My Blood, Your Tears 05 (M)
summary; Two rival factions vie for control over the city and the government: the Min family and the Kim family. Generations of feuds fuel the struggle for power. In the new generation, Kim Namjoon continues his father’s battle, unaware of the Min family’s secret weapon.
genre; mafia au, series, angst, smut, fluff
pairing; mafia leader!namjoon x mafia member!reader
contains; implied suicidal thoughts (nothing explicit), bad memories, feeling like a failure, angry Namjoon, make-up sex, unprotected sex (stay safe, kids), cream pie, teasing, edging, blowjob, fingering, kissing, nipple play, biting, marking, lmao I hope I didn’t forget anything, also someone totally called this chapter
One of the things your mother always taught you was to stay detached. The best work always comes from things that don’t have the complicated layer of emotions. Nobody needs them. They’re useless. If you’re going to use them, use them when convenient. Perhaps necessary.
Love, she said, was the most useless of them all. When you asked her if she loved Dad, she’d say, and quite bluntly, “No. Who would? That was never the point of our marriage.”
It seemed, then, so natural to never have any love in your life. There was never any place for it. Never any time. Or maybe that was just reserved to you, because you seemed to always miss the soft “I love you”s thrown at Yoongi left and right by your mother.
And yet, here you lay, always told never to love, never to even feel, and you’re certainly feeling everything.
You’re feeling the way Namjoon’s hand runs circles across your bare hip. You’re feeling the way he kisses up your neck softly and intimately without sexual intentions. You’re feeling the way your heart seems to catch in your throat every time you have to part ways.
But mostly, you’re feeling nothing but guilt.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. None of it was supposed to happen. God, if she could see you now. She’d probably laugh in your face―no, you know she would laugh in your face. Probably would turn to your father and say, “I told you so,” without batting an eyelash. You’d never been good enough. You promised you’d prove her wrong; everything you did was to prove her wrong.
But she was always right, wasn’t she? You would never be good enough.