literally just a blonde girl

26 | bi and bipolar | also autistic bc of fcking course | this account is for yelling abt my life trying to balance college and work and love

[noname-kitty]

its so hard to just keep going when you dont know the next time you’ll feel real joy is. It always feel so far away

[noname-kitty]

most likely going to rehab next week.

as stupid as it sounds i’m 99% certain that i’m addicted to weed.

Now hear me out - i know weed isnt a hugely addictive substance but i started smoking it 10 years ago (when I was 17) and I’ve never stopped for more than a month. I struggled with anxiety and still do, so weed immediately felt like it changed my life when even my other meds (antidepressants) helped, but didn’t get rid of the anxiety…

Well, weed did. So, i started smoking EVERY. DAY. and never stopped. I smoke multiple times a day every day and have for about ten years.

Over the past three years ive tried to quit 3-4 times and haven’t been able to. It’s having detrimental affects on my life at this point because i cannot deal with anxiety or stress or really any negative emotions without getting blasted. I get high instead of taking care of things like chores, college work, and time with my partner.

The idea of going a whole day without smoking gives me really intense anxiety.

I know if i tried to quit on my own with help from my partner i would end up lying to them and myself and smoking behind their back. It’s happened before (they were understanding, but it shows how i cannot control myself with it).

All this being said.. it’s also financially ruining me. I cannot afford this anymore, but I cannot quit. I live in a legal state and I have PLENTY of people who would also just give me weed if I asked. I can’t quit on my own, I will just go and get more. I need help and i’m at a breaking point. I love weed and this sucks.

So.. yeah. I’m a chump who got addicted to fucking weed like a loser and so i’m gonna go to rehab and try and spend at least a year sober for the first time in 10 years.

[noname-kitty]

i’m not even sure what to write for my first post.. this account is supposed to be like a journal to help me figure myself out so i guess ill just start by establishing that

nobody may end up reading this but it feels better than writing in a physical journal, even if it is still yelling into a void all the same

[fhealync]

🌈 Every version of you has helped you grow. Be proud of them all. 🌈 Tag someone who's evolving beautifully. 🌸💬

[ariaxco]

drink warm cocoa in cute mugs, light soft candles every evening, keep your room cozy with fairy lights, wear fuzzy socks and oversized sweaters, take slow walks in the cold air, read comforting books under blankets, listen to gentle winter playlists, clean your space a little each day, hydrate even when you forget, moisturize your hands and lips, bake something sweet just for fun, decorate small corners of your room, take photos of pretty moments, stay off your phone when you can, fall in love with quiet mornings, journal your thoughts softly, watch nostalgic movies, choose scents that make you feel warm, enjoy simple routines, let yourself rest without guilt, protect your peace, talk kindly to yourself, let winter be gentle instead of heavy, and slowly become the softest version of yourself this season!!

[princesssokphanny]

A once-in-a-lifetime shot — the moon perfectly framed by a rainbow. Caught at just the right time. 🌈 🌕