lance, winking, shooting a finger gun: the name’s mcclain. lance mcclain
keith, confused but wanting to impress the cute boy: my name is…..keith. keith kogane. wait shit that’s the wrong order–
My Hobbies Are Normal What Are You Talking About
lance: I like watching movies, surfing, and cooking with my abuelita. what about u
keith: not much. I fix motorbikes. kickbox. watch the sun set from the roof of my shack. rig my radio to intercept weird communications. normal stuff
lance, squinting, comprehension dawning: interesting………
So You’re One Of Us, Babe
lance: my cousin’s birthday is at a laser tag place lmao I’m gonna CRUSH him
keith: oh are u good at laser tag
lance: of course. shooting and avoiding lasers is our specialty isn’t it *wink*
keith, flustered: uh. yeah. yeah sure
keith, internally: is that some kind of innuendo or
lance: this spy movie is so dumb our tech is WAY more advanced than that
lance: oh sorry I meant…….”if” we were spies which we are “not” then “our” tech would be more advanced than that *wink*
keith: uh. yeah. yeah sure
keith, internally: is THAT some kind of innuendo or????
keith: your. your apartment has a secret room with tech that connects you to agents from all over the UNIVERSE
lance: yeah! do u not have that? it’s okay man I’m sure if you put in a request with HR they can hook you up–
keith: WHAT DO YOU MEAN PUT IN A REQUEST WITH HR
keith: I WORK AT A MECHANIC’S I FIX MOTORBIKES
lance: I LITERALLY TOLD YOU OUR TECH IS MORE ADVANCED THAN MOVIE TECH
keith: I thought u were joking
lance: and I thought you were serious who tf dresses like that and has a motorbike and kickboxes and lives in a shack and rigs his radio and ISN’T a spy
Sometimes Spy Movies Are Valid
lance: okay well since you somehow fit all the criteria for a spy without being one we might as well bring you in bc you’re useful and talented and hot
lance: and helpful. I said helpful. anyway here are our instructions. very straightforward. we shouldn’t have to dance in fancy suits as we scan the room for danger, or hide pressed together in a shadowy recess near the ballroom as we eavesdrop on a bad guy, or make out to pretend we have a reason to be there when a guard catches us
keith: u sound disappointed
lance: what is the POINT of being a spy if it’s not an excuse to make out with a hot helpful guy
lance: well that’s it. good job. barely an hour. no dancing, no pressing close together, no making out. I didn’t even have to use my fake name
keith: it’s actually not over yet
keith: the mission has been extended. agent mcclain, your new assignment is to dance with me in ur dumb secret spy room, then hug me really tight, then make out with me. do u accept
lance: but only because the other agents can listen in if we’re in this room. we need a better hideout
keith: my shack? I have snacks and you can meet my dog too
lance, beaming: mission accepted, agent kogane
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