Peaky Blinders characters as John Mulaney quotes
Arthur: I smoked cocaine the night before my college graduation: now I’m afraid to get a flu shot. People change.
Tommy: he could look at a child and guess the price of their coffin.
Michael: I lived like a goddamned ninja turtle. I didn’t drink water the entire time. I lived off of cigarettes and alcohol and adderall.
Polly: God can’t hear you
Ada: but you’ll never hear British billionaire in leather pants go “not funny!”
Linda: you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair
John: If you even fucking look at the hospital, I will stomp you to death with my hooves. I dare you to do it. I want you to do it. I want you to do it so I can stomp you with my hooves, I’m so fucking crazy.
Esme: yeah you can make fun of me. But just don’t say I’m a bitch and that you don’t like me.
Isaiah: if you are comparing the badness of 2 words and you won’t even say one of them, that’s the worse word.
May: ‘how could a human being kill another human being" and then I got cheated on and I was like “oh okay”
Lizzie: this is an on-fire garbage can. Could be a nursery.
Alfie: okay when you get kidnapped, not if, when.
Grace: they’re perfectly named. They’re not quite songs, they’re psalms. Its a word you’re meant to mishear.
Finn: you remember the scourge of muggings when you were in 2nd and 3rd grade.
Johnny dogs: he grabbed a 40, smashed it on the ground and yelled 'SCATTER’
Bonnie: Well… you know how I’m filled with rage? I’m so horny and angry all the time… and I have no outlet for it. So… eggs.
Luca: hi I’m new in town and it gets worse
Billy kimber: that’s what I thought you’d say you dumb fucking horse
Curly: you could pour soup in my lap and I’d probably apologize to you
Tatiana: the groom lifted the veil off the bride and then the other alter boy said “aww she’s ugly”
Aberama: I’ve never been, uh, killed by hit men so I don’t know what it’s like in the moments just before you’re killed by hit men, but I bet it’s not unlike when you’re on the subway and you realize that a mariachi band is about to start playing.
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