nordic prehistory and history parody

Just having that prehistorical nordic groove of being way too into throwing silver into swamps.  the character Helga mostly exist on the east coast of scandinavia during the iron age. but also have tendency to time travel all over the place in nordic history. the admin of the blog can't stop sharing lgbtq history facts tho. 

[qin-shi-huang-di]

hey Warring States, are you sick of dealing with multiple writing systems, confusing units of measurement, and a lack of easily-accessible public roads? is all that rampant philosophy and free-thought giving you a headache? get ready for the biggest event since Pangu split the Heaven and earth!

the Qin Dynasty Tour is COMING SOON to a state near YOU!*

*surrender or die! this event is not optional!

Starring: the First Emperor of Qin (pronouns Zheng/Bixia) Featuring: Li Si--prime minister Zhao Gao--faithful eunuch Daoist Wizard--daoist wizard Crown Prince Huhai--filial son VIP holders will recieve a FREE course on Legalism 101 and complimentary mercury pills. Dates & Locations: Han--230 BC Zhao--228 BC Yan-- 226 BC Wei --225 BC Chu--223 BC Qi--221 BC BC Tickets are available for preorder. Don't wait until the last minute, because the QIN DYNASTY will only last 14 years!

[spineless-lobster]

Shit man, this trojan war is fucked. I just saw a guy raise his hands to the sky and say “grey-eyed athena, strengthen my spear” or some similar shit, and he felled 27 men at once before being whisked away by divine mist. The narrator didn’t even mention him, that’s how common shit like this is. My ass is stuck with a bow and 2 arrows. I think I just heard “would to god my rage, my fury would drive me now to hack your flesh away and eat you raw” two groups over. I gotta get the fuck outta here.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Welcome to my ancient Roman villa. We’ve got running water. Fancy, I know. I paid a lot for that. There’s our household gods. They live in the breakfast nook. Oh look and here’s my husband Julius. He’s playing games with our daughter Julia and our daughter Julia and our daughter Julia and our daughter Julia and our

[animentality]

[ancient-rome-au]

[link]

[thoodleoo]

roman history is so fucking funny like imagine living somewhere with such a thoroughly fucked up political environment that it starts raining meat and the response from some of your officials is "probably this was made up to stop us from doing reforms"

[botanyshitposts]

so many creatures putting SO much effort into putting ‘special’ fluids that TOTALLY aren’t water through every organ possible to clean them so they can use them again 2 seconds later. like why not simply sit on a damp substrate and pull water through your body by evaporating the extra out pores in your leaves lmaoooo

[botanyshitposts]

‘nooo nooo you don’t get it I need the big organ to run the fast firing nerves to run the machines that make the fluid go to work the big organ’. whatever chordate. lol

[shaudo-of-a-doubt]

troubleshooting time: arid area, low on damp substrate. what do?

[botanyshitposts]

good question! you could try closing your leaf pores for a while until more appears… sometimes you can also put more tubes down and feel around until you find some. water comes from the opposite direction of the sun unless it doesn’t ❤️ glad I could help!!

[transcyberism]

omg useless advice from privileged mfs from wet climates as usual... bet you don't even use CAM.

[botanyshitposts]

ok first of all i checked your profile and of COURSE its all meadows, say youre a grass who does C4 without saying youre a grass who does C4 100% speedrun challenge. sorry i wasnt blessed with a whole separate sheath of cells for increasing photosynthetic efficiency and nothing else but some of us actually have to adapt and deal with the VERY REAL AND SEVERE effects of photorespiration... literally imagine having 30 foot deep roots posting this. second of all 'plants in wet climates are privileged' you can literally live in water and use CAM??? isoetes erasure per usual on this website, neglected by an angiosperm monocot no less. why am i not surprised

[elodieunderglass]

Snorfle snarfle hnarf munch munch

[identifying-deer-in-posts]

Mountain reindeer (Rangifer tarandus tarandus)

[klump-kloss]

[eldritchblaast]

Me learning about important historical figures: oh hey I think I killed that guy in Assassin’s Creed

[sioltach]

watching a video on brewing Mesopotamian beer and look at this orange man (his ass cannot guard the barley)

[loth-catgirl]

[norsesuggestions]

Today some german tourists that were old and spoke very little english asked me a question in the store

And i at last dared to use my half forgotten school german. Wherehas i realised that having had a german teacher whose first language was you know.... german

Between 7-13 years of age, 2 hours a week. Well it had left me with a german accent that i suspect tricked them first into believing that my german is better than it is

[michaelnordeman]

Beautiful December. Värmland, Sweden (December 4, 2023).

[liquidstar]

People will tag fucking anything related to Greece as mythology. They'll literally see pictures of pillars and be like "#Greek Mythology" malaka I promise the pillars are from real life

[norsesuggestions]

the november weather keeps being november... Which should be ILLEGAL!

[norsesuggestions]

No sun, fog, no leaves, its like I have been transported to the bleakest section of the skyrim map....

[homunculus-argument]

Peoples' desire to burn the Gävle goat isn't about them hating it. It's a "my son loved your drawing so much that he ate it" sort of a deal.

[janokenmun]

also the endless allure of arson

[homunculus-argument]

Oh yeah we definitely also love arson.

[norsesuggestions]

Looking at all these tourists dressed in some sort of arctic survival outfits to

*checks notes*

Shop in central stockholm when it is 2+ C outside. It has truly made me relate to how it must feel working during winter in a warm country and seeing swedish tourist walk by wearing shorts and short sleeves

[norsesuggestions]

I have worked as a cashier for about 2 years now and my swedish cashier script can be said in my sleep at this point

And i keep by accident saying it from the cashier pov when i shop lol

I see people joking about going home in shame after saying

"Detsamma" when getting their change from the cashier

I keep saying "varsågod" when the cashier hand me my items, cause that is how finish my cashier script lol

I basically become immune to the feeling cause yeah, i just keep by accident talking like cashier is buying something from me lol