Robby knew something was wrong the minute Jack walked through the ED doors. He had his backpack slung over one shoulder, hand gripping the handle tightly enough to make his knuckles white. Jack’s mouth was a tight line as he found Robby with his eyes, and without saying a word or even a nod, he whirled around toward the elevators.
Robby shared a look with Dana, who weirdly didn’t look surprised to see Jack in a mood. He frowned, while Dana raised a single eyebrow.
“Go,” she said. “Ten minutes.”
Jack was there early enough that Robby could easily take more than ten and still be sending his shift home twenty minutes before seven. He took a quick look around, from Santos and Whitaker chatting near Dana’s desk to Langdon and Mohan sitting at their desks. His eyes circled back to Dana. Dana sighed. “We’ll be fine.”
Robby nodded, following where Jack had disappeared. He hadn’t waited around, so Robby pressed the button for the highest floor and took the last steps to the roof two at a time.
Jack wasn’t standing by the edge like Robby expected. Instead, he was right in front of the door, face hard. The moment Robby stepped out, they were against the nearest wall.
“You thought I wouldn’t find out?” Jack hissed. His voice was wavering with anger, but Robby heard the deep-rooted worry underneath.
He didn’t get what Jack was saying. Find out what?
He hadn’t—
“How long have you not been wearing your fucking helmet?”
Oh.
Robby breathed out, his shoulders relaxing under Jack’s grasp. Jack’s eyes flashed with clear hurt, the hand leaving Robby’s lapels alone to fall next to Jack’s body. This, this Robby could handle. This was a fight he was prepared for.
He rarely felt as alive as with the wind hitting his face.
Except—
Robby opened his mouth to argue back, and he couldn’t find the words. Everything he was about to say, he realized immediately how bad they sounded. Jack was waiting for him.
“I have it with me,” Robby ended up saying lamely. Jack snorted.
“It does fucking nothing if you don’t wear it,” he answered, voice shaky. “You work in the fucking ER. You know better, Robby. Jesse saw you, he told Dana. Dana told me. You can’t—”
“Jack—”
“You can’t do that to me,” Jack finished. His eyes were shining. “I’m not going to—”
“Jack,” Robby said again. He wasn’t sure what he was trying to get in, he just needed Jack to stop speaking.
“One of these days I’m waiting to finish my shift and instead end up having to try and save you,” Jack whispered, and shook his head. He wasn’t looking into Robby’s eyes. “I’ll be waiting to catch a moment with my fucking lover before he starts his shift and ending up by his bedside on his possibly last moments. Is that what you fucking want?”
“No, Jack,” Robby said back quietly.
If he didn’t wear a helmet, chances were he’d not even survive to get treated by his coworkers, by Jack. It was better for everyone. No one had to sit by his bedside—there wasn’t going to be a bed. Just solid ground and flashing lights.
“You can’t do that to me,” Jack said. “You can’t.”
Robby didn’t have the words to answer. He wasn’t going to lie and tell Jack it was never going to happen. He wasn’t going to fill the silence with empty words. So he did what he knew best, tugging Jack closer by his wrist to pull him into a small kiss.
Jack melted against his body, but the kiss tasted like salt and Jack’s hand was gripping Robby’s side a bit too rough for it to be sweet. It was desperate. A cry for help, for Robby to understand and listen.
Robby let himself drown in it.
“I’m angry with you.” Jack’s words ghosted against Robby’s lips, a warm breath between their faces.
“I’m sorry,” Robby replied. He was sorry. Not for disregarding his own safety, but for the fear he was putting Jack through.
“You better be,” Jack said, and then took a step back. Robby’s chest ached. He knew it was the first fight of many. He knew he was going to disappoint Jack again. Based on the sad look on Jack’s face, he knew as well. Jack ran a hand through his curls and then sighed. “We’re not done with the conversation.”
Robby nodded, taking a step toward his lover to reach out. Jack shook his head. Robby tried to swallow the bit stuck in his throat. Without a word, Jack took a step toward the door. Then another, not checking if Robby was following. Robby did, of course he did.
Robby didn’t meet Dana’s eyes downstairs. He didn’t answer the questioning frown Langdon gave him. He ignored the way Jack’s voice was clipped and to the point while they dealt with the handoff.
The motorcycle roared alive under him fifteen minutes later, his helmet tightly secured to the rack with his backpack. He breathed in.
what if dennis knows robby is in love with jack because he can see how robby looks at them both.
walk with me.
he and robby have been in a casual relationship for months and robby has not once been jealous when dennis flirts with others -- except when he sees him flirt with jack. and what robby thinks is just jealousy of dennis, dennis knows is robby being jealous of jack. he brings it up, and robby's brain short-circuits, because ??????? he can't be in love with jack if he's already in love with dennis. what he doesn't realize, and what whitaker makes him quickly understand, is that he has two hands.
