I apologize for the long post. This is important to me.
Heavy CW for mention of knives, self-injurious behaviors, description of intense emotions, brief descriptions of restraints and police.
Yes, I used the word "severe" to describe my Autism. This is because I am Nonspeaking, very High Support Needs, visibly Autistic, and have a Borderline IDD. This is how I choose to describe my Autism. Please don't attack me for this, Tumblr.
Anyways.
Darting out into busy streets. Repeatedly banging your head against walls. Throwing objects, sometimes even very dangerous objects such as knives. Breaking things - anything - no matter the value or durability. Unplanned, sudden violence towards self and others. Lashing out, in pure emotion, just screaming into nothing at the top of your lungs, for no obvious reason other than pure, unadulterated, terrifying emotion.
This may not seem like symptoms of Autism for anyone, and they may not be caused by Autism at all. But for many young people and adults with severe Autism, this is what our families deal with regularly. "Difficult behaviors", as I've often heard them described as by social workers. There's often no clear reason for then. They just. Happen.
We are almost never diagnosed with secondary conditions. It is considered a symptom of our severe/profound Autism. While in many Speaking and Low Support Needs people with Autism, they would be diagnosed with various conditions.
Conduct Disorder. Bipolar. Borderline Personality Disorder. Maybe even a severe case of Intermittent Explosive Disorder.
But for those of us on the more visible part of the Spectrum, nobody knows how to deal with us. It's scary and heartbreaking for our families, and deeply traumatic for us. Many times, our families and caregivers will turn to emergency services such as police or EMTs when they have no where else to turn. I don't like this option, I hate it. But in moments of extreme panic and fear, I don't always blame families for this.
Nobody talks about those of us who have been restrained by our arms and ankles to hospital beds for weeks at a time. Nobody talk about those of us who turn violent on the people we love most, when we just can't control ourselves.
I wish I had good advice for those of us struggling with this. I wish I could comfort you. While mood stabilizers and antipsychotic medications have helped me, it doesn't help everyone. DBT for severely Autistic individuals is another thing that greatly helped me.
This is a fact of life for many individuals with severe Autism and their families. It's terrifying. But please keep trying treatment, keep advocating for yourself as much as possible, and keep going. I'm sure you don't think this means anything, but you are strong. You are brave. I see you and I want you to keep going.
Nobody talks about episodes of uncontrollable emotion and dangerous behaviors in severe Autism.
