she/them | become ungovernable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ā„ I love horror and making gifs and femslash. And writing fanfiction. (gay/queer/trans) (āÆĀ°ā”Ā°ļ¼āÆļøµ ā»āā»
Discussions of trans women in sports often focus on elite/professional sports which honestly I find it hard to care about but the more common scenario of āweāre going to legally ban a high school girl from playing sports with her friends because sheās transā is just profoundly evil
i remember when utah's (republican) governor ended up vetoing a law banning transgender students from playing high school sports when he looked at the numbers, and there were only four trans students in the state playing sports at all. he released a clumsily worded but surprisingly compassionate statement about the decision.
I must admit, I am not an expert on transgenderism. I struggle to understand so much of it, and the science is conflicting. When in doubt, however, I always try to err on the side of kindness, mercy, and compassion. I also try to get proximate, and I am learning so much from our transgender community. They are great kids who face enormous struggles. Here are the numbers that have most impacted my decision: 75,000, 4, 1, 86 and 56.
75,000 high school kids participating in high school sports in Utah.
4 transgender kids playing high school sports in Utah.
1 transgender student playing girls sports.
86% of trans youth reporting suicidality.
56% of trans youth having attempted suicide.
Four kids and only one of them playing girls sports. Thatās what all of this is about. Four kids who arenāt dominating or winning trophies or taking scholarships. Four kids who are just trying to find some friends and feel like they are a part of something. Four kids trying to get through each day. Rarely has so much fear and anger been directed at so few. I donāt understand what they are going through or why they feel the way they do. But I want them to live.
of course, it didn't amount to much. they overrode his veto. it's just so cartoonishly evil. an entire state's political body so desperate to terrorize this one little trans girl.
not to be "comment on fanfic even if they are oooold"
But I just read a pretty good fic published in 2014-2015 (you know, roughly TEN YEARS AGO) and I was like, damn this is so cool, I have to leave a comment, even if you know, they probably wont see it...
having feelings that contradict your morals is soooo fucking annnoooooyyyiiingggggg. can the emotions and logic department get on the same page im tired of having to like strangle myself into being a tolerable person
This ought to be a wake up call for a lot of people. It wonāt be but it ought to be.
No, itās not out of character for Lestat to have fucked Armand. No, itās not bad writing. No, Armand did not force him into it.
The show has never gone along with the narrative that Armand is undesirable. Never. The characters might be mean to him but they sure donāt have a problem sleeping with him. That includes Lestat. The writers clearly saw the discourse surrounding Armandās fanfiction and decided to drag out the reveal that actually Lestat did sleep with Armand. A lot. Theyāve increased the number of references to it in each episode so that you maybe finally get it and you let go of your own fanfictions and start appreciating the depth of this relationship.
Because there was a relationship. Maybe not a full companionship, but there was something. There will continue to be something. If youāre mad about that, then youāre going to have a bad time with the rest of the show because Armand is one of the most important people in Lestatās life.
Anyway, hereās one of my favourite book passages of Lestat interacting with Armand. Itās from Memnoch. I would kill to see this in the show eventually. Itās so sweet.
We eyed each other for a moment. And then he surprised me, rising and coming towards me just as I moved to take him in my arms. His gesture wasn't tentative, but it was extremely gentle. I could have backed away. I didn't. We held each other tight for a moment. The cold embracing the cold. The hard embracing the hard.
"Cherub child," I said. I did a bold thing, maybe even a defiant thing. I reached out and mussed his snaggled curls.
He is smaller than me physically, but he didn't seem to mind this gesture.
In fact, he smiled, shook his head, and reclaimed his hair with a few casual strokes of his hand. His cheeks went apple-perfect suddenly, and his mouth softened, and then he lifted his right fist, and teasingly struck me hard on the chest.
Really hard. Show-off. Now it was my turn to smile and I did.
"I can't remember anything bad between us," I said.
"You will," he responded. "And so will I. But what does it matter what we remember?"
What was that Lestat saying something about his brother and Magnus?? Didn't get the meaning
Okay, so, he has that "makeshift party" there, right? For the turn of the century?
Consisting of
cabbage for his brother and father
moldy bread for Armand
cake for Marie Antoinette
the violin for Nicki
an empty setting for Gabriella
no setting for Marius
and ....
William Blake's painting "The number of the Beast is 666" for Magnus.
Meaning he is literally placing Magnus as the Devil there.
Now, what Lestat actually says there is hugely interesting:
"But Magnus, his hand is wandering down my older brother's pants."
Magnus never put his hand down Gregoire's or Antoine's pants. He did, however, put them down Lestat's.
This is a reframing of a transgression, of what happened to Lestat into "this kind of party" setup, pushing what happened at someone else, distancing himself from the events, through that reframing.
In TVL, Lestat reframes what happned to him as almost love, only in later books he puts the name "rape" to what happened to him, in the last trilogy he STILL has PTSD flashes from it all.
So this way of... rejecting what happened and reframing it into something else is actually quite in line with canon (just very, very condensed, in a way).
Interestingly, this is also something that we were shown in the trailer that Gabrielle did to him - who also sexually abused him, after all.
"Are you affronted by these intimacies, Enkil?"
A challenge. He knows (deep down) that Magnus (and Gabrielle) taking the liberties was wrong, but he defiantly challenges the perception of himself as a victim. And he tries to regain some agency by challenging the perception on it, within the reframing of it.
"My hand on your Eve on the eve of a great century."
This is the most interesting part of it for me - because he knows that him touching her / them is also a transgression in a way, no matter that Marius appointed him supposedly on her behalf.
And we see him reach out, carefully, respectfully, yes, but also more intimately than he is supposed to. Knowingly not adhering to the rules Marius set.
He is also very lonely and drawn to her, drawn to touching her, though he knows he shouldn't.
(And of course it is also a nice little word play.)
That said, I found it very interesting how Sheila laid out in the After Dark, that it is precisely this ... gentle and almost longing touching, this caring for them in a way that is way more intimate than Marius did which makes Akasha realize that Lestat may be what she was looking for (later).
thinking about the way armand was always there in the shadows of danielās life. always stepping in to fix things he thought he could fix. watching daniel in his lowest and even embarrassing momentsāa hit and run fender bender, leaving his daughters at home while he went out to the liquor store, ODing in some dingy motel room, biting his nails, setting off a fire alarm in a burnt grilled cheese incident, fucking alice mere hours after fucking some student.
and not to overshare but it makes me think about having my biggest manic episode. i was getting into scary menās cars and doing coke in a basement and not caring and cutting my own bangs and spending too much money and i was alone. alone in my struggling. alone in the fight to get out of it all. and nobody was watching me. nobody was lurking in the shadows like a dark guardian angel.
but if i suddenly found out that wasnāt true? that someone had been there all along? watching the very worst of me? someone was pulling the strings, never letting me go too far without stepping in? and iām supposed to believe all that AND believe it was love? well iād feel all kinds of complicated about that. iād be simultaneously in love with and repulsed by that idea. iād be thankful in a way and feel totally violated in another. iād want to kick and scream. iād want answers. and thatās what daniel wants. armand to fully come out of the shadows and own it all.
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