Malisima, coño.

var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-27200901-1']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); "I am just a mess of anger, bones, cold flesh and refusal that cannot be warmed or tempered by anyone doesn’t seem to fit anyone" Me//My writing

[nikita-ermakov]

[noonaneomuhomo]

People in LA: WTF is in the sky

Shawols: It's Jjong

NASA: Confirmed it's fuckin' Jonghyun

[beside]

Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.

unknown (via asleepytaem)

[noonaneomuhomo]

And here I was thought my kpop analysis days were over. This is probably going to be among the last if not the very last one I ever write, gotta lay that shit to rest one way or another. The following are some thoughts about the Kpop industry in the wake of Jonghyun’s death. Y’all probably knew this was coming because this is how I always try to handle and cope with sadness and trauma. You don’t have to know anything about or have prior interest in the Kpop industry to read this piece. I feel much better having written this. I don't write or use this blog but since I essentially use it as a fandom archive of sorts I'm adding this to my story. CW for talk of music industry suicide, exploitation, abuse

[nayyirahwaheed-deactivated20180]

poem. from nejma. by nayyirah waheed.

[fyjjong]

selfies posted by a close friend. username to remain anonymous out of respect.

[mozzabellastick-deactivated2025]

im not even a shawol but theres a gifset of kim jonghyun draped over a bandmate’s lap and he’s about to kiss a puppy and the puppy comes closer but he engULFS ITS ENTIRE FACE INTO HIS /MOUTH/ IM SO BEWILDERED WHAT IS HE ON

??????

[ashawol-deactivated20240605]

199048 ♡ happy bday jonghyun

[noonaneomuhomo]

CW talk of Jjong, death, suicide, sadness

It's just not fair. He should be here with us still. That boy with the biggest softest heart, the sweetest spirit. Everyone should have fought more and harder for him to be here. He didn't deserve that isolation, that sadness, that pain, that loneliness, to suffer it all on its own. He was so honest about it too and still nothing changed.

Jjong did so well, yes, he worked so hard, but he deserves to still be doing it and that's never going to happen. I feel this immense frustration, sadness and guilt that is so very hard to explain, and it feels very heavy, it is cutting at me deep.

I feel like blaming someone, everyone but that seems ill-placed and inappropriate. Depression, suicide and mental illness is more complicated and complex than all of that. I know that. He said he was tired. He wanted to let go. But yet there's so much and many external factors at fault here, so many things that could have gone better, differently. And he deserved that. He begged for it. He craved it. He desired it. He wanted happiness, with everything in him. The boy with the stunning voice and world at his feet and still a broken empty heart. But yet he filled ours to the brim.

He deserved us filling his heart, too, he deserved us working hard for him, he deserved hands to pull him through, he deserved happiness. And I feel like this world failed in that respect. He opened himself up for us, to us, and yet he slipped away. And it shouldn't have happened that way

I want to tell him that, more than the fact that he worked hard, I want to tell him we didn't work hard enough and we failed him, and I'm sorry, and thank you, and I'm sorry again, and please come back, give us a second chance. Even as a lapsed fan who is too old for Kpop and who drifted from the fandom a few years ago I'll never forget the joy he brought to me, I always thought back about him and Onew and Key and Minho and Taemin and my time in the kpop world, wished SHINee and Shawols well. I always planned to see them the next time they came to the US, then the next, then the next, and now, I just can't. I will never see SHINee, my OG OT5, in concert. Even if the remaining members decided to stay together, I couldn't. It just wouldn't be the same. I'd be so miserable and hurt. Jonghyun deserves to be here. He deserves to be held and helped and heard and happy. He deserves that work and labor of love.

[ibgbang-deactivated20200519]

KIM JONGHYUN, 04.08.1990 – 18.12.2017 “So it’s true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.”

[ashawol-deactivated20240605]

[jonginist-deactivated20200512]

Thank you Kim Jonghyun! May your soul rest in peace.

I've lived the way I wanted to. I've walked the road the way I imagined it.

[noonaneomuhomo]

Jesus it has been so long but

I came back here to be sad about Jonghyun.

God what a wretched past few days it has been...

[noonaneomuhomo]

*Comes back to silently lurk*

ayyyeee hahaha bye

[noonaneomuhomo]

Oh noooooo, Key's grandma?!?!?!?! D:

[noonaneomuhomo]

Ari that's just nasty Did the censors at least try to protect citizens from TaeNips

[noonaneomuhomo]

I need to dust up on my fandom and group dynamics and idol personality knowledge bc my jokes are old and also apparently we like Taemin now? His face is still terrifying and his eyes still lack any life or soul? Did the Negaverse brainwash u?