it's not poetic

not really sure what i am doing

[norwegianforest]

This Old Dog

These times come, these times go

I feel like I am everywhere and nowhere at once

That I have a home and that I am completely lost, at the same time, suddenly

I once felt that maroon and gray were what I was meant to surround myself with, though at that time I felt the most alone and lost in myself and nothing at all

Where I felt a lot more than I think I’d ever had, negatively

Now I view doughy walls and transparent panels as a catalyst, 

That will one day maybe take me to where I’m supposed to be

[norwegianforest]

.

it's never the first time that hurts the most, but rather once you finally felt comfortable with something that it decides you just aren't worthy of it why do i try? time and time again i have exhausted my efforts and even become excited at the possibility of something new, yet i am proven once again why i'm not suitable for any type of accomplishment all i want is for something to work. once. nothing has ever worked for me in the way that i want it to.

[norwegianforest]

I sometimes feel as though I don't belong anywhere in the world, with anyone I feel so unfit to be alive and function as a human Nothing has been working out for me and I'm always super sad Nothing ever changes

[norwegianforest]

you ever just get really sad when you see a quote about living the best life you can or some shit like that an you feel absolutely horrible about yourself because no matter how hard you try nothing seems to change and you're just going through daily motions and not really thinking about it. nothing is extraordinary in my life. i'm just existing.

[norwegianforest]

Are you in trouble?

holy shit i don't know what's going on right now but it's making me dissociate so much I feel like I'm not awake or alive or something and I'm really confused because my surroundings feel really fake and no one is answering me!!!!!!! like I'm just so confused because absolutely no one is responding to me or reaching me right now and it's almost like my dream last night I'm just so so so confused and need this to end right now fuck

[norwegianforest]

I compromise my happiness for others too much 😞

[uneplace-ausoleil]

[norwegianforest]

I've been crying for 15 minutes because I don't want to go to college and I don't want to be unhappy and alone anymore

[sleepysprout]

if you needed a sign, this is it. text first. get your well deserved rest. take a bath. cry a little. forgive your friend. forgive yourself. become the person you’ve always wanted to be, now is your time.

[norwegianforest]

there's no escape!!!! nothing helps!!!! I wish I could kill myself without hurting the people around me because if I would I could. but sadly I care way too much about the people I know that I could never kill myself on purpose. maybe by accident, but that's unpredictable. I want help but I doubt anything would work. I really don't see my life ever improving and I really don't see a point to fucking being alive anymore because I'm just always going to be sad and depressed and anxious and angry and hating everything. I can't enjoy anything because I think "this will end someday and I will never be happy. nothing will ever make me happy forever. I will always be this way and everything is going to leave me." I can't even think about getting married because I worry about one day my spouse dying or leaving me. everything is temporary except for my sadness and worries. I will always be this way and I just so badly want things to change and for me to really be happy but I don't see that ever happening. I wish I could kill myself. I wish I could've done it years ago. I'm so unhappy and nothing good will ever come to me because I don't deserve anything good.

[norwegianforest]

daddy issues

I feel so alone in my problems I feel there is absolutely no one in this world who understands me or really cares about how I feel, why I do things, why I talk the way I do and the more I put certain things off the worse I feel about it, and the more I don't want to do it I'll never do anything great I'll never live the way I dreamed of when I was younger I'll never find someone who cares about me the way i need, and that includes my familial relations as well I guess I really am alone and no one who says they'll be there at one point or another will stay it's all just an act a big joke to everyone why does the universe hate me so much?

[rainbyrod-deactivated20160910]

I dont want to do anything bc I am embarrassed. Im embarrassed of everything. The way I look. The way I talk. The things I say. What my eyes are doing. The clothes im wearing. Even my thoughts are embarrassing. It doesnt matter whether or not people can tell what im thinking, they do and im embarrassed of it.

[norwegianforest]

saw an angel

not being loved wears me out so much. I want to know that feeling and be able to be happy with someone and not constantly be anxious about it or worried about what the other person is feeling. I want to hold hands and cuddle and kiss and laugh all the time together :(

[norwegianforest]

girls

what is it all for!!! why do I allow myself to be anxious and go through all this shit when I should just end it.....it'll take time to recover but I feel like I'll be so much better without constantly worrying the way I do. but what if that one little piece of hope is actually real and things will get better with this relationship? I don't know. I wish I could find someone who didn't make me wonder all the time and make me feel so anxious and like my problems aren't important.

[norwegianforest]

I don't want to go to college and the only reason I am going is because I don't have any other option at this point 😣

[norwegianforest]

only go backwards

there is no avoiding everything that I don't want to do! I have no fucking choice but to be unhappy doing one thing or be unhappy doing another. I don't want to do anything. I don't even want to be alive and every time people say "oh you should do this" or "are you ever going to do .....?" I WANT TO FUCKING SCREAM!!!! JUST FUCKING KILL ME ALREADY!!! THERE IS NOTHING HERE FOR ME ON THIS PLANET EARTH AND I WILL NEVER BE SATISFIED! everything is going to disappoint me because that's all that happens. I'll never be able to truly enjoy life.

[norwegianforest]

NOTHING MAKES ME HAPPY ANYMORE!!!! the only thing that really makes me happy is someone I will not be able to be around for a very long time if not ever again :( I want to be happy and enjoy life and everything I do without being super unhappy and anxious all the time and I wish I didn’t grow to hate people I once loved and cared about. I wish I knew when it would get better. I’m really not excited for school at all and frankly I don’t know if I will even make it through the year. so far everything that can go wrong is and I feel so horrible about everything.