcano…thought I guess it could also be a volcano. I am ready as I’ll ever be, lady! Let’s do it! 

Update: The guard’s did not kill Lion!

[nomanicsdak]

New Post has been published on https://manicdak.com/picnics-and-pirates/

Picnics and Pirates

Neverending Isles

Well, we’re back at it, here in far away, long ago Greece, where I start the game after a long hiatus playing Anthem (don’t @ me). I am finishing up an ice cream sandwich IRL while waiting for things to load up and get immediately assassinated by some bounty hunters, because as it turns out, I am still standing over Podarkes dead bod. When I return from being unsynchronized, I pay for my bounty because I don’t want them hassling me. Now it’s time to get down to business and reacquaint myself to the controls. I still have a gazillion points on the map to explore!

What I remember is that I think I have finished with the Silver Islands, which have lost their sheen after I found out that they don’t let you die there, and I am on a quest to defeat a cult and find my mom so I can find out who my dad is. 

Let us now seek a new side quest so I don’t have to do any of that!

Here we go, I meet up with my pal, Barnabas and he’s giving me the update on Kyra! So they didn’t just fade off into the sunset without saying goodbye after all. I feel better about that since I put all that time in here. She is putting her traitorous dad to rest and is grateful I haven’t told her secret. (The secret of her dad being a murderous traitor thief.)

My Alexios’s opinion is that Podarkes should rot, but that the troops deserve a good story, especially Thaletas who is waiting up the stairs I am told. Barnabas bids me good night as he tells me to relax and party it up for a minute, and now I have a quest called a night to remember. 

I will never be done with the Silver Isles, also, I’m not hookin’ it up with Thaletas, game. You better not still be trying to make that happen!

First, I’m led to Kyra as she lights dad’s funeral pyre. She has complicated feelings about this whole situation, but I encourage her to stay strong and help her peeps so a new Podarkes doesn’t crop up. We head back to the party now.

The bear smuggler is there all touching up on Barnabas’s face. She calls him Barny which is a good nickname for him that I didn’t even think of, because I couldn’t remember his name for several days after I met him. I’m going to steal it. They have bonded over their opposite missing eyes. How nice. Apparently they are in love now. What the hell? I spent so long wandering around these dumb islands that my boat captain has acquired a girlfriend. I can invite her to join the crew, so why not. Everybody wins? Maybe we could use a smuggler.

Once we are done with that love story, I can now breath a sigh of relief, because Kyra and Thaletas are together for reals, and he is no longer awkwardly hitting on me. Yay! Also, he’s over here turning down Spartan generalship in order to settle  on the islands with Kyra. This is quite a thing for a dude who wanted to fight me to prove my Spartaness. Good for them, for now!

I decide to bow out quietly and leave the rebels to their islands without speechifying about it, despite Barny’s wishes. Of course, I can’t leave without Sokrates showing up to say goodbye and philosophizing at me. Until next time, Sokrates! 

But I see new quests…what? I am determined to finish these silver isles though, so I’m heading back across the way to Mykanos now.

Psych! Apparently you can create your own levels in assassin’s creed now, and these silver exclamation points are user created. It’s been so long since I’ve been here there are new game mechanics. Of course in the first one I pick just to see what they’re like, my “one true love”, Thaletas, wants me to assassin someone for him. Even random internet strangers want me to hook up with this dude! Sorry, video game gods, it’s not gonna happen!

I move back to that blasted pirate island with the dagger lady that I attempted earlier in the game and spend the entirety of my gaming night trying to beat it. I KNOW I’ve faced dual wielding rogues before and beat them. This pirate lady is two entire levels below me, so I don’t know why this is so difficult! Bah. One bonus to this location when I finally beat her, is that there is a cultist here! I wasn’t even looking for one! So we get to cross another of those dudes off the cult family tree.

Since we’re laying siege to pirate islands tonight, let’s go find another one. There is a huge one to the west of me, so that is where we head! First a quick stop off at this little nothing island called Lestris. There is a quest item here though. Let’s see if we can find out what quest it belongs to… Huh. Artifact fragments it looks like??? Maybe I should upgrade my spear instead of going to pirate island. 

Just kidding again! I travel all the way back to spear island to find out I need seven artifacts for the next section, but I only have four. Damn. Back to Pirate island I guess.

Yo-Ho-Ho

This place is literally called Pirate Island this time. I thought it might end up in another silver isles situation, but this one only has a couple of quests that don’t lead on an endless string of other quests. It is however, filled with bobcats jumping on my back. Which sucks, because I’m not about killing bobcats, but if they’re going to attack me…

Our first quest is for a little girl. She’s gathering clay for her friends and wants to make them some jewelry, so she asks Alexios if he will go find some pearls and shiny rocks. Sure thing! Helping the children of Greece free of charge are my favorite tasks.

I return to her shack on the hill expecting some more kids, but instead find three huge lumps of clay, and these are her friends. <Insert distressed smiley face here> I was not expecting this innocuous quest to turn tragic, but then again, I never do. Turns out her mother decided to go pirate to get some money and make a better life, but returned with a stab wound. Her last words to her daughter were to be good and make friends. The kid has literally made friends. Out of clay.

All my friends are clay.

I don’t really have the heart to tell this lonely child that her friends are clay lumps and she is delusional and needs to go out and meet real people. I choose to tell her that anybody can be a friend. My bestie is an eagle after all. She thinks that’s pretty cool. Maybe I can inspire all the young girls of Greece to become falconers? (I return a bit later and find her crying, because the rain has washed her friends away, but we cannot interact anymore. Did I do the wrong thing? )

Alexios, Blending right in

Second quest is some dude’s wife picking ceremony. The woman I talk to insists that she loves this man and he loves her. Apparently I get no choice but to think she is a gold digger. Is she? Who knows? An acolyte of Hecate approaches us and offers to make her a love potion. I and Alexios think this is a ridiculous farce, but agree to help anyway. I fetch some shrooms and some some wine and hand it over to the ‘witch’. All she needs now is a lock of the woman’s hair. 

A love potion that causes hair to fall out, but not at the root– The mysterious ways of Hecate, I guess.

I return the next night and our friend is bald! Turns out the witch was merely a rival for the rich dude’s affections, and she has tricked this woman into drinking a sort of poison. It was only supposed to give her a rash, not make all her hair fall out. As to the why of the situation, the witch thinks she deserves this dude because they’ve known each other since childhood, and was just playing the game. The other woman is distraught, obviously.

the witch is way too pleased with her plan

But the show must go on! — This whole prank has rubbed me the wrong way and the ‘witch’s maniacal laughter is really not helping much, but I don’t get many options in the way of a peaceful resolution. It’s either, So sorry about your luck, bald lady, or kill the witch! (My true choice would be to tell the bald woman to forget about the rich dude; he’s not worth it and then hightail it out of there.) I call the guards on the ‘witch’ and hope she’ll just get arrested or something. Naaah. With that choice I get an update to the quest for witch killing. Damn. 

I just stand aside and let the guards do it. 

And that’s everything of note on pirate island! A short and sweet one with surprisingly few pirates! Maybe tomorrow we’ll hunt some cultists so I can upgrade my spear!

I do find one short quest somewhere along the way, but I forget where it was. A woman instructs me to go to a cemetery to find out which God is the most powerful: Apollo (I think? Or was it Ares? Something with an A. I didn’t write this one down!) or Posiden. “A” god has lions which are pretty powerful, but Posiden has like…sharks and krakens. Choices, choices. While I’m figuring this out some dude comes up to me and is absolutely convince I’m going to kill him. Huh? I tell him all is cool, bro, but then he comes after me anyway, because Athena told him it must be.

I didn’t get this memo

Back to the old lady who gave me this dumb quest, and I tell her Athena is the most powerful, because she got this dude to commit suicide by mysthios without lions or sharks. The lady thinks this is all amusing and I don’t even remember if she got the answer she wanted, and I don’t even know if I got any drachmae for it, but there you have it! Moving swiftly onward–

Wading into the Deep End

Update: So it turns out that I didn’t find an artifact on that island, just a clue to find one, which is good, because I need three more to upgrade!  It has led me Achaia and now I can’t find the letter with the clue so… great. Am I even supposed to be here? I guess I’ll go search the coves and see what I can find!  

 I find many enemies that are at least ten levels above me, so–I definitely am not supposed to be here yet!  Also, I’m level 30, how long is this game??? Before I move on to easier targets, I find the sunken temple of Demeter and some Ares boots that I can sell later.  Maybe I’ll tackle the cultist in the arena? I have an actual quest for that, so maybe I’m not too weak for that one? It is in Pephka, and I get to reveal a whole new section of the map if I go there.  So, let’s go!

Ouch!

First, I stop off at an underwater cavern to get some loot and fight some sharks.  Turns out the quest item on that island was not the cultist letter, nor was it an artifact…it was some bricks.  Do I have a quest for bricks??? What? Forget it. I’m going to the arena and resisting the temptation to stop at every island along the way.  In keeping with the theme somehow…it is at a place called Pirate Point.

  Ahh, turns out this is all Barny’s doing.  He thought I should give this arena thing a try, because, obviously, I have nothing else to do.  I talk to a guy named Skoura. I guess I’m here to inspire the crowds to believe in heroes again. I’ll do it!

It’s Skoura!

 Well, I’ll do it up until the point where these other dudes are a higher level than me.  There is a guy at level 50. Damn. Hopefully the cultist makes himself known before then.  Is it Skoura??? I hope not, I kinda like the old dude. Also, I’m going to have to question this whole operation…

 Like, why does Alexios, a single human person (or Demi-god?), have to fight like 20 dudes before I get to my opponent???  He only has to fight me. How fair is that? (I’m just complaining, because I am not good at this, and also this sucks and is no fun, but I won’t rage-quit just yet.)  At least not until–yes, that did it–some upgraded gear did the trick. It is always my downfall.

 After I win my first bout, some dude named Maion approaches me and Skoura.  He’s all about the drachmae, so I don’t trust him.   Hmm. Maybe he’s the cultist? I just want to find him before I get too deep in this arena business. Is that too much to ask?  But there are only two out of five guys at my level or below.

Yeah, the one guy is going to be it for the arena for now.  Excuse me while I go grind, thank you very much.

A Tale of Two Brothers

Here’s a novel Idea–Let’s get on with the story.  Did I say I was going to investigate Alkibiades clue?  Let’s do that! Off to Korinth we go! There are lots of undiscovered locations here. *rubs hands together in anticipation*

First thing I find is a bandit camp, which I think is going to be a simple affair not worth mentioning, but instead there is a quest there.  I rescue some dude named Lykinos who has no idea why these bandits were shaking him down. I have to carry him to get him away. Let’s return him to his dad before I accidentally kill him trying to put him on the ground (I forgot which button puts people down!) and see what journey I have to go on now. 

Okay, dude is an Athenian poet.  When we get him home safe, and sound, it turns out that the bandit’s killed dad!  Sad. We find this out because Lykinos’s brother–some call him Tim–shows up to tell us. He’s all aggro about it, probably because Lykinos has been swanning around Athens writing poems instead of being there at home / fighting wars. Now I get to do favors for both of them.

Lykinos cannot believe this shit

Tim wants me to get some Athenian armor from a vendor, and this can’t possibly be as easy to do as it sounds.  Lykinos wants revenge. Even Alexios sounds weary with that idea, because he’s trying to convince Lykinos nobody wants any more bloodshed. He agrees, that’s why he’s hiring me. Gee, thanks, fella.

  I go to the merchant and it turns out that that dad sold his armor, or maybe this guy is trying to cheat me? Whatevs. Buy all the armor! I only spend money on upgrades (if I remember to) and paying off my own bounties anyway.

  Armor in hand, I head off to dispatch the bandits.  When I get to their camp, I find them besieged by a pack of wolves.  Maybe if I sneak hard enough, the wolves will do all the work for me???  All right, I am not that lucky or good at sneaking, but these dudes aren’t that difficult. I find a letter in the camp that says dear old dad owed these bandits a lot of money. Loan sharkin’ it up again, I see. I wonder if there’s a bigger badder shark behind these guys? 

Spoiler: There is not. I’m always overthinking these sidequest plots.

 What I do know is that I’m apparently staying for this funeral even after revealing the truth of dad’s shady business dealings.  Tim wants me to get oil for an offering, and Lykinos thinks I should get some wine. He seems confused about what the oil’s for though, and there’s a lot of tension between these bros. We shall see! I get both offerings and complete a location.

  When I return to my friends, they are having a brotherly blow up, like brothers do. After I give them a pep talk about being there for one another, because they’re all they’ve got left, it is time to go. Or is it?

Now Hug it Out!

 Because, are these bros vibing on Alexios, or is it just me?  Well, Lykinos wants to meet up with me later anyway. Winkity, wink?? Like, the last dude that wanted to see me after a quest was complete, I ended up with a bed of rose petals.  

  Aaahahah.  Lykinos wants to make me dinner.  I TOLD you. First I have to hunt down some deers, and when I meet him it’s on this picturesque overlook at sunset. Geez. Well, played, poet man. Dinner and a view–I think this hits the sweet spot right between a overly-sentimental bed of rose petals and goat orgy. I actually like this guy, so let’s do it! 

But first a chat about Lykinos being a lying liar who lies. See, turns out he didn’t come back just to visit the fam. Actually, he just failed at being an artist in the big city. He didn’t want to tell his family so as not to disappoint them, and he didn’t want to tell me, because he was trying to impress me. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do know, because he’s not exactly the fighting type. I tell him he should become a cook because this venison meal he’s made is A+++

Are You serious right now?

Alright! Heart to heart over; we fade to black and return the next morning with Alexios all by himself again.  Such is the life of a mercenary! It’s on to the next quest I suppose.

[nomanicsdak]

New Post has been published on http://manicdak.com/?p=2405

The Handsomest Man in all of Greece

I Know, I know, It’s Been 84 Years, etc…

Note: I wrote this one well before the holidays and am just now getting to posting, for the record!

What Are You Up To, Kleon?

We’re out to help Kleon today now that they Symposium is over! Let’s see what kind of job he has to offer. Probably not the drunken orgies that Perikles and Co. had for me, but, hey—you never know! Let’s go raid some Spartan camps! (As is Kleon’s wish, if you remember that far back.) That being finished, I go back to Kleon, with a note from a Spartan polemarch about further secret missions for Athens that Kleon is engaging in. Of course, this isn’t the end of his quest for me. I now have to rescue a messenger at a quarry. Come to find out that he is dead, but I do managed to rescue a sea captain who is also in on the plan. They are all being very hush hush about what is on his ship, and that makes me really suspicious. Better I don’t know? I beg to differ!

Well, not only was this guy captured, but so was his entire crew. I have to rescue them and then go defeat some Spartan ships, and maybe I have discovered the reason we parked in some random cove…because my ship is right there for me to swim to! Barnabus lets me know I have a message about a lead on some cultists, which I will check out later, and I make short work of the ship and head on back to see if maybe these dudes will tell me something!

Nope, nobody tells me anything. Maybe I have doomed all of Athens by helping these guys, or doomed somebody else. Who knows? Mayhaps it doesn’t actually matter since most of the time there is just an illusion of choice. Heh. I mean, I can go about raiding all of Athens and it doesn’t seem to affect much in the way of interactions.

In fact, let’s go on a side quest now that I’m done with Kleon. I know I said I was going to Korinth, but you know me. There was never a spot on the map that I ever want to pass up! So, I accidentally run through a restricted area and get chased by some guards all the way to my exclamation point destination. Let’s see who it is!

[singlepic id=101 w= h= float=center]

Dudes being Bros

Ooo, boy. It is none other than Alkibiades and his bud Sokrates. They are still at it. Sokrates is talking and talking and Alkibiades is flirting and flirting. What kind of shenanigans are they up to? Well, Alkibiades wants me to help his friend become a citizen by sneaking into a place and signing his name to a thing. Alright, seems easy enough, yes? I think my abilities of sneaking have been way over estimated by the game. Quest completed though. I return to Alkibiades and he gets a new exclamation point above his head. Dude. What now???

Well, I have to find a witness, for this citizenship; a “handsome” dude named Peiroos. Neither I nor Ace here can be the witness, because he is a friend and I am not a citizen, but I should be careful not to get too distracted by Peiroos handsomeness. I think I can manage. What I don’t think I can manage is not giving this guy the nickname “Poos”. Hahaha. I am 12. Anyway, I just get some vague directions to find him; the quest isn’t going to lead me directly there this time. I guess I will just look out for the too handsome dude.

And OMG, I keep running into this restricted area. I am not meaning to do this, just there’s these big steps leading up to this temple and regular citizens are just running around there all willy-nilly. Why can’t I? Boo!

I Got This.

But I Was Expecting This

Well, it’s this guy. Lol. Okay, if you say so, Ace. I have a feeling that every person that walks into his eyeline is probably the most attractive person in Greece in that particular moment. Anyway, Peiroos doesn’t want to help. Sophanes, he’s the dude I’m helping with the citizenship and here I am still on this quest so I guess I’ll remember his name for a minute. Anyway, he’s a betrayer who turned on his own troops or something. According to Peiroos he doesn’t deserve citizenship. Great. Now what? Fine, I’ll bribe him…pay for his debt with this huge pile of drachmae I have that I never spend on anything. Surprisingly this bribe works without me having to do any more favors. Ok, I guess I will find out what damaged I’ve wrought later if any.

Reporting my success to Alkibiades, I give him some shit for not telling me all of the deets about Sophanes apparent treachery. At least I can grumble at somebody for it, if I can’t grumble at Kleon. He says he didn’t think I would care, but now he knows. Have I rebuffed Alcibiades too many times now?  Who knows, but he believes in second chances. Me too. When he leaves Sokrates and I rap about whether good people can become bad or bad people can become good, and can we predict anything about it. Alexios seems relieved when Sokrates finally bows out of the discussion leaving it for a later date.

I guess the later date is now, because the next exclamation point is leading me to Sokrates who has apparently transported himself all the way across town instantaneously. So, Sokrates is in an argument with some playwright named Aristophanes (Fannies?) about Kleon and another dude name Hermippos. Apparently Hermippos (Hippos obvs.) thinks Kleon is the bees knees and isn’t afraid to shout it from the rooftops, and Aristophanes is done with it. Not sure what Sokrates can do about it, but I’m sure we will find out.

Stop Hippos!

Ok, the short of it is Sokrates is down with freedom of speech. Aristophanes thinks some people should shut-up already. Even Sokrates. Anyway, I’m going to be hired to find Hermippos so Aristophanes can give him the what for. 

I get some more vague directions, but I’m pretty sure I already tried to break into his house earlier when I was completing locations. Yep, I did. He does have quite the suspicious amount of guards and huge villa for a playwright. I find a note from Kleon about his play and some huge amounts of money just laying about, and the cherry on top is this Cult of Kosmos mask. *Gasp* Something culty is afoot here after all! And here, I thought Aristophanes was full of shit. Let’s get him! There is another cultist in Athens and my map tells me I will find clues in the quarry, so I’m going to go back there and see what’s up.

My map lies! Ok, well, not quite. I’m supposed to do favors for nearby people and maybe I will stumble upon the clues somehow. Instead, I ignore that little notation and head directly to the quarry to complete the location with much effort and dying and it got me nothing except a check mark and some armor that is a lower level than the armor I already have on. I stayed up way past my bedtime for this? Yay? 

I go in search of a maybe helpful quest and take on some bounties that I’m not sure I’ll finish. I get a mission to collect some seals from some Spartan polemarches in some forts and also realize I have a finished quest that hasn’t been completed because I didn’t go back and talk to the dude that gave it to me yet. I think I got distracted by the magical spear upgrady machine. Anyway, I head on back to the beach where I first landed to help my twice not!brother, brother. I cause troubles at some forts to collect my one part of the required goods. 

After raiding several more forts I have now realized that they are Athenian, and that is the reason I’m not getting the special quest required polemarch seals. Uuuuuggghhh. Self. C’mon! I am going back to Athens, there’s lots of Spartans in that area. 

In search of forts, I do find another human sacrificing faction in a cave. Nothing to do with the Kosmos cult, these guys are Pan fans, they’ve got the sacrificial altar and a pit of blood. I fail at sneaking and basically have to pick them off with my arrows whilst trying running backwards around and around in a circle through the cave tunnels. This tactic somehow manages to work without me being desynchronized once. Phew.

[singlepic id=82 w= h= float=center]

Old Friend, New Trouble

I do a few more quests and meet up with a former fellow mercenary, Heitor, who is now one of those dudes that runs a weapon store. I still have not managed to procure another polemarch seal, but that is for another day apparently. Anyway, this guy wants me to get his very special sword back for him from this huge, well guarded Athenian fort. Cool. I do that, but in doing so learn that he actually probably sold the sword to the Captain there. He, of course, admits nothing, but whatever. Team Merc. 

NOW, he wants me to save his friend who has been captured, which I agree to, but who knows. He probably sold this guy too. Harumph. On the way I run into some lady who gives me a sob story about her play being banned for being just toooo dramatic, you guys. It brought all the soldiers to tears and they stole it so no warrior would ever be overcome with such emotion again, she is just so talented. She doesn’t want me to rescue her play from the sad soldiers, but she does want money, which I give her. I’ll take the easy XPs, whatever. I’m fairly certain this was a con. *shrug*

Anyway, I go through all the trouble of rescuing this guy in less than stealthy fashion and get him down to a boat where Heitor is waiting…to kill him. Uuuuuugh. Why? Because this guy was shackin’ it up with his wife and she ended up dying when she got in between their fighting. A love triangle gone awry. 

[singlepic id=84 w= h= float=none]

Let’s All Just Enjoy the Sunset and Forgive Each Other, Eh?

Guys. Stop. Think it through, my mans. I tell them nothing is going to bring her back and somehow convince them to part ways without bloodshed for once. Yay! Now let’s clear some more locations before we move on. I mean, I haven’t quite forgotten that I’m looking for my mom this time, so I clearly have more busy work to do!

Oh yeah, the Seals guy. I think I finally gave him the seals and now he wants me to find more seals. To be honest, I’ve kind of lost the plot with this guy, but I’ll keep him on mind as I’m going on this next quest to the Silver Islands. I don’t remember where I picked this one up, but I’ve been hired to aid a failing rebellion on Myknonos! Let us be off! I have my crew drop me off away from civilization because I saw a dot in the distance sitting on a beach and I wanted to check it out.

Levitating Bears; Up to No Good!

It is a bear! I don’t really want to kill this bear, because on one hand he is pretty, but on the other hand the beach is littered with dead guys. Clearly, this bear is a trouble maker like me. Once that is done, I explore his cave which doesn’t really yield any good treasure. I do come to the realization as I crest a nearby hill that I am not in fact on Mykanos at all. Ah well, Let’s explore this island while I’m here I guess. I am on the sacred Lands of Artemis on Delos island…part of the Silver islands it turns out. It is a beautiful place with purple flowers all over. This one speaks to me. Maybe I can retire here, but probably not I’m sure someone with a spear is going to chase me away soon enough. (This last sentence in retrospect…oh boy. In my headcannon, My only mercenary retirement plan this Alexios has is this, and the only kids he will be having are the baby voyeur goats that I will be raising with Alkibiades, history be damned! Cute country doctor and Sokrates can come too.)

I move on to the next section called the Birthplace of Apollo where I find more people, a terrace of Lions and a Sacred Lake. Obviously, I must defile the sacred lake, because surely this place must have treasure at the bottom even though it isn’t a marked location. I am right for once when I find a bunch of loot and a sword down there. Haha!

Greetings from Kira

Bless! I am finally on Mykanos where I find out some guy is basically being a dick all over the place. We’ll call him Murdery von Taxation since I forgot his name. I really forget the specifics because all this happened last week So, so, very long ago, and I didn’t write anything down. Does he have a name? Is he a cultist? Perhaps. Perhaps I am just here to help Kira on her quest to bring him down. Anyhow, she has me running around meeting her places and investigating stuff, but I run into a beggar lady first who, as it turns out has some secrets to unload on me.

You see, she was once Kira’s nurse, or something, and Kira’s mother was Murdery’s mistress. When he found out she had a kid, he came around to kill her, and succeeded. The nurse absconded with Kira and didn’t even tell her any of this. So, now I have to tell her that the man she’s vowed to take down is her very own father. I know the feel, girl. My dad threw me off a cliff! I think that’s where I left it.

 Okay, so, I have absolutely no idea what happened because I played a little and then went on a long vacation to the heart of it all (Ohio) and yeah. I’m pretty sure I told Kira the secret and tried to console her and then we took down her dad, there’s no guarantee that that is going to do anything to help the situation. Someone higher up the chain might just come and be just as terrible to the townsfolk, but I’m just going to assume my job is done and get on with the questing.  (Unless I haven’t, in fact, finished this quest, in which case…I’ll do that!)

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[nomanicsdak]

New Post has been published on http://manicdak.com/?p=2341

TO ATHENS BY WAY OF PANDORA'S COVE

Let’s Get A Party Started!

How Do I Recruit Bears?

Sure, I’ll go to Athens, but I’m going to take the round about way doing it, so I can clear some more areas! A quiet shipwreck, bandit camp, cool. Nothing exciting or too challenging. Hah! I do come upon a fishing village, which I think is going to be a chill place, but it is filled with huntresses that attack me as soon as I step foot on their beach. Like, serious, I wasn’t intending on fighting you guys, but here we go I guess. I want to make peace with the huntresses, they are bad ass and are one with the bears! There is literally nothing to be gained aside from XPs by fighting them, but alas, they are attacking me anyway.  Later on there are more huntresses that I don’t want to fight, but I have treasure chest to raid and ancient tablets to find, so I can unlock the secrets of this damn spear for my future relative? Is that even necessary for the memory machine to work these days? I mean, it’s portable now. I don’t know. TBH I barely pay attention to the current times portion of the game. The Pirate one was the first version of Assassin’s Creed I ever played, so you can imagine my great confusion with having to deal with the hacking computers and the reading boring emails portion of the game.

Anyway, I find another gruesome scene at some different cult’s HQ on top of a mountain. The God of War worshipers. I free a dude, and learn nothing about the cult that wants to kill me. I’m getting bored with grinding now, so I guess I will do a quest. I pick one about the Daughter’s of Artemis, head towards it, and discover it is the one where I have to kill legendary animals. Apparently I did initiate that quest, but I still haven’t killed the pig so Daphnae hasn’t given me further instructions to hunt for the rest of the creatures yet even though I already snagged the stag.

Loving the idea of bacon more and more every passing moment

Several levels later and I still can’t kill the thing, but I do get to the part where it summons five regular sized boars to attack me at the same time. There are boars flying, and I’m dying, so it’s time to run away again.

Seriously, forget it, I’m going to Athens. Let’s go to the ship, back to Herotodus, who is my guide on this journey. Apparently we are not docking in Athens, we’re going in the back way because my ship is directed to this cove where there is no dock. 

Welcome to Athens, home of the fighting Llama Birds

Actually, there seems to be no purpose to avoiding the docks, because we just walk right up to the leadership who are out and about orating to the masses. Perikles is giving a speech and some dude named Kleon is rousing the people against Sparta. Oh, Ok, they’re word fighting now. Perikles is the sensible one, or at least the one that doesn’t want to fight everybody?? I know he’s an historical figure and possibly terrible though, so I’m going to proceed with caution. He might help me by giving me an invite to his Symposium pretending to be a servant. First, he gives me side quests to prove myself, as you do. I am reminded that my entire goal in this Odyssey is to find my mom and learn about my dubious ancestry. I must admit, I was so intent on raiding camps and collecting shark bounties that I forgot what I was even looking for. 

Oh, well. To the quests!

First Metiochos is late for a very important date. Obvious, he is dead or in a cage somewhere.

Second, Phidias the famous sculptor awaiting trial for impiety. I’m fairly sure I saw this guy is on my culty list though.

And a vote on Ostracism. I’m supposed to help decide who stays and who goes apparently? But I’m too much of an outsider to just go to the symposium, yet this I can decide?  Sure thing, Pickles. 

Oh, No!

OK, To Metiochos. His quest is called a venomous encounter, so he’s dead by snakes, cornered by snakes, or caged by a group of bandits called the serpents. Onward! 

Well, two out of three; he is corned by snakes and tied up by thugs! I save him from the vipers, but obviously, I will have to go on a quest for the thugs now. They are apparently poor fishermen and followers of Kleon. I inspect their house and find more snakes and a note. Metiochos is a corrupt politician who is oppressing the poor and they are working on the plans of a higher up. I let them go and give an inspiring speech about improving their neighborhood and ignoring politicians as if it’s that easy, but whatever. I’m off to see what the snake dealer has to say. Is there another higher up baddie? Is it Kleon? Are the politicians the real bad guys after all? Maybe, Maybe, and Yes. Let’s go!

The Snake Dealer has no option for diplomacy, so I guess we’re just going to end him right here, and as it turns out he is the top guy. Huh. I was fulling expecting this to lead back to the big K himself.

Now for the sculptor. Perikles want’s me to help him escape. He’s not a culty guy that I have to kill after all.  He’s just the key to finding them! They are trying to kill him too. I mean…hopefully he’s not lying. I get to ask about his specific relationship with Perikles, and he says they are the bestest of friends. Okay. Also, Kleon is trying to set him up for theft along with the impiety he’s already on trial for. We are heading to another island to meet sculptor’s friend who I 100% do not trust. When we get there, it turns out that indeed, he is trustworthy as advertised and he gives me some deets on the cultist who wants sculptor dude dead. Alright! Sculptor man wasn’t the bad guy after all. Nice. I didn’t want to kill him.

~Pause for sleep!~

Okay, now we get to decide who’s getting exiled. I have to go to another island to do this. WHY??? Oh, wait, no, it is not on another island. I am on another island. I forgot I was dropping that dude off to hide out from those culty douches. I’m back in Athens now, and it turns out Perikles wants me to rig the ostracism. I’m not deciding anything, I’m just stuffing the ballot box. That makes a whole lot more sense. Let’s hear it for the cradle of democracy!  We’ll see if I get a choice in this.

I don’t. Let’s see who I’ve doomed.

Dust in the wind, Dude.

I’m not quite sure what happened, but the guy I meet back at the ostracism isn’t the same guy that instructed me to rig the vote? Or is it?? I don’t even remember. In any case, the guy I meet is none other than So-Crates himself, best known for helping Bill and Ted on their Excellent Adventure.

Well, the vote’s are in, and we get reassured that they have all been counted despite evidence of vote tampering. Now, this close personal friend of Sokrates and Perikles has to go. Wait, wait…so, the vote was or wasn’t fixed? I’m so confused. Sokrates is giving me a guilt trip though. Ugh. Go philosophize somewhere else, my dude. I’m going back to Pickles to see what the deal is.

But first I help a townsfolk deliver a flower to a doctor, who is not nearly as cute as my country doctor. At least I get some easy drachmae, and Whooosh. Level Up! Good detour, self. Should I head to Perikles, or should I see what mayhem Kleon is up to? 

Kleon it is!

OK, he’s just trying to overthrow the government.

…or not.

He wants me to hassle some Spartans to bump up morale. I guess I can take him up on it since I’m probably going to be doing that anyway. I mean, on the one hand, I don’t trust his squinty ass, but on the other he’s not hiring me to straight up murder Pickles, sooo…

Ok, manual save. Let’s put hassling the Spartans on the menu.

But first, I have a symposium to attend to!

Whaaaat?

OMG, PHOIBE is there???? What? Not dead of the plague? Yes, it is Phoibe, and not a case of reusing the same model for all children in the game. Turns out she saved her money, stowed away, and came to Athens before she could perish. Alexios can’t believe she’s here either. She’s working for someone named Aspasia, who I feel like I should know, but I don’t.

Phoibe is clearly done with me.

Anyways, Pheoibe is here to make sure I’m in the proper fancy robes and check my weapons at the door. I have options here to not change, but I’ll do it. Even though such things are always suspicious. I will probably need a dagger at some point. Alexios is 100% echoing my feelings about this as soon as I’m typing them! I feel vindicated.

Anyway, Herodotus is here and giving me the deets about this schmooze fest. I guess this new squishy non-armor was a good choice for rubbing elbows. He tells me about all the dudes here. I won’t tell you all about these argumentative playwrights now though. I learn that Alexios doesn’t like Sokrates at all, and Perikles isn’t even at his own shin-dig. UGH.

Before I can get any more introductions, I am accosted by a shirtless drunk dude, who is kind of shameless and amazing. Like, everybody else is chatting and drinking and this fella just rolls on up in his undies like it’s nothing. Haha, what is happening? He’s reciting some love poem or something at me before he wanders away.

Now Herodotus goes to find Pickles, and I’m left alone to my own devices. My first side quest is to find and talk to shirtless drunk guy. I’m not sure how much information I’m going to get out of him. 

Oh, great. Turns out he’s behind a closed door. With moaning and goat noises. This guy’s name is Alkibiades, I’m pretty sure it’s exactly what it sounds like and he is not attempting to lift heavy furniture for comedic effect back there, but I pound on the door and demand to be let in anyway. Yep. Indeed, this is some kind of orgy situation happening (the goat likes to watch???) He asks if I’m here to join them. He’s also super into Sokrates for some reason. (Sokrates is not there for the record)

Stop Flirting with me, Ace, I’m Trying to Find my Mom!

Well, I have agreed to get him some oil in exchange for info, but in the kitchen I’ve bumped into this playwright guy who was arguing with some other playwright named Euripides earlier and I’m supposed to care about this? No. I am just getting oil for the horny dude. Time is of the essence! I think this guy’s drunk too. Sophokles is his name. He want’s me to get Eurpides drunk, so he too can become a public embarrassment. Everybody at this party is drunk! Except for me. Alas.  What has Pickles gotten me into?   Symposium does sound far more elegant than this drunken frat party I am at.

Okay, well, now that Alkibiades has his oil and is pumped up about his orgy (that he still is trying to convince Alexios to join. I do have the option to say yes, but I’m going to stick with the find mom plan. I mean, not gonna lie, I like his style. He seems way more fun that those bickering playwrights, but I am on a quest!) Anyway, Alkibiades, does seem less drunk somehow and thinks my mom might be on Korinth with the hetarae. He is surprisingly helpful even though Alexios isn’t particularly pleased by this info.

Now we’re off to get some playwrights drunk and see if they’re as helpful as shirtless guy. I have already fucked up this quest and got the wrong wine from the kitchen staff. Let’s see how it goes. 

I propose a drinking competition. I really don’t like these dudes. They’re kind of A-holes, treating me like a nameless servant here to pour them wine. I am pouring them wine and possibly posing a servant, though not much has been made of that since I first met Perikles.  I realize this special robe may in fact be servants attire.  That’s not the point. Eurpides gives me some info to track down. I wasn’t paying attention, so I will check it out in the quest menu later. I wonder what would have happened if I’d picked the right wine? Perhaps Sophokles would have given me the info instead?

Ok, back to Sokrates for some philosophical discussions.

We’re discussing the art of war. Lol, Alexios is not getting it. We should have stuck with the orgy dude. Just in time to save me from this conversation, the mythical Aspasia who I feel like I should know makes her appearance. Turns out, I don’t know her after all. She gives me some contacts to talk to in the places the other guys told me to go, and also another contact—a woman called Xenia!

Now let’s see what Perikles has to say.

He’s just up on the second floor moping and doesn’t want to join his own party for a speech. Like, he’s very sober. I’m not sure anybody down there is going to remember anything he has to say anyway. While we’re up here, we’re going to find out what the heck was up with all those errands:

I saved the sculptor because he’s a bro. That’s it. Perikles thinks he was delusional, but a good pal that deserved a hand.

And the Ostracized guy? He got sent away because Perikles wanted to protect him.

And Metiochos just got snaked through no machinations of Perikles. That was all on some rando dudes who were into Kleon.

Well, Perikles himself was less than helpful, but at least I have some leads.

On the way out Pheoibe tells me some rumors about the plague back home, so now I have a quest to go check that out. I tell her it’s not our fault that we’ve doomed our whole island, but yeah. Totally my fault!

I tell her I’m going off to Korinth. Since Alkibiades is the first person I talked to, that shall be the first place I’ll go!  I’m going to put off handling this plague situation for as long as possible, that’s for sure!

A Horse Sculpture

Phobos Takes A Dip

Fight, Fight, Fight!

Why is this merchant in a cave?

Bull Man

Cows!

This Little Piggy went to Market

Enjoys Long Rides on the Beach

Ship Graveyard

In Athens, Eagle Bears You

Look At This Guy’s Snake

Crane

Sailing

Billowing

Sea Goat

Even the Statues have Had Enough

Studious Children

[nomanicsdak]

New Post has been published on http://manicdak.com/?p=2330

Oh, Deers

Everybody Wants to Rule the World

Well, here we are at the temple with the Kingfisher and his dagger thugs. Agapios realizes his bro is around the bend when he starts going on about world domination and how his bro is weak. Agapios thinks some people just want to live in the world and not rule it, which is a direct contradiction to the Kingfisher and also Tears for Fears. Now, We Battle!

There’s not much to say about this, since the eventual conclusion is foregone. (It takes me a couple tries, I’ll be honest.) The most interesting thing that happens is that I manage to dispatch the Kingfisher himself by Sparta kicking him right off the edge of the cliff. These Daggers have picked a terrible spot for fighting a dude with mad kicking abilities since the temple is right on top of a mountain. I try to do that with the other four or five dudes, but I have to do it the regular sword way because they keep running around.

In any case, we’ve defeated the bad guys, but everybody is sad anyway. Agapios learns that he is now a free man, since he ran away before the Magistrate! could tell him earlier. I think they’re teaming up to rid the dagger remnants from the island anyway. Well, my work here is done! To the shiny question mark!

Safe and Sound at last

But first: A. I realize that half this island is still unexplored which is why I haven’t triggered a conquest battle yet. I have more supplies to burn and fort locations to complete. B. The Cult section of my menu screen tells you where to find the cultists—of which the dagger is not one. There is one on the island though, so I go find him in a cave and get another X on my cult map!

Now the golden Q! 

Doe, a Deer, a lot of Deer

It is not a bear jamboree after all. It is a DEER jamboree!  Also, clearly a place for a boss battle if I’ve ever seen one.  So I go down there and cut-scene to a shining majestic golden antlered buck.  I don’t want to fight the deer because he is beautiful, and I feel bad until the thing pins me to the ground with its giant gold antlers. We are meant to do battle; now I know. I am going to make a golden spear out of you!

That’s What You Think, Adventurer!

Nope, I lied. After this deer murders me for the thousandth time, I decide to go see if I can muster up some fire arrows or something. I defeat some more forts, get into major trouble at a quarry, but manage to complete the location anyway with my patented technique of running and grabbing the treasures and running away again, and just taking a few hits while destroying the supplies. I would prefer the stealth method, but I’m not particularly great at that. There’s always some guard perched somewhere that I didn’t see who catches me. It takes too much time to hack and slash my way through an entire camp so I can raid it at my leisure anyway.

After this, I attempt to recruit the charming mercenary to my team. I’m determined to get him, but right now he keeps beating me, so I’m back to the deer. I have a personal vendetta against this monster buck now. However, I am getting sleepy, and I just don’t feel up to memorizing his charging pattern right now.

I awaken renewed and begin by recruiting the charming mercenary to team Alexios. Yay! On the un-yay, side of things, I have triggered a conquest battle, but keep failing at it, until I upgrade my gear, which I should remember to do more often. Now, I can at least manage without perishing immediately. I still fail, but without dying. I jut fail the battle, but do manage to defeat one of the mercenaries that shows up, so I don’t restart, because I don’t want to fight that guy again. He isn’t charming, so he can begone and I can move up the mercenary tree!

Work Your Magic, Magic Forge!

 Now, for Mr. Deer. I have researched how not to die, and realize only now that I have a thing called second wind which replenishes my health during battle, so now I have some golden antlers and a quest item for a quest I haven’t started? I don’t think anyway. What is the deal with the legendary creatures? I suppose we will find out. And that is it for this island. All my locations are checkmarked. Athens remains undefeated, but whatever. So, what now? I’m going back to Andros, where the spear upgrady machine is, so I can defeat a cultist and complete the second half of the island that I haven’t yet discovered! I don’t remember what I find here, because that was a couple days ago. I’m going to guess that’s it’s a bunch of stronghold locations, which I can defeat, and Oh, yes — One cave to the underworld!

This sounds exciting in theory, (Yes! Let’s go chill with Hades, Persephone, and the Cerberus! and that one dude in the boat), in reality, it is more just culty, cultists, culting it up deep down underground. It is a particularly gruesome location, so I have no qualms about ending these particular pixels. Seriously, there is half a dude on an altar just to give you an idea of what these guys are up to. I am still not great at fighting hand to hand, so I use my arrows. Bless the arrows! None of them are any of the leader cultists though, but they do give me a few more clues on my map that I’m going to check out and deal with some Q’s along the way!

I take a moment to wonder vaguely about poor Herodotus and Barnabus, who are just sitting around twiddling their thumbs on the boat waiting for me to finally get on with it and go to Athens. Where even is it? I dunno. Let’s find out next time!

Athens is somewhere out there!

[nomanicsdak]

New Post has been published on http://manicdak.com/?p=2291

Daggers for Daggers

and More Bears

First a little catch-up on what I’ve been up to as Alexios the mercenary. First, we set sail from the island of Achillies after having attempted a conquest battle and failed it about a bajillion (the official number) times. I fight for Sparta; I die. I fight for Athens; I die. Also, there is another mercenary after me, I realize on my one time making it halfway through the battle. You can tell because not only is the red hat meter in the bottom corner, but they appear in the middle of battle screaming at you to come and fight them. Then they chase you around until you are dead, and since everybody else is also trying to get you during a battle, it’s best to just pay your bounty or find the other mercenary ahead of time and dispatch them one on one.

Charge!

None of this matters because I am leaving this battle for another day and heading to another rando island to avoid my main quest some more. Here I come upon not one, but two animal caves. My least favorite locations to complete, because, yes, I do want a platinum trophy, thanks, but I don’t really like fighting animals unless I have to. I’d rather just let the other guys fight them, or avoid them. OH, well. Now this island contains not one, but two big old white alpha creatures to defeat. A bear and a boar! The boar is slightly easier, because it is alone, and as we learned before, for some reason bears roam in packs in this game.

He’s gonna get me

Today I learned, just now as I am writing this, that a pack of bears is actually called a Sloth or a Sleuth (as in slow, not as in bears are good at being detectives.) Now, if group of bears is a Sloth, then what is a group of sloths?? (A bed or a slumber is the answer. Bless you, internet.)

Bear asides aside, I decide to go do one of those daily quests that get you some of that rare ore to buy stuff in the store which I’m probably never going to do. Legendary gear? Meh. I pick up a bounty for 5 sharks. I wonder where to find some sharks and just go swim the hell out into the ocean. I find a shark, but it keeps swimming away. Then I go to bed, because I’m tried.

Flailing in the Deep

 The next day there’s still time on the shark timer and I find three at a shipwreck which I dispatch handily, but I run out of time before I can locate more sharks, so it is all for naught. Alas. However, I find a secret tomb on the far side of the island while I’m looking for killer fish. Neat!

In the Tomb looking out

After tomb raiding, I go back into town to defeat the leader and attempt to trigger a battle. I haven’t managed to get Athens’s power down far enough for that yet, but I did initiate a quest, because I don’t want to leave the island with an exclamation point.

So, here’s the story, there’s a group called the dagger that I have to defeat. This guy, whose name I forgot and I can’t find on the ‘nets, but I luckily screen capped his dialog at some point; His name is Agapios—Well, he’s a slave working with the magister (magistrate?) to uncover this dagger dude. I pillage the gang’s hideout on the dock and we find out that the dagger’s leader is called the “Kingfisher” and he is this dude’s brother! *gasp*

Agapios does not believe this shit. Literally. He want’s me to prove that his bro is really dead and not a bad guy, but I actually prove the opposite of that. He’s totally the Kingfisher, leader of the Dagger. I have a thought that he is one of the cultist leaders I’m looking for, so I’m getting amped for this quest. This does not last long, because there comes a time in the gamer’s life where they stumble upon a quest and learn the hard way that they really should have made a manual save before they jumped in and made all the wrong choices. This is that time.  I mean aside from that time I doomed my home island to a plague death that is.

In the sidequest to the sidequest I meet a couple that runs a theatre, also they take care of orphans. Clearly these people must live, because they do not suck unlike half the people I meet. They are getting the shakedown, so I have to go take care of the dagger agent who is in charge of this.

I managed to talk to dagger dude. He was just extorting the theatre people for his family.  I guess some other higher up dagger is putting the screws to this guy too, so I don’t want to kill him, but there’s nothing I can do to convince him to leave the theatre couple alone. I tried to just punch him unconscious and recruit him for myself, but he never wakes up. He’s alive…but won’t get up. Restart.

Next time I approach him, he just attacks me. Apparently, I was lucky to get the talk prompt on my first try.  Anyway,  I must do what I must to advance the quest. We won’t mention that if you do it while at his house, his wife and kid come back home and it is tragic. I get back to the theatre and trigger a cut scene. Another dagger thug is now is holding the theatre couple hostage. Everything I do leads to them being dead. The thug is making me choose which one lives with malicious glee. Like, he is literally squealing with laughter about this horror.

It’s not funny, you maniac!

Whether I choose one or the other or neither…both end up dead. (Because the NPCs won’t stay out of the fight! Seriously, why does the AI have them punching geared up agents of evil with their bare hands when they could be running and hiding under a bush or something?) Several restarts later, I decide to cheat and see if it’s even possible to save everyone. It is. I can snipe the baddies with arrows! Good news.

The bad news is, I have overwritten every autosave with my attempts to figure this out for myself. Woe! I have to leave it with the orphans now double orphaned, because my closest manual save is two entire levels ago when I decided I wasn’t going to do the conquest battle, and I really don’t want to undo all my progress so far. Alas. At least the couple told me where to find Kingfisher before they were gone. 

Before I forget, the cherry on the top of this fail sundae is that even chickens are attacking me now.

But first, I feel like I must finish all my side-sidequests. I have to go visit Agapios’s contact up on a hill. She wants me to get a treasure from a shipwreck before the Dagger gets it. Turns out the treasure is a Dagger meant for sacrifices to Apollo. The Contact thinks this is the most hilarious thing. (The dagger wanted a dagger? Hahah!) I manage to defend her from more thugs that magically spawn, and now I’m off to face the Kingfisher!

So, the big reveal, which I mentioned earlier, is that yes, the big bad is my Agapios’s not dead bro. When I break the news, he just runs away, presumably to go save this bro. Some bystander guard wants to go stop him, because—slavery, but the magister (magistrate?) is just like, nah. He’s free now, let’s go fish for some Kingfisher. We make it to Apollo’s temple and face down the head of the Dagger. I choose to tell my now free friend that his bro is beyond saving, and the fight is on!

I also choose this point to fall asleep again, because I am le tired, and it is late! Next time I will find out for sure if this dude was a cultist. I’m guessing no, because that is my luck. There is also a really, extra shiny glowing question mark on the map of this particular island that I must check out! Tune in next time when I find out that it is actually just a bear jamboree and nothing to do with the finding these cultists I’m supposed to be finding!

Assassin in the Moonlight

Whale Shark

Over the Cliff

more scenic vistas

Why does this donkey have such a big head

Found a Buzzard

Turtles ahoy!

Don’t be Fooled

What are these ladies up to

Whale Breech

Sometimes They Help Me

Why are you punching me, townsfolk?

Lookin’ like Man at Arms

Dolphins

[nomanicsdak]

New Post has been published on http://manicdak.com/?p=2215

SECRETS, CULTS, AND BOARS

Catching Up With Assassin’s Creed

Well, I’ve never done a write up of my gaming nonsense, but I might as well start somewhere.  Got to get those writer fingers a-writing again.  As always, Spoilers abound.

Sparkles!

We start off in modern times, the two — archaeologist? women whose names I don’t remember are stepping into the portable maguffin machine that lets us travel back in times to see the memories of the olden times, as is the main conceit of Assassin’s Creed.  There’s a spear with two blood types on it and I get to choose which character I’m going to play.  I chose Alexios.  The other option is sister Kassandra. 

  So, stepping into the machine sends me to Greece and I awaken a mercenary, I guess, on this little island called Kefalonia or something.   It’s a place that everybody wants to get away from including me.  The first person I meet, if I remember is Phoebe, a fellow orphan who wants Zeus to bestow an eagle upon her just like my own eagle pal.  I want this too.  Make it happen, Z-man!   Obviously, since she seems attached to me, I am worried immediately for her continued safety.  

Punching Sharks for Profit

  My other cohort is the dude who must have raised me, Markos.  He’s kind of a grifter type guy.  Like, he has big ideas and borrows money from shifty one eyed loan sharks called ‘Cyclops’, and the less said about the Cyclops’s eye, the better.   Let’s just say, I have a lot of goat pelts now.   

   I spend the tutorial solving Markos’s Cyclops problem and punching priests who want to murder people because they maybe, might have the plague.  Will this decision lead to Kefalonia’s viral downfall has yet to be seen.  During the course of all this, I meet a guy named Elpenor who I absolutely 100% do not trust right off the bat.  (He knows my name and is totally cool with me killing his own crew.)    

I also meet Odessa, who is cool so far, but I choose not to flirt with her because she’s way too into being like her namesake and supposed relative Odysseus.  I recruit her to my ship later on after I help her dad though.  

Anyway, the game leads me to work for this Elpinor character, and he wants me to kill the Wolf of Sparta and bring him his head.  I don’t want to do this, because I do not trust this tool, but I guess I must.  

  I rescue a boat guy whose name I can’t remember from the Cyclops and we sail off to other, non-sucky, islands.  I can now recruit people to my boat crew by knocking them unconscious.   

Revelations!

So, we learn in flashback form that the Wolf of Sparta (whose name I don’t remember) is my dad.  He used to teach me how to be a real Spartan.  I have a baby sister whom an Oracle told dear old Wolf Dad to throw off a cliff.  No!   My poor mom is crying and some dudes are holding us back, but I break free, try to save her, and in the process we are both thrown off the cliff.  And this is how I came to wash up on nowhere island to be cared for by Markos of the terrible ideas.

So maybe I will go after Wolf dad after all.

When I get to where the Spartans are warring with the Athenians I am met with —  my brother????   Okay, he’s the son that Wolf dad must have adopted after he threw all his kids off a cliff.  He doesn’t believe I’m Alexios because I should be dead, but I can go see the wolf if I help him defeat the Athenians and gain control of wherever the heck territory I’m on now. 

I do that.

When I confront Wolfdad, I decide I’m not going to murder his ass after all.  Like, I always end up trying to be as nice as a mercenary can be.   He also reveals that he is not my real dad and I have to ask my mom about it wherever she is.  I have to find her now.  I am going to just assume I am a demi-god for now. 

So, my two options are to go see the oracle at Delphi, or to meet up with Elpenor.  Obviously, I’m not down with Oracles after one’s vision got me cliffed.  My boat guy is down with it, though, and I just hate Elpinor more every passing moment.  I figure the Oracle can maybe give me some insight into this.

  That is how I failed a quest.  Elpinor doesn’t get his head, and the Oracle reveals that she is making shit up at the behest of a murder cult whose murder objective is my family in particular.  I can sneak into their lair if I steal the robes from a certain member–  Do you want to guess who it is?

  Yeah, it’s Elpinor.  I feel super vindicated!  Now we have reached the place where I started last night, more or less.

Ridin’ the Snake

I handily dispatch Elpinor, so now I don’t have to worry about his duplicitous ass anymore.  I forgot about Herodetos, my boat guy introduced me to him and told him way too many of my secrets for a stranger.  Him, I trust though.  We shall se how that turns out.  He goes with me to scope out this murder cult under Apollo’s temple.

 I learn there that they are worshiping some kind of futuristic pyramid thing, and a bunch of other stuff I can’t recall.  I now have a bunch of cultists to end, and in my searching of their cult cave I find they are torturing the poor Oracle.  I can do nothing to save her though.  That is not sitting right with me, but when I return to the pyramid I am met face to face with my totally alive Sister.  She is now the cult’s main muscle and she knows there’s a traitor in the midst.  We all have to touch the pyramid now.  She sees our mingled memories when it is my turn.  I presume she knows I’m the thing that doesn’t belong, but she lets me go and kills some other dude instead.

Now that was something.  I decided to try and defeat the giant mega boar again to take my mind off this reveal, which doesn’t work at all.  I thought I might get to flirt with Daphnae, who gave me this pain in the butt quest, but alas.  We will never know, because this pig is not going down any time soon.

It is as tall as Alexios.  It will not die.

Now, since I lack the boar hunting gene, I decide to find some quests and level up.  There can’t possibly be any more world shattering reveals under this innocuous looking exclamation point in this little town.  I’m just going to have to fetch a thing, get some easy, peasy, xp–easies?  Let’s check it out.

What?  It’s a cute doctor!  Even better!

IJust as suspected, he sends me on a quest for some herbs.  I get to flirt with him.   Later, after fighting a pack of wolves for these stupid herbs, Lykaon (that is his name) he suspiciously holds back some for his grandma and sends me on another quest to deliver the medicines to his patients.

  All of whom tell me about his confirmed bachelor status.  Okay, I get it town’s people.  Twist my arm.

  Now, we learn about Lykaon’s dear grandma, who I learn he wants to murder because she is a former lying oracle that ruined lives by her lying.  I might just happen to be down with this plan if she’s the lady that told my Wolf dad to throw my sis off a cliff.  What do you think the odds are?  Unfortunately she’s been captured and must be rescued before we get to her.   I manage do this pretty easily and we find out that, yes, she is the one.

 And she was lying to my Wolfdad about it, so nobody had to go over the cliff?  This snake cult has fully infiltrated Greece since way back then?  What is their game??   I guess I will find out.

   Right now I am going to convince Lykaon to not kill his repentant grandma.  I know she did wrong in general and to my family specifically, but…   I can’t do it.   I don’t let him do it either.  We let grandma run away for now and instead make out under the stars and fade to black. 

How far will I travel next session?  Will I kill the boar?  Will I find my mom and find out Zeus visited her in the form of a ferret or something?  Will I dispatch some cultists?   Who knows.  Until next time!

Sideways Mohawk Hat

*Sigh*

My Horse Finds Apollo

Sea Gods

Floating Dogs of Kefelonia

Free Pigs!

Heraldry

The exact moment at which Alexios lights a fart

Bullhat

[nomanicsdak]

New Post has been published on http://manicdak.com/?p=567

Dak Watches: Rise

Episode 7 (for real): This Will God Willing Get Better

 I feel like this title is missing some commas

  PS: In case this is something I need to say for something that’s been kicking around in some form since the 19th century: Spoilers for Spring Awakening ahead, FYI

 We start off with Mr. M and Tracey placing the poster for the show up on an easel in what I presume is the main lobby of the school, but doesn’t look like the main lobby for a school.  I feel like this may be because there was a carpet and potted plants in the background.  These are things that just do not mix with hundreds of teenagers trampling through so I don’t know where they are.  There may be some schools out there with fancy pants auditoriums separate from the main building, but–  I dunno, speaking from experience, small industrial towns in this area of the country don’t tend to pass a lot of levies for extra $$$s.  (I’m not bitter).  Also, there’s a lot of traffic behind them for a separate auditorium, and this is a lot of paragraph for some small detail, but I just want to know where the hell they are!

 Anyway, Mr. M and Tracey are uncharacteristically delighted and taking selfies with the poster when Principal Whatever comes up to them.  (I will call him that because not only did he just wave his hand and give Mr. M Tracey’s job, but also did not fire anybody or suspend any students for starting a huge bonfire out of the Pirates of Penzance costumes in the school parking lot.)

 Seems as if Spring Awakening isn’t getting much interest in the way of tickets.  Mr. M is sure it will all work out since they have a poster now.  The title of this episode says otherwise.   Later on we will learn that Principal W. has decided that the ticket sales for this show will determine the theatre budget for next year.  This isn’t an established thing, it’s just something Principal W. decided just now.  He says that Pirates of Penzance sold out the last time, so there should be no problem.

  I just think this guy really wanted to see Pirates of Penzance.  Perhaps, as principal, he fancies himself the very model of a modern major-general?

(Later Mr. M is shown doing his actual job of teaching English where he then tries to convince the class to buy tix, but it’s as awkward and unsuccessful as you imagine.)

 In other Mr. M storylines, it is tech rehearsal week.  Tracey gives us the run down of how this is some sort of nightmare portion of putting on a show.  I guess where they figure out whatever will go wrong and try to get everything working smoothly.

  Mr. M jumps right over her and is all: Let’s do it!  The whole show!  Go!

Tracey informs him that this is not how it works.  They take it a portion at a time–  But you know Mr. M.  Go big or go home I guess.  Murphy’s law quickly descends upon him.  The band drowns out the singers, the prop master forgets his props, a lift is super noisy, and QB (Name Robbie!) has forgotten everything he ever learned about acting in this short time.  Mr. M tells him he’s doing great anyway, I suppose so he doesn’t flee back to football.  It’s basically a disaster.  They go back to Tracey’s idea of working a bit at a time.

We will meet back up with Mr. M and his impending breakdown when we get to his son

Now for the kiddos

Lilette / QB / Star (Gwen!!): Well, Lilette herself doesn’t get a lot to do in this ep except trying to convince Robbie that he isn’t a terrible actor.  I think deep down he knows that he isn’t at his best.  He’s got a lot of football feels right now though.  He’s still benched.  Thanks, Mr. M for the amazing advice.

  Anyway, it’s her mom that gets more focus this time.  She does have an awkward encounter with Coach (Sam!) in the Motel walkway, where he offers to move to a different location if being there is too much.  She says that’s not necessary, and the next thing you know the affair is back on!  I’m not sure where we’re going here, because it seems like he does actually like her, he is still getting divorced, and yet doesn’t take the ring off.  Maybe it’s the guilt trips that Gwen is throwing at him in a steady stream that’s keeping it on his finger, probably he’s just a cheating douche.  In any case, these two seem to spend almost the entire episode holed up in  his room, and Lilette only appears to ask where her mom has been all night one morning when she finally does return home. 

  Mom doesn’t tell her that she’s gotten back with El Cheatoh and just pretends that she popped out early to get Lilette’s favorite breakfast sandwich and coffee.  Lilette is not suspicious at all, she’s just grateful beams proudly at her and thanks her for taking a job she didn’t want to help a daughter out.  Oh, Lilette.

  Later on, Gwen feels like she’s been too hard on her dad this whole time, not getting rides with him to and from school and giving him the cold shoulder for the divorce.  She decides to bring him a piece of pizza and happens to see Lilette’s mom there.  I presume he doesn’t get the pizza and the cold shoulder is back on.  She hasn’t started taking it out on Lilette again yet.  We shall see.

 Meanwhile, Pregnant girl (Sasha!) is standing at her locker and her boyfriend is giving her money and telling her to take care of it.  She hasn’t yet decided whether or not she’s keeping the baby.  Michael (who wasn’t really in the last ep.) is watching this all go down and he tries to get her to open up, she’s not having it and doesn’t want to discus it with him, but he twigs on to her pregnancy pretty quickly.  He wants to talk/help/be there for her, but she just brushes him off.

  Later on at the pizza place — I forgot why they were all even there, but a bunch of them end up there at some point — Sasha’s boyfriend shows up and basically blabs her entire business to everybody because she’d sent him a text about how she wasn’t ready to decide quite yet. (He decided so that’s all that matters to him)  Michael decides to stand up to him for her, boyfriend  decides to get transphobic at Michael, and then Michael slams him up against a decorative glass window that is for some reason right in the middle of the restaurant.  Everybody jumps up to prevent this huge fight.  It manages not to escalate further than that, but Sasha is mad at Michael.  He says he just wanted to help her, but she thinks he was just getting in a fight because it seemed like the guy thing to do and she doesn’t even know who he is anymore. 

  We find out through the course of this that Sasha and Michael used to be BFFs when they have a heart to heart in a stairwell later on.  Sasha’s upset that Michael put distance between them.  He was going through a lot of things too at the time realizing he is trans.  She was just hurt that he didn’t tell her/give her a chance to understand.  I think they made up.

  Meanwhile again, we learn that there is a backstage lounge area with a toaster, because Simon is eating burnt toast and Barb (Annabelle!) is making plans to pick up where they left off at the steel mill.  Her parents will be out of the house and they will be able to “Rock it” all night.  (Her words.  Who taught you this euphemism, Annabelle???)  Simon agrees to this without melting away from second hand embarrassment, though I do.  Rock it????

  Over in the lounge area, his scene partner — Nobody has said his name in this episode or the last one that I can recall!  Who is he?  Is he too just coming to realizations of sexuality?  Was he already out?  What is up? — Anyway, he is getting the gossip about how Annabelle and Simon totally did it in the foreman’s office at the steel mill.  He naturally wants to confront Simon about this once they are alone.

    They get in an argument about who kissed whom and Simon basically confirms the rumors.  Why not; she is his girlfriend after all.  But what about the scene / flirting during rehearsal???

  Guy is all hurt and upset and tells Simon not to touch him or anything during the scene anymore.  Simon pretends like he doesn’t know why this person with a major crush on him who thought they were having flirtations doesn’t want to act in a romantic scene with him anymore.

  Later, at Annabelle’s, they are in the midst of attempting to ‘Rock it’ but it’s just not happening.  Simon at the last second of seconds just cannot go through with it.  He tries the ‘it’s not you, it’s me line’ and she just yells at him to get the hell away from her.  He leaves with a single tear rolling down his cheek.

Back at Mr. M’s home for wayward teens, Maashous has broken a dryer in an attempt to dry his shoe (He stepped in paint during the disaster rehearsal at the beginning of the ep.)  He catches Mrs. M. yelling about the $400 estimate to fix the thing and later is attempting to fix it in the middle of the night for her.  She catches him, he admits he’s the one who broke it, and she gets stern and tells him that they don’t lie in this house.

  Maashous gets sassy and says he missed the no lying sign.  It’s a tense situation. 

  He also gets a call from his actual foster mom.  Y’know the one who’s committing fraud by getting $$ for a kid she’s not watching?  Anyway, they have to meet with social services!  It’s not terrible news– or maybe it is.  Turns out his mom, who has been in jail since he was a wee lad, is out now.  She’s doing well and has a place and they are going to be reunited!  In another town.  Maashous seems reluctant about this of course.  He’s in a good place right now.

   After getting yelled at for the dryer, Mrs. M catches him packing.  She gives him a hug, tells him to put his stuff away, and that they are family now even if they sometimes get mad at each other, that doesn’t mean they get kicked out.  Clearly this is a new definition of family for Maashous.

  He doesn’t tell anybody about his mom.

And Finally, Mr. M’s alcoholic son, Gordy.  He’s in rehab and seems to be in a good place too.  Everything is going great!  He makes eyes at Gwen.  She confronts him and he says she ‘calms him down’.  When she catches him doing laundry at school they run away to a have sex somewhere on a lovely Pennsylvanian beach. (Please let there be only one teen pregnancy storyline, please.)

  Later we learn that Gordy hasn’t actually been doing great in rehab.  The team leader there says that though he gets along with everybody, he’s just going through the motions.  His heart isn’t in it.

 Mr. M is mad and takes that misplaced anger out on the kids during rehearsal.  Especially Robbie.  To start things off on the wrong foot, Simon and that Guy’s scene is basically in shambles now.  Apparently it was the only scene that was working thus far.  The icing on this terrible cake is Robbie still having trouble with the cemetery scene.  Tracey doesn’t even want to work on this scene to end rehearsal, but you know Mr. M.  He gets what he wants.  Anyway, Robbie is acting the death of his best friend and the love of his life with all the emotion of sturdy plank of wood.  Mr. M just goes off on him and dumb football (his heart isn’t in the show! just like Gordy’s heart isn’t in rehab.  Get it?).

  Football is something Robbie cares about a lot though, so he storms off yelling about how he gave up everything for the dumb play.  Mr. M storms off because the whole thing has become a shit show and starts scattering props all over the prop room.  Tracey catches him and tells him to stop it, and like a giant man baby he dumps more props out right in front of her.  The play sucks, they aren’t selling tickets, everything is doomed and they should have just done Grease.

Probably. 

Tracey attempts to inject a little optimism into the proceedings and tells him they just sold 30 tickets!  Yay!   hahah, turns out Mr. M bought those tickets.  It’s all a disaster.  Tracey thinks they should just go back down and finish rehearsal because Robbie isn’t the only kid counting on him.  Mr. M says no and walks away.   Duuude.  I. Can’t. Even. 

Now’s your chance, Tracey!  Take back the drama program!

She kind of does.  As Mr. M is leaving the school he hears the strains of music.  He returns the rehearsal where the kids are doing a great job at one of the songs.  He stands there, very touched by their performance, with one tear rolling down his cheek.

Next time:  Will Gordy get a lecture?  Will Maashous go home?  Who’s going to be mad at Simon this time?  I have but one more name to learn; will I learn it??

WILL things get better????