i have cried a fair few times over the finale today (coming for your brand jonah) but there was one point just before i went to bed where i just broke down and sobbed. i had seen the ep hours ago and cried during it and about 3 time since but for some reason it just hit me again in that moment.
my parents walked in on me like “oh my gosh, what on earth is wrong?” and even though they were so so lovely. they laughed at me for being extra and they just didn’t get it. they just teased me and looked in disbelief.
i mentioned tj and cyrus and i told them “you don’t know how much they mean to me.”
how could they possibly understand the sheer love i have for these characters?
how could they understand the way i love them like they were my friends irl?
how could they experience the feeling i got when i stayed up till 3am writing a song for tyrus because their love means more to me than any love in my own life?
how can they realise the utter disbelief i felt as i watched the recording of it hit 1k views, 2k, 3k, 4k, 5k, 6k, and now 7 freaking thousand of you have watched it. (ty from the bottom of my heart)
how could they know the pride i felt as i watched these kids grow up over the years?
the anticipation all throughout thursday nights and friday mornings as i waited anxiously for the ep link to be posted.
the excitement of logging on to tumblr to check the tag and seeing others who feel the same.
the freedom of being able to unload my thoughts into a textpost for others to share that emotion.
the happiness and insight that comes when josh answered an ask sent by me.
laughing and crying at some insane theories and also some scary accurate ones which gave me a mild heart attack.
how i would sit in my music business class on a tuesday morning and die of boredom. when scrolling through tumblr would be the only way to get through it.
how hearing the words “i’m gay” said on disney freaking channel, has literally changed lives.
the gay panic and also hilarity of josh being messy on his socials.
they’ll never know the feeling of watching a livestream of josh trying to educate us on politics, to no avail because our mans luke mullen over here keeps yelling “lesbian rights” whenever josh opens his mouth.
how sending in a message to put on a paper crane felt so good because it was a way to give back to those who changed my life.
seeing those cranes hung in a beautiful centrepiece and knowing we did it.
they will never ever know how stressful it is to watch a promo and drive myself crazy, obsessing over what it means.
they will never know (and thank god they wont) how it feels to be irritated by fucking smurfvlogs all the time.
the sense of satisfaction and pride upon seeing our little “kids show” trending on tumblr.
they’re not going to lie awake watching edits of characters to either feel alive or to tear away whatever little life i had left to feel.
they are never going to realise the impact this show had on my life and how it makes me feel inside.
never ever going to know how hard today was for me.
how upset i am over the fact that everything is going to change from now on.
how fucking fantastically amazingly brilliant it is to see my otps FINALLY get together after all this time.
how conflicted i feel with the sheer joy of watching an incredible, astounding episode but also the pure devastation and heartbreak of knowing it’s the last one ever.
because how could they? honestly, why would they ever realise these feelings? they can’t.
but you guys. you know exactly how i feel and you feel the same.
andi mack fandom, i love you all so much and thank you for everything you have done for me. you truly are my favourite fandom i have ever had the pleasure of being a part of and i do not say that lightly. i’ve been here for 2 years now and watching us grow has been such a privilege and as we go our separate ways, people will drop out, blogs with become inactive, content will stop appearing and we will slowly burn out. i want you to know, you will always have a special place in my heart.
you are all braver than you know, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think and i love you xox
theartofmadeline
dailybridgerton
prguitarman
baratheonpilled
germansingergirl
kaledo-art
origamiaround
